The Shame, Guilt And Feelings Of Inadequacy Associated With Hair Loss

[MorningGlory]

You are obviously an emotional wreck with or without hair.

 

[razzmatazz91]

True. But at least I wasn't the butt end of virginity jokes.....I wasn't good looking....but at least I didn't look ugly.

Last night I finally found the strength to go out. I forced myself to do so actually. But it was a bad idea. Women ignored me..one that did speak to me was making fun of me. An ugly girl called my phone too. And she told me I look horrible with a shaved head.
I'm just 26

So....yeah. I hope it's understandable that I'm sometimes suicidal.

 

[razzmatazz91]

I think admitting that hair loss bothers you is seen as an admission of weakness.
"Dude... it's just a vanity issue"
"You won't go out with your friends because of a stupid problem like that??"
"You're overly self-conscious"
"It's all in your head"

Why do we have to face this day in and day out? Why can't a man keep his dignity while admitting that his hair loss truly bothers him? Why are hair transplants such a stigma?
Why does everyone hate us all so much?

Reiterating the OP here.
Any thoughts guys?

 

[kj6723]

True. But at least I wasn't the butt end of virginity jokes.....I wasn't good looking....but at least I didn't look ugly.

Last night I finally found the strength to go out. I forced myself to do so actually. But it was a bad idea. Women ignored me..one that did speak to me was making fun of me. An ugly girl called my phone too. And she told me I look horrible with a shaved head.
I'm just 26

So....yeah. I hope it's understandable that I'm sometimes suicidal.

Going to the bar to mingle and talk to chicks tends to only be fun if you're Chad

I suggest alternative hobbies

 

[razzmatazz91]

Yes, I know. It adds to my isolation, but I'm never going out drinking again.

But how the hell do you get used to this deep dark depression that stems from your basic, animal needs regarding self esteem are not, and will never be fulfilled

 

[razzmatazz91]

Reiterating the OP here.
Any thoughts guys?

Another thing I really want to hear all of your thoughts on is why is even wanting to do something about one's alopecia seen as shameful and weak?
I myself feel ashamed of myself for this.

 

[MorningGlory]

True. But at least I wasn't the butt end of virginity jokes.....I wasn't good looking....but at least I didn't look ugly.

Last night I finally found the strength to go out. I forced myself to do so actually. But it was a bad idea. Women ignored me..one that did speak to me was making fun of me. An ugly girl called my phone too. And she told me I look horrible with a shaved head.
I'm just 26

So....yeah. I hope it's understandable that I'm sometimes suicidal.

Most men, with or without hair, don’t have success with women in bars. You’re allowing an unrealistic expectation to colour your perception.

Another thing I really want to hear all of your thoughts on is why is even wanting to do something about one's alopecia seen as shameful and weak?
I myself feel ashamed of myself for this.

It’s only possible to be seen as shameful and weak (imagined or otherwise) if you broadcast your hair treatments. I don’t understand this need people have to be an open book, part of this emotional incontinence I alluded to elsewhere. I’ve been on finasteride six months now; two confidants know I take it. And that’s how it will remain. It’s no one else’s business.

 

[razzmatazz91]

Most men, with or without hair, don’t have success with women in bars. You’re allowing an unrealistic expectation to colour your perception.



It’s only possible to be seen as shameful and weak (imagined or otherwise) if you broadcast your hair treatments. I don’t understand this need people have to be an open book, part of this emotional incontinence I alluded to elsewhere. I’ve been on finasteride six months now; two confidants know I take it. And that’s how it will remain. It’s no one else’s business.

My expectations are to not be made fun of for being a baldie. I know I'm no Chad... But yeah, because of things it is reasonable to feel...I go a step further and think hair is everything sometimes. I need to work on that.

Regarding the shame.... I know what you say is absolutely true. It is no one else's biz. It's just.... Why is it so? Isn't a man who is fixing a problem strong rather than weak?

 

[Erland]

If you are this far into your hair loss and is this depressed, I know this is the last thing you wanna hear but shaving could eventually help you out mentally, maybe not today but probably long term. Will it sort out all of your issues, no, but it will probably make you more stable mentally. In worst case, also look for a new job, get some classy clothes and start a new life.

Do some people look down at bald people? Possibly, but more people like to talk sh*t about people with bad hair even more.

 

[Dante92]

Unfortunately, hair loss takes an even greater toll (both aesthetically and psychologically) on people, boys and girls, men and women, who suffer from mental health illnesses to begin with. There are many here, including myself, and all we can do as a community is supporting each other because we won't get any support by most people and by society, which perpetuates negative stereotypes associated with baldness.

 

[MorningGlory]

My expectations are to not be made fun of for being a baldie. I know I'm no Chad... But yeah, because of things it is reasonable to feel...I go a step further and think hair is everything sometimes. I need to work on that.

Regarding the shame.... I know what you say is absolutely true. It is no one else's biz. It's just.... Why is it so? Isn't a man who is fixing a problem strong rather than weak?

I think you’re possibly confusing two issues. Just because someone mocks you for something doesn’t mean they necessarily view it as a weakness. People are cruel, but a lot of the time it’s a reflection of their own insecurities. Plus 20-something men, your peers, are generally dick heads. They’re growing up slower than ever, and are part of the vacuous “banter” generation. A lot of this sh*t goes away in your 30s, and you become less bothered by it.

And just bear this in my mind. Despite the bravado, most guys your age are not out getting different “pussy” every week. I don’t know what your immediate relationship goals are, but it absolutely is possible for baldies to have successful relationships. Once women get out of that teenybopper stage they start to have different priorities. Which is why you often see very attractive women with average guys and/or older guys. They’ve grown out of “fuckboys”.

 

[WTS3]

You need to watch this video. I am a NW2 but diffuse NW6/7 pattern like this guy. I have some now, but I know soon I will have none!

Remember, only insecure losers actually mock others, especially on vanity. HA if only they knew that everyone's looks sour as they age.

 

[razzmatazz91]

Thanks. I appreciate your advice enough to have tried it. I shave my head and sometimes buzz it without guard.

I just can't change the fact that I can't look even passable despite that.
My forelock is thick AF and my temples are invisibpe. So I look like sh*t

 

[spring15]

Going to bars/clubs can actually be more difficult place to allure women. Chad dominated so women have more choice & up their standards. Guys will lower their standards for a shag that night. Better off approaching someone in a public place & starting up a random conversation (easier said than done).

 

[MorningGlory]

Going to bars/clubs can actually be more difficult place to allure women. Chad dominated so women have more choice & up their standards. Guys will lower their standards for a shag that night. Better off approaching someone in a public place & starting up a random conversation (easier said than done).

It helps if you dare to say “hello”. That’s not facetious, I’m serious. Instead of settling for “the look” (which can easily be misinterpreted) say hello to the next woman you find attractive. You’ll be surprised how often they smile and/or say hello back. Smile more yourself as well. Not inanely, but make the effort. Young men have a bad habit of scowling suspiciously at the world, even if they don’t mean to. It’s repelling, especially to women. It’s a slow process, but confidence builds from these simple changes.

 

[razzmatazz91]

Agree with this.

But really, I can see in ugly with the black shadow perpetually in the middle of my forehead. I do rare to do this. But the number of female eyes that turn up to my head before returning my gaze sometimes makes me feel terrible

 

[spring15]

I'm not saying its impossible, just more difficult for those norwoodlly challenged. When I was overseas on holiday I had limited success on nights out, however approaching women randomly during the day I found them much more receptive. Same back home except I'm mostly too pussy to approach girls randomly here lol, didn't care when I was overseas.

 

[blackg]

Unfortunately, hair loss takes an even greater toll (both aesthetically and psychologically) on people, boys and girls, men and women, who suffer from mental health illnesses to begin with. There are many here, including myself, and all we can do as a community is supporting each other because we won't get any support by most people and by society, which perpetuates negative stereotypes associated with baldness.

I love this new Dante.

 

[blackg]

I think you’re possibly confusing two issues. Just because someone mocks you for something doesn’t mean they necessarily view it as a weakness. People are cruel, but a lot of the time it’s a reflection of their own insecurities. Plus 20-something men, your peers, are generally dick heads. They’re growing up slower than ever, and are part of the vacuous “banter” generation. A lot of this sh*t goes away in your 30s, and you become less bothered by it.

And just bear this in my mind. Despite the bravado, most guys your age are not out getting different “pussy” every week. I don’t know what your immediate relationship goals are, but it absolutely is possible for baldies to have successful relationships. Once women get out of that teenybopper stage they start to have different priorities. Which is why you often see very attractive women with average guys and/or older guys. They’ve grown out of “fuckboys”.

Good post.

 

[JeanLucBB]

I know... lots of young guys going nuts with a 1.5 Norwood hairline... Seen a fair share myself.
I don't wan to be isolated... but going out is f*****g painful. Especially when people I knew before hair loss keep kindly reminding me that I looked good a three years ago.



I can't. No help nearby. I do go a a shrink, he's a long way away. He's almost given up on me after a couple of years.... so its medication if I go back.
I think the worst thing is that I UNDERSTAND the problems I face because of it, and I can't just sweet-talk my way into a better life. It's not going to happen.



Please leave this thread alone buddy.



No, I don't have pets. I have a dog at my parents house... but I start crying the moment I see him. I don't want to make my misery a part of his, or any other person's life.


What?



Sorry to hear about that. I think because I'm suicidal, I should get hospitalized as well. I would by now if I was in the States. But I live in India, so it ain't gonna happen until I try to kill myself. Besides, did you know attempting suicide is a crime in India? Max sentence is 2 years.


One thing I want to hear from members:
If I, a young guy at 26, came up to you and said that I need help.
It's not just the hair loss and the issues because of it........ but the fact that I feel guilty and horrible ABOUT ADMITTING THAT MY HAIRLOSS BOTHERS ME. What would you guys tell me? I really want to know, since that's how I feel.

I'm not only ashamed of my hair loss, but ashamed of the shame it brings. And ashamed that I want to do something about it.

It's not horrific by any means, but my current norwood 1.6 post-transplant still kind of annoys me. I would f*****g slay with a perfect dense norwood 1 and fixing the tiny crown thin spot. Hair is life.