I feel a lot of guilt for the way I nagged women when I was younger, I didn't handle rejection well, and in one case when I was 18/19 my behaviour was on the border of stalkerish. She did explicitly tell me that I had stalker tendencies. I was embarrassed after and it's been a journey to move forward and be a better, more mature person.
So it shocks me to read stories from women like yourself. You're in your mid 40s aren't you? How are men still behaving like this? If they're doing this to you at age 40 or 45 or 50 you might be the 20th or 30th or 100th women they do this to. Somehow, they still have not learned.
The desperation is still within me to be honest. I mostly either meet no women, or inadequate women. When I meet remotely adequate, or even satisfactory women I end up getting really excited (turn off, I know) because it's such a rare event, which can lead me to ruminate, etc, and then I don't make the best decisions. I know not to send 10 messages a day so I don't, but the instinct is there and the resentment too. I force myself to wait (1 message per several days, refraining from writing an autobiography every time), always at least a few days. I don't like ghosting though, I hate it, it's f*****g rude.
