UCman i'm callin you out!

[Man in Space]

Its a real shame that you dont have more people to relate to. I do think baldness is still a taboo amongst men. I have a consultation next month for a small hair transplant procedure I am considering this year and I realised that bizarrely the thing Im most not looking forward to out of the whole procedure (including the op), is the first day in the waiting room, knowing that as i wait to see the surgeon I will be seen by other men who know i am feeling vulnerable about my hair. That will be the first time in a real world setting, that people will know that i feel vulnerable about this. Thats when it struck me that Ive never spoken to anyone about how my recession effects me. This is why I decided to join the forum in the end having lurked for nearly a year, I wondered what it feels like to talk to people about it and ive got to say so far Ive found it liberating but I know I still wont be chatting about it with my mates!!.

I noticed I was receding at 16 and buzzed it once to see what my future would be and I immediately got abuse off it from everyone. 'You look completely different', 'your head is massive', ' no offence but that really doesnt suit you', 'you look like a thug', 'but your not a skinhead?!!' etc. I also noticed that I went from hero to zero with women and peoples interactions with me were quite noticably colder. I realised then just some of the crap i would get if i were to lose it all, it scared the absolute sh*t out of me and has done ever since. That was just a taste, to live that everyday i can only assume is exponentially worse.

Thats why I have nothing but empathy for people like you and UM, you come here to chat about people about things, but youre immediately shot down and told not to feel what you do, this can only add to the feeling of isolation. You are told to feel like sh*t by the little mannorisms, comments and funny looks in the everyday world, and then when you come on here to say 'this is seriously getting to me', you then get told by the same kind of people to 'chill out'. Well I say vent away, you wont get a peep out of me!

 

[Man in Space]

Calling me a politician. How dare you, I resent the insinuation :woot:

Haha no insinuations intended Monty, Ive always liked your posts, you seem like a very genuine guy and I hope at all costs to avoid your death stare!. :twisted:

There is a lot of truth in what you say, and I have no reason whatsover to doubt the experiences you cite of people like your grandad who you say has never received stigma, its just my belief that having read many of UMs posts I believe he is able to rationalise with clarity his experiences. As I said in another post, I believe you do get additional stigma if you have a certain demeanour but I dont believe that negates that a lot of people look down on you just for being bald. I think perhaps you are the exception for being such a nice guy and having great friends?!. The other day i walked into a bar and the first thing one of my NW1 mates said nodding toward a NW5 was 'look at the poor tw*t, completely bald, why bother' im honestly not kidding, i was shocked as id never heard him say anything like that (I didnt correct him that he actually had a few NWs to go before his baldness was complete for fear of being rumbled as a Norwood spotter!!). I tend to gravitate toward decent, tolerant people, and I believe this guy is, so i was surprised to hear such a sharp thing to come out of his mouth and it hinted to me, that there is a little of innate nastiness in all of us, and baldness can be a magnet for it

 

[CaptainForehead]

Thats why I have nothing but empathy for people like you and UM, you come here to chat about people about things, but youre immediately shot down and told not to feel what you do, this can only add to the feeling of isolation. You are told to feel like sh*t by the little mannorisms, comments and funny looks in the everyday world, and then when you come on here to say 'this is seriously getting to me', you then get told by the same kind of people to 'chill out'. Well I say vent away, you wont get a peep out of me!

I dont think that is what is being said to UCMan AT ALL. He can feel whatever he wants, although others even less fortunate than him might question him on it.
I'd say what is being said to UCMan and Seb is that perhaps their perception of others is incorrect.


monty1978 brings a good point. Both Seb and UC Man are tall, Seb is also big and imposing, and UC Man is a smart looking bloke. This might lead to others perceiving them as threats, and hence them receiving crap for random things, with baldness being a magnet for the negativity.

For some of us however, there is a bit of frustration that UCMan and Seb dont realize their plus points, their stature. You being 6'3 dont realize it either. The state of hell induced by being ignored.

The following monologue says it well:

Blending in... You have no idea what
it's like, always blending in... You
forget who you are. Eventually, you
start to forget who you ever were...

They push you and push you further into
the margins. Treat you like dirt, take
away your manhood. Make you small...

 

[CaptainForehead]

I stared at the ring leader with my most evil scowl, he noticed and avoided eye contact but glanced several times quickly back at me, each time with a look of more concern than the last. This pleased me a lot. He did not know why a total stranger was giving him the death stare and I like to think he occassionally worries about it uncomprehendingly.
:

Nice! How tall are you monty1978?

 

[Man in Space]

Just so you know CF I wasnt singling you out as being someone who tells everyone to chill out, I was just generalising, Ive been lurking these forums for a long time and it seems that people Like Seb and UM get the same kind of stuff of different people all the time. I have no vendetta or anything and if it ever comes across like im having sly digs then its not intended.

Your right, I dont know what its like to blend in, but as an instinctively shy man Ive often felt my height has meant i have had to try and 'fill out' with a larger personality which I do by appearing brash and confident to try and hide my generally socially anxious disposition. I also had to teach myself to be harder internally do deal with the attention I get. It has its benefits, i think i definately punch above my weight with women because of it, and in some ways, I avoid trouble as people can feel intimidated (so Im told, I always find the idea that I might be intimidating hilarious) but it means I definately attract a lot of crap in terms of looks and also presumumptions that im a certain way, i.e that im full of myself. So many people I know who became friends often drunkenly confess they thought i was full of myself before they got to know me. fortunately enough im able to disarm most people and get on with them, but i always find it a shame that most relationships i conduct with people begin with this hostility! I also get gawpy looks out and about every day and I am quite sensitive so it does get to me sometimes catch me on a bad day and I will glare back or worse make comments! I can only imagine if i had a shaved head it would be an awful lot worse!.

I would say though that all in all, Im glad im tall so i wouldnt argue that UM and Seb are perhaps lucky in that regard. Im sure you have plenty of great attributes though that others dont have and fitting in must have some benefits!?

 

[CaptainForehead]

I would say though that all in all, Im glad im tall so i wouldnt argue that UM and Seb are perhaps lucky in that regard. Im sure you have plenty of great attributes though that others dont have

I wish.
Blending in, we are left alone. Thats the only positive. But after a while, it becomes a negative. Like people have decided I'm of no consequence.

 

[Man in Space]

I cant deny man that sounds pretty depressing. Well your not of no consequence to ol man in space. I like our discussions.
So whats your situation with your hair?

 

[CaptainForehead]

I cant deny man that sounds pretty depressing. Well your not of no consequence to ol man in space. I like our discussions.
So whats your situation with your hair?

Balding by 12, on rogaine at 15 (dad would not let me on rogaine earlier), NW5 at 23.
Rest of my story:
viewtopic.php?p=661956#p661956

PS: Now I have big ugly blotches on my scalp (and a few on my face/body) due to a recent immunological attack.

:innocent: :whistle:

Maybe this will help explain why I appear frustrated with UCMan/Seb sometimes.

 

[Man in Space]

I cant deny that it sounds like you have had difficulties of your own.

My main basic point is that all any of us really know are our own subjective reality, and trying to compare each others plight is impossible, that is just my opinion and it is not worth much so please dont be offended by it. whilst you may or may not have had it worse that UM or Seb, all they can really know is their own situation which is as real to them as yours is to you. I certainly have empathy for you and undoubtedly your situation is different. As you say, to be bald and ignored may well be worse than to get such negative attention for it as Seb and UM, unfortunately I believe it is unknowable.

I must admit I find it unusual that you have not had a partner, I do very sincerely believe there is someone out there for everyone, not through fate or anything, just that there are so many people out there and not many of us want to be alone.

 

[Man in Space]

How old are you exodus?

 

[Man in Space]

Haha rumbled!!

Oh I was gonna say you might grow a bit more but your probably all done. If its any consolation a lot of my mates are your height and regularly score.

 

[Beingbaldsucks]

Searious expression looks better on a balding man. Seriously. That's what makes Jason sathem and Bruce wilis sexy. That they are tough. The super happy kind of look docent fit so well