What Has Prevented You From Killing Yourself?

[tellersquill]

What keeps you going when you are feeling at your absolute worst?

In the UK, suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50. All of the things we are warned about: speeding, heart disease, violence, cancer, and so on - and yet it is suicide that is the biggest threat to young men.

And yet nobody talks about it.

Suicide and suicidal thoughts plague a great amount of men throughout the western world, but still, nobody talks about it. Suicide remains taboo, something that shall not be mentioned, and in doing so we allow this modern phenomenon to continue.

Personally, I've battled suicidal thoughts since I was in my early twenties. Even today I can not rule out suicide as my choice of death within the next decade. There are many things that encourage me to do it: relative poverty, no wife, ageing and hair loss, living in a world that is increasingly cruel to one another, and so on.

But it isn't even these things that specifically make me want to do it - sometimes there is a general urge not to be alive that goes beyond depression and sadness. Just a strange yearning to be free from life.

So it makes me want to ask you: What keeps you going? What makes you not kill yourself?


(Note: please lets not be childish in this one by encouraging people to kill themselves).

 

[CopeForLife]

I speak from myself but the only reason I found to make early check out is health condition.

I speak about advanced diabetis, cancer, teeth complications and other harsh deceases.

 

[SmoothSailing]

The simple pleasures in life. A good song, a laugh with mates, a cup of tea, a good movie/tv show/book/stand up special, game of football, watching sports, betting on sports, a few beers and a few joints.

Whilst there are many aspects of my life that saddens me and causes me anxiety, I know that these simple pleasures will likely always be available to me. And despite whatever is going on in my life I'm always able to enjoy these things.

When I get depressed or anxious I think about these simple things and forget the big picture. I've never seriously considered suicide. My plan b has always been to move to greenland or somewhere north away from everything, with an internet connection and access to beer.

 

[Vesemir]

Seriously, watch this

 

[GoldenMane]

I've had a fairly sh*t life, but it can be sporadically good. If 80% is sh*t then you live for the 20% that's good.!If it's all sh*t then I don't know what to say... I'll never rule out suicide if things get really sh*t and there's no hope on the horizon.
I'm single, 30, living in a small flat, working a low paying job, an incompetent superior colleague who treats me like a dog, significant frontal recession and thinning, waiting for a probably hair transplant to grow in.
What gives me hope is a plan for a career change, my current hair transplant, maybe another hair transplant and future treatments, my students, a handful of good (unfortunately NW1) friends and my dog. Love my dog. Also distract myself with games, studying, politics and alcohol.
What terrifies me most is that finasteride/dutasteride will stop working before Replicel or Tsuji get their new treatments out.

 

[tellersquill]

I've had a fairly sh*t life, but it can be sporadically good. If 80% is sh*t then you live for the 20% that's good.!If it's all sh*t then I don't know what to say... I'll never rule out suicide if things get really sh*t and there's no hope on the horizon.
I'm single, 30, living in a small flat, working a low paying job, an incompetent superior colleague who treats me like a dog, significant frontal recession and thinning, waiting for a probably hair transplant to grow in.
What gives me hope is a plan for a career change, my current hair transplant, maybe another hair transplant and future treatments, my students, a handful of good (unfortunately NW1) friends and my dog. Love my dog. Also distract myself with games, studying, politics and alcohol.
What terrifies me most is that finasteride/dutasteride will stop working before Replicel or Tsuji get their new treatments out.

We're in a similar situation - in wealth and in age.

You see I agree with your 80% of life is sh*t and 20% is good - but that isn't enough for me. That's why I sometimes want to die. Because 80% of life is awful - I'm not sure 20% is enough to stick around for.

 

[GoldenMane]

Most people work jobs they don't love, many are married to people who they don't love and aren't happy. I don't know many people who are actually happy, but with some gallows humour, a few beers, food and fun with friends you can get through with that 20%. I don't know what people who have less do to get by, but so many are, something must keep them going. Hope or fear of death.

 

[tellersquill]

Most people work jobs they don't love, many are married to people who they don't love and aren't happy. I don't know many people who are actually happy, but with some gallows humour, a few beers, food and fun with friends you can get through with that 20%. I don't know what people who have less do to get by, but so many are, something must keep them going. Hope or fear of death.

I remember saying that the majority of people aren't happy and doing what they want when I was 20 and everyone said I was so cynical. I wonder if they would disagree now that they are In their thirties!

Because I think you are absolutely right - most people are not happy with their lives.

Gallows humour is what we all need now more than ever.

 

[DoctorHouse]

I would not want to put my parents thru that kind of pain, loss and suffering. Maybe when they are both gone, I might think differently.

Tellersquill, you seem to go thru some lows and highs in your life which is perfectly normal. You seem to have enough advantages genetically including your "size" that its almost hard to believe you struggle with such thoughts but I guess if you let society influence your thoughts and feelings your depression mode sets in. I got news for you. You are doing better than average living your life to the fullest.

After reading your posts, there are plenty of guys who envy you including myself. The only major thing you have to worry about is hair loss. You got height, above average looks, and never have to worry women saying that you are too small for them. Actually, you might be legendary to some. I think you just have not met enough people to fulfill yourself emotionally and intellectually. Your casual sex life style might be doing more harm than good as there is no challenge to it. You seem to need some challenges in your life that will motivate you to do something productive. Keep focusing on the positives in life. I know its very hard to do but the challenge to keep doing it might be what you need to increase your sense of ambition.

I know you like to write, so that is something that could change your life more positive. Maybe you will get lucky like Napolean Hill and write a multi-million dollar book. Keep focus on goals you know you have potential to achieve and make challenges for yourself that will distract you from thoughts of depression and suicide.

 

[kj6723]

What keeps you going when you are feeling at your absolute worst?

In the UK, suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50. All of the things we are warned about: speeding, heart disease, violence, cancer, and so on - and yet it is suicide that is the biggest threat to young men.

And yet nobody talks about it.

Suicide and suicidal thoughts plague a great amount of men throughout the western world, but still, nobody talks about it. Suicide remains taboo, something that shall not be mentioned, and in doing so we allow this modern phenomenon to continue.

Personally, I've battled suicidal thoughts since I was in my early twenties. Even today I can not rule out suicide as my choice of death within the next decade. There are many things that encourage me to do it: relative poverty, no wife, ageing and hair loss, living in a world that is increasingly cruel to one another, and so on.

But it isn't even these things that specifically make me want to do it - sometimes there is a general urge not to be alive that goes beyond depression and sadness. Just a strange yearning to be free from life.

So it makes me want to ask you: What keeps you going? What makes you not kill yourself?


(Note: please lets not be childish in this one by encouraging people to kill themselves).

I was rolling my eyes when I read the title of this thread, but I ended up relating to a lot of what you said

Like everyone else I've had some very low points. Ive also had times where I'm like, "you know, life is OK right now." Although the REALLY good times have always been very short lived I feel.

I have an amazing support system behind me in my parents....2 of the best people that I know. I've been blessed very much in this way. As I'm in my late 20s and still struggling to establish long term financial independence, they are still here for me, desperately wanting me to be successful and secure, and I know as long as they are around I will not be abandoned and always have a loving home and support system behind me. They are probably my biggest blessing in life.

The things in my life at the moment out of which I am experiencing a decent level of enjoyment: working out, binge watching TV shows, good food

But I do want more for sure. I enjoy the independence of being single, but if I'm honest it does give me a measure of sadness...that the women with who I desire something long term, I've never been able to maintain their interest for long...and with the women who have wanted something long term with me I have not reciprocated the desire. I've enjoyed the physical and emotional affection of some women to whom I was very attracted, and I am thankful for these experiences even though they did not last, as I know sadly there are those who do not get to experience this validation. But I want more....I desperately want more if I'm honest

The 2 primary things I'm striving for now are independent financial stability and maximized aesthetics. I feel these things would bring me great peace mind...but who knows. It seems whenever one big problem is solved in life another one pops up shortly after. It's super cliche but I am starting to believe that saying that life is more so about the journey than the destination...as in the things we find out about ourselves on the path to our goals and desires are more important than the outcomes

 

[tellersquill]

I would not want to put my parents thru that kind of pain, loss and suffering. Maybe when they are both gone, I might think differently.

Tellersquill, you seem to go thru some lows and highs in your life which is perfectly normal. You seem to have enough advantages genetically including your "size" that its almost hard to believe you struggle with such thoughts but I guess if you let society influence your thoughts and feelings your depression mode sets in. I got news for you. You are doing better than average living your life to the fullest.

After reading your posts, there are plenty of guys who envy you including myself. The only major thing you have to worry about is hair loss. You got height, above average looks, and never have to worry women saying that you are too small for them. Actually, you might be legendary to some. I think you just have not met enough people to fulfill yourself emotionally and intellectually. Your casual sex life style might be doing more harm than good as there is no challenge to it. You seem to need some challenges in your life that will motivate you to do something productive. Keep focusing on the positives in life. I know its very hard to do but the challenge to keep doing it might be what you need to increase your sense of ambition.

I know you like to write, so that is something that could change your life more positive. Maybe you will get lucky like Napolean Hill and write a multi-million dollar book. Keep focus on goals you know you have potential to achieve and make challenges for yourself that will distract you from thoughts of depression and suicide.

But having muscle and sleeping with women doesn't mean you cannot be suicidal.

Look at all the celebrities who have killed themselves despite having it all.

TBH I would say people who sleep around tend to be the most unhappy people around. We're all searching for love that we cant find within ourselves. And when that fails we end up hating ourselves and thinking about death.


As for the book - its so niche I don't think it will sell all too well. But still, its my main reason for staying alive. I want to create one good piece of art before I take my final bow.

 

[tellersquill]

I have some bad days when I think of the big picture and point of life. But ultimately, I am grateful for the good times with my friends, family and new people I meet. It makes me happy. I learn about them, enjoy the process, vice versa. Maybe we'll be good friends and help each other out. Also I generally love life, I embrace it all. Being lost in a movie, hiking, caring for an animal, music, sport, the simple stuff that someone mentioned. That cigarette in the winter/summery night alone outside. I am not a strong self hater and never have been. Find something and hold onto it, it's there if you look for it.

You sound like a really well grounded person.

We need more people like you in this world!

 

[Dench57]

I would not want to put my parents thru that kind of pain, loss and suffering.

This. Regardless of how much I value my own life, suicide would mean a lifetime of pain for my loved ones, especially my parents. It would take something pretty spectacular to make that a price worth paying.

 

[tellersquill]

This. Regardless of how much I value my own life, suicide would mean a lifetime of pain for my loved ones, especially my parents. It would take something pretty spectacular to make that a price worth paying.

I've actually got a plan to make my suicide to look like it isn't a suicide - that way it will be easier for them.

 

[DoctorHouse]

I've actually got a plan to make my suicide to look like it isn't a suicide - that way it will be easier for them.

You really can't say that because you have never been a parent. I am sure Joan would tell you differently. The only parent that would accept loss if their child has no quality of life left and it would be a relief if they let the child go. I honestly did not realize you were so unhappy after all the posts you write. You seem quite optimistic most of the time. I know your hair is what bothers you the most but what else? You can't change society so that is not going to happen. Do you think more hair would be enough for you and be able to satisfy you for a life time?

 

[tellersquill]

You really can't say that because you have never been a parent. I am sure Joan would tell you differently. The only parent that would accept loss if their child has no quality of life left and it would be a relief if they let the child go. I honestly did not realize you were so unhappy after all the posts you write. You seem quite optimistic most of the time. I know your hair is what bothers you the most but what else? You can't change society so that is not going to happen. Do you think more hair would be enough for you and be able to satisfy you for a life time?

I'm more suicidal than depressed.

I'm relatively happy but I just don't want to live too much longer.

 

[pjhair]

This. Regardless of how much I value my own life, suicide would mean a lifetime of pain for my loved ones, especially my parents. It would take something pretty spectacular to make that a price worth paying.

Well said. There is absolutely no way I will ever put my parents and siblings through the enormous pain they will experience if I am gone. They don't deserve such a devastating punishment. It will destroy them.

 

[shookwun]

A good career, and knowing that I can fix my problems through therapy, and surgeries is what helps me cope, and live through this disease. That, and the fact that I would never put this burden on my family, and loved ones.



Balding + dead end job = screwed, gg, REKT. umad, CYA M8.

 

[CopeForLife]

A good career, and knowing that I can fix my problems through therapy, and surgeries is what helps me cope, and live through this disease. That, and the fact that I would never put this burden on my family, and loved ones.



Balding + dead end job = screwed, gg, REKT. umad, CYA M8.

dead end job is always screwed

 

[Hangin'on Hair]

TBH I would say people who sleep around tend to be the most unhappy
people around. We're all searching for love that we cant find within ourselves. And when that fails we end up hating ourselves and thinking about death..

Not always. I liken sleeping around to masturbation. When you you want to get off, you have a wank.
Now that can get boring. But with a person it's not.(most of the time).
It doesn't always have to be about love. And no, i'm not talking about sex for hire.