Why do women dislike bald guys/old guys?

[Exodus2011]

I've had several people, including my parents, parrot this line of thought to me. Like most advice I received from my parents it was dumb and bad.

I think there is something to it, in that by overly obsessing over what other people think of you, you make yourself very vulnerable. People sense insecurity easily and depending on the circumstances you might get bullied or preyed on. I've certainly had my share of that.

However, flat out not caring what other people think is really, really stupid. You might feel a sense of liberation from doing so but you are also opting out of a whole host of social structures; social groups usually will not accept you if you do not conform at least in part to their shared standards of look, conduct or attitude. This in turn means less opportunities for career advancement, interesting experiences and sexual/romantic fulfillment. It's of course possible to say that you do not care about those things, but if you never really had a shot at them to begin with, the whole message falls a bit flat in my opinion. Like fat chicks telling the world that they are strong and don't need no man. If you want to make yourself part of somebody's life, and most good things in life require that you do, you will need to care what that somebody thinks of you.

IMO it's not an accident that the current main proponent of this line of thought on these forums is, to the best of my knowledge, an unemployed virgin.

In my opinion a better line of thought is to understand and accept that people make conscious and unconscious judgments about everyone based on how they look, dress, act and talk. These judgments can be positive or negative: people who fit in and have their **** together don't receive negative feedback nearly as often as people who have some kind of apparent defect in their appearance or character. If the judgments of you seem to be predominantly negative that isn't something you should block out, it's a signal to you that you need to change either where you are or something about the way you appear or behave. The latter is often easier to change than the former and therefore should be your go-to option. I wish I figured this out when I was younger as it would have saved me a ton of problems later on.

great post but i see i'm not the only you make huge negative assumptions of :salut:

 

[DannyBoyy]

I've had several people, including my parents, parrot this line of thought to me. Like most advice I received from my parents it was dumb and bad.

I think there is something to it, in that by overly obsessing over what other people think of you, you make yourself very vulnerable. People sense insecurity easily and depending on the circumstances you might get bullied or preyed on. I've certainly had my share of that.

However, flat out not caring what other people think is really, really stupid. You might feel a sense of liberation from doing so but you are also opting out of a whole host of social structures; social groups usually will not accept you if you do not conform at least in part to their shared standards of look, conduct or attitude. This in turn means less opportunities for career advancement, interesting experiences and sexual/romantic fulfillment. It's of course possible to say that you do not care about those things, but if you never really had a shot at them to begin with, the whole message falls a bit flat in my opinion. Like fat chicks telling the world that they are strong and don't need no man. If you want to make yourself part of somebody's life, and most good things in life require that you do, you will need to care what that somebody thinks of you.

IMO it's not an accident that the current main proponent of this line of thought on these forums is, to the best of my knowledge, an unemployed virgin.

In my opinion a better line of thought is to understand and accept that people make conscious and unconscious judgments about everyone based on how they look, dress, act and talk. These judgments can be positive or negative: people who fit in and have their **** together don't receive negative feedback nearly as often as people who have some kind of apparent defect in their appearance or character. If the judgments of you seem to be predominantly negative that isn't something you should block out, it's a signal to you that you need to change either where you are or something about the way you appear or behave. The latter is often easier to change than the former and therefore should be your go-to option. I wish I figured this out when I was younger as it would have saved me a ton of problems later on.

Lets say i am this unemployed virgin for a sec, what you need to realise is most of my judgements and hatred i got when i was still at school, and a brief moment when i was 18. I never did anything when i was judged, i was quiet and i was picked on cause they knew i wouldnt do anything back since i didnt want harm or to do any harm. I dont have this "dont give a damn" attitude to get women or whatever (like i said in my above comment), i have my friends so tough if noone else likes me. If you have ever been depressed, you know how much of a choir it is just to get through the day, all you want is the "sadness" to stop, my time of when i cared about what people thought of me never got this bad, but i felt bad. When it all goes, your mind is clear, its free. I like to get on, i wanna chill with peeps, but im not gonna change myself to "fit it", i dont do anything for people to judge me im quiet like i said. Thankfully my adult life has been fine, but once someone disses me or whatever i go on my merry way. Long before my baldness i had dissing, so i should be doomed by peoples logic here since "society looks down at bald guys" but nope. Has being bald worked for me you all may ask? well let me ask you lot this, why should it matter when apparently when i had hair it didnt?

 

[Agustin Araujo]

DannyBoyy, embracing baldness on a hair loss support forum! Got to love him! :heart:

 

[Norwood One]

I've had several people, including my parents, parrot this line of thought to me. Like most advice I received from my parents it was dumb and bad.

I think there is something to it, in that by overly obsessing over what other people think of you, you make yourself very vulnerable. People sense insecurity easily and depending on the circumstances you might get bullied or preyed on. I've certainly had my share of that.

However, flat out not caring what other people think is really, really stupid. You might feel a sense of liberation from doing so but you are also opting out of a whole host of social structures; social groups usually will not accept you if you do not conform at least in part to their shared standards of look, conduct or attitude. This in turn means less opportunities for career advancement, interesting experiences and sexual/romantic fulfillment. It's of course possible to say that you do not care about those things, but if you never really had a shot at them to begin with, the whole message falls a bit flat in my opinion. Like fat chicks telling the world that they are strong and don't need no man. If you want to make yourself part of somebody's life, and most good things in life require that you do, you will need to care what that somebody thinks of you.

IMO it's not an accident that the current main proponent of this line of thought on these forums is, to the best of my knowledge, an unemployed virgin.

In my opinion a better line of thought is to understand and accept that people make conscious and unconscious judgments about everyone based on how they look, dress, act and talk. These judgments can be positive or negative: people who fit in and have their **** together don't receive negative feedback nearly as often as people who have some kind of apparent defect in their appearance or character. If the judgments of you seem to be predominantly negative that isn't something you should block out, it's a signal to you that you need to change either where you are or something about the way you appear or behave. The latter is often easier to change than the former and therefore should be your go-to option. I wish I figured this out when I was younger as it would have saved me a ton of problems later on.

Truth right here and very analytical about human nature. Most people pledge allegiance to a certain group based on their self vs. the other. And the GROUP decides what they will discriminate on, not you. This is an interesting article about it : http://www.simplypsychology.org/social-identity-theory.html

Unless of course, you can go against society as a maverick and make people not care about appearance and everyone joins in on your party making the superficial crowd a minority, making them look like tools. But that will never happen because attraction is in part influenced by what others think and also part biological.

Good genes and appearance of youth and virility incites a visceral attraction. We've evolved as intelligent beings, but our desires are still very very primal. Why do men with loving wives cheat with younger girls that aren't saggy? Why do women cheat with muscular men who will pump and dump them when they have a loving, caring boyfriend at home?

Give it another 10,000 years before we evolve enough to not care about outward appearance (and baldness).

 

[3agl3]

This is what I fear the most, I'm gonna look so ugly haha.

 

[xetudor]

If you already suffer from depression on a regular basis, hair loss can really be the last nail in your coffin.

I always have moments of depression in the winter, but since I had my hair transplant, it's relatively easy to still have a glimmer of hope and get out of it.

You know you have things to look forward to, because you like the way you look and people do too (unlike when I was a slick NW5).

But when I was bald, damn it was difficult to get over those feelings of depression. It was just an infinite black void with no way out.

I know it's because I suffer from a mild case of bipolar disorder, but before hair loss hit me, this was very manageable.

Same with my social anxiety and self-esteem problems, they are still there to an extent, but you can get over these if it's all you have to deal with.

Add hair loss in your teens to these problems and you're like "Oh come on! I was playing life on Hard mode and now you're telling me I have to play on Impossible?!"

That's how I felt. And as zircon said, you have to deal with these problems head on. You can't pretend they don't exist and say "f-ck it, I don't care about anything anymore"

Been there, tried that, it just doesn't work. Because people will remind you of your true value, it may be harsh to hear, but yes, you will be judged on your looks and your ability to function normally in society.

There's no way around that. Either you conform, or you live a life full of misery and loneliness. And no, it won't be OK, because social interactions and validation are basic human needs that need to be fulfilled.

I find it very easy to not care about what others are saying about me. I can get annoyed sometimes but I don't take it to the heart, in 10 minutes I forget all about it.

But caring about hair loss is another thing entirely, it's simply your identity. How can you take lightly something that robs you of yourself?

This is what I fear the most, I'm gonna look so ugly haha.

I don't care about the ugliness factor. I only care about my identity. If I get uglier due to aging, so be it, it's still me. So what if young people would call me a gross old man? That is still just me but hair loss just ****s with your identity way too much.

 

[DannyBoyy]

If you all care about apperance to the point you wont hang out with them, or you diss them its very sad. No one is dening it happens, but its sad. Its not stupid to not care, its silly for people to think so, this thread to me (i may be wrong) its like it is saying you have to look how they want you to look to "fit in their social group" why? is this is one of the reasons most of you want hair? to fit in? dont be a slave to this bull. If you care then they win, i still made friends with this mindset, still got on with this mindset. Just be yourself and the right people will come along. At school i did the very thing you all said, guess what happened...

 

[Chefcurrywts]

I've been completely bic'I got my head bcuz of my horseshoe pattern but I've been told I look sexier as a bald guy.

It's baffling to me bcuz I'm self concious about being slick bald, but I do have an athletic build so I guess that gives me an edgier/masculine look?

 

[Chefcurrywts]

None. I've never had a gf my entire life even when I had s full head of hair. That's a whole another mental issue I have before hairloss even struck me.

I've only paid for it and many times I've gotten generous service from them like girl friend experience without having to pay the cash.

 

[DannyBoyy]

But remember, just because he hasnt got laid (girlfriend wise) dont mean that those women or whoever dont like him in that way, he was like this WITH hair...just saying.

 

[Chefcurrywts]

I didn't quite understand your post dannyboy

 

[DannyBoyy]

I didn't quite understand your post dannyboy

Dont think some girls dont like you cause all they have done is "told you" they liked you, some sure, but some may do.

 

[Chefcurrywts]

Fred, would you say this guy in this video took a big hit after shaving bald? http://youtu.be/o_SjNCUvfRE

 

[big_head]

If you already suffer from depression on a regular basis, hair loss can really be the last nail in your coffin.

This is so true. Definitely had family members who either denied I was balding (probably to make me feel better) or said "Oh who cares? It's just hair! You're still you!" My mom actually said that to me, and since it was my mom, I didn't respond with "I'm not even 30 yet, I'd like to have sex now and again". They all just see it as a big joke. I told my mom "If you were balding in your late 20s, don't you think you would have been devastated?" And I got back the usual "Of course, but I'm a woman! Hair is more important for us! It's nothing to get depressed over though, stop being so vain!"

I gotta love that sentiment. WE have to stop being so vain. It's not people that make jokes of bald men, women that refuse to even date bald men, bald men getting less jobs and less respect and less representation in society. It's US. WE are the vain ones for caring. And what that translates to me is "Know your place. You're going to be a bald man and you just have to accept it. So what if you barely ever have sex again? You're still you! Your penis and sexual drive and imagine and identity are not important to ME so do not make them important to YOU or I will mock you for it"

Redundant ranting. I just hate that ****. When a woman goes bald, people donate hair to her and throw a pity party. When we bald, people literally laugh at us.

 

[blackg]

This is so true. Definitely had family members who either denied I was balding (probably to make me feel better) or said "Oh who cares? It's just hair! You're still you!" My mom actually said that to me, and since it was my mom, I didn't respond with "I'm not even 30 yet, I'd like to have sex now and again". They all just see it as a big joke. I told my mom "If you were balding in your late 20s, don't you think you would have been devastated?" And I got back the usual "Of course, but I'm a woman! Hair is more important for us! It's nothing to get depressed over though, stop being so vain!"

I gotta love that sentiment. WE have to stop being so vain. It's not people that make jokes of bald men, women that refuse to even date bald men, bald men getting less jobs and less respect and less representation in society. It's US. WE are the vain ones for caring. And what that translates to me is "Know your place. You're going to be a bald man and you just have to accept it. So what if you barely ever have sex again? You're still you! Your penis and sexual drive and imagine and identity are not important to ME so do not make them important to YOU or I will mock you for it"

Redundant ranting. I just hate that ****. When a woman goes bald, people donate hair to her and throw a pity party. When we bald, people literally laugh at us.

Very good post. As I've said in the past. People who say hair loss is no big deal are right.
It's no big deal to THEM that we are loosing our hair.
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned how THEY don't care for our sex life. Our social standing. Our quality of life means nothing to these ignorant fools.

And to be fair. I can understand where they're coming from.
I too was totally oblivious and ignorant until I started to suffer noticeable hair loss.
Now I wish them all 12 months mandatory baldness!! Haha...male and female.

 

[Joan]

This is so true. Definitely had family members who either denied I was balding (probably to make me feel better) or said "Oh who cares? It's just hair! You're still you!" My mom actually said that to me, and since it was my mom, I didn't respond with "I'm not even 30 yet, I'd like to have sex now and again". They all just see it as a big joke. I told my mom "If you were balding in your late 20s, don't you think you would have been devastated?" And I got back the usual "Of course, but I'm a woman! Hair is more important for us! It's nothing to get depressed over though, stop being so vain!"

I gotta love that sentiment. WE have to stop being so vain. It's not people that make jokes of bald men, women that refuse to even date bald men, bald men getting less jobs and less respect and less representation in society. It's US. WE are the vain ones for caring. And what that translates to me is "Know your place. You're going to be a bald man and you just have to accept it. So what if you barely ever have sex again? You're still you! Your penis and sexual drive and imagine and identity are not important to ME so do not make them important to YOU or I will mock you for it"

Redundant ranting. I just hate that ****. When a woman goes bald, people donate hair to her and throw a pity party. When we bald, people literally laugh at us.

I'm sorry to hear that your own mother isn't supportive and sympathetic. I feel my son's hair loss worse than my own. I truly mean that. Every so often (not often enough to make a difference, though), I go through short periods where I don't shed as much, and I think how my son's sheds never let up, how miraculously getting my hair back would be bittersweet, and how seeing him at least maintaining on finasteride would make me so, so happy. Have you tried finasteride?

 

[DannyBoyy]

Like Fred said in another thread, you do not seem to be pursuing or living a life a typical young guy would want. It is your God-given right to do so and I commend you for your forthrightness in stating that you are content and happy. I believe you 100% (not being sarcastic here, I seriously do).

However, you are also building your identity on being someone who preaches the good word and "supports the suffering", in your words. What you are saying here has an impact; you are intending it to have one. Because of that, it is really important for us to know the particulars of your situation. It gives the readers an indication of what the end result of following your advice might be, and whether that fits their desires in life or not. That you refuse to do so is very troubling, to be honest.

This is why I find I tend to give Fred a pass even if he is often very bombastic and inaccurate. He is honest about his life and is basing his statements on lived experience as opposed to "common sense" or works of popular fiction. By reading his posts, I can get a decent idea of what kind of life following his mentality would give me. It's not a life I want but it's one that I can imagine someone wanting.

Me, I have always had a few modest ambitions; I want to have a career where I can earn a decent living and progress upwards, I want to hang out with people who are successful and smart, and I want to mate with a person who I find attractive and matches me intellectually. I have been in a situation where none of these were achievable due to clear defects in my character and appearance. This was a truly miserable existence, prolonged unnecessarily by well-intentioned advice of the "think positive" variety. None of my problems were solved by being myself, letting go or following simple advice of that sort. Instead it involved essentially re-shaping my entire existence, both mentally and physically, in response to overwhelmingly negative feedback from those around me. The very opposite of what you are recommending. And after doing so, I am now much happier and much more content than I have ever been, because my long-held ambitions are now finally starting to be realized.

Everyone needs to walk a different path and I'm not saying mine is the right one. But I feel quite confident in saying that following yours would have made me suffer greatly.

I like your post no dissing or felt like you was trying to put me down, just a honest response, but like i said dude, me being a virgin or not, or having a job or not, it dont matter, go with me being a virgin and no job if it makes people happy. I brought up my school time because this is when it was at its worse (people picking on me etc ), i could be at work now yet still hold on to the grudge from my past, or dont know what to do if someone says horrible things etc. When i go "i dont give a ****" im not going round giving people the evils and saying "f you", im just being quiet and get on with peeps who want a quiet life also. I feel like you and others are looking way to much into what im saying, why would you give the time of day to someone who is trying to bring you down? move on and ignore them is all im trying to say.

There was a time i tried to "fit in" be like the others just so they leave me alone at school, i made things worse and i drifted people away more. Just be yourself and trust me the right people will come along like my friends did, i respect that you took another "journey" im glad you are happy, but all my point is here is to just not to listen to the people dissing you etc, thats it.

I could be in "my mothers basement" it will still not change anything, or could be rich, again it wouldnt change anything, it took ages to be happy in myself due to school, im human i have bad days, but i will never let it happen again, bald or not. Again people are asking on the lines of "has being positive while bald got me anyway" yes being happy for who i am, cause "society" was at its worse with me when i had hair.

All i wanna do is make people happy cause i know what its like not to be happy, thats why i hang around this forum and other ones related to things i have had in the past (depression OCD etc) i hate seeing people down, thats it. My simple goal at cheering people got lost at times during silly threads i gone into, or silly arguments i had, but deep down thats all i wanted to do.

 

[DannyBoyy]

Sorry, but I notice that you are still avoiding the questions about whether you are employed or are a virgin. It's quite telling. Like I said, I don't doubt for a second that you are happy and I commend you for it. But you are still not honest about what your life is really like. Whether you are employed or a virgin makes all the difference for the sufferers you purport to be here to help.

If you are really unemployed and a virgin and just happy playing Call of Duty with your equally unsuccessful mates, then sorry, I would rather die than have your life.

"Dissing" as you call it is often a signal to change where you are or something about yourself. The biggest positive changes in my life have come about because I actually started to take these signals seriously. So your advice is really quite terrible, at least as it applies to my situation.

Like i said go with me being a virgin etc if that makes you happy. I was doing my maths (passed level 1 i failed level 2 they said they will call me to go in for a second try), i was volunteering during that time also, (this happened in this year) i have a apprenticeship at a hospital planned also. My friends are exactly very succesful from what i can see, and i dont play COD it got boring for me very quickly back in the day. The "disses" i got was for the way i talk, the way i just looked facial wise, clothes, stuff like that, im pretty sure they were just being assholes not for anything "positive" i wouldnt call them disses if thats what they were trying to do.

 

[DannyBoyy]

Seriously, I don't understand why it is so hard for you to answer these questions in an honest and forthright manner. Good on you for volunteering, but are you or are you not a virgin? What do you mean by "maths"? Have you previously secured paid employment of any kind?

I was doing things to make my CV better, since jobs were looking for maths etc, i wasnt that good at it, so i went to do some lessons, i was meant to do English aswell, but the little test to see if i needed to do it or not i passed so i didnt do it, im just waiting for the call to take my second test again, so thats when i just volunteered for the time being, (i was already volunteering before then).

 

[DannyBoyy]

Still not answering the questions. It's either yes or no: are you or are you not a virgin? Have you, at any point in your life, secured paid employment?

Before i think about honestly answering why does it matter? since you can still fill like crap at your job, and after you had sex?