Soul Crushing Depression Because Your Youth Is Going Down The Drain

[Georgie]

This is just about the only place I feel like i can say these things, because “normal” people just don’t get it. They wake up and don’t even think about hair. It’s all I think about.

I have to avoid mirrors because I feel physically ill when I see this person that I don’t like or recognise staring back at me.
I drag fistfuls of hair from my head every day when I shower while I numbly count each strand to make sure that it’s still more than anyone should lose in a day.

I stare at other people with normal hair and try to remember what it felt like not to worry about losing it. I feel so jealous that I’m filled with indignant rage. I have to look down when anyone looks at me, because I don’t want them to see my frayed hairline, my eyes that are filled with indescribable agony.

I keep waitin and hoping and praying. The fact is that I am not even living. I exist on autopilot where my only reprieve in sleep, and even then I dream about all the things that follow me around in consciousness. I have this feeling of wrenching, pulling inside my like in being torn apart from the inside out. Sometimes I feel paralysed. Other times I feel numb. Every now and then I cry.

I don’t know how much longer I want to live a life like this. Holding on each day at a time, holding my breath for the moment when things aren’t so bad, maybe things will get better.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t socialise. I am not a person, but a shadow of a person. I hate everything about my existence. I used to beg the universe for mercy, please take these afflictions away from me, let me wake up as a normal person. Now I beg for death.

I cannot deny that it all sounds melodramatic and hyperbolised, but this is about as genuine as I am with anyone ever, because I don’t get to talk about this anywhere else.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.
I keep thinking that today is a good day to end it. I don’t have many reasons not to anymore.
I’m tired and I’ve no reasons left to be.
I don’t believe in anything anymore.
I only believe that life is cruel and pain is endless and inevitable.

I needed to say these things.
If you’ve read this far, thanks for your attention.

 

[Assemblage23]

Are you on finasteride or dutasteride?

 

[Georgie]

Are you on finasteride or dutasteride?

Duta, the pill, minoxidil oral and topical, topical enza... where do I stop?

 

[Feelsbadman]

Is it time for the beta uprising?

 

[Georgie]

Is it time for the beta uprising?

We don’t have semi automatics in Australia and it’s very f*****g hard to acquire a manual, so dumb fucks don’t go “beta uprising”. Noose’ll do me.

 

[Feelsbadman]

We don’t have semi automatics in Australia and it’s very f*****g hard to acquire a manual, so dumb fucks don’t go “beta uprising”. Noose’ll do me.

Have you tried going to brothels? They are great. The asian ladies don't care about your hair.

 

[Georgie]

Have you tried going to brothels? They are great. The asian ladies don't care about your hair.

I’m a chick.

 

[fixthis]

@Georgie Have you tried therapy yet or anti depressants? I know people will say how it's a cope but there's not much else you can do at this point until new treatments arrive. I know your situation is pretty shitty but when you're in this sate you can't really focus rationally. I've become a bit like this myself, before I'd be depressed and I still am but lately I've been feeling more numb.

 

[Georgie]

@Georgie Have you tried therapy yet or anti depressants? I know people will say how it's a cope but there's not much else you can do at this point until new treatments arrive. I know your situation is pretty shitty but when you're in this sate you can't really focus rationally. I've become a bit like this myself, before I'd be depressed and I still am but lately I've been feeling more numb.

Had therapy with medication for years mate.
Doesn’t help.

 

[Feelsbadman]

I’m a chick.

Sorry, didn't realise.

 

[fixthis]

Had therapy with medication for years mate.
Doesn’t help.

Did you try all the ssri's available? I guess they are a hit and miss for some people.

 

[Georgie]

Did you try all the ssri's available? I guess they are a hit and miss for some people.

Been on lexapro, fluoxetine Prozac, cymbalta, mirtaz, lithium, pristique, valdoxan, Zoloft, celexa and Paxil plus seroquel and zypexa and a f*** load of benzos. Been depressed since I was a kid. This disease has just compounded things.

 

[fixthis]

Been on lexapro, fluoxetine Prozac, cymbalta, mirtaz, lithium, pristique, valdoxan, Zoloft, celexa and Paxil plus seroquel and zypexa and a f*** load of benzos. Been depressed since I was a kid. This disease has just compounded things.

Fair enough I guess. With me I'm just planning on getting therapy and trying an ssri to see how it goes. I don't know if you have any other mental health issues besides depression and anxiety.

 

[Georgie]

Fair enough I guess. With me I'm just planning on getting therapy and trying an ssri to see how it goes. I don't know if you have any other mental health issues besides depression and anxiety.

Lol. I do. I have plenty.

 

[Fkdup]

Duta, the pill, minoxidil oral and topical, topical enza... where do I stop?

Georgie, since the first day I learnt about your struggle, I m always worried about you because of number of medication you are on.

To tell you about my case, I am a severe case of ADHD, cannot keep a job no matter what. (I m 34 so u knw its a severe problem). Tried medication, they worked great initially, but ultimately body got used to it and I was back to square farely soon. Was left with heart palpitations thing only with no positive effect.
I tried minoxidil for hairloss, gave great result but two years late, I was back to base count. Only thing left was bloody bloated face.
Tried finasteride, well even as low as .25 mg of it give me amazing regrowth but severe side effects. Some of those Side effects I did not even know could be bcos of it. Had to let go. Lost all the growth than some more, all I m left with is ed issues and persistent brain fog.
Have bloody anxiety and social anxiety thing too. Medication for it gave me initial euphoria but you know what would have happened.

Because of all these problems and my failure to address them, I developed depression too.
I was lucky enough to be at ~nw2 till around 29 years of age. But I have wasted last 5 years in the quest for solutions and medicines along with it

I never tried anything before that point and despite all the problems, I was moderately successful , highly popular and cheerful person (periodic anxiety problem aside). In my country the basic philosophical and religious theme is liberation and nirvana ie freedom from cycle of birth and death. I used to think what nonsense man , life is so bful , I would like to take 1000 births. But just 5 year later , I was thinking when this life will end? Why I was born, why don't we have a say whether we want to come on earth or not and God if you don't ask us at least give us a good life.
As soon as I used to wakeup, it wud be a nightmare , I would be like " God no. Please let me sleep few more hours , I don't want to feel anything plz.

Finally I realised that medicines are not answers for these problem and let go.
For last 1 year I m off all the medication and making some progress. But I wish I had shaved it off or wig it up 5 years back. As though my skin is rejuvenated, erections coming back, but it won't be same as I have aged 5 years in the meantime and at best I could be an ideal 34 year old only.
I know I could be crucified for saying this and also that you don't like it, but still will suggest you to go for hairpiece route. I know hair is important but at what bloody cost. You will look amazing with or without hair or with hairpiece. You ultimately have to think long term. We are all praying for cures for last 12 years here and more the things changed, more they remained the same. Even tsuji not saying anything about 2020 even if they do, the past experience tell us that 10, 12 years delay is just nothing for them.

Sorry for my English (not my first language) and incoherent writing (concessions for an ADHD guy). All I wish you to be healthy and ultimately happy.

 

[michel sapin]

@Georgie ; you have no hairloss for all the normies . so relax

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

@Georgie ; you have no hairloss for all the normies . so relax

Just FYI that isn't helpful.

1) You're telling her that it's all in her head.
2) Its not. She does have hairloss and is probably restricted to certain hairstyles now .

 

[inmyhead]

Have you tried some psychedelics such as shrooms, ayahuasca, or DMT? People claim that they help with depression

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

This is just about the only place I feel like i can say these things, because “normal” people just don’t get it. They wake up and don’t even think about hair. It’s all I think about.

I have to avoid mirrors because I feel physically ill when I see this person that I don’t like or recognise staring back at me.
I drag fistfuls of hair from my head every day when I shower while I numbly count each strand to make sure that it’s still more than anyone should lose in a day.

I stare at other people with normal hair and try to remember what it felt like not to worry about losing it. I feel so jealous that I’m filled with indignant rage. I have to look down when anyone looks at me, because I don’t want them to see my frayed hairline, my eyes that are filled with indescribable agony.

I keep waitin and hoping and praying. The fact is that I am not even living. I exist on autopilot where my only reprieve in sleep, and even then I dream about all the things that follow me around in consciousness. I have this feeling of wrenching, pulling inside my like in being torn apart from the inside out. Sometimes I feel paralysed. Other times I feel numb. Every now and then I cry.

I don’t know how much longer I want to live a life like this. Holding on each day at a time, holding my breath for the moment when things aren’t so bad, maybe things will get better.
I can’t concentrate. I can’t socialise. I am not a person, but a shadow of a person. I hate everything about my existence. I used to beg the universe for mercy, please take these afflictions away from me, let me wake up as a normal person. Now I beg for death.

I cannot deny that it all sounds melodramatic and hyperbolised, but this is about as genuine as I am with anyone ever, because I don’t get to talk about this anywhere else.

I don’t know where I’m going with this.
I keep thinking that today is a good day to end it. I don’t have many reasons not to anymore.
I’m tired and I’ve no reasons left to be.
I don’t believe in anything anymore.
I only believe that life is cruel and pain is endless and inevitable.

I needed to say these things.
If you’ve read this far, thanks for your attention.

I think that you're a good and strong person and personally I would like you to continue. You've been here a few months, but you've already made a strong impression.

You should stick around, if only for @sunchyme1 to get more pics for his fap folder, we need a girl here to torment the angrycels, and for the rest of us to see how your aggressive regimen does after 6, 12 months ;-)

More seriously your regimen is impressive, a lot of people come here and stick around forever before deciding what to do, you got to it quick because youre decisive and you have the ability to navigate some relatively complex data . We also know that you have a few things going on in real life, you don't talk about it too much but you've maintained a strong fitness routine, you have been proactive in seeking help, you mentioned a degree, you've had a few jobs, etc and you're only in your twenties right, early twenties?

I have been through suicidal idealization myself before, it sucks but I encourage you to keep moving forward. Life has not been perfect but there are some experiences that im happy to have had, I got to travel a lot, I made a few good friends, I took care of my dad when he was sick, etc.

 

[blackg]

Have you tried going to brothels? They are great. The asian ladies don't care about your hair.

Hahaha... Good research, dude. Georgie is female.