Baldness Has Revitalized My Sex Life

[plisk]

while i appreciate some counter balance to the usual "my life is OVER!!! " print here... I dont think you actually believe a word of what you wrote OP. It reminds me too much of the sh*t the PUAsphere of the internet used to peddle, where the intent was less to educate people about life and more as a echo chamber for an increasingly nervous man trying to fight cognitive dissonance about looks and what not.

the telling part, for me at least, is that the "revitalization" of your sex life is very vague. You didnt say you started dating and a one or two dates lead to sex and now you have a new gf you are smitten with and vice versa f*****g eachothers brains out, or that you went out clubbing for a few weeks and finally started approaching women and finally succeeded with one, instead its a kind of "endless possibility" description.

Yes its good, if you've reached that point, to accept your situation and shave it and become comfortable with having a bald head, but dont pretend for a minute that this has some metaphysical effect on dating that now women who werent before are somehow now inexplicably attracted to you and the only thing that changed was how you felt about yourself.

 

[Virginityrocks]

It absolutely did. There is no pretending. Human beings transmit their feelings and insecurities unconsciously through their body language. A minor muscle twitching here. A change of 1 degree of eyebrow angle there. A slight slunk in posture. A small social cue infraction.

And we are also excellent receivers of that information. Physical and emotional insecurities are as detectable as body odour to an otherwise interested mate. It's as built into our neurology as our ability to detect symmetry in faces, or become aroused by the sight of body features specific to a healthy pregnancy.

As for your remark on cognitive dissonance, everyone has their motivations in life. You may be surprised how many authors, poets, and public speakers are speaking to themselves as much as their audience. Very surprised. It's no coincidence that so many people do not practice what they preach, at least not consistently. But again, we're just human.

 

[blackg]

It absolutely did. There is no pretending. Human beings transmit their feelings and insecurities unconsciously through their body language. A minor muscle twitching here. A change of 1 degree of eyebrow angle there. A slight slunk in posture. A small social cue infraction.

And we are also excellent receivers of that information. Physical and emotional insecurities are as detectable as body odour to an otherwise interested mate. It's as built into our neurology as our ability to detect symmetry in faces, or become aroused by the sight of body features specific to a healthy pregnancy.

As for your remark on cognitive dissonance, everyone has their motivations in life. You may be surprised how many authors, poets, and public speakers are speaking to themselves as much as their audience. Very surprised. It's no coincidence that so many people do not practice what they preach, at least not consistently. But again, we're just human.

That was well written and it's all true, but to put it simply:
If you happen to look terrible and sickly without hair on your head then noone give a sh*t about what your body language is saying.

 

[FootyStar]

That was well written and it's all true, but to put it simply:
If you happen to look terrible and sickly without hair on your head then noone give a sh*t about what your body language is saying.

^ THIS

 

[Virginityrocks]

I'm not denying that life isn't better with hair. I'm not denying that there is more to achieving success and happiness than confidence and comfort. However, what I am denying that hair is so essential to our happiness that we would stress or obsess to the point of disliking who we truly are.

I shouldn't need to remind any of you, but in case you've forgot: There's more to life than sex. And although sex is a big, and important part of mine and the lives of most people, to view yourself as less valuable without hair is to judge yourself as shallow and superficially as those you seek to attract. What needs to be accepted is that your physical insecurities are not a product of the judgements of others, but an acceptance that the judgements of others are valid and true. To focus so heavily on your physical appearance undermines everything else you have to offer the world. You begin to see yourself as valueless without a physical characteristic. Worship your own beauty, and you will always feel ugly. And as time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you.

It may surprise you to know that both men and women who pursue cosmetic surgery have a disproportional rate of suicide. And those who are reinforced as children to value cosmetics and physical appearance are more likely to have depression and body dysmorphia in adulthood. And that narcissistic personalities are a product of the repression of deep inner feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and pain.

You are more than what you appear. And that, as obvious as it seems on the surface, is difficult for many people to accept of themselves.

A man cannot be valued and respected if he does not first value and respect himself.

 

[Dench57]

There's more to life than sex

slybaldguys motto

 

[Guzam]

I'm not denying that life isn't better with hair. I'm not denying that there is more to achieving success and happiness than confidence and comfort. However, what I am denying that hair is so essential to our happiness that we would stress or obsess to the point of disliking who we truly are.

I shouldn't need to remind any of you, but in case you've forgot: There's more to life than sex. And although sex is a big, and important part of mine and the lives of most people, to view yourself as less valuable without hair is to judge yourself as shallow and superficially as those you seek to attract. What needs to be accepted is that your physical insecurities are not a product of the judgements of others, but an acceptance that the judgements of others are valid and true. To focus so heavily on your physical appearance undermines everything else you have to offer the world. You begin to see yourself as valueless without a physical characteristic. Worship your own beauty, and you will always feel ugly. And as time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you.

It may surprise you to know that both men and women who pursue cosmetic surgery have a disproportional rate of suicide. And those who are reinforced as children to value cosmetics and physical appearance are more likely to have depression and body dysmorphia in adulthood. And that narcissistic personalities are a product of the repression of deep inner feelings of loneliness, worthlessness, and pain.

You are more than what you appear. And that, as obvious as it seems on the surface, is difficult for many people to accept of themselves.

A man cannot be valued and respected if he does not first value and respect himself.

Your entire reasoning can be entirely destroyed with one simple question, which baffles almost everyone and it's sure to make your jimmies rustled even a little bit:

Would you like your son to be bald? If not, why?

 

[Virginityrocks]

OP: I know you have good intentions but underneath the Tony Robbins-like prose you aren't saying anything different than what dozens of sausage head preachers have done before you. It's just variations on "it's all about your attitude".

I agree with the other poster that your description of this superior life you have somehow entered into is vague and unfulfilling. Actually, reading your post I am left with no actual sense of what your life is like (other than that your free association thought binge has triggered a substantial release of endorphins). Unfortunately, this means that your advice also has zero value to me, and I would guess most of the others posting in and reading this forum.

So here's me asking, for the record: how many women have you slept with since you clipped your hair off? What were their ages and physical characteristics? What do you make in your current job? Are you regularly being invited to parties with different groups of people?

Who knows what we would see if we were able to follow what your life was actually like. We can make a number of inferences based on others that have had opinions similar to yours. For instance, maybe you have a number of other physical attributes that let you retain some attraction despite your baldness. Maybe you have had sex with only two or three women over several years, or maybe you haven't had any at all. Maybe the women are older, fatter and less attractive, and so you subconsciously put down the more attractive ones that do not want you as less "emotionally mature" (a classic cope). Maybe the way people see you and respond to you have indeed been massively altered for the worse, and so you hop aboard these meandering trains of thought to suppress the painful lack of interest and attraction from the outside world that your acceptance of your genetic inferiority has inflicted on you. I would guess the truth is somewhere in-between all of these, but obviously I don't know you and can't really say.

Here is reality as I see it: early baldness (as in <30 onset and aggressive) massively narrows your possible life outcomes. Your pool of potential sexual and social partners gets exponentially smaller, and the qualities of those who remain are lesser too, both aesthetically and intellectually. Your career possibilities and your career's overall trajectory suffer. You lose all your "pull" and are forced to become all "push".

Baldness shifts the bell curve of life to the left. It massively increases the amount of work you need to put in just to retain parity with your full-headed peers. Accepting your true bald self, the value of which is, I stress, ultimately just a mental construct, amounts to nothing more than accepting that shift. You accept living a life which on average will have less sex, with older and worse-looking women, a less rich social life with fewer and less diverse friends, and a lower-paying, more stressful and less successful career.

I made a conscious choice years ago to firmly reject that life and in my opinion I have reaped the rewards sexually, professionally, and to a lesser extent socially. Any regular on this forum should have a good idea of what my life is like, and can make up their minds as to whether it is something they want or not. The least you can do when you preach the good word here is to give us the resources do the same thing.

Firstly. Respect.

Second. f*** Tony Robbins.

Third. Respect.

Fourth. Additional respect to you sir.

Fifth. It's somewhere in-between.

I stand by my assertions, but I understand your cynical take on my state of mind. I do practice awareness over the underlying mechanisms or root causes for my thoughts and behaviours, but there's still discoveries to be made and trails to blaze. And that unknowing of what is ahead or around the bend is what motivates me to keep pushing myself toward higher understanding.

I haven't laughed so heavily at my own expense in a long time. It was refreshing. But it also didn't hurt me. And it didn't change my perspective. Or make me feel insecure of what I truly think or feel. It simply made me laugh.

I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I'm just comfortable. And I don't feel like getting up.

 

[blackg]

OP: I know you have good intentions but underneath the Tony Robbins-like prose you aren't saying anything different than what dozens of sausage head preachers have done before you. It's just variations on "it's all about your attitude".

I agree with the other poster that your description of this superior life you have somehow entered into is vague and unfulfilling. Actually, reading your post I am left with no actual sense of what your life is like (other than that your free association thought binge has triggered a substantial release of endorphins). Unfortunately, this means that your advice also has zero value to me, and I would guess most of the others posting in and reading this forum.

So here's me asking, for the record: how many women have you slept with since you clipped your hair off? What were their ages and physical characteristics? What do you make in your current job? Are you regularly being invited to parties with different groups of people?

Who knows what we would see if we were able to follow what your life was actually like. We can make a number of inferences based on others that have had opinions similar to yours. For instance, maybe you have a number of other physical attributes that let you retain some attraction despite your baldness. Maybe you have had sex with only two or three women over several years, or maybe you haven't had any at all. Maybe the women are older, fatter and less attractive, and so you subconsciously put down the more attractive ones that do not want you as less "emotionally mature" (a classic cope). Maybe the way people see you and respond to you have indeed been massively altered for the worse, and so you hop aboard these meandering trains of thought to suppress the painful lack of interest and attraction from the outside world that your acceptance of your genetic inferiority has inflicted on you. I would guess the truth is somewhere in-between all of these, but obviously I don't know you and can't really say.

Here is reality as I see it: early baldness (as in <30 onset and aggressive) massively narrows your possible life outcomes. Your pool of potential sexual and social partners gets exponentially smaller, and the qualities of those who remain are lesser too, both aesthetically and intellectually. Your career possibilities and your career's overall trajectory suffer. You lose all your "pull" and are forced to become all "push".

Baldness shifts the bell curve of life to the left. It massively increases the amount of work you need to put in just to retain parity with your full-headed peers. Accepting your true bald self, the value of which is, I stress, ultimately just a mental construct, amounts to nothing more than accepting that shift. You accept living a life which on average will have less sex, with older and worse-looking women, a less rich social life with fewer and less diverse friends, and a lower-paying, more stressful and less successful career.

I made a conscious choice years ago to firmly reject that life and in my opinion I have reaped the rewards sexually, professionally, and to a lesser extent socially. Any regular on this forum should have a good idea of what my life is like, and can make up their minds as to whether it is something they want or not. The least you can do when you preach the good word here is to give us the resources do the same thing.

Well said, zincron, but God dam! You could of said all of that in only one paragraph.
One paragraph!

Give it some thought next time.
I'm tired.

 

[Roberto_72]

In the words of David Foster Wallace, "

 

[Guzam]

Firstly. Respect.

Second. f*** Tony Robbins.

Third. Respect.

Fourth. Additional respect to you sir.

Fifth. It's somewhere in-between.

I stand by my assertions, but I understand your cynical take on my state of mind. I do practice awareness over the underlying mechanisms or root causes for my thoughts and behaviours, but there's still discoveries to be made and trails to blaze. And that unknowing of what is ahead or around the bend is what motivates me to keep pushing myself toward higher understanding.

I haven't laughed so heavily at my own expense in a long time. It was refreshing. But it also didn't hurt me. And it didn't change my perspective. Or make me feel insecure of what I truly think or feel. It simply made me laugh.

I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I'm just comfortable. And I don't feel like getting up.

The comfort you find in your genetic subhumanity comes entirely from within; but you simply can't find comfort in how your social (i.e. friends, work, love) life gets affected by your flaw.

While it's very hard to accept, it's the first step into a new kind of awareness which, even if harrowing, feels at least satisfying to me because it feels many levels superior to the cope state of mind, which is yours.

Your mind is just deploying one of its most powerful tricks, which I studied in university and learned to understand: selective attention. While it's needed in chaotic situations and fast paced decisions, selective attention is deployed by our mind when sanity becomes threatened.
You are now incapable of awareness because your brain already knows you wouldn't bear the burden of reality: thus you live in a world of cope which is entirely made up by your mind to find comfort and avoid trauma.

Your lack of feelings and the laugh while reading that post are all extremely common symptoms of your selective attention regarding the issue. Your brain completely prevents you to process that information, resulting in a rationally incomprehensible lack of feelings coupled with a laugh.

While your state is respectable, it's absolutely false to claim any truth in your position towards hair loss because that's only and exclusively the truth you made up in your mind.

 

[blackg]

Hey! If the OP claims that he is unaffected by hair loss then I will take his word for it.
At the end of the day only he knows the true situation he is in.

 

[Roberto_72]

Here is reality as I see it: early baldness (as in <30 onset and aggressive) massively narrows your possible life outcomes. Your pool of potential sexual and social partners gets exponentially smaller

This is not only evident, but scientific.
Come on, are we really still discussing this?

You are repeating what my 80 years old grandma kept telling my bald father in the 90s... come on... you have to be an idiot to think baldness does not limit your life, sexually and socially. ME, I never had a youth. I always ran after my young dream of happiness, whereas my friends really had fun. You should devote your good writing to serious stuff not to these threads.

I was always the one who looked older, who needed to invent something for himself in order to be on par with full heads.

My life started years and years later when I had my first hair transplant. Magically, women wanted to have ONS with me... and I was the same nerd.

These threads should be left alone. I should not say that as a moderator but I find them insulting to those of us who suffer.

 

[Virginityrocks]

Firstly. Respect.

Second. f*** Tony Robbins.

Third. Respect.

Fourth. Additional respect to you sir.

Fifth. It's somewhere in-between.

I stand by my assertions, but I understand your cynical take on my state of mind. I do practice awareness over the underlying mechanisms or root causes for my thoughts and behaviours, but there's still discoveries to be made and trails to blaze. And that unknowing of what is ahead or around the bend is what motivates me to keep pushing myself toward higher understanding.

I haven't laughed so heavily at my own expense in a long time. It was refreshing. But it also didn't hurt me. And it didn't change my perspective. Or make me feel insecure of what I truly think or feel. It simply made me laugh.

I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I'm just comfortable. And I don't feel like getting up.

 

[Virginityrocks]

I respect what each of you are saying, but still I am not affected by it. It may be possible that this is a coping mechanism. To deny that possibility would be foolish. But unlike any type of insecurity I've felt throughout my lifetime, what has been communicated here today does not translate to an unconscious threat to my current state of mind. My stress levels are not rising. My blood pressure is nominal. And I do not feel hurried to defend myself or complete this post. I do not even feel the necessary compulsion to respond at all.

Guzan, since your language seems to be indicative of someone with at least a rudimentary knowledge of psychotherapy or psychoanalysis, I will mention that as a daily habitual nail-biter and skin-picker used as a coping mechanism for anxiety and over-stimulation of 20 years, my nails are currently so long and untouched that I am having difficulty typing this message on the virtual keyboard of my phone. It seems either, perhaps, my coping mechanisms have either changed by mentally constructing a reality distortion field of some kind, causing me not even to see or be aware of the inner psychic pain of fear and anxiety, or I am simply less afraid and less anxious, and no longer require these coping mechanisms to... Cope.

If the latter, my physical transformation, my eagerness to start each day at 6:00am (to which I am currently awake), my openness with strangers that grows with each passing day, and a general sense of wellness that persists through even the stressors of each day, can only be indicative of a positive and measurable change to my life's outlook. And as a byproduct of this stability, comfort, and contentment, others view me more favourably than the aggressive, anxious, alcoholic I once was — Always looking for that next fix of social dominance and sex to counter the pervasive underlying feelings of loneliness and worthlessness that I could never satisfy through the objectification of happiness — always in pursuit of money, status, power, and sex as equal if not greater substitutes for real, ethereal, immaterial happiness.

Now, I could go back and rewrite the phrasing or structure of what I have said above, which I usually do as I take pride in the way in which I communicate my ideas. But as a demonstration, I won't. I feel no threat here. Not even in the belly of my deeper self.

 

[Dench57]

Now, I could go back and rewrite the phrasing or structure of what I have said above, which I usually do as I take pride in the way in which I communicate my ideas. But as a demonstration, I won't. I feel no threat here.

 

[Virginityrocks]

Typos and missing words... And adding the image of my nails... Not a change to the phrasing or structure of the content.

 

[Patrick_Bateman]

I respect what each of you are saying, but still I am not affected by it. It may be possible that this is a coping mechanism. To deny that possibility would be foolish. But unlike any type of insecurity I've felt throughout my lifetime, what has been communicated here today does not translate to an unconscious threat to my current state of mind. My stress levels are not rising. My blood pressure is nominal. And I do not feel hurried to defend myself or complete this post. I do not even feel the necessary compulsion to respond at all.

Guzan, since your language seems to be indicative of someone with at least a rudimentary knowledge of psychotherapy or psychoanalysis, I will mention that as a daily habitual nail-biter and skin-picker used as a coping mechanism for anxiety and over-stimulation of 20 years, my nails are currently so long and untouched that I am having difficulty typing this message on the virtual keyboard of my phone. It seems either, perhaps, my coping mechanisms have either changed by mentally constructing a reality distortion field of some kind, causing me not even to see or be aware of the inner psychic pain of fear and anxiety, or I am simply less afraid and less anxious, and no longer require these coping mechanisms to... Cope.

If the latter, my physical transformation, my eagerness to start each day at 6:00am (to which I am currently awake), my openness with strangers that grows with each passing day, and a general sense of wellness that persists through even the stressors of each day, can only be indicative of a positive and measurable change to my life's outlook. And as a byproduct of this stability, comfort, and contentment, others view me more favourably than the aggressive, anxious, alcoholic I once was — Always looking for that next fix of social dominance and sex to counter the pervasive underlying feelings of loneliness and worthlessness that I could never satisfy through the objectification of happiness — always in pursuit of money, status, power, and sex as equal if not greater substitutes for real, ethereal, immaterial happiness.

Now, I could go back and rewrite the phrasing or structure of what I have said above, which I usually do as I take pride in the way in which I communicate my ideas. But as a demonstration, I won't. I feel no threat here. Not even in the belly of my deeper self.

The only thing I got out of this wall of text is that you should cut your f*****g fingernails. That's nasty, atleast wash your hands wtf??? There's dirt under there.

 

[Virginityrocks]

But for what purpose? For the benefit of myself, or the benefit of others? I'm enjoying my long fingernails. Why should I cut them? For your benefit? To placate your disgust? To satisfy your needs? To conform to some arbitrary construct of beauty?

It seems "the problem" here isn't my problem, but your problem with "my problem". And that's rooted in the very message I'm offering. That your problem isn't hairloss, it's your problem with hairloss. Just as the problem others have with your hairloss is a cognitive miser of their own problem of assigning value based on the superficial and meaningless ways we appear. It's just easier to judge others (or ourselves) than to have introspection and meditate the deeper problem within the self.

 

[Patrick_Bateman]

But for what purpose? For the benefit of myself, or the benefit of others? I'm enjoying my long fingernails. Why should I cut them? For your benefit? To placate your disgust? To satisfy your needs? To conform to some arbitrary construct of beauty?

It seems "the problem" here isn't my problem, but your problem with "my problem". And that's rooted in the very message I'm offering. That your problem isn't hairloss, it's your problem with hairloss. Just as the problem others have with your hairloss is a cognitive miser of their own problem of assigning value based on the superficial and meaningless ways we appear. It's just easier to judge others (or ourselves) than to have introspection and meditate the deeper problem within the self.

LOL