- Reaction score
- 4,891
When I was a teenager I used to hate my terrible skin, my scrawny body, my weak jaw, and my horrendous shyness. For hours each day I would stare into the mirror and just lose myself in hatred, fixating on my weaknesses, and I would fantasise about them being different. It played on my mind so much that I used to question my place on this earth and I'd wonder to myself why was I allowed to exist.
As the years passed I began to work on myself. My skin cleared up in my twenties, I added some muscle to my body, and I began to dress as well as I could and slowly, over the years my confidence grew until, finally, I began to function as a normal adult.
But then, as a cruel twist of fate, hair loss began to curtail my new found confidence. It never fussed me at the start, being a NW2 is fine, but then it slowly became worse and worse, until finally I am a prisoner beneath blanket of toppik.
And now I feel my self perception has returned to the way I was as a teenager. My confidence is knocked and I don't want to go out. I keep fixating on my hair and my jaw line. I've become obsessed and self critical once more. This obsession has led to a form of self loathing where I truly cannot stand myself any longer.
And yet I am still not as unlucky as some. I see people on the street who are far, far uglier than I am and yet they appear so much more functional. Even though I hate myself I am still about average on the looks spectrum and yet for some reason this is killing me. Its so strange and I cannot tell if I have BDD or depression or whether I am just normal for being concerned about my looks.
Its starting to really interfere with my life now because I'm living like a hermit. I don't really know what to do and how to overcome this self loathing.
As the years passed I began to work on myself. My skin cleared up in my twenties, I added some muscle to my body, and I began to dress as well as I could and slowly, over the years my confidence grew until, finally, I began to function as a normal adult.
But then, as a cruel twist of fate, hair loss began to curtail my new found confidence. It never fussed me at the start, being a NW2 is fine, but then it slowly became worse and worse, until finally I am a prisoner beneath blanket of toppik.
And now I feel my self perception has returned to the way I was as a teenager. My confidence is knocked and I don't want to go out. I keep fixating on my hair and my jaw line. I've become obsessed and self critical once more. This obsession has led to a form of self loathing where I truly cannot stand myself any longer.
And yet I am still not as unlucky as some. I see people on the street who are far, far uglier than I am and yet they appear so much more functional. Even though I hate myself I am still about average on the looks spectrum and yet for some reason this is killing me. Its so strange and I cannot tell if I have BDD or depression or whether I am just normal for being concerned about my looks.
Its starting to really interfere with my life now because I'm living like a hermit. I don't really know what to do and how to overcome this self loathing.
