I posted 'My Story' about how I kicked hair's *** and I wanted to add a follow up on this board "The Impact of hair loss." I was going to share this story privately to those who wanted to hear it, but I thought maybe someone who just reads these boards but doesn't interact might need to hear it. My story isn't for everyone, I get that.
How I went from suicidal to homicidal (killing my bald head).
I worked really hard. It took me 3 years to slowly convince myself to shave it. Three years.
You know, I was 275 lbs the week before I started working out. I was so depressed, I just started eating, didn't care anymore. I just came home every night and watched movies. I wouldn't look at my hair in the mirror unless I turned the bathroom light on dim lighting, there was a certain setting that gave the illusion my hair was thicker, and I convinced myself that it wasn't that bad. I would put products on the top of my head, I'd blow dry it, try to 'volumize' it. I remember spending 30 minutes every morning trying to make it look 'acceptable' if I weren't going to wear a hat.
What finally broke me was staying at a hotel. I had to go to a hotel for one of my post graduate classes that was off site for two weekends in a row. Of course, I wore a hat to class. This hotel had about 100 mirrors in it. I took off my shirt and accidentally caught a glimpse of myself. I saw the top of my scalp in the brightest light. No volumizing product, just took off my hat, I hadn't combed it 'just right'... Plus, I was 275 lbs of fat, not muscle. I just started crying. I looked like a 45-50 year old fat bald man in his boxers at a hotel. I was already suffering from depression.
My first thought was, "Just kill yourself" because my mindset was "It's not going to get better, only worse". I just laid on the hotel bed, despondent, mute, alone.
I don't know why the television turned on, I don't know if I accidentally hit the remote button or if someone else in another room's remote triggered my tv, but HBO came on. It was 'Fast and Furious 6'. I saw The Rock and Vin Diesel standing together talking. Then I saw Tyreese and so on. I watched it until the end, just focused on their bald heads (not the movie). I know that sounds weird, but at the end I saw Jason Statham.
I said, I'm not giving up. Before I start thinking about giving up, I'm going to try my hardest to change my life. I may have got my *** kicked off the bull, but DAMN IT, I'm going to dust off my chaps and wrestle that long horned freak to the ground and tame that son of a b**ch.
I started following The Rock on Instagram. He showed work out regiments and talked about his 'exfoliated bald head' as if it were a badge of honor. I began running at first. I ate very few carbs and mostly protein. I'd run 2 miles, then 3 miles, I got to where I was running 6 - 8 miles at a time. Once I became lean, I began to drink protein shakes and bulk up. I live in florida, so naturally, running 6 - 8 miles at a time in the sun started giving my head a natural tan, I slowly cut it a lower grade every time.
I remember the first time I got a 0 guard on the sides, a 1 guard on the edge of my crown and a 2 guard on top. I did that for about 3 months. Then I just did a 0 guard all over one day. I LOVED IT. It freaked me out at first, but then I started getting used to the way I looked. I started shaving it, using moisturizers, once the skin starts to get tan, it starts to get a 'tougher' texture and looks natural. It took me another 3 months for my bald head to look the way I wanted it to. I still wore hats until I felt it was the color grade and texture I wanted it to be.
This was all recent. It took me 1.5 years to get into the shape I wanted to be in (in my profile pic) once I had the confidence in my body, then I had the confidence to gradually cut my hair at a lower grade, and lower grade. I grew a beard because I didn't know how I'd feel about a completely 'no hair' on my face or head. I kept the beard because it gives me symmetry on my face.
I started this whole process around the first January 2015 and it wasn't until January of this year that I finally got to my goal and felt comfortable. It's a process, but it's better than giving up. Every time I wanted to 'not run' or 'not work out' I would watch Fast and Furious, not because it's a great film or anything, but it's that spark I needed at the right time and it reminded me of how I looked and felt in that hotel that night.
Basically, you have to decide to give up, or use the tools you have to make yourself the BEST YOU.
I uploaded a picture of me right before I started working out, literally a few weeks before. I took this picture at a football game the last week of November, and my Class was in December. That night at the hotel. I look uncomfortable, and insecure. Compare that to my profile pic where I feel like a badass.
