Well this is the crux of the problem with you Seb its your perception of yourself that is the problem, other peoples are not as important. Your a very sensitive man, i hope you can learn to like yourself.
Im lucky in that i have always been of the belief that life is short and i dont have time to not like myself. Ive got plenty of things about me that i dont like both appearences and mentally, but when i boil it all down i just think sod it im rocking this, what else can i do. When you consider that before you there was nothingness, and after there is nothingness, then while there is something to be had, lets be having it!
Life is like a casino, you give it your best but the house always wins. Some people win big, some people lose it all on a huge roll of the dice. You are someone who has some change in his pockets but is sitting on the sidelines, watching it all the winners and losers resenting them, knowing they are all caught up in the moment. Well the way i see it, if you know that whatever happens you are leaving with empty pockets, then what is the harm in getting up, rolling a few and having a ball before they kick you out?! Stuff them all, Raise a little hell and then its goodnight from me!