If it's not my hair loss and looks, why do women reject me??

[s.a.f]

Confidence is important but looks is the entering ticket, confidence is in the second step, a bald guy will never pass the first step with most girls

So what if a guy is NW1 but just plain ugly its exactly the same thing. :dunno:
You need to either find less shallow women or if you're looking to pick up girls in nightclub type situations lower your standards.

That is all.

 

[Michael84]

You need to either find less shallow women or if you're looking to pick up girls in nightclub type situations lower your standards.
That is all.

Lowering your standards means being with a woman whom you don't like.

 

[theangryone]

You need to either find less shallow women or if you're looking to pick up girls in nightclub type situations lower your standards.
That is all.

Lowering your standards means being with a woman whom you don't like.

For guys like me, we have no room to lower my standards. If ugly 300 pound women reject me, how can I aim lower than that?

 

[Man in Space]

ugly 400 pounder?! :dunno:

Also, did she have teeth, cos there might be some wiggle room there

 

[Beingbaldsucks]

You need to either find less shallow women or if you're looking to pick up girls in nightclub type situations lower your standards.
That is all.

Lowering your standards means being with a woman whom you don't like.

For guys like me, we have no room to lower my standards. If ugly 300 pound women reject me, how can I aim lower than that?

Try aiming higher then

 

[s.a.f]

You need to either find less shallow women or if you're looking to pick up girls in nightclub type situations lower your standards.
That is all.

Lowering your standards means being with a woman whom you don't like.

Well we'd all like to be with Angelina and Megan but thats not happening. If a guy approaches a 7 thats because he knows that he probably is'nt going to get a 9.
Thats what the whole human race is doing, why should we think its going to be any different for us.
Wether its because you're short, fat, have a big nose or its hairloss its all the same in terms of attractiveness.

If you're going to judge on appearance/attractivness then prepare to be judged right back.

But I've managed to get with women who were clearly better looking than me, it can happen some people give credit to more than just physical beauty. (Not many guys do though).

 

[seb]

Think about it.With my negative,dour mindset,if I didnt hold hope there is something higher than this life,then I would give up and go off the rails,thus leading a life that is not right for ME.I know what you will counter that by saying, live life each day as if it is youre last,but that just wouldnt work for me.

I completely understand your rationale, have you ever read dostoyevskies 'notes from the underground'? believe me, i know the depths of what your talking about, its just that for me, it makes no sense to hope for a second life, it makes sense to be tough and deal with it now. Its not about being a shiny happy person, its about manning up and saying right, starting now im cracking on.
Its just that for me, the second life is a safety net, it vindicates your patterns of behaviour when i think you may be better off taking the safety net and confronting this world head on.

Its difficult, especially for somone like you whp wont even give yourself a chance as you are so busy hating yourself. It takes some modicum of self worth to say, im worth picking myself up from here starting now, i hope for your sake that you are able to find enjoyment in this life as if you are wrong then that would have been a huge waste of a precious opportunity

No,I have never read any of dostoyevskies works.Regarding toughing it out,facing the world,I do..I may come across as a whinny maggot on here,but I still go too work,drive,study,look after my health, etc,its just I do these things with a miserable,reluctant connotation.
I am 34 now,and getting too the point where this life bores me,thus it doesnt really matter....I am going to die anyway.

 

[uncomfortable man]

To: OP

Hey man, yes, sorry but it IS the hair loss. I know, I've been there, right where you are and it took me a DECADE to figure out that yes, appearance matters a GREAT deal in the social arena. Like it or not, that is the way it is.

My reasoning is that the majority of the general population male and female, does not face ANY significant and noticeable hairloss until a very old age (50-70 years old). Therefore, they do not know anything about dealing with the social issues and implications that we baldies face.

I have found the majority of non-bald people to be completely ignorant about baldness to the degree that they practically 'blame' us us for it as if it was our fault or something ... the same way society blames obese people for bieng fat. But as we all here know, this is simply not true. The vast majority of fat people CAN fix their problem; whereas, us bald guys cannot ... at least not without undergoing an hair transplant procedure.

Since everything is so fast-paced nowadays and people make split second decisions about who they like and don't like, especially in the younger age brackets, it is all too easy for people in general to pass judgement on a guy who may be lacking in a particular aspect of personal appearance. (ie - male pattern baldness).

Then, on a 'subconcious' level, a lot of bald men are viewed as "not having pride in themselves" enough to do something about their hairloss, as if we had all the options in the world to deal with it. We don't, but women (and non-bald people in general) think that because we go around looking 'bald' which is often viewed as unnattractive, we do not have any self-respect. And they think "why should I respect/befriend this guy who has no respect in themselves?"

Even if we exude all the 'confidence' in the world, we are still assumed to have NO confidence because of our hairloss.

Thus, I call this "guilty by association" ... in other words, we are assumed to be lacking self-confidence/self-steem even if just the opposite is true. And unless we become overtly cocky/arrogant and/or obnoxious, we will continue to be seen as lacking confidence ... even though we may actually be just the opposite. Everybody likes a winner, and nobody wants to befriend a 'loser' who lacks self-confidence.

But ... this is a double-edged sword. When a NW1 acts confident/arrogant, women like them and say they are attractive alpha males. When a bald guy acts cocky/arrogant, he is seen as insecure and trying to put on a front .. he is seen as trying to be someone he is not.

So, IMO, the trick is:
Be bald, and yet still be considered confident and having self-respect WITHOUT coming off as cocky/arrogant and obnoxious. This is the name of the game for us bald guys. However, it is easier said then done. This is something that I am STILL trying to conquer after going on 2 decades now.

Any guy who says, "Oh man, its not that hard ... bla, bla, bla... all you have to do is bla, bla, bla ... " does not fully understand the depth, difficulty, and implications of this f*cked up problem that all of us *bald* guys face. It is HARD ... VERY HARD to come to grips with, and a VERY hard pill to swallow. Trust me, I know.

You have to realize the things I said above and ACCEPT your baldness and all the CRAP that comes along with it. Until you do this, you will continue to be in denial. You cannot ever accept it until you get out of the denial stage. And for you guys here whom are NW2-ish, you are in a TOTALLY different world as us guys who are NW4 and above. Its a completely different ballgame.

TO: Man in space
Yeah man, I like your ideas. You have the correct mindset.

While SAF may dub himself the voice of reason, it's posts like ^ this that make me want to dub you the voice of reality. This world isn't always reasonable or rational, that is the reality.

 

[blaze]

BUT the majority of people who come into contact with me) despise me,not just because of my lack of hair,but my other features,and my visible awkwardness around people....at this present time I severely failing this test.

what other "features"(I assume you mean physical ones) besides your hair loss do you think people despise you?

 

[ghg]

I've been getting closer to scoring recently, like last night. Of course the women weren't anything special in either of the cases, but beggars can't be choosers, right? I don't feel like I'm the ugliest guy in the world but the forced close buzz hairstyle, which doesn't suit me very well because of my undesirable headshape/size, takes my overall appearance down a lot. When I add all the other bad traits and flaws I have, I'd be real lucky to find any girl who'd want to be with me, so... being a realist helps. I would never go for the hottest girls anyway.

 

[seb]

He's banned Seb. You may have to wait a while for a reply. I'm sure he'll be let back at some point!

What the hell is he banned for?

 

[seb]

BUT the majority of people who come into contact with me) despise me,not just because of my lack of hair,but my other features,and my visible awkwardness around people....at this present time I severely failing this test.

what other "features"(I assume you mean physical ones) besides your hair loss do you think people despise you?

They might sound pathetic,but many have mentioned them in a negative light,thus they must be deemed as flaws....I am very fair-skinned,freckles,also ginger,red-faced,and perhpas the main reason I get some much crap is I dont fit the bald,because of these aforementioned traits,but also very young and soft-looking,I look like a guy that should,and NEEDS too have hair(obviously so does every man).It is just a confusing look for me.

 

[seb]

He's banned Seb. You may have to wait a while for a reply. I'm sure he'll be let back at some point!

What the hell is he banned for?

Not letting go of the bit :woot:

I dont understand?

 

[seb]

He's been starting threads about Bryan being a shill and sending messages and such to members. Rousing up trouble for the mods ABOUT BRYAN'S SHILLING so they banned him cos for some reason they let Bryan shill and he keeps asking why.

He's been swept under the carpet. I'm sure he'll be allowed back as long as he's not too stubborn which I'm not so sure about!

I am still non the wiser,what the hell is a shill? :dunno:

 

[imlosinit]

Then, on a 'subconcious' level, a lot of bald men are viewed as "not having pride in themselves" enough to do something about their hairloss, as if we had all the options in the world to deal with it. We don't, but women (and non-bald people in general) think that because we go around looking 'bald' which is often viewed as unnattractive, we do not have any self-respect. And they think "why should I respect/befriend this guy who has no respect in themselves?"

Even if we exude all the 'confidence' in the world, we are still assumed to have NO confidence because of our hairloss.

Thus, I call this "guilty by association" ... in other words, we are assumed to be lacking self-confidence/self-steem even if just the opposite is true. And unless we become overtly cocky/arrogant and/or obnoxious, we will continue to be seen as lacking confidence ... even though we may actually be just the opposite. Everybody likes a winner, and nobody wants to befriend a 'loser' who lacks self-confidence.

Wow, some brilliant insight here. Totally rings true.

How to overcome these perceptions is a tall order.

I figure you have to have a killer personality and some other endearing qualities to make the leap into respectability.

 

[seb]

a shill is a promoter of a companys product (usually paid) who pretends they aren't a promoter of a companys product; a bit like Bryan

That's my interpretation of the word. Google will be better at it though!

Yeah thanks,just looked before you replied for the meaning of shill,never heard the term before.

 

[s.a.f]

To: OP

Hey man, yes, sorry but it IS the hair loss. I know, I've been there, right where you are and it took me a DECADE to figure out that yes, appearance matters a GREAT deal in the social arena. Like it or not, that is the way it is.

My reasoning is that the majority of the general population male and female, does not face ANY significant and noticeable hairloss until a very old age (50-70 years old). Therefore, they do not know anything about dealing with the social issues and implications that we baldies face.

I have found the majority of non-bald people to be completely ignorant about baldness to the degree that they practically 'blame' us us for it as if it was our fault or something ... the same way society blames obese people for bieng fat. But as we all here know, this is simply not true. The vast majority of fat people CAN fix their problem; whereas, us bald guys cannot ... at least not without undergoing an hair transplant procedure.

Since everything is so fast-paced nowadays and people make split second decisions about who they like and don't like, especially in the younger age brackets, it is all too easy for people in general to pass judgement on a guy who may be lacking in a particular aspect of personal appearance. (ie - male pattern baldness).

Then, on a 'subconcious' level, a lot of bald men are viewed as "not having pride in themselves" enough to do something about their hairloss, as if we had all the options in the world to deal with it. We don't, but women (and non-bald people in general) think that because we go around looking 'bald' which is often viewed as unnattractive, we do not have any self-respect. And they think "why should I respect/befriend this guy who has no respect in themselves?"

Even if we exude all the 'confidence' in the world, we are still assumed to have NO confidence because of our hairloss.

Thus, I call this "guilty by association" ... in other words, we are assumed to be lacking self-confidence/self-steem even if just the opposite is true. And unless we become overtly cocky/arrogant and/or obnoxious, we will continue to be seen as lacking confidence ... even though we may actually be just the opposite. Everybody likes a winner, and nobody wants to befriend a 'loser' who lacks self-confidence.

But ... this is a double-edged sword. When a NW1 acts confident/arrogant, women like them and say they are attractive alpha males. When a bald guy acts cocky/arrogant, he is seen as insecure and trying to put on a front .. he is seen as trying to be someone he is not.

So, IMO, the trick is:
Be bald, and yet still be considered confident and having self-respect WITHOUT coming off as cocky/arrogant and obnoxious. This is the name of the game for us bald guys. However, it is easier said then done. This is something that I am STILL trying to conquer after going on 2 decades now.

Any guy who says, "Oh man, its not that hard ... bla, bla, bla... all you have to do is bla, bla, bla ... " does not fully understand the depth, difficulty, and implications of this f*cked up problem that all of us *bald* guys face. It is HARD ... VERY HARD to come to grips with, and a VERY hard pill to swallow. Trust me, I know.

You have to realize the things I said above and ACCEPT your baldness and all the CRAP that comes along with it. Until you do this, you will continue to be in denial. You cannot ever accept it until you get out of the denial stage. And for you guys here whom are NW2-ish, you are in a TOTALLY different world as us guys who are NW4 and above. Its a completely different ballgame.

TO: Man in space
Yeah man, I like your ideas. You have the correct mindset.

While SAF may dub himself the voice of reason, it's posts like ^ this that make me want to dub you the voice of reality. This world isn't always reasonable or rational, that is the reality.

Again another post based on the assumption that ALL women are exactly the same, and think in exactly the same way.

 

[s.a.f]

Post your picture. Most likely you are not attractive enough. Remember, 80% of women go for 20% of top guys. Are you one of those 20% top guys? If not, then you aren't getting a woman. End of story.

And the same applies for the other way around, most of the guys on here are just p!ssed because they believe that with hair they'd be getting the hottest women out there.

 

[theangryone]

[quote="s.a.f":r4ks1n1n]
You need to either find less shallow women or if you're looking to pick up girls in nightclub type situations lower your standards.
That is all.

Lowering your standards means being with a woman whom you don't like.

Well we'd all like to be with Angelina and Megan but thats not happening. If a guy approaches a 7 thats because he knows that he probably is'nt going to get a 9.
Thats what the whole human race is doing, why should we think its going to be any different for us.
Wether its because you're short, fat, have a big nose or its hairloss its all the same in terms of attractiveness.[/quote:r4ks1n1n]

What about guys like me that get rejected by 1s? What do we do? You can't really aim lower than a 1.

 

[HughJass]

Being happy to just be on your own trumps consistently pulling women. But that takes some inner work :whistle:

Pissy cliche but I do think it's a pretty special and important thing to obtain and most people miss out and settle for dependency instead.


I blame capitalism. Just because.