Last night I realised what hurts...

[fluffy123]

I was out last night with a few work colleagues for drinks and the subject gets on to a man that one of my work colleagues knows who has alopecia, general comments get made about him losing his hair- nothing particularly nasty just general observations about receding hair etc.

It's then that it hit me, it's this sort of thing that hurts far more than anything that could be directly aimed at me. I felt pretty awkward, smiling along etc but with that deep lying feeling that the others are thinking to themselves 'sh*t we shouldn't be talking about this'. I can't say I've been faced with a direct situation yet but I'm confident I could laugh it off if it was ever needed, hey, at the end of the day, it's one of those things and I feel like I'd reflect that back... but something like I experienced last night is mightily difficult. The point where I'm not annoyed enough to start going on any sort of rant, I'm just very indifferent about it all and not sure whether laughing along makes me seem like I'm in sheer denial and how other people think they've made a big mistake chipping into such a conversation....

Hmmmm...

 

[barcafan]

it is pretty uncomfortable isnt it

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

Yeah.. I fortunatly so far havnt had to many akward situations. I have had a few people notice it but not many.

I see more and more people glancing at my hair though. Bit sh*t. I guess its hypocritical though as to be fair I do look at other baldies. I guess theres nothing wrong with what they do, but its slighty depressing.

I have only ever had a few people comment on my hairloss, my brother, some random guy where i used to work, not many people. no one really cares, seroiusly. But it just makes us less attractive..so therefore we have a right to care.

But what can we do..we're alive, got all our limbs, what the hell.

 

[fluffy123]

hahaha, I've got to admit I've been more observant with people with buzzed hair but obviously doing it because of balding. Looking in a kind of 'he bloody suits that and looks bloody good' way.

As I say, I haven't suffered from anything direct and I reckon I could handle it....publically anyway, it's just when, like last night, it's pretty indirect that it gets rather awkward and I'm not actually sure anyone in our situation knows how it should be handled!

 

[thetodd]

I have a friend who has never been able to get the best of me at anything. I've always been a little stronger, faster, and smarter. So when he starts with the comments about my hairloss, my basic response is, "Okay, let's go shoot a game of pool...or play some basketball...or get in a boxing ring. Either way, I'm going to kick your *** like I always have, thinning hair or not". If anybody make fun of me because of my problem with balding, they better hope they've got something going for them other than just having more hair than I do.

 

[uncomfortable man]

I have a friend who has never been able to get the best of me at anything. I've always been a little stronger, faster, and smarter. So when he starts with the comments about my hairloss, my basic response is, "Okay, let's go shoot a game of pool...or play some basketball...or get in a boxing ring. Either way, I'm going to kick your *** like I always have, thinning hair or not". If anybody make fun of me because of my problem with balding, they better hope they've got something going for them other than just having more hair than I do.

Bald vindication. I like it. What is your take on the obligation for bald men to excel in other areas of their life (body, money, etc) to counter the assumption that bald guys are inferior to full heads?

 

[thetodd]

I have a friend who has never been able to get the best of me at anything. I've always been a little stronger, faster, and smarter. So when he starts with the comments about my hairloss, my basic response is, "Okay, let's go shoot a game of pool...or play some basketball...or get in a boxing ring. Either way, I'm going to kick your *** like I always have, thinning hair or not". If anybody make fun of me because of my problem with balding, they better hope they've got something going for them other than just having more hair than I do.

Bald vindication. I like it. What is your take on the obligation for bald men to excel in other areas of their life (body, money, etc) to counter the assumption that bald guys are inferior to full heads?

A lot of people have to compensate for physical "shortcomings" by excelling in other areas.
Fair?
Nope, but that's life.
I often point out Michael Jordan as a prime example of why people who lose their hair are certainly not genetically inferior. He became a better player after shaving his dome due to the fact that he was already losing his hair. Look at Howie Mandel? He was a comedic has- been until recently. Did shaving his hair have anything to do with it? Doubtful, but it certainly hasn't held him back. Vin Diesel? Jason Statham? Two of the most popular action stars working in movies today. Those guys have one thing in common. They don't stare at the floor when surrounded by people with full heads of thick hair. They don't let their hairloss become a handicap. They simply apply themselves and kick some ***. We could all take a lesson from that.

 

[Nashville Hairline]

I was out last night with a few work colleagues for drinks and the subject gets on to a man that one of my work colleagues knows who has alopecia, general comments get made about him losing his hair- nothing particularly nasty just general observations about receding hair etc.



Hmmmm...

I had something similar about a year ago..a friend of mine who's always been more the ladies man is going thin and was being mocked for it by my other friends. Me being the guy going thin and conscious of being hypocrytical says "I cant laugh along with this" and they stopped the mocking soon after when they saw how annoyed I was.
Basic conclusions were:
1. People are sh*t
2. Mocking in general is the preserve of the guys with low esteems.
3. they mocked him ahead of me cos he's a bigger target to take down

Its so true what we fear most is often what we deride most in others: going bald, getting fat etc. Esteem is a hard thing. It hurts when the guy in the mirror doesn't match the guy we see in our heads.

 

[s.a.f]

Basic conclusions were:
1. People are sh*t
2. Mocking in general is the preserve of the guys with low esteems.
3. they mocked him ahead of me cos he's a bigger target to take down

1. True.
2. No mocking is the preserve of arrogant fucks with high self esteems.
3. They mocked him because his hairloss is obvious while I'm guessing yours is'nt.

Theres a guy I work with who's a NW6 at 30 and he gets ripped mercelessly (example: his nickname is Grandad). Everything always comes back to the fact that he's bald. They seem to be able to link anything this guy does and turn it into a joke about baldness.
Anyway out of all his tormentors one of the worst offenders is a 25yr old NW3, and one day during one ripping session (grandad) who has zero self confidence/esteem gets the courage to actually point out to this guy that he's balding aswell and will probably be bald himself by the time he's 30.
The NW3 just says "well I'm not as bald as you and until I am then I'll continue to rip into you about it".

 

[Nashville Hairline]

Anyway out of all his tormentors one of the worst offenders is a 25yr old NW3, and one day during one ripping session (grandad) who has zero self confidence/esteem gets the courage to actually point out to this guy that he's balding aswell and will probably be bald himself by the time he's 30.
The NW3 just says "well I'm not as bald as you and until I am then I'll continue to rip into you about it".

What an absolute prize c*%$!

Nah the friend I mentioned is roughly the same hair loss as me: NW3 now. I'm pretty sure its cos he's always been better looking and so it'll hit him harder. I equate it with the tabloids pointing it out to Jude Law every time he goes out. Its schadenfreude from the public that he aint pretty no more.

 

[uncomfortable man]

"mocking is the preserve of arrogant fucks with high self esteems."

Thank you for pointing that out, SAF. Whoever came up with the rationale that bullies are really just hurt, scared and insecure inside are just saying that to make the victims feel better.

 

[HatPrisoner91]

1. True.
2. No mocking is the preserve of arrogant fucks with high self esteems.
3. They mocked him because his hairloss is obvious while I'm guessing yours is'nt.

Theres a guy I work with who's a NW6 at 30 and he gets ripped mercelessly (example: his nickname is Grandad). Everything always comes back to the fact that he's bald. They seem to be able to link anything this guy does and turn it into a joke about baldness.
Anyway out of all his tormentors one of the worst offenders is a 25yr old NW3, and one day during one ripping session (grandad) who has zero self confidence/esteem gets the courage to actually point out to this guy that he's balding aswell and will probably be bald himself by the time he's 30.
The NW3 just says "well I'm not as bald as you and until I am then I'll continue to rip into you about it".

A good comeback at that point, which I would use, is that anytime I want to, I could make him a cripple and he couldn't stop me. I would wonder what his comeback to that one would be hah.

 

[s.a.f]

A good comeback at that point, which I would use, is that anytime I want to, I could make him a cripple and he couldn't stop me. I would wonder what his comeback to that one would be hah.

Hmm, unfortunatley grandad probably could'nt make this guy a cripple. And one of the things about grandad is that for some 'unknown' :whistle: reason he is a highly frustrated guy and seems to have a short fuse. They wind him up because they know its easy to get a reaction, which to them is entertaining.

Ps No grandad is'nt me.

 

[HatPrisoner91]

Well step in and tell him to flip out on the guy lol.

 

[qball01]

question...how does "Grandad" keep his hair? Cuz yeah...I can imagine that an unconfident, 30 year old Norwood 6 with his hair somewhat grown out around the sides would attract jokes, especially if he reacts like you say he does. But I imagine that if he fit the typical "bald bad-***" role with a shaved head and a good body (which btw, really isnt such a horrible role to have to try and fit IMO) likely wouldn't face the same disrespect/scrutiny..especially if he was a cool guy to begin with...but then again, maybe not...some people really are just assholes.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Sounds like grandpa could use a "bring your shotgun to work" day. :firing: Teach some of his co-workers a thing or two about sensitivity training in the workplace. :hump:

 

[Smooth]

hehe i like how UM gets all angry about the injustice towards grandpa

 

[s.a.f]

Well step in and tell him to flip out on the guy lol.

I know I should step in and help out a fellow Norwood brother but it would just bring a landslide of sh*t down on me.

 

[s.a.f]

Sounds like grandpa could use a "bring your shotgun to work" day. :firing:

Yeah that scenario has been mentioned before.

question...how does "Grandad" keep his hair? Cuz yeah...I can imagine that an unconfident, 30 year old Norwood 6 with his hair somewhat grown out around the sides would attract jokes, especially if he reacts like you say he does. But I imagine that if he fit the typical "bald bad-***" role with a shaved head and a good body (which btw, really isnt such a horrible role to have to try and fit IMO) likely wouldn't face the same disrespect/scrutiny..especially if he was a cool guy to begin with...but then again, maybe not...some people really are just assholes.

Yes grandad does keep it longer than most NW6's ie about a grade 3. But why should he be forced to be a badass, just to conform to societies predjudices? I'm sure that he's not just an a**h** he's just frustrated and been ground down by the piss taking.

 

[uncomfortable man]

But seriously SAF, doesn't your work have some sort of rule against such malicious behavior in the workplace? It's harassment plain and simple, not to mention counter-productive. It IS unjust and I can only see it backfiring. Everyone hates the bald guy so instead of teaching their employees a little sensitivity training, they instead decide that bald guys don't "work well" at their company and avoid hiring them all together because of the inevitable conflicts. They bend to the status quo, no matter how wrong it is. This reminds me of Dudemons story about failing a big group assignment in class because nobody wanted him in their group. So basically the teacher failed him because he was unpopular. Where are the ethics, I ask?