Oh the joys of going "slowly" bald

[heyitsthatguy]

lol uman anyone can talk tough online whether you'd actually hit someone for bagging you about hairloss...i doubt it. According to you, you'd have to be hitting people all day to cope with all the laughter you get from people.

 

[uncomfortable man]

It's true I get alot of looks, laughter and the occasional comments and it tears me up inside. I have so much suppressed rage it's not even funny, but if someone were to come up and say the things DH said to me, I would snap and the gloves would come off. Weather or not you believe me doesn't matter.

 

[heyitsthatguy]

Ok and fair enough, I can't believe that people could actually do that, imagine the uproar if I went up to a fat girl and was like holy crap your huge (or something similiar). The only difference is that its someones fault if their fat not bald.

 

[qball01]

It's true I get alot of looks, laughter and the occasional comments and it tears me up inside. I have so much suppressed rage it's not even funny, but if someone were to come up and say the things DH said to me, I would snap and the gloves would come off. Weather or not you believe me doesn't matter.

I really don't see how a bald man in his thirties (an age where it is common and acceptable to be bald) faces constant ridicule and rejection due to baldness? Its either mostly if not all in your head, due to other reasons, or because of your baldness...but not BECAUSE YOU'RE bald but because you let the way you feel about it project unto your outer image and you become an easy target....people will ridicule other people who they see are uncomfortable with themselves (as your name clearly suggests) because no offence...it shows that they are weak. Its just a natural reaction on the part of others...if you're gonna perceive yourself as a second class citizen then people will treat you that way...because then you're just one less person that others have to compete with for resources/survival in this world. But I guarantee its not because you're bald! Have you tried shaving your head?...and I don't mean just buzzing it every couple of weeks (because that style still looks balding when the hair grows out after even a few days) but I mean consistently razor shaving it every couple of days? I can almost gaurantee you that you would get either positive or at least neutral reactions...it shows you don't give a f*** and its an aesthetically pleasing look..may not be a full head of hair but no hair is better than some in that case....I've read your posts on this board and I just honestly can't believe that how you see things is the reality. Baldness really isn't that big a deal to other people...people who ridicule other people for something as trivial as hairloss are pathetic, but you let those people matter. And the fact is....I really doubt they DO ridicule you because of the sole fact you're bald....so are millions of other men!

ITs just sad...you have me inclined to believe that I'm in store for a second rate life because I'm gonna be a bald man in my 20's and 30's...its funny that the the thing that has fucked ME up about hairloss personally is seeing how badly it affects others, because it has me believing I can't be any different and have a fun successful life when THEY get ridiculed for being bald.

 

[uncomfortable man]

It is really not as common as you make it out to be. Even at thirty I am still in a minority group that has a negative stigma attached to it. Most people have hair, so regardless of how I feel I will still stand out. I struggle to come to terms with this everyday and some days are better than others but it is those occasions where someone, somewhere puts me down that I tend to get depressed. I see this happening to other bald guys in the rare occasions I see some and I feel like I am watching myself from outside my body. This isn't in my head. And as far as shaving goes, I couldn't trouble myself to go that much further for how little a difference it makes- it won't convince anybody. I prefer to have a little stubble anyway. But anyhow, when you cross that bridge and live life as an nw5 maybe you can let me know if you still think this way.

 

[ali777]

It is really not as common as you make it out to be. Even at thirty I am still in a minority group that has a negative stigma attached to it. Most people have hair, so regardless of how I feel I will still stand out. I struggle to come to terms with this everyday and some days are better than others but it is those occasions where someone, somewhere puts me down that I tend to get depressed. I see this happening to other bald guys in the rare occasions I see some and I feel like I am watching myself from outside my body. This isn't in my head. And as far as shaving goes, I couldn't trouble myself to go that much further for how little a difference it makes- it won't convince anybody. I prefer to have a little stubble anyway. But anyhow, when you cross that bridge and live life as an nw5 maybe you can let me know if you still think this way.

We keep going on about how you have to change your outlook and be more positive. TBH, I can see where you are coming from, but I still don't understand why you let hairloss ruin your life.

Every single post you send to this forum talks about how you are being victimised. I don't think you are being victimised, you yourself behave like the victim. You really have to change that attitude.

 

[s.a.f]

It is really not as common as you make it out to be. Even at thirty I am still in a minority group that has a negative stigma attached to it. Most people have hair, so regardless of how I feel I will still stand out. I struggle to come to terms with this everyday and some days are better than others but it is those occasions where someone, somewhere puts me down that I tend to get depressed. I see this happening to other bald guys in the rare occasions I see some and I feel like I am watching myself from outside my body. This isn't in my head. And as far as shaving goes, I couldn't trouble myself to go that much further for how little a difference it makes- it won't convince anybody. I prefer to have a little stubble anyway. But anyhow, when you cross that bridge and live life as an nw5 maybe you can let me know if you still think this way.

We keep going on about how you have to change your outlook and be more positive. TBH, I can see where you are coming from, but I still don't understand why you let hairloss ruin your life.

Every single post you send to this forum talks about how you are being victimised. I don't think you are being victimised, you yourself behave like the victim. You really have to change that attitude.

Maybe UCman is guilty of having the victims state of mind and looking at the world through pessimistic eyes, but I know exactly where he's coming from.
When you are truely not happy with yourself theres no amount of encouragement or reasoning that can fix you. For him I feel his hair will always be the missing peice of the puzzle.

 

[ali777]

but I know exactly where he's coming from.

I don't think anyone is denying him that right. I do have a sympathy for him, don't get me wrong there. But the fact that he puts himself down remains.

It's very hypocritical of me to give advice to people when I make so many mistakes, but at least his mistakes are easy to see in his posts. He's the only one that can't see them.

 

[Obsidian]

I remember UM making a post that he was always a negative guy even before hairloss so to me hairloss is not his main problem but his attitude towards life in general.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Hmm, keen observation. I realize my attitude isn't doing me any favors and there are people out there who can be accepting of me given that I accept myself, but then again there are always going to be people to whom your personality and confidence level do not outweigh the aesthetic impact of a relatively young nw5. Nothing you can do or say will change their tarnished perception of you. I know it is easy to want to shrug it off and say who cares what anybody thinks, but it isn't until you find yourself literally exposed in these kind of situations to public ridicule by complete strangers on a daily basis that you realize how degrading and difficult it is to be bald in this society. Yes, I know I should struggle to have a more positive outlook as that might make this thing that I torment over matter less, but I also know that I will never be fully ok with my disposition in life.

 

[iwantperfection]

obv baldness is a shitter at most ages but uman i think ur getting to that age where its quite acceptable. I dont mean personal acceptance....but socially acceptable. Most bald guys i know are mid thirties and no one would blink twice. I dont know what is wrong with the americans but where i live baldness is normal. Yeah...young nw6's probs get the shrug off in clubs from the girls and maybe they wud laugh if one tried it on with them but they wudnt walk past one in a uni campus and mock him. That sh*t just doesnt happen here.


I can only imagine to understand umans insecurites and pain. i salute any man that went bald young. Your probs stronger than you think. You only need to look around at some of the fools around here crying over a few lost hairs to know that. Guys keep it real. As someone with minor hair loss (so far) i respect what these guys say....cause they have been there and done it and i will listen.

Just think of it this way...Would Danny Laruso have won the Karate championships if he didnt listen to Mr Miagi???

.......
............. i think not.

 

[s.a.f]

You only need to look around at some of the fools around here crying over a few lost hairs to know that. Guys keep it real. As someone with minor hair loss (so far) i respect what these guys say....cause they have been there and done it and i will listen.

This is the point I'm constantly trying to make.
And the problem with some of us older guys (30's) is'nt being bald now its the fact that they lost their youth to m.p.b.
I have little sympathy for someone who's balding in their 30's 40's but had until then enjoyed a decent head of hair compared to a 40/50 yr old NW6 who's been bald for 20 yrs.

Look at CCS he has a decent amount of hair for his age but it was losing it in his 20's that sent him totally :hairy:

 

[qball01]

I can definitely attest to the feeling of going bald young...I'm turning 21 soon and will have been shaving my head for almost 2 years now...when your hair is so thin that you can't grow it past a level 1 buzz cut without looking like you're 40 years old...it feels really traumatic. You feel like you've had your youth stolen and finding the motivation to get on with your life is difficult because you're so resentful. I've convinced myself things would be SO much different if I could just grow my hair out normally and look like most people my age. Even though I look good with a shaved head...it doesn't change the fact that its not really on my terms that I shave my head....

with that being said...I know the feeling is mainly psychological. When I thought that my thinning would be relatively stable for a while...I was fine with shaving my head...but as I noticed I was losing even more hair...thats when it started to bother me. For no other reason than I could see myself going through a process that I couldn't control, and its really tough. The thing is...no matter how bald you are at a young age....convincing yourself its the difference between a good life with hair and a shitty one without it...is ALL in your head...its an easy excuse to give up...because as much as it sucks...giving up is still the easy way out. IT becomes really easy to say..."I could have a better career and be with better looking women if ONLY I HAD hair..." but thats not true. I really think if you can get to a point of being OK with hairloss then it won't have 90 percent of the affect that it does when you're in denial and resentment over it. And yeah....UMAN...I get where you're coming from, but trust me...if you truly did accept yourself positively...then EVEN IF there were people who judged you because of your hairloss...(and I don't think they are nearly as numerous as you think) then those people would be such a joke to you it wouldn't matter...you would be the one laughing at THEM for being so vein and idiotic...you would probably feel BAD FOR THEM for being so close minded and dumb. I mean really....anybody who is going to view you as less of a person due to a genetic disposition...is just so far from being worth any of your time that its ridiculous...

with all that being said...I sympathize with young hairloss sufferers. I do think that the best option is shaving it all off, because believe it or not...other people don't know what a norwood scale is....its not that noticeable to them...so if you're a bald NW1 or a bald Norwood 5...its not as big a difference as you think as long as its shaved all off....the "Shadow" or lack of shadow is not that noticeable to others...i never used to notice how bald somebody was until it started happening to me. Unfortunately...if for whatever reason you just can abosultely NOT pull off shaving because it looks awful...then yeah, that DOES suck. But maybe you just have to deal with not being an attractive person. There are plenty of people who are unnatractive WITH a full head of hair. It may suck compared to looking like brad pitt but I guarantee you that anybody in this world, no matter WHAT they look like with the right mindset will go far in life...its just that acheiving that mindset is very difficult...and going bald at a young age definitely stacks the odds against you...but it is 90-95 percent a personal barrier and NOT an external issue that causes everybody else to judge you negatively.

I mean really though...doesnt there come a point where you just get tired of feeling like crap about hairloss? I know I'm reaching that point very quickly. I'm just sick of caring...and I'm fighting to get to the point where I legitimately don't care. If I can reach that point then I know things will improve dramatically.

 

[cuebald]

Very good post Qball.
I see so many bald people in higher up positions career wise, it's actually harder to spot a guy with hair that high up. It's really a non-issue (this is in the UK, I don't know what it's like in America, America must be one horror story according to some of the posts on here :shakehead: )

I also know a NW1 who shaves his head - bics it every day, says he can't stand the "shadow" look and would rather be completely slick bald.

 

[uncomfortable man]

That was a good post Qball and I agree with most of what you said. Although it may be stupid or just plain wrong of people to make fun of me for my hairloss, knowing that is little consolation to the suffering and mental/spiritual anguish that they cause. People are like mirrors. They can reflect what you put out, a combination of looks and energy. The way they look at you and react to you is a reflection of yourself. Each mirror is distorted in their own way but surveying this social mirror, one can come to a relatively close understanding of themselves. I am uncomfortable in my skin...I hate the way I look so I'm sure other people pick up on that energy, but then again I only get this kind of treatment when my head is uncovered out in public which leads me to believe they are just reacting to what they can see, rather than what they can feel. Then again I'm sure I subconciously behave differently without a hat on as I do wearing one-more nervous. I've said this before but I am in a cycle that is like- which came first, the chicken or the egg? Are people laughing at me because I am insecure, or am I insecure because people are laughing at me? Which begs the question why are they laughing at me in the first place? The answer is obviously my bald head. But In reality I think it is both. People are put off by the way I look and how I feel about the way I look. I know everyone on here says, then change the way you think or feel but when you see a monster in the mirror, there is no way to just all of a sudden have confidence and feel good about yourself. Either way... being bald is the cause or root of my suffering.

 

[iwantperfection]

uman getting over male pattern baldness surely isnt as hard as getting over kissing a tranny is it??? :woot:

 

[DoctorHouse]

.......and then some of us have BDD and have a hard time accepting changes in how we look................. :innocent: Yet unless you are trying out for a modeling job or a movie/acting career, it should never be an issue. Even as a kid, or now, I would never treat a balding person any different than one who is not. As far as obese people, I see it differently because these people can control their problem more easier than someone who is going bald. I feel obese people( and my dad unfortunately is one of them) are a very sad situation and shows these people have no control in what goes into their mouth. I have "cheat meals" here and there but I still manage to control myself and keep in good shape. The kids today are so obese. I think it would be alot worse if you are both obese and bald. If any obese posters are reading this, no offense but if you watch the biggest loser, losing weight is possible. However, getting your hair back is not so easy.

 

[ghg]

Yeah I have little to no sympathy for obese people, there's few in my family and they're doing f*** all to change the situation. They just keep eating unhealthy foods in large amounts and don't exercise at all, no cardio, nothing. My parents are also very sick, but don't realize that what they eat can have a huge difference in the type of conditions they have (inflammation stuff). I've told them to lay off sugar, starch and wheat and eat more healthy vegetables and fat to control the inflammation, but no, they don't wanna hear about it. They rather eat like sh*t and then pop 5 different pills a day.

 

[ali777]

I feel obese people( and my dad unfortunately is one of them) are a very sad situation and shows these people have no control in what goes into their mouth.

You can't compare being fat at an old age to being fat at the peak of life.

We burn most of the calories we consume, but with old people it's very different. They just have to eat less, or make an effort to exercise more. Their bodies don't burn energy like our bodies.

I've been very much up and down with my weight all my life. I was both a chubby and skinny kid, in my 20s I had a beer belly, etc. If I'm stressed of busy, I can go very long time without eating, losing weight is very easy for me. The heaviest I've been in my adult life was 95kg and the lightest 70kg. I'm about 75kg now, which is ideal for 6'0".

I actually have the opposite problem. I'd like to put on a few kg of muscle weight, but I don't have the patience to hit the gym 3 times a week. I do push ups and stuff at home but it's not the same.

I also agree with ghg... I eat "reasonably" healthy now, eg I never eat white bread or drink coke. White bread is just disgusting, I hate the smell of yeast in supermarket bread.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Being Obese at an old age is worse because their knees go and they care barely walk and have to be in a wheelchair or motorized scooter to go anywhere. When we go places its an embarrassment to have a father that walks like a penguin and has to be wheeled around because he is too fat to walk. I want him to get the bypass surgery but he is too afraid.