Rant of a disillusioned balding man

[tchehov]

Recently I ran into an old girlfriend who, seeing the extent of my hair loss, told me she thought she’d had a lucky escape from me. Cruel? No, I don’t think so.

You need to work on your incredibly low self-esteem. That comment from your ex-girlfriend was incredibly cruel and you need to realize that.

I didn't think it was particularly bad - I've had worse, much worse. I don't know what kind of society you are part of but here, where I am, every physical defect is picked up on. Any weakness is used as an opportunity to gain advantage in social and working situations. Back when I had a full head I regarded those who lost their hair as slightly degenerate individuals. I apologise for that attitude and I'm paying for it. Perhaps there's a little natural justice in my situation. I don't think I have a problem with my self-esteem. I am just a product of the kind of society I live in, unfortunately. The girl told it like it is...

I can't speak to the UK but I'm from the US and have plenty of bald friends. They have never experienced even close to the level of scrutiny that you are describing. There have definitely been instances of it here but no friends of mine have ever experienced anything like that. And it is ironic that people in the UK would care about the physical "defect" of balding hair considering the state of their teeth and oral hygiene.

just kidding

I think the scrutiny comes from being part of a morbidly self-obsessed culture. It's learned behaviour and needs to be unlearned. The same goes for obsessing about hair loss - of course it is better to accept it, sort your treatments and get on with life as best possible, but sometimes...sometimes you just want to let go. That's why I responded to this post. A rant, like he said.

Oh, and my teeth ARE terrible...

 

[Bet24]

Back when I had a full head I regarded those who lost their hair as slightly degenerate individuals.

It's learned behaviour and needs to be unlearned.

...and that way of thinking will have to start inside of you first :wink:, thats is your problem man, you reject yourself.

 

[tchehov]

Back when I had a full head I regarded those who lost their hair as slightly degenerate individuals.

It's learned behaviour and needs to be unlearned.

...and that way of thinking will have to start inside of you first :wink:, thats is your problem man, you reject yourself.

I think that's a slightly unfair editing process but I take your point. I do currently feel estranged from myself. The bald obsessed stranger is taking over my life. You are right, but it is easier and more comforting for me to reject before being rejected.

 

[CCS]

"bald men who can't get women have bad character" --or something like that. That is even worse than calling us baldylocks. This is exactly the type of insult I hate the most. "we don't want to admit we are shallow for turning down bald men, so we will say their character is the reason." There is nothing wrong with my character. I'm a much more compasionate person than Patricia will ever be.

The tiger said it right. The problem is not that bald men are absessed with their baldness, but rather that women are absessed with our baldness.

Someone else made another good point: as long as we are obsessed with getting sex we can't have, we will be more unhappy than we would be otherwise. Not having sex means not having as much fun as you could have or deserve. But for our own self preservation, we need to learn to have fun looking at botanical gardens and museums and going hiking and doing other stuff besides trying to get pretty women. It is really sad that these women don't care if we experience pleasure, but we must make sure we don't deny ourselves the remaining pleasure we can get, such as enjoying a beautiful day instead of worrying about scalp shine.

As for some bald guys getting hot women, height does help a lot. going bald is not the end all. it is about as bad as going from 6'2" to 5'4". I've seen short guys date hot women, but these guys had muscles and hair. You don't have to have it all. You just need two of three things: height (just for advertizing penis size), looks (includes muscles), and hair. Money will help keep a woman by your side or married to you for 2 years and get you laid, but it won't make her think of you sexually.

My plan is apply the best topicals, get in the best shape, rent a car and go to some scenic places by myself, and get a somewhat chubby girlfriend or a girlfriend with acne. So long as she does not gross me out, and has a few physical features i like, that is better than nothing. And if she has enough in common with me, there will be the friendship factor too. We can't just think of the women in terms of what they can do for us sexually. They can be friends in a similar boat as us, though many of them can get out of it easily just by taking care of themself. The bad part about marrying chubby women is if they are lazy enough not to be in shape, then you know they will gain weight all their life and gain 100 pounds during pregnancy. And if they do get in shape, they will dump you.

 

[mu0325]

well the way i look at it i feel bad about it i wish i had full of hair but this is how i was created i can help it so i have to accept myself. otherwise i will be destroying myself and wasting my life punishing myself for who i am. picture yourself as a product of roll of a dice and thats what you get u were not born brad pitt too bad but u have to accept it this is your luck.

i dont know if i am applying this concept to myself i am lone lone lone lame *** i moved to this big city in the US i go to college as full time student and i work part time on friday satuerday sunday no friends no girlfriend...on satuerday night you find me checking this fourm so lame dont you think so ??

 

[tchehov]

well the way i look at it i feel bad about it i wish i had full of hair but this is how i was created i can help it so i have to accept myself. otherwise i will be destroying myself and wasting my life punishing myself for who i am. picture yourself as a product of roll of a dice and thats what you get u were not born brad pitt too bad but u have to accept it this is your luck.

i dont know if i am applying this concept to myself i am lone lone lone lame *** i moved to this big city in the US i go to college as full time student and i work part time on friday satuerday sunday no friends no girlfriend...on satuerday night you find me checking this fourm so lame dont you think so ??

I feel for you. Maybe you'll find some measure of comfort & friendship on this forum.

I am much the same. Since this started I have cut myself off from most of my friends and haven't dated a girl. I think it's quite likely I'll never have another girlfriend. Like the guy above says it's best to cultivate other interests. Sex shouldn't be any more important than cinema, books, theatre etc. There is another world out there, if only we can shed the conditioned thinking that sex is everything.

Mind you, I'd sooner take it all the same...

 

[CCS]

most college kids smoke a LOT and drink a lot on saturday night. you are not missing out there. but there are hot women who don't do this, and you are missing out on them. i'm not just depressed I can't get a hot girlfriend; I'm depressed because i know that even if i regrow my hair and get one, i'll know that she does not love me at all. she only cares what i can do for her and when something out of my control prevents me from pleasing her fully, she'll kick me to the curb. I'd have sex with a woman who was born with polio if she could not get a boyfriend she liked and was doing what was in her power to be healthy. I have less sympathy for fat women because their weight is in their power. even if they have low metabolism, they just need to exercise more and eat less and take a multi-vitamin and get 60g of protein each day. opera pisses me off for complaining on her talk show that guys want women to have impossible bodies. If she would eat healthy during the year, she would not need that starvation diet every new years resolution.

 

[Bet24]

so.... the problem in here is not having sex because your hairloss? ohhh...


maye "SexlossTalk forum" is a better name for this forum



guys guys... dont center your life around women, thats make you weak

 

[tchehov]

so.... the problem in here is not having sex because your hairloss? ohhh...


maye "SexlossTalk forum" is a better name for this forum



guys guys... dont center your life around women, thats make you weak

Equally - don't centre your life around hair loss - that makes you weak.

 

[StoptheMadness]

Someone else made another good point: as long as we are obsessed with getting sex we can't have, we will be more unhappy than we would be otherwise. Not having sex means not having as much fun as you could have or deserve. But for our own self preservation, we need to learn to have fun looking at botanical gardens and museums and going hiking and doing other stuff besides trying to get pretty women. It is really sad that these women don't care if we experience pleasure, but we must make sure we don't deny ourselves the remaining pleasure we can get, such as enjoying a beautiful day instead of worrying about scalp shine.

I have been on this forum for a while now and this is truly a thoughtful post. Amen.

It's so simple, when we bald we look terrible, no? (if your short u can especially kiss your self esteem goodbye). You can look at the world through rose colored glasses and say otherwise but the truth of the matter is balding is a self esteem and social life killer. Unless you are a care free spirit then balding will just kill you, KILL YOU mentally. How many of us are very strong to combat that? I would venture not many, if none at all. There are people on this forum who try to buck you up with positive comments but they have relatively nice heads of hair or are so delusional that they fool themselves thinking they can go out socially and feel free. Bullshit I say. Balding is what it is. Losing your hair IS A f*****g ABSOLUTE. The hair is gone, the scalp looks looks terrible, therefore you look terrible. Why can't we accept this, if it's true. Is it true?

 

[H/B]

CollegeChem, you are clearly an intellegent person, but your words speak volumes. No doubt hairloss can effect our self image and confidence. But it is up to you how long its going to cotinue. We project what we feel iside and women will pick up on this. No woman wan't to be with a vein or weak man. You have already decided your future will be a life of celebacy or fat chicks. You assume the fat chick will leave if she loses the weight. You are already defeated, all inbetween your ears. No denying that hair loss will reduce our options , especially for the early 20s crowd. But it is those who fail to grow and adapt who will suffer most. I know quite a few guys losing their hair and still pull fine women. You know why, because they do not let hair or lack of define them. If hair was a major part of your idenity and you lost it and don't adapt, it certainly is a lack of character.

 

[TAINTED-MEAT]

my momma always said, go big or don't go at all :!:

hey just remember, the bigger the woman the more you get :shock:

 

[Guest]

height (just for advertizing penis size), l

There is no correlation between height and penis size, lol. I can testify to that because I'm 5'9" and..

 

[powersam]

my momma always said, go big or don't go at all :!:

hey just remember, the bigger the woman the more you get :shock:

i think we can all learn something from tainted meat. a prophet of this wasted generation if ever i saw one.

 

[PedroPierrePeter]

Tchehov has understood the sentiments behind my words but alas, many of the other posters on this thread have not. No question, the comments and opinions of other people are hurtful but they don’t cut anywhere near as deeply as the pain of self-loathing. People need to understand that when someone offers moral support or projects positivity towards a troubled person it does very little to appease their mindset. Unless a comment is particularly insightful and resonates with something that pervades their consciousness then a person is highly unlikely to embrace another person’s philosophy no matter how rational it may be. It sounds like a cliché but we’re all on a journey of self-discovery and the only answers that can be found must come from within. Much as this forum is conducive to alleviating some of the isolation associated with balding, it is only a superficial ‘treatment’, a weak medicine if you like.

In reality, acceptance is the only cure for balding as once you commit to Propecia or Minoxidil you are forever a slave to the process. It’s sad and I don’t want to accept it but I really do believe that it’s the key to beating this affliction. The only quandary is the fact that I am nowhere near achieving the afore mentioned state so if I can’t even follow my own logical advice then what hope do I have of rising above male pattern baldness? Very little, I fear. I suppose logic is irrelevant vis-à-vis male pattern baldness as by its very nature, the process is the epitome of illogic. Going bald serves no purpose but to display genetic weakness to prospective mates…a negative sexual display in its crudest form.

 

[Guest]

The balder I get the more I get laid.. Its true and a not bullshitting this!! Am soon 30 and the last girl I plumped was a pre-16 year old hot latina girl fall inn luuuv with me and we had sex like animals for days.. I think about 13-15 sessions in those 3 days..
And she sayd to me "U the only guy I know, soon 30 and still hot!!"

My Schedule:
Next weekend new date (older girl 32)
next week after that a young chinise gir ( 20 y and i have high hopes for this one)
Next month i go to spain for meet a verrry sexy latin-african girl.

My previous girls the last year with hairloss:
A persian girl (23 y)
A cambodian girl (20 y)
A white girl (25 y)
And some 3-4 girls on 1-night-stands

2-3 years before hairloss i really didnt see alot of girls,, dunno why .. maybe i was using to much time styling my hairs or just to much hairs made me look like stoopid gay rednek... I dunno!!

Hairloss rules!!! oBSESSION suCKssSSSS!!!!

Just trying to be optemistic,, actually hairloss is the most traumatic sh*t I been trough but it doesnt show out to be negative on my dating stats!!

 

[Stokes]

well the way i look at it i feel bad about it i wish i had full of hair but this is how i was created i can help it so i have to accept myself. otherwise i will be destroying myself and wasting my life punishing myself for who i am. picture yourself as a product of roll of a dice and thats what you get u were not born brad pitt too bad but u have to accept it this is your luck.

i dont know if i am applying this concept to myself i am lone lone lone lame *** i moved to this big city in the US i go to college as full time student and i work part time on friday satuerday sunday no friends no girlfriend...on satuerday night you find me checking this fourm so lame dont you think so ??

I'm not going to accept it, I am going to get HM.

If I were a christian I would be praying every night for them to break through with trials and have this stuff on the market A.S.A.P.

The only thing that keeps me going is the new technology coming out.

I don't know what is important to you all but what is important to me is to look good and marry a hot and smart girl. Looking good for your job is also important when it comes to promotions and stuff.... Its a proven fact!!

 

[tchehov]

Tchehov has understood the sentiments behind my words but alas, many of the other posters on this thread have not. No question, the comments and opinions of other people are hurtful but they don’t cut anywhere near as deeply as the pain of self-loathing. People need to understand that when someone offers moral support or projects positivity towards a troubled person it does very little to appease their mindset. Unless a comment is particularly insightful and resonates with something that pervades their consciousness then a person is highly unlikely to embrace another person’s philosophy no matter how rational it may be. It sounds like a cliché but we’re all on a journey of self-discovery and the only answers that can be found must come from within. Much as this forum is conducive to alleviating some of the isolation associated with balding, it is only a superficial ‘treatment’, a weak medicine if you like.

In reality, acceptance is the only cure for balding as once you commit to Propecia or Minoxidil you are forever a slave to the process. It’s sad and I don’t want to accept it but I really do believe that it’s the key to beating this affliction. The only quandary is the fact that I am nowhere near achieving the afore mentioned state so if I can’t even follow my own logical advice then what hope do I have of rising above male pattern baldness? Very little, I fear. I suppose logic is irrelevant vis-à-vis male pattern baldness as by its very nature, the process is the epitome of illogic. Going bald serves no purpose but to display genetic weakness to prospective mates…a negative sexual display in its crudest form.

Yes, that’s it. For me Regaine is like cheating- either you’re a normal man and you have intact hair, or you don’t and you are subnormal. The very fact I may have to use a medicine to appear normal means I am not normal. My hair is going-going-gone therefore I am subnormal, a defective being. I would not want to pass these defective genetics on to children. I would not pain a woman to suffer them. If I loved her, she’d deserve better.

Now this is all an extreme form of self-loathing - there are some people who revel in it as a form of attention seeking. Others develop a kind of self-deprecating humour which helps, at times. This Forum is also an outlet but, like the man says, it’s a weak treatment for a deep physical and psychological fissure. In order to alleviate it we need to develop a philosophy of hair loss to accompany treatments. I have no doubt medical science will lick this thing – but without a deeper understanding of why a man can be brought to the point of despair by the simple fact of hair loss there will be no real urgency and I, for one, will continue to regard treatments as cheating somehow.

I want my hair, my own hair, not Regaine’s or Propecia’s. I want to feel whole and I want to say, yes, it’s all mine, and be a fully functioning human being.

 

[Guest]

Yes, that’s it. For me Regaine is like cheating- either you’re a normal man and you have intact hair, or you don’t and you are subnormal. The very fact I may have to use a medicine to appear normal means I am not normal. My hair is going-going-gone therefore I am subnormal, a defective being. I would not want to pass these defective genetics on to children. I would not pain a woman to suffer them. If I loved her, she’d deserve better.

Now this is all an extreme form of self-loathing - there are some people who revel in it as a form of attention seeking. Others develop a kind of self-deprecating humour which helps, at times. This Forum is also an outlet but, like the man says, it’s a weak treatment for a deep physical and psychological fissure. In order to alleviate it we need to develop a philosophy of hair loss to accompany treatments. I have no doubt medical science will lick this thing – but without a deeper understanding of why a man can be brought to the point of despair by the simple fact of hair loss there will be no real urgency and I, for one, will continue to regard treatments as cheating somehow.

I want my hair, my own hair, not Regaine’s or Propecia’s. I want to feel whole and I want to say, yes, it’s all mine, and be a fully functioning human being.

OMG. You can't be serious. Being bald/balding does not mean being defective in any way, you're damn crazy to say that. Balding is just a part of life, nothing more, nothing less. Some people go bald, some don't. Some people are beautiful, the other's aren't. Big f*****g deal. I read that about 45% of 12-40 year old males suffer from hair loss. 45%! That's a lot of "defective beings". It's all in your head and you need to sort it out if you are about to remain sane :hairy: .

 

[PedroPierrePeter]

OMG. You can't be serious. Being bald/balding does not mean being defective in any way, you're damn crazy to say that. Balding is just a part of life, nothing more, nothing less. Some people go bald, some don't. Some people are beautiful, the other's aren't. Big f****ing deal. I read that about 45% of 12-40 year old males suffer from hair loss. 45%! That's a lot of "defective beings". It's all in your head and you need to sort it out if you are about to remain sane :hairy: .[/quote]

You have a relatively ‘normal’ regimen but you still have a dependency on both Propecia and minoxidil. If hair loss didn’t bother you to the same extent that it bothers me then you wouldn’t feel the need to resort to such lengths in an attempt to beat male pattern baldness. I haven’t even taken the drastic step of introducing a cocktail of drugs into my daily routine so I can only imagine that your self-loathing must be worse than mine. Like I said, your regimen is simplistic compared to some on this forum, which frankly are bordering on being preposterous. Nevertheless, I can’t criticise anyone who resides in this forum as it takes courage to face fight this ‘illness’ in the way that many of you are doing. I think I will try minoxidil but I remain very wary of the effect it will have on my life. I would prefer to use Propecia but fear any drug that interferes with the action of male hormones and I also think that the cost of maintaining the treatment is pretty extortionate.