Rant of a disillusioned balding man

[CCS]

hghfdhfd

 

[IBM]

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[tchehov]

Sorry to hear about your sister, College, hope she recovers OK.

I think this thread is getting away from its original intent. It wasn't really about women, more about self-deceit and shame. It was about suddenly finding yourself under the thrall of finasteride and and nizoral and minoxidil, about being dependent on drugs to keep your hair.

When I first went to buy minoxidil at Boots Chemist it was sold 'at the discretion of the Pharmacist.' I brought it to the counter, the pharmacist was called (a rather attractive brunette). I was questioned about who I was buying it for (myself), why I was buying it (Doh!) and how I intended to use it. I was then asked to remove my hat so the pharmacist could confirm my story with her rather sweet green eyes. I told her to shove it. What I am saying is that it's sometimes hard not to feel ashamed of your hair loss if you have to hide it, or you have trouble treating it, or if it brings you to the point of depression. Perhaps the link between hair loss and depression in men is taboo.

As for women, the majority do not find balding men attractive. However, if you have some sort of compensating factor - money, or an extraordinary character, or great humour, or even if you're just one of the tops guys in a particular group of people - then they may decide (and it is a cold, clinical decision) to do you a favour.

Lastly, why do hair loss products have such awful and embarrassing names - I mean, Regaine! Come on. Couldn't they employ Seamus Heaney or somebody to think up a name you'd be proud to say you use?

 

[still_trying]

I always promised myself that if my hair loss became noticable, i.e. regular comments and a diminished ability to style, that i would shave it to a grade 2 and admit defeat. Alas, I think that the time has come and I am resigned, as many of you are, to spend the rest of my life with skin as a 'hairstyle'. I wish it didn't bother me but it does...I find it repulsive. It's like being dismembered or horribly scarred and it warps your self-image. hence eroding self-confidence. I don't feel like me without hair...sometimes I catch sight of myself in a mirror and I'm shocked by what I see. I had a stunning girlfriend and was used to pulling good-looking girls but them days are gone and I'm only 23!

Recently, I went for a hair cut and as usual the barber crucified my hair but to an even worse extent then usual. Having my hair quite short made me realise how terrible it looks as the longer style I'd been maintaining didn't show the scalp or the temples as much. I've been going bald since I was 14 but over the past 2 years it's accelearted markedly, even more so during the last 8 months. I am going to lose every hair on the top of my head and quick...what remains is in terrible condition, lacks pigmentation and grows incredibly slowly. I've just bought a 3 month supply of regaine but I'm scared to start using it cause once you start you can never stop, compelled to apply some awful liquid to your scalp day in day out forever. Part of me feels like male pattern baldness will consume me if I don't learn to accept it but then again, I want hair. Hormonal susceptability has destroyed my body...not only am I losing my hair at a tremendous rate but I'm also hideously hairy, it's an absolute nightmare. I can see it now, I'll shave my head and then everytime I meet someone I haven't seen for a long time, they'll pass comment like it's a joke and old flames will congratulate themselves for severing all ties with me while the going was good. I can't wait!

One question I have concerns Nizoral. This is the only 'product' I've used thus far and if anything I really believe that it's made my hair a lot worse. Does anyone on this forum think that it's possible that Nizoral can invoke a shed?

In all seriousness if you feel that badly about hair loss you need counselling. Speak to your doctor, tell him/her that it is severely affecting your life and you will be passed on to someone to help sort things out.

If you don't, you risk losing your twenties to something that really does not have to make a great difference in your life. Just think of yourself when you get to seventy, and look back on your life. How fuc%ed off will you be if you realise you wasted your youth because of your own feelings about hair loss.

you sound like you need some sort of cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT)...

 

[still_trying]

ok. you've rumbled me.
of course i want an attractive woman but i just dont feel i can get the ones i really want because they'll see i'm bald and not give me a chance.

leaves me 3 choices.

1. find a woman who likes baldies (there are some, i'm told).

2. get rich....women seem to look at you like you had the most luxuriant mop of hair ever.

3. get a toupee

ps got some great little rugs at wigs r us.

choice 4: get an attitude change.

i said this on another post, but if you really want women, check out neil strauss, aka "style", author of a book called "the game"...he can explain to anyone how to pick up chicks. Another similar guy is called "mystery", author of the "mystery method". They are what are called PUAs (pick up artists)...it's a bit of a seedy world, but i'm sure if you take the tips and leave behind the complete obsession these men have for getting women you can do well. I read a bit of the game and found it funny (neil strauss was a professional writer ) and quite informative... see what you think.

 

[CCS]

if it matters to women, it will mean you can't date the pretty ones. you may not care about your follicles that much, but if you could not ever kiss someone you are sexually attracted to, it would eat you up inside.

 

[CCS]

if a social worker wants to get me to stop worrying about my hair, all he/she has to do is find me a girlfriend. of course they can't and won't, and will just say it is my fault somehow, and that there is someone out there for everyone.

yeah, while other guys get attractive women all the time, and it must not be my hair or height or some other physical attribute.

some people suggest that i am self loathing, because i don't think I have much of a chance. well i think guys who put the blame on themself are the self loathing ones. I said it before and I will say it again: not all balding men on this site are alike. some have money, others do not, some are tall, others are short, some have good looking faces, some don't, some have good shaped skulls, others don't, some are in shape, and others are not. The ones with the most attractive other qualities don't need to worry about their hair much. Guys who are closer to the average mark get hurt the most by hair loss because they can only get below average looking women who are settling for them just as much as the men are settling for the women. the most attractive guys have only slightly less favorable odds, but still get pretty women to take home. It is not nearly as crushing on them for that reason, no matter what some of them think. It is like having to eat at subway instead of a 5 star restaurant, and thinking you are more distressed by that than a guy who used to eat at subway, but now has to eat out of the trash. i don't care how good that 5 star is or how used to it you are, you still don't get crushed as bad.

 

[ginald]

thanks for the tip, 'still_trying'.

yeah, i got up that book by strauss on amazon....some good reviews.

ok so we've moved somewhat away from the original thread of pedro pierre, however maybe we haven't. it seems to be that the #1 prob with hairloss is loss of confidence with your looks and hence loss of confidence in attracting girls.

the two go hand in hand....i need some of those devastating chat up tips from 'the game'.

confidence, thick skin and never taking no for an answer will win the day where ladies are concerned, every time.

cheers

 

[CCS]

yeah, lack of confidence is a big problem because it stops you from even trying to get women who you can get, and stops you from putting moves on women even when you are with them.

I disagree about not taking no for an answer, though maybe you did not mean to a full extent. the "no" you should not take for an answer is the fear of rejection when you want to go talk to her or ask if she wantst to get something to eat or flurt with her or put your hand on her back. I prefer to find a new woman rather than chase a woman who said no or won't reply to my email after I send two. but if you've been with her a while, or are still talking to her, you can always try a bit, or go the friendship route and see if she will introduce you to other women.