Reactivated My Dating Profiles, Trying To Be Enthusiastic Without Being Obsessed

[Afro_Vacancy]

Mixed results tonight, but a positive experience overall.

The date lasted ~90 minutes at a restaurant. When we met at the front I thought that she looked nice, she looked as hot in person as in her photos (not guaranteed in general), I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek to start with, I told her that she looked nice and that she had nice hair and she said thank you.

The conversation however was ... somewhat awkward. I think that I'm a bit more intellectual? lol. I would try to get her to speak more and then she'd open up, sometimes. She's a clinical psychologist, I didn't tell her that I see a therapist. I asked her about some of that, and told her some of what I knew about psychology, oh, so she probably inferred it then? lol. I asked her which movies and TV she liked and she said "the usual, Friends, Seinfeld", and also Big Little Lies. In her work as a psychologist she said that she specializes in eating disorders. I did not bring up fasting.

She wasn't interested in going to do something else after. So it looks pretty bad, right?

As we were walking to her car I asked "can I kiss you goodbye?", and she said sure (which surprised me), we made out, and what surprised me even more is that she enjoyed it. She was kissing back, I opened my eyes to look at her and she had this deep, sincere smile, it went on for like 15-20 seconds. She's a terrific kisser actually, just delightful.

The drugs are working on and I'm not used to having so much sexuality. I had forgotten what it was like. My dick was rock hard and it only took a moment. Perhaps that's why she was smiling -- maybe she felt my dick and loved the fact that she was being craved by a man. But really what I should be doing at that point is exploring her a little bit and whispering dirty things into her ear. It will take time to build up those habits.

****************

Separately, a different woman (not previously discussed) had canceled on me last week. We had not met yet, she said that she had met someone that she wanted to get to know better. She disappeared from my matches.

A week later I saw her on the app again, liked her, and then we matched. I then realized that she had not just unmatched me, but actually deleted the app. Do you guys know how I can tell?

Anyway I asked her if that guy disappointed her, and she said yes, she got hopeful too early. And so on. We're now going out for sushi next week.

I think that I have no chance with her, as she is particularly beautiful, 5'9, and has a gorgeous smile, hair, skin, everything. I'll basically be a tourist on that date so I'm probably wasting my time, whatever, might be a learning experience, and at least the sushi will be good.

 

[Exodus2011]

muh boi got the make out

 

[CaptainForehead]

As we were walking to her car I asked "can I kiss you goodbye?", and she said sure (which surprised me), we made out, and what surprised me even more is that she enjoyed it. She was kissing back, I opened my eyes to look at her and she had this deep, sincere smile, it went on for like 15-20 seconds. She's a terrific kisser actually, just delightful.

The drugs are working on and I'm not used to having so much sexuality. I had forgotten what it was like. My dick was rock hard and it only took a moment. Perhaps that's why she was smiling -- maybe she felt my dick and loved the fact that she was being craved by a man.

I'm envious

You had mentioned sometime back that drugs were not working for you, what do you think changed?

 

[IdealForehead]

I'm envious.

You had mentioned sometime back that drugs were not working for you, what do you think changed?

I don't know what Afro is becoming but it's pretty cool. Afro do you feel like you're hitting your stride? All this dating, makeout, and dick success must feel really good for your confidence and self assuredness.

It's great and such a nice change from the usual pace around here. Love it.

 

[Bklyn_23]

They look pretty good actually.

Note that good fashion is only really possible if you're sufficiently thin and high-income.

Form-fitting, $100 shirt:
View attachment 85805

If you're fat, don't even bother buying nicer clothes in my opinion. Maybe head over to the intermittent fasting thread and put it off for 3 or 4 months.

Yup. Having that thin/slender/"European" frame makes you ideal for fashion-maxing. If you're either very fat or very broad in the shoulders/chest, trying to buy stylish/trendy clothes is a nightmare. Every shirt/jacket I buy has to be tailored/tapered or else it looks ridiculously bloated, since I need to get a larger size for it to fit my shoulders/chest. But my shoulder/chest measurements are generally found on people who are taller/much fatter than I am (and I'm 6'1" as it is), so then you have all this floating material around the abdomen and ribcage which needs to be taken in. So every shirt will cost you $90-120 plus another $25-40 in tailoring. Good luck wearing clothes meant for waif-like men when you look more like this:

 

[cantara]

Yup. Having that thin/slender/"European" frame makes you ideal for fashion-maxing. If you're either very fat or very broad in the shoulders/chest, trying to buy stylish/trendy clothes is a nightmare. Every shirt/jacket I buy has to be tailored/tapered or else it looks ridiculously bloated, since I need to get a larger size for it to fit my shoulders/chest. But my shoulder/chest measurements are generally found on people who are taller/much fatter than I am (and I'm 6'1" as it is), so then you have all this floating material around the abdomen and ribcage which needs to be taken in. So every shirt will cost you $90-120 plus another $25-40 in tailoring. Good luck wearing clothes meant for waif-like men when you look more like this:

View attachment 85852

try them: https://camiceriaolga.it/
Shirts start at 55 EUR. Once they know your measures, it‘s a breeze.

 

[Bklyn_23]

try them: https://camiceriaolga.it/
Shirts start at 55 EUR. Once they know your measures, it‘s a breeze.

Thanks! But unfortunately I'm in America. Even if they deliver here I don't think I'd wanna go through the hassle on the chance I had to return something lol. But I guess if I have the measurements down it should theoretically be near-perfect every time. I have a friend who has all his shirts custom made by a local tailor. He just picks out the material/pattern and the guy makes the shirts to his specifications. Maybe that's the way to go.

 

[cantara]

Thanks! But unfortunately I'm in America. Even if they deliver here I don't think I'd wanna go through the hassle on the chance I had to return something lol. But I guess if I have the measurements down it should theoretically be near-perfect every time. I have a friend who has all his shirts custom made by a local tailor. He just picks out the material/pattern and the guy makes the shirts to his specifications. Maybe that's the way to go.

They‘ll also send a sample first and being Italians they know how to avoid customs duties somehow
Impressive frame by the way, I‘m built like a boy compared to you

 

[Bklyn_23]

They‘ll also send a sample first and being Italians they know how to avoid customs duties somehow
Impressive frame by the way, I‘m built like a boy compared to you

Haha @ "being Italians." I'm Italian (American), myself, so I know the type. Thanks for the compliment! I'm happy with my frame (most of which I was born with - I've only been working out for ~2.5 years), but I wish I had more clothing options like my more traditional or slender-framed friends have. I get jealous of how easily they can go shopping and just find multiple outfits which fit well and look good in a short amount of time, mostly because I loathe shopping.

 

[cantara]

Haha @ "being Italians." I'm Italian (American), myself, so I know the type. Thanks for the compliment! I'm happy with my frame (most of which I was born with - I've only been working out for ~2.5 years), but I wish I had more clothing options like my more traditional or slender-framed friends have. I get jealous of how easily they can go shopping and just find multiple outfits which fit well and look good in a short amount of time, mostly because I loathe shopping.

Thanks for providing me with the perfect excuse for not hitting the gym more!

 

[Roberto_72]

View attachment 85804
.... from 1975.

Haha
In fact he is a handsome Jimmy Connors

 

[blackg]

Haha
In fact he is a handsome Jimmy Connors

Hahaha ..

Mate can you tell me when @WhitePolarBear will be back.

 

[DoctorHouse]

I don't know what Afro is becoming but it's pretty cool. Afro do you feel like you're hitting your stride? All this dating, makeout, and dick success must feel really good for your confidence and self assuredness.

It's great and such a nice change from the usual pace around here. Love it.

@Afro_Vacancy is just a late bloomer who is now following in the shadows of people like @shookwun and @JohnsonDDG . I really envy him as he is exposing himself to everything life has to offer. At least he is getting plenty of experience now which builds confidence and competence.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Yup. Having that thin/slender/"European" frame makes you ideal for fashion-maxing. If you're either very fat or very broad in the shoulders/chest, trying to buy stylish/trendy clothes is a nightmare. Every shirt/jacket I buy has to be tailored/tapered or else it looks ridiculously bloated, since I need to get a larger size for it to fit my shoulders/chest. But my shoulder/chest measurements are generally found on people who are taller/much fatter than I am (and I'm 6'1" as it is), so then you have all this floating material around the abdomen and ribcage which needs to be taken in. So every shirt will cost you $90-120 plus another $25-40 in tailoring. Good luck wearing clothes meant for waif-like men when you look more like this:

View attachment 85852

On the other hand, if you look like that women just watch you and drool.

So go spend the extra $40 on tailoring, you're emphasizing a strength by doing so.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I'm envious

You had mentioned sometime back that drugs were not working for you, what do you think changed?

I don't know what Afro is becoming but it's pretty cool. Afro do you feel like you're hitting your stride? All this dating, makeout, and dick success must feel really good for your confidence and self assuredness.

It's great and such a nice change from the usual pace around here. Love it.

The scientist in me says that we need a larger, and more extended sample to be sure.

The drugs are working well and possibly too well. It's now two nights in a row that I wake up in the middle of the night with hard, stubborn erections that many minutes to go away. I will speak to my doctor about lowering the dose.

We can speculate on why the cialis is working better than the v**** did. One is that I might also need the cabergoline, which makes sense as I've also tried cialis before, and I had prolactin levels at the upper end of the normal range. Two, the doctor said that cialis may be better than v**** for someone like myself because one doesn't need to plan. You can just take it every day and allow things to happen when they do, there's no ticking clock which causes stress which is a boner killer. For those unfamiliar, v**** has a half-life of 4 hours, cialis of 18 hours, so the latter can be taken once a day whereas the former should be taken before sex.

The better treatment from women might be due to the beard. What woman most want is masculinity, which our friend @Bklyn_23 for example can emphasize with broad shoulders and chest. Anyway facial hair is an sign of masculinity. I don't have much time though, as there are a few white strands on my chin, eventually I'll have an old man beard.

It is the case though that I'm craving women more (probably due to the cabergoline), and they might be sensing it? The usual mode of women with nerds is that of men trying to suppress their sexuality, which leads to awkwardness and creepiness. For example, the famous "summer glau overhand" convention photos are awkward and creepy, a simple hug would be more comfortable. Circling back to last night, she might have been smiling simply because she noticed that I was erect, and thus enjoyed being craved.

 

[Roberto_72]

You are taking 5 mgs per day and want to go to 2.5?

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

You are taking 5 mgs per day and want to go to 2.5?

I'm taking 7 mg/day, which is ordered from a compound pharmacy. Unfortunately, they come in gel caps so I can't just use a pill cutter.

The cabergoline though comes in pill form, so I can use a pill cutter but realistically only once, as the pills are small.

********

By the way, I think that the three of you are mistaken in banning @WhitePolarBear. I'm in favor of moderators banning people when they see the need to do it, but I think that the default should be temporary bans (30 days, 60 days, etc.). Permanent bans should be reserved for people such as morose vegetables and anybody shilling scam products.

I did not get along with Bear, Rudiger, and Hairblues 100% of the time, in fact I had severe fights with each of them and would have been enthusiastic for temp bans for some of them at times. Perma bans though can undermine the community.

In the case of Bear specifically, he is the most impactful poster of these boards in the past several years. His sharing of life experiences were invaluable and he was willing to discuss things. He could sometimes come off as nuts and perseverate too much on some things, but we all do that from time to time, and on the bright side he was willing to tackle ideas, willing to move forward, and the fact that his views and temperament were evolving meant that he was in fact receptive to new experiences and new thinking.

I hope that you guys reconsider, I think that it would look good on you.

I realize that it's hard to take advice from me. It might be irritating. I'm not a moderator. A few years ago, a different message board asked me to be a moderator, and I declined as I realized that it would take a lot of time and energy. I recognize that you guys have to make difficult lose-lose decisions from time to time, that the job is unpaid, and that you get more grief than gratitude. That said I've contributed a lot here and thus I feel entitled to having and sharing an opinion.

Overall I think that the moderation here is pretty good actually. I just think that temp bans should be the default and I think that cutting off Bear in particular is bad, he's like part of the furniture here. He's articulate, he has substantial life experience, not a sheep, and thus he can't be replaced.

ETA: By removing people's private conversations with him, you're punishing other posters as well.

 

[Bklyn_23]

On the other hand, if you look like that women just watch you and drool.

So go spend the extra $40 on tailoring, you're emphasizing a strength by doing so.

Haha thanks. I do get a good amount of attention, but I don’t know about drooling. Now, if I can take off the 35-40 pounds of fat I have on me in that pic, then maybe. I keep getting down to 235 each of the last few summers, and then instead of continuing to progress and reach my goal weight of ~210-215 by the following summer (20 pounds in a year is easy to do), I end up ballooning back up in the winter to 255-260, which is about what I am in that pic. Rinse and repeat for the past few years. It’s frustrating, but I only have myself to blame. I had gotten up to 310 about 3.5 years ago, so it’s still a net positive for me.

Re: fashion, I’ve just never been very concerned with it, in much the same way I’m not concerned with material things in general. I am very self-conscious and vain (as in “I care a lot about how I look,” not “I think I look better than other people”), but that’s because my physical body/appearance is actually ME, not some ornamentation. My life is lived primarily in my mind, for better or worse.

 

[blackg]

I'm taking 7 mg/day, which is ordered from a compound pharmacy. Unfortunately, they come in gel caps so I can't just use a pill cutter.

The cabergoline though comes in pill form, so I can use a pill cutter but realistically only once, as the pills are small.

********

By the way, I think that the three of you are mistaken in banning @WhitePolarBear. I'm in favor of moderators banning people when they see the need to do it, but I think that the default should be temporary bans (30 days, 60 days, etc.). Permanent bans should be reserved for people such as morose vegetables and anybody shilling scam products.

I did not get along with Bear, Rudiger, and Hairblues 100% of the time, in fact I had severe fights with each of them and would have been enthusiastic for temp bans for some of them at times. Perma bans though can undermine the community.

In the case of Bear specifically, he is the most impactful poster of these boards in the past several years. His sharing of life experiences were invaluable and he was willing to discuss things. He could sometimes come off as nuts and perseverate too much on some things, but we all do that from time to time, and on the bright side he was willing to tackle ideas, willing to move forward, and the fact that his views and temperament were evolving meant that he was in fact receptive to new experiences and new thinking.

I hope that you guys reconsider, I think that it would look good on you.

I realize that it's hard to take advice from me. It might be irritating. I'm not a moderator. A few years ago, a different message board asked me to be a moderator, and I declined as I realized that it would take a lot of time and energy. I recognize that you guys have to make difficult lose-lose decisions from time to time, that the job is unpaid, and that you get more grief than gratitude. That said I've contributed a lot here and thus I feel entitled to having and sharing an opinion.

Overall I think that the moderation here is pretty good actually. I just think that temp bans should be the default and I think that cutting off Bear in particular is bad, he's like part of the furniture here. He's articulate, he has substantial life experience, not a sheep, and thus he can't be replaced.

ETA: By removing people's private conversations with him, you're punishing other posters as well.

I will miss Bear more than I miss Rudiger.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Haha thanks. I do get a good amount of attention, but I don’t know about drooling. Now, if I can take off the 35-40 pounds of fat I have on me in that pic, then maybe. I keep getting down to 235 each of the last few summers, and then instead of continuing to progress and reach my goal weight of ~210-215 by the following summer (20 pounds in a year is easy to do), I end up ballooning back up in the winter to 255-260, which is about what I am in that pic. Rinse and repeat for the past few years. It’s frustrating, but I only have myself to blame. I had gotten up to 310 about 3.5 years ago, so it’s still a net positive for me.

Re: fashion, I’ve just never been very concerned with it, in much the same way I’m not concerned with material things in general. I am very self-conscious and vain (as in “I care a lot about how I look,” not “I think I look better than other people”), but that’s because my physical body/appearance is actually ME, not some ornamentation. My life is lived primarily in my mind, for better or worse.

Yes, I'm having the same problem. I've worked my way down from 245 to 175 long-term, which was great, but I'm now back to 185. I did some really intensive travel between November and March this year, that's a lot of calories eaten (it's good to eat when travelling), and following this I seemed to get sick on each airplane flight that I took, so I could not fast and I could not exercise much.

I took a (shirtless) picture of myself at 170, I showed it to a female friend. She said the worst possible thing. She said "You look pretty good there, you'd have to add a bit of a muscle". So yeah I should get back down to 170-175, argh. My nicest pants also only close comfortably if I'm ~175 lbs.

I'm now back home, and in better health, but ... I have so much work to do, and most dates involve food, and most social activities involve food, plus I have the stress from all of the work, that I can find the time to neither fast nor exercise. This weekend I'm going to NY for four days to visit my cousin's family. They eat large family meals .... lol. At least their meals are low on starch. And so on, the next few weeks are mostly booked solid.