So what do you do in social situations?

[Draco88]

This evening i caught up with 2 friends (who have made subtle remarks about my hair loss in the past), and while they never said anything today, i noticed when they first saw me, their eyes instantly shot up towards my obvious receded hair line (emphasised more so by a recent hair cut), and i noticed how my confidence slowly diminished. I had 'prepared' a come back if they ever said anything now (i could really hurt one of them emotionally since i know how insecure he is, but that would then prove to him that i was affected), but they never said anything, just kept on looking at my receded hairline/temples. I noticed i quickly became a hermit, and wasn't my usual confident self who has never cared what these two think of him.

On the way home, i was wondering..if i can't get any good regrowth, or at the very least, maintain what i have, then i don't know how i'll manage being the same old person with other people (in the future)? Especially tonight, i noticed just how little it takes to break my confidence, and i end up being some quiet guy. How do some of you, who are say NW3+, 'manage' in social situations? Are you over your hair loss? Have you become a hermit? Forced yourself not to care about it all? Changed your personality somewhat?

 

[Boondock]

Man I've had the same thing. I've not really found a solution yet, and it's got worse as time's gone by. It's actually worse when I meet new people than when I'm with old friends - my outgoing-ness has just plummeted.

Haven't found a solution yet, but I'm still working on it!

 

[s.a.f]

Reminds me of when we went for a works night out and invited a guy who had worked with us a couple of years previously.
The reason he was invited was because he was always a good laugh to hang out with. If he came out it was gauranteed that something crazy would happen, and all the women fancied him.
The last time we saw him he had shoulder length hair, but then suddenly he turns up with his head bic'd.
First thing the girls said was "what have you done with your hair"? He just went red and said " Oh its going these days". Anyway he was like Samson without his hair, totally quiet and just stood in the corner for a few hours. I also noticed that whenever anyone came over to talk to him he'd look at the floor and when he spoke his hand would automaticly go up and he'd start stroking the back of his head, this is a classic stress mannerism. After about 3/4 drinks he made his excuses and left - it was about 10.00pm. Needless to say we never saw him again.

 

[DoctorHouse]

For your friends you need to communicate honestly with them and let them know it bothers you that you are losing your hair and trying everything to keep it. See what their reaction is. If they start making fun, tell them you would appreciate if they would not make fun of your situation as it just makes you feel worse and not want to bother with anyone. If they are your true friend they will comply and respect your wishes, if not then just let them know your not going to hang around people who belittle you. As far as strangers, who cares what they think. Communication is something you have to learn is the basis for all relationships whether your just friends or more.

 

[Nene]

I agree with Doctor House. I've told my closest friends about my hair loss how I feel about it. They don't make fun of me or make me feel bad about it ever. Friends are the last people you want to feel insecure around. If they are true friends they will love you anyway.

 

[Boondock]

Reminds me of when we went for a works night out and invited a guy who had worked with us a couple of years previously.
The reason he was invited was because he was always a good laugh to hang out with. If he came out it was gauranteed that something crazy would happen, and all the women fancied him.
The last time we saw him he had shoulder length hair, but then suddenly he turns up with his head bic'd.
First thing the girls said was "what have you done with your hair"? He just went red and said " Oh its going these days". Anyway he was like Samson without his hair, totally quiet and just stood in the corner for a few hours. I also noticed that whenever anyone came over to talk to him he'd look at the floor and when he spoke his hand would automaticly go up and he'd start stroking the back of his head, this is a classic stress mannerism. After about 3/4 drinks he made his excuses and left - it was about 10.00pm. Needless to say we never saw him again.

Man that is some depressing sh*t.

I'm surprised this guy's not on the forum somewhere!

 

[s.a.f]

^ I never thought about that! He could be reading this right now :shock:

 

[Smooth]

Poor guy i can totally relate.
there's nothing you can do in social situation, for some reason a bald guy cant be cool regardless of his age, and any attempt might come across as pathetic (the younger the crowd + the balder the guy, the worse it will be for him) i try to avoid them altogether lately.

edit: before i get flamed by nw1s, im aware its a generalization, i know there are platy of bald guys who can pull it off..

 

[qball01]

Poor guy i can totally relate.
there's nothing you can do in social situation, for some reason a bald guy cant be cool regardless of his age, and any attempt might come across as pathetic (the younger the crowd + the balder the guy, the worse it will be for him) i try to avoid them altogether lately.

edit: before i get flamed by nw1s, im aware its a generalization, i know there are platy of bald guys who can pull it off..

I'm not a NW1...I'm a baldie here...can I still flame you? Just a dumb post IMO and even you yourself went on to edit it claiming that it isn't nearly always the case...

honestly, I want to offer some tips of encouragement here but I feel like any attempt I make at a positive post just gets ignored and cast aside and then the negative, self loathing posts like the one above me and many made by U-man and Dudemon are the only ones people listen to and take seriously...so whats the point?

All I know is that I've encountered far many more nice/receptive people in my nearly 3 years as a baldie than I have jerks...its very possible to have fun in social situations but I'll be told that isn't the case so whatever...making a positive argument on this forum is like trying to argue that Black People are worthwhile human beings...at a KKK rally. Nobody wants to hear it.

 

[Smooth]

yeah, i guess your right, going bald is a great positive experience, just how exactly do you explain the fact hair lose treatments a billion dollar industry again?

 

[qball01]

yeah, i guess your right, going bald is a great positive experience, just how exactly do you explain the fact hair lose treatments a billion dollar industry again?

lol, how much of a child are you? WHEN/WHERE did I say it was a great positive experience?! All I said was in general, when I meet new people they are still more likely to be either positive or neutral to meeting me than they are likely to be complete assholes who lash out at me for being bald. And trust me...I still do often feel self conscious about it when meeting new people but that is the problem with social anxiety...we perplex ourselves over what negative sh*t could happen instead of just going with the flow and realizing our minds are often just working against us...PLENTY of people have trouble in social situations, and these include good looking people with full heads of hair...TRUST me...a LOT of people have difficulty in social situations and are often worrying about what others will think of them. There is no individual law or rule for these things, it all depends on the individual in question...Remember G-boys thread? That is a perfect example...a man with barely any visible hair loss who is convinced nonetheless that hairloss is the cause for his misery and his poor social experiences. saying something like "a bald guy cant be considered cool no matter what" is just f*****g stupid. Its such a dumb generalization and its the type of thinking that will just make you miserable if you actually believe it. Stop underestimating how powerful our minds are...and how negatively our lives can be made by having disempowering beliefs such as "I'm bald so people will hate me"

and THAT is why the stupid hairloss industry makes so much money. For the same reason that the plastic surgery and cosmetic industry as a whole makes so much money...because we become convinced that our identity lies SOLELY in the way we look....we get fed bullshit by advertising that we aren't complete unless we look a certain way...and we start to look for happiness and fulfillment in external factors instead of having faith in ourselves that we are enough as we are. At the end of the day, I don't care what millions of people are doing....if most guys are so insecure over hairloss that they can't see themselves living life without hair then so be it...I'll find inspiration in the minority of bald guys who CAN accept themselves as bald men and subsequently find acceptance by others (and by others, I mean the type of people who really matter...not surface level, superficial idiots).

Like I said...f*** what everybody else is doing! Millions of people also watch bullshit TV shows like The Hills and think that Lil Wayne and Young Jeezy are the best rappers alive...and think that Oprah is the greatest woman alive, etc. I could give a f*** what millions of others people think/do. If I don't believe it, then thats all that matters to me. This world isn't about being accepted by everybody! Because not everybody is going to click with you! (Even celebrities who are loved and revered by millions and millions of people also have millions of other people who hate their guts.) Its about having faith in yourself and your abilities, finding your niche and then flourishing within that space. And if others don't like or accept that then f*** THEM! f*** THEM! They don't matter then! sh*t...I've been that way most of my life as well...I used to need acceptance from everybody, but I've realized THAT IS NOT THE WAY! If you're being the best self you can possibly be and are putting yourself out there in a positive way with the intention of making other people happy and feel good as well....then anybody who doesn't like it or is still an a**h** to you should be considered MEANINGLESS. Live up to your own standards, not other peoples'!

 

[sadscalp]

Poor guy i can totally relate.
there's nothing you can do in social situation, for some reason a bald guy cant be cool regardless of his age, and any attempt might come across as pathetic (the younger the crowd + the balder the guy, the worse it will be for him) i try to avoid them altogether lately.

edit: before i get flamed by nw1s, im aware its a generalization, i know there are platy of bald guys who can pull it off..

I'm not a NW1...I'm a baldie here...can I still flame you? Just a dumb post IMO and even you yourself went on to edit it claiming that it isn't nearly always the case...

honestly, I want to offer some tips of encouragement here but I feel like any attempt I make at a positive post just gets ignored and cast aside and then the negative, self loathing posts like the one above me and many made by U-man and Dudemon are the only ones people listen to and take seriously...so whats the point?

All I know is that I've encountered far many more nice/receptive people in my nearly 3 years as a baldie than I have jerks...its very possible to have fun in social situations but I'll be told that isn't the case so whatever...making a positive argument on this forum is like trying to argue that Black People are worthwhile human beings...at a KKK rally. Nobody wants to hear it.

Good post, and completely spot on. Some of the people here have already made their minds up, and if you so much as dare to utter a positive word they will stop at nothing trying to bring you down to their miserable level. Because as we all know, misery loves company.

But then again, according to dudemon I'm only a 23 year old NW3 with significant thinning who buzzes his hair all the way down. What the hell do I know?

 

[Draco88]

Thanks for your responses everyone.
^^dudemon; i thought a hair transplant was the ultimate 'fix', or close to a 'solution' for hair loss? Kinda sucks to hear that it doesn't do anything at all.

s.a.f; that's quite a sad story, and it just reminds me of random bald guys i'll see in a bar, or on the street, and you can see it in their eyes that they're insecure about it..

The reason he was invited was because he was always a good laugh to hang out with. If he came out it was gauranteed that something crazy would happen, and all the women fancied him.

I'm this 'type' of guy amongst my friends..i always know how to make them laugh, or just have a good time with them. Kinda makes everything sink in more, sadly.

For your friends you need to communicate honestly with them and let them know it bothers you that you are losing your hair and trying everything to keep it. See what their reaction is. If they start making fun, tell them you would appreciate if they would not make fun of your situation as it just makes you feel worse and not want to bother with anyone. If they are your true friend they will comply and respect your wishes, if not then just let them know your not going to hang around people who belittle you. As far as strangers, who cares what they think. Communication is something you have to learn is the basis for all relationships whether your just friends or more.

I actually agree with you here. Since you're right, if they are real friends, then they'll understand and most normal people would understand.


qball01:

Its about having faith in yourself and your abilities, finding your niche and then flourishing within that space. And if others don't like or accept that then f*ck THEM! f*ck THEM! They don't matter then! sh*t...I've been that way most of my life as well...I used to need acceptance from everybody, but I've realized THAT IS NOT THE WAY! If you're being the best self you can possibly be and are putting yourself out there in a positive way with the intention of making other people happy and feel good as well....then anybody who doesn't like it or is still an a**hole to you should be considered MEANINGLESS. Live up to your own standards, not other peoples'!

I agree with your points qball01, but it all just comes down to how i or anyone else with hair loss, feels. I hate that i'm losing my hair and i can see how slowly my confidence is deteriotating as a result..i don't care what others think, or how i'm seen, but i do care how i look and losing hair affects my confidence very much.

 

[Boondock]

I agree with your points qball01, but it all just comes down to how i or anyone else with hair loss, feels. I hate that i'm losing my hair and i can see how slowly my confidence is deteriotating as a result..i don't care what others think, or how i'm seen, but i do care how i look and losing hair affects my confidence very much.

This is the main thing for me. If I get ribbed on my hair loss it feels bad because I agree with the people doing the ribbing: it does look bad. It's more about how I feel than what others feel, because I genuinely hate the look on me and that permeates all my interactions. You can't just switch it off.

 

[Nene]

Dudemon, why do you say some people like you need 60% density?

 

[Boondock]

Dudemon, why do you say some people like you need 60% density?

Hair characterisitics:
fine hairshaft diameter + straight hair + light color hair + fair skin + bigger head. ...and a few other things such as scalp laxity, and head shape...all these things are variables that can +/- the density requirement to achieve the illusion of a full head of hair.

(A bigger head will require more grafts, which has the same effect as requiring more density, and the Norwood region is larger, even though a NW5, for example, is a NW5 regardless is on a small head or big one. But on a smaller head, a NW5 will take less grafts, as a NW5 with a larger head)

Surely bigger head means bigger amount of donor?

 

[Nene]

Dudemon, why do you say some people like you need 60% density?

Hair characterisitics:
fine hairshaft diameter + straight hair + light color hair + fair skin + bigger head. ...and a few other things such as scalp laxity, and head shape...all these things are variables that can +/- the density requirement to achieve the illusion of a full head of hair.

(A bigger head will require more grafts, which has the same effect as requiring more density, and the Norwood region is larger, even though a NW5, for example, is a NW5 regardless is on a small head or big one. But on a smaller head, a NW5 will take less grafts, as a NW5 with a larger head)

Surely bigger head means bigger amount of donor?

Exactly. It's all about proportions, if someone has a small head, that means their donor will also be smaller, they're not in a better situation.

edit: Also, you have light hair and fair skin, I thought this was a good combination.

 

[Boondock]

Exactly. It's all about proportions, if someone has a small head, that means their donor will also be smaller, they're not in a better situation.

edit: Also, you have light hair and fair skin, I thought this was a good combination.

Aye, light hair is normally cited as good for hair transplants. I've even seen some people dye their hair post-hair transplant to get this effect. Dark hair + pale skin is probably the worse combination.

However, I have to say I generally agree with Dudemon on this. When I go on the Hair Restoration Network forums I sometimes feel a little like I've stepped into SlyBaldGuys. There are stacks of people with hair transplants that genuinely look terrible, and people saying "looks great bro, it's only 12 months still early days!" And these are the people who've been to good surgeons.

IMO, NW5+ only looks good if you're an older guy and you're happy to go with the wispy, thin, high hairline look. To be fair, this looks age-appropriate if you're 40+. For people my age, though, it's unlikely to look 100% natural. Again, it depends what you're expectations are...it may look better than the bald pate. And again, it's worth saying there are always exceptions.

I even fear for some people who feel that because they're on finasteride everything's fine. We all know that for some, finasteride starts to wane in its effectiveness after 5+ years. If you're getting a hair transplant at 25, that leaves you a lot of time to hold on.

 

[Draco88]

I even fear for some people who feel that because they're on finasteride everything's fine. We all know that for some, finasteride starts to wane in its effectiveness after 5+ years. If you're getting a hair transplant at 25, that leaves you a lot of time to hold on.

Deep down inside, that's how i have felt ever since i started propecia, that everything is 'ok'..i hope that i can, at the very least, maintain what i have for some 5 years and hopefully look into a hair transplant after that..

IMO, NW5+ only looks good if you're an older guy and you're happy to go with the wispy, thin, high hairline look. To be fair, this looks age-appropriate if you're 40+. For people my age, though, it's unlikely to look 100% natural. Again, it depends what you're expectations are...it may look better than the bald pate. And again, it's worth saying there are always exceptions.

Nicely said.

 

[Boondock]

Deep down inside, that's how i have felt ever since i started propecia, that everything is 'ok'..i hope that i can, at the very least, maintain what i have for some 5 years and hopefully look into a hair transplant after that..

If you're one of those for whom it works continuously, or if new tech comes out, you might be able to do just that. Even if it begins to wane after a while, you'll eventually begin to approach the age where the thin/whispyish hair transplants will look age-appropriate.