So what do you do in social situations?
- Thread starter Draco88
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Neil Straus may have been a NY times writer...but thats not AS impressive as you all may think. He even says that before he learned "the game" he would go on these big tours with the rockstars he was covering and didn't get any play. Plus, he didn't "own" a mansion...he lived in it along with all the other pua guys but that isn't the reason either...its not like he just went up to girls trying to show he was a celebrity.
The reason a 5'6, scrawny bald man learned how to do well with women is because unlike many of us (including myself at this point) he was willing to accept responsibility for his interactions with women and face countless rejections until he got it right...like saf said, he learned female psychology and what makes them tick. But the key is...he was WILLING to go out and get it right...and face a lot of rejection until he did get it right. If he failed, his mindset wasn't "if only I wasn't short and bald she would have liked me" it was "I wasn't able make my personality and charm shine enough to mitigate the other factors." He learned what it took to connect with women and how to basically just be a chilled, relaxed, interesting guy who appealed to women on a level that was based on more than just looks. Bottom line is that he was willing to do what it took to get better and the day he stopped making excuses like "I'm too bald, short, skinny, etc." is the day he started to dramatically improve his chances. The other key is, he learned how to sexually escalate with women and get them in a "sexual" mindset. I remember an interview of his where he says "don't mistake interacting with women for intimacy." Basically, that means that you can go out, talk to women, generate interesting conversation but fail to spark any attraction...then when she leaves you'll be left saying "gosh...it IS because I'm bald." But the reality is...you failed to physically escalate. That is a big issue...most people on this board have the midnset that "If I touch a girl in a sexual way shes gonna scream EEEEW...BALD RAPIST as loud as she can." So they don't even take charge. Regardless of what guys think about how women just magically come on to all men with Norwood 1's...the truth is, its still the GUY's responsibility to lead the interaction with women and make her feel horny and wanting to go beyond just talking and chit-chatting.
that is bullshit though....first impressions may have some validity...but they ARE NOT set in stone by any means...people can easily change their perception of you once they get to talking to you. That's how life works...try telling me that you've never changed your initial perception of somebody shortly after meeting them.
But you're missing the point about confidence...true confidence starts with yourself. It isn't about getting people to have a positive perception of you, its about having a positive perception of your SELF that supersedes what other people think of you. It's having knowledge and trust in your own worth as a person that doesn't need the approval of others. True confidence is saying "I know I'm a worthwhile guy who brings something valuable to this world and to other people....and in the event that other people don't see that for whatever reason (if they happen to see my baldness as a negative) then they clearly aren't at the level I am at and I don't care about them. I'm not striving for people's approval, I'm just striving to be my best self regardless."
The fact that some people may perceive you negatively based on a physical trait you can't control does not negatively reflect on baldness itself...it exposes the egotistical ignorance that is rampant in this world and among people...I think that lies at the crux of many people's issues here...we need to understand that this world is full of ignorant, shallow people....the same people that may judge you negatively because you have a genetic trait you can't control (baldness, shortness, ginger hair, etc.) are in many instances the same people who watch The Hills and TMZ....go on Perez Hilton all day, gossip about worthless celebrities and generally behave like little brainwashed consumers. People like that should not matter to you (I know its a lot easier said than done). When you cower behind your baldness because of what people like that think then you're not doing a service for the good of the world...you're letting the ignorance and egoism of brainwashed people affect how you feel about yourself and you're not giving yourself enough credit as a valuable human being. Understand the "problem" doesn't like with you, it lies with THEM.
The reason a 5'6, scrawny bald man learned how to do well with women is because unlike many of us (including myself at this point) he was willing to accept responsibility for his interactions with women and face countless rejections until he got it right...like saf said, he learned female psychology and what makes them tick. But the key is...he was WILLING to go out and get it right...and face a lot of rejection until he did get it right. If he failed, his mindset wasn't "if only I wasn't short and bald she would have liked me" it was "I wasn't able make my personality and charm shine enough to mitigate the other factors." He learned what it took to connect with women and how to basically just be a chilled, relaxed, interesting guy who appealed to women on a level that was based on more than just looks. Bottom line is that he was willing to do what it took to get better and the day he stopped making excuses like "I'm too bald, short, skinny, etc." is the day he started to dramatically improve his chances. The other key is, he learned how to sexually escalate with women and get them in a "sexual" mindset. I remember an interview of his where he says "don't mistake interacting with women for intimacy." Basically, that means that you can go out, talk to women, generate interesting conversation but fail to spark any attraction...then when she leaves you'll be left saying "gosh...it IS because I'm bald." But the reality is...you failed to physically escalate. That is a big issue...most people on this board have the midnset that "If I touch a girl in a sexual way shes gonna scream EEEEW...BALD RAPIST as loud as she can." So they don't even take charge. Regardless of what guys think about how women just magically come on to all men with Norwood 1's...the truth is, its still the GUY's responsibility to lead the interaction with women and make her feel horny and wanting to go beyond just talking and chit-chatting.
Boondock said:
that is bullshit though....first impressions may have some validity...but they ARE NOT set in stone by any means...people can easily change their perception of you once they get to talking to you. That's how life works...try telling me that you've never changed your initial perception of somebody shortly after meeting them.
But you're missing the point about confidence...true confidence starts with yourself. It isn't about getting people to have a positive perception of you, its about having a positive perception of your SELF that supersedes what other people think of you. It's having knowledge and trust in your own worth as a person that doesn't need the approval of others. True confidence is saying "I know I'm a worthwhile guy who brings something valuable to this world and to other people....and in the event that other people don't see that for whatever reason (if they happen to see my baldness as a negative) then they clearly aren't at the level I am at and I don't care about them. I'm not striving for people's approval, I'm just striving to be my best self regardless."
The fact that some people may perceive you negatively based on a physical trait you can't control does not negatively reflect on baldness itself...it exposes the egotistical ignorance that is rampant in this world and among people...I think that lies at the crux of many people's issues here...we need to understand that this world is full of ignorant, shallow people....the same people that may judge you negatively because you have a genetic trait you can't control (baldness, shortness, ginger hair, etc.) are in many instances the same people who watch The Hills and TMZ....go on Perez Hilton all day, gossip about worthless celebrities and generally behave like little brainwashed consumers. People like that should not matter to you (I know its a lot easier said than done). When you cower behind your baldness because of what people like that think then you're not doing a service for the good of the world...you're letting the ignorance and egoism of brainwashed people affect how you feel about yourself and you're not giving yourself enough credit as a valuable human being. Understand the "problem" doesn't like with you, it lies with THEM.
s.a.f
Senior Member
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Oknow said:
Ok so lets better those odds and say that 10% of women are attracted to him, then what are the odds that he'll be attracted to them or that of the women he is attracted to how many will fall in that 10 %? In short he could have to hit on dozens of different women just to find one where there is mutaul attraction.
Just looking at it realisticly.
s.a.f said:
even great looking guys will tell you its a numbers game....not all women will be interested REGARDLESS of what you look like. But the whole theory behind learning game with women is that you learn how to generate attraction even in those women who wouldn't have been attracted to you before based on how you look. The fact that women are so emotioanl plays well into men's favour because if you can learn to push the right emotional buttons you can generate attraction where it wouldn't have existed before. With men, its a lot harder to become attracted to a woman they don't find attractive right off the bat than it is for women to change their mind about a man. We're lucky in this regard...but in the end, it does come down to numbers...how badly do you want it? Are you willing to face countless rejection until you learn what works?
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s.a.f said:
Well thats the big trick isn't it? You just dont know who is, and who isn't attracted to you! Sometimes I wish life would be easier if we had magic glasses which basically stamps the person on the head with an "I am attracted sign" (bit like XRay vision)
More importantly in those 10%, I am sure it is SAFE to say,you will get some attractive women into you.
What probably ends up happening, the bald/balding guy gets initimidated by her, so doesn't work past the INITIAL stages of attraction with her by downplaying it. So, doesnt get her and then blames his looks for not getting her. Turns into a self fulfilling prophecy.
BrightonBaldy
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Bit of a nightmare today, met a guy I used to be friends with years ago.
He was working on a shop till, even though he was there and in his late 20's with some horrible chain uniform on and I was standing on the right side of the counter dressed even smarter than usual for work (was interviewing people this afternoon, normally suited up but had to go all out today), he was still instantly able to put me on the back foot by mentioning I looked good but with no hair.
It was the very first thing he noticed, the second thing he mentioned and was what he looked at the whole time.
It's easy for me to tell myself than he hasnt progressed a jot in work since and his life obviously hasnt worked out too well, and to take satisfaction in that, but I seriously dont want to be that kind of person, its not as if I'm a millionaire so I'm in no position to lord it over somebody who is poor. The convo we had was straight forward and covered the usual ground, its exactly the kind of interaction I tend to swerve away from.
Looking at this post already, it looks asthough I'm heading the way of the twats I work with who love to flash their watches or car keys at women or other blokes who arent doing well for themselves.... comes with the sales territory, everybody has to be a big swinging go-getting tosser, I've written more about me having a better job than him than I have about how sh1tty I felt about his mentioning my lack of hair.
social situations are to be AVOIDED.
He was working on a shop till, even though he was there and in his late 20's with some horrible chain uniform on and I was standing on the right side of the counter dressed even smarter than usual for work (was interviewing people this afternoon, normally suited up but had to go all out today), he was still instantly able to put me on the back foot by mentioning I looked good but with no hair.
It was the very first thing he noticed, the second thing he mentioned and was what he looked at the whole time.
It's easy for me to tell myself than he hasnt progressed a jot in work since and his life obviously hasnt worked out too well, and to take satisfaction in that, but I seriously dont want to be that kind of person, its not as if I'm a millionaire so I'm in no position to lord it over somebody who is poor. The convo we had was straight forward and covered the usual ground, its exactly the kind of interaction I tend to swerve away from.
Looking at this post already, it looks asthough I'm heading the way of the twats I work with who love to flash their watches or car keys at women or other blokes who arent doing well for themselves.... comes with the sales territory, everybody has to be a big swinging go-getting tosser, I've written more about me having a better job than him than I have about how sh1tty I felt about his mentioning my lack of hair.
social situations are to be AVOIDED.
SummerOf2010
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I was reading thru some of the responses here and a couple of things occured to me. I know the points i am about to try to make may not seem relavent to the OP but I felt so bad hearing how depressed some of you feel that i wnated to offer some practial perspective.
1) finasteride: I know you all dont want to hear this ....but finasteride does reak havoc on your endrochronolgy. hormones like testostorin estrogin and many metabolites of DHT. I know you were all told that finasteride only blocks DHT, and that the only thing DHT is good for is making you go bald....but its really beginning to look like that is a gross oversimplification. I mention it becase the depresssion here on this thread is out of line with what is "reasonable" regarding something which is bascially asthetic.
the relavence here is: the depression here could be hormonal
2) Wearing Hair: Most of the people on this site who have not ever worn hair have all sorts of wisdom regarding what the experience is like. Years ago I wore hair and I shagged hundreds of women. I wore hair in the 80's in my rocker days, and eventually did not lose alot of sleep wondering whether or not I got "detected". I wore extensions in the back, integration on top (pulling my own hair thru), ultra thin glued on cap, and even full cap toupee at one point. Making a great first impression and having a great look far out weighed the chance that some person behind my back might be saying "did you know that his hair isnt real". After a few years it became second nature to me and i was not self conscious at all. I did execute it during a relocation and job move, and it was not 100% without its issues. I know this thread has nothing to do with this....but its just that I see these gloomy alternatives like being a hermit versus wearing a hat and what not....just thought i would throw it out there.I would be very happy to elaborate on all this if anyone is interested.
3) These references to the so called PUA community: have you read these guys M.O? They (by their own admission) are advocating going into pickup bars 4 to 5 hours per night 5 to 6 nights per week...and FOCUSING! on picking up women and then they will say : "hey its only June and Mysterio has allready bedded 6 women this year" (or whatever) . They also dont drink, which allows them to complety exhaust a room and then drive somewhere else and begin again fresh. My point is: They aren't doing anything so special...they are just being persistant.
Anyway, this post reflects some of whats going on with me and I thought others could benefit. I did use finasteride and it F**ked me up. (and i have lab work to prove it) I did wear hair, and allthough it was a pain, i did get laid ALOT! and if you see some of my other posts in the other sections, I am on the fence as to whether or not to wear hair, or try a hair transplant myself. Its all just my opinion, and I am very conflicted at times and constatnly contridict myself.
May own hair is currently "Larry from the 3 stooges" but I have at times destroyed it to completly bald (dye, perm, extensions etc....1980's)
1) finasteride: I know you all dont want to hear this ....but finasteride does reak havoc on your endrochronolgy. hormones like testostorin estrogin and many metabolites of DHT. I know you were all told that finasteride only blocks DHT, and that the only thing DHT is good for is making you go bald....but its really beginning to look like that is a gross oversimplification. I mention it becase the depresssion here on this thread is out of line with what is "reasonable" regarding something which is bascially asthetic.
the relavence here is: the depression here could be hormonal
2) Wearing Hair: Most of the people on this site who have not ever worn hair have all sorts of wisdom regarding what the experience is like. Years ago I wore hair and I shagged hundreds of women. I wore hair in the 80's in my rocker days, and eventually did not lose alot of sleep wondering whether or not I got "detected". I wore extensions in the back, integration on top (pulling my own hair thru), ultra thin glued on cap, and even full cap toupee at one point. Making a great first impression and having a great look far out weighed the chance that some person behind my back might be saying "did you know that his hair isnt real". After a few years it became second nature to me and i was not self conscious at all. I did execute it during a relocation and job move, and it was not 100% without its issues. I know this thread has nothing to do with this....but its just that I see these gloomy alternatives like being a hermit versus wearing a hat and what not....just thought i would throw it out there.I would be very happy to elaborate on all this if anyone is interested.
3) These references to the so called PUA community: have you read these guys M.O? They (by their own admission) are advocating going into pickup bars 4 to 5 hours per night 5 to 6 nights per week...and FOCUSING! on picking up women and then they will say : "hey its only June and Mysterio has allready bedded 6 women this year" (or whatever) . They also dont drink, which allows them to complety exhaust a room and then drive somewhere else and begin again fresh. My point is: They aren't doing anything so special...they are just being persistant.
Anyway, this post reflects some of whats going on with me and I thought others could benefit. I did use finasteride and it F**ked me up. (and i have lab work to prove it) I did wear hair, and allthough it was a pain, i did get laid ALOT! and if you see some of my other posts in the other sections, I am on the fence as to whether or not to wear hair, or try a hair transplant myself. Its all just my opinion, and I am very conflicted at times and constatnly contridict myself.
May own hair is currently "Larry from the 3 stooges" but I have at times destroyed it to completly bald (dye, perm, extensions etc....1980's)
s.a.f
Senior Member
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^ Yawn another propecia scaremonger.
Yeah its pure poison thats why 1,000,000's of men worldwide are taking it. They're all trading impotence and man boobs for hair I guess?
Please just because you dont want to use it dont spread fear amongst the whole forum 1000's of guys on here are taking it with no sides, and yet you think that your one experience is the ultimate proof?
I know people who think that this drug has literally saved their lives.
Yeah its pure poison thats why 1,000,000's of men worldwide are taking it. They're all trading impotence and man boobs for hair I guess?
Please just because you dont want to use it dont spread fear amongst the whole forum 1000's of guys on here are taking it with no sides, and yet you think that your one experience is the ultimate proof?
I know people who think that this drug has literally saved their lives.
SummerOf2010
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You guys are to funny! A man whos beded down hundreds of women, while wearing hair, points out that that these "world renouned "so called pickup" artists have nothing that you dont have except "a plan", ..posts a bunch of useful (and reasonably uplifting) info....and what do we hyperfocus on......drum roll please: in the beginning of my post, I had the audacity to suggest that a drug designed to effect your endrochronoloy might just be effecting your endrochronology.
I posted it beause some of the posts sounded estrogen-y to me, and I know what i went thru on finasteride and YES: even after stopping.
That wasnt the main point I was trying to make though. One thing that can be helpful when considering wearing hair, is be true to yourself. When you say "people" and "social situations"...don't we mean "women" and "sex"? In my case I am not really concerened if the clerk at 7-11 thinks I'm a rightous dude or not. I want to be able to make that impression on a women in that first 5 seconds when shes decideing wheather or not I'm do-able or not. Do we really care if some jerk at work or some neighbor is lauging about us behind our backs? Also: people are not in constanat communicatin with one and other. IF one person in a bar notices your "wearig a system", they are not inclined to go telling everyone else.
Anyway ...its all just my opinion. i figured id post becase im way older thatn most of you (almost 50) and I have worn hair, and I had no issues with women...although the maintenance can be a pain.
Sorry to the OP if I took this in a different or wrong direction.
I posted it beause some of the posts sounded estrogen-y to me, and I know what i went thru on finasteride and YES: even after stopping.
That wasnt the main point I was trying to make though. One thing that can be helpful when considering wearing hair, is be true to yourself. When you say "people" and "social situations"...don't we mean "women" and "sex"? In my case I am not really concerened if the clerk at 7-11 thinks I'm a rightous dude or not. I want to be able to make that impression on a women in that first 5 seconds when shes decideing wheather or not I'm do-able or not. Do we really care if some jerk at work or some neighbor is lauging about us behind our backs? Also: people are not in constanat communicatin with one and other. IF one person in a bar notices your "wearig a system", they are not inclined to go telling everyone else.
Anyway ...its all just my opinion. i figured id post becase im way older thatn most of you (almost 50) and I have worn hair, and I had no issues with women...although the maintenance can be a pain.
Sorry to the OP if I took this in a different or wrong direction.
bigentries
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What is wrong with that?BrightonBaldy said:
That is not only true for successful bald, short, ugly guys.
I've seen plenty of big managers in companies I've worked in that were the handsome, young looking, and still loved to show everyone their trophy wives, the big ranch they had, the new car they bought
sergiotahini
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I dread the day when I get the first "wow, you're losing your hair!" comment. I am definitely less social since I discovered I was balding a year ago. Sucks. 
captain_que
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putting this in my posts. there.
BrightonBaldy said:
Man i think you misinterpret things tbh
Sadly, OF COURSE someone's going to notice you've shaved/slicked your head - we look at peoples heads/faces primarily (naturally) so if someone had changed their hair drastically you will notice it just like you'll notice a huge shift in someone's weight.
So yeah, his comment shouldn't come as a surprise. Just because someone mentions it doesnt mean its negative. Secondly just because someone doesn't mention it doesn't mean they aren't thinking it anyway.
In this case the guy was probably impressed with you suited up and probably thought very little about your hairloss other than saying you look good....if he really cared (or thought id was actually a deal for you) he wouldn't have said anything. People will remark on things, mainly innocently. Noone will ever say "wow you've got fat" because they know its never a compliment but hairloss, well, people dont' realise or think about it like us guys do if he said you look good he meant it. Even when people be negative most of the time they dont think you care because its not as big of a deal as we often think.
Avoid social situations? What's that going to achieve? If you're bald you're bald f*** it that shouldn't affect normal life . Just because you avoid things doesnt change anything so you might as well embrace it. You'd be surprised how far you can get with a good attitute
"At the end of the day we can play on the only string we have and that is our attitude"