So what do you do in social situations?

[Draco88]

^^That's what i'm hoping for.

 

[uncomfortable man]

I wear a nice hat.

 

[Draco88]

^^REcently, i've stopped wearing my hat, since i found people/friends came to know me as some guy who wears a hat and i don't want to be attached to it so much.

BTW, I got my first hair transplant when I was 33 years old. I have spent the last 8 years basically as a hermit ever since.

You sound like an interesting guy though plus you're 41 now? I thought it wouldn't matter as much at that age..

 

[superfrankie]

I wear a hat. I dont want it too be like this but unfortunately its the only solution to melt in with all the other so called human beings. The alternative is to remove the hat and get stares/gazes, like Im an alien from outer space visiting earth. There are VERY few people I feel human around. I hope my ship come and save me from this planet very soon.

 

[qball01]

I wear a hat. I dont want it too be like this but unfortunately its the only solution to melt in with all the other so called human beings. The alternative is to remove the hat and get stares/gazes, like Im an alien from outer space visiting earth. There are VERY few people I feel human around. I hope my ship come and save me from this planet very soon.

The entire reason you see yourself like this though is because you've set up a "me Vs them" mentality. I don't get why people do this, just because they're bald. The fact that I happen to have hairloss and a shaved head doesn't make me "different" from my peers in my mind...or at least not in a negative way. I understand that while I may stand out by this virtue to some people and therefore attract some looks (and I don't place any judgment from what these looks mean because I can't read minds...they may in fact be curious glances rather than harsh judgmental ones), the majority of people really aren't noticing me as anything special or out of the ordinary. If you can learn to not view yourself as different from others in a fundamental way (as in...recognize that despite being the rarity with no hair you are still equal to others and most won't give a f*** what you look like if you act like a cool guy) then you won't see yourself as some sort of alien and you won't feel like you stick out as much.

Seriously...in cases like this, the MAJORITY of discomfort is created by the person him/herself. Its classic social anxiety...you feel alienated from others, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You have to realize that the "difference" created by your bald head is just an arbitrary one...the same way some people are tall, black, skinny, etc...you just happen to be bald. Don't see it as a bad thing or an indication that you're "lesser" than others....you just happen to be somebody who was susceptible to a common condition at a young age...don't judge that as anything...its just a fact. Its not a good or bad thing its just how it is....the vast majority of people really aren't out in this world to alienate you and make you feel like you suck, but if you feel that way about yourself it sure as hell will seem like it.

Seriously...the more time goes on, the more I'm starting to buy into this whole "belief creates reality" thing. And it goes hand in hand with boondocks post...its why some people feel completely at ease with being bald (such as the members on slybaldguys.com) and why others like yourself and U-man feel completely alienated and ostracized from the rest of society. In the former case...they have positive beliefs about having a bald/shaved head and thats why they report mainly positive feelings and experiences. In your cases, you have negative beliefs about yourselves and baldness, and you therefore internalize your experiences as such...instead of seeing the world as a friendly place you see people as malicious and "out to get you and make you feel inferior." It starts with your BELIEFS though...its all in how you see things.

These things apply for situations of all kind...it really has nothing to do with baldness itself, but the hair loss can definitely be a strong trigger.

 

[Thickandthin]

What a fantastic post, qball.

 

[Smooth]

I wear a hat. I dont want it too be like this but unfortunately its the only solution to melt in with all the other so called human beings. The alternative is to remove the hat and get stares/gazes, like Im an alien from outer space visiting earth. There are VERY few people I feel human around. I hope my ship come and save me from this planet very soon.

Dude, i get gazed at and stared all the time in collage :S needless to say i hate it , wasnt like this all the time, just lately when my hair loss became severe... thats mainly why i stay away from people, specially young ones.

 

[decadeoflosing]

I can give an advice here. Try to not REACT or get PISSED. Even though you feel like killing the person who does pass the comment, stand up for yourself and look straight back in the eyes.

You can always politely point some flaw back in them, something like...yea atleast I dont have an ugly face etc like you...or hair or no hair, you shall look ugly either ways...pick on fat guys for their weight...short guys for their height...b****s for their butt...

If your best friends mock u about your hairloss, remember you can never be best friends without insulting each other. No one wants sad *** friends.
The reason your friends dont invite you is because you are in your shell, not cheerful because of baldness fear...and no fun anymore.

Finally, remember ...you are not the only one in the world going bald in your friend circle...millions of guys in the world are in the same boat...!!

 

[VoteForPedro]

GOD...what a depressing forum/thread this is.

 

[BrightonBaldy]

Correct, horrible thread.

The truth is that neither extreme has it right, of course the world isnt out to get us but also it isnt the case that all our problems are solely in our heads.

It makes us uglier, nothing else, it all depends on how important we value our looks and how we view those who judge us by them.

When I'm out in social situations I try and stay cool, never get in peoples faces when joking around, as soon as they mention being bald I'm defenceless. As long as I know within myself I have nothing to prove and no need to impress, I'm fine. I very very rarely make the first move with women too, you will meet them in the right circles eventually, its hard to avoid unless youre hanging out with total nerds tho.

In more intimate social situations, like when theres folk round playing cod or watching the football, its 100x harder. We do all we can to rip on the tv people, when a bald guy makes a mistake or theres a bald ref, it gets awkward as nobody wants to say it. I hate that I avoid those situations now, in the past they would make up 3/4 nights of my week.

Being bald is sht, but it could be worse.

 

[barcafan]

i usually end up staring at the ground and making yelping noises

 

[superfrankie]

Dude, i get gazed at and stared all the time in collage :S needless to say i hate it , wasnt like this all the time, just lately when my hair loss became severe... thats mainly why i stay away from people, specially young ones.

I really believe in this "belief creates reality" thing that qball mentiones. BUT, in some cases, especially in this situation, the belief is not enough. By just believing that Im are a perfectly normal looking 22 dude in the perspecitve of an equally young girl is not going to change the fact that they will look at me in a strange way. We may have more control than we think over different scenarios . However, I just dont feel that is the case here.

The first impression people get from me is something I dont feel I have control over. Because they do not see my inner qualities from the start. They just see my special appearance for my age. You get judged even before you have said something. Im talking about the first seconds when meeting a stranger. Ofc, a strong masculin body posture etc can help with this to project confidence. But even though I have a brad pitt fight club body, it does not solve everything.

The next step is to stop feeling a need for approval of others. Especially when it comes to looks. Its hard though since confidence often mean getting positive feedback from people regarding your looks. Its a continues cycle that are reinforcing someones confidence and self-esteem. Fortunately it is possible to get that somewhere else. Being a Wayne Rooney is one example. Or a Moby. Not being a model, but achieve great things in life.

 

[superfrankie]

As long as I know within myself I have nothing to prove and no need to impress, I'm fine. .

Maybe the single most important attitude to have, when it comes to being succesful with women. Because it does not project desperation which is an instant attraction killer.

 

[epictetus]

I've become a recluse, and I've mostly given up on women.

Guys with hair have shut me down on various occasions when I was having some success with women by pointing out my balding head in front of them. They didn't even like them; it was just to reinforce some primate hierarchy where bald men are on the bottom.

At my age (33), women are starting to come apart, and I'm sure some who'd ignored me before would give me the time of day if I'd become their meal ticket. There's many who need some sap to raise their alpha male children.

 

[Vanzzzz]

I do not understand why some bald men cannot find a female companion while others like neil strauss picks them up so easily.

TBH, i do not find him to be terribly good looking as well. Is there something he has that we lack?

 

[Smooth]

I've become a recluse, and I've mostly given up on women.

Guys with hair have shut me down on various occasions when I was having some success with women by pointing out my balding head in front of them. They didn't even like them; it was just to reinforce some primate hierarchy where bald men are on the bottom.

At my age (33), women are starting to come apart, and I'm sure some who'd ignored me before would give me the time of day if I'd become their meal ticket. There's many who need some sap to raise their alpha male children.

heading same path here, im starting to look into buying brides online, ill pm you my list of top 5 sites up2date....hell, maybe we can arrange one of those "2 in the price of 1" deal :dunno: ha? ha? howbout that? int: int:

 

[Boondock]

I do not understand why some bald men cannot find a female companion while others like neil strauss picks them up so easily.

TBH, i do not find him to be terribly good looking as well. Is there something he has that we lack?

How about being a best-selling author, having celebrity contacts, and owning a mansion in LA?

The bald look also suits him.

 

[Oknow]

I do not understand why some bald men cannot find a female companion while others like neil strauss picks them up so easily.

TBH, i do not find him to be terribly good looking as well. Is there something he has that we lack?

How about being a best-selling author, having celebrity contacts, and owning a mansion in LA?

The bald look also suits him.

A friend of mine has a terrible receeding hairline; it actually looks terrible on him - and he is developing a bald spot. He has it long,so doesn't look very tidy.

The other night, we were out - and he was much more social then me. He was hitting on every girl, and actually I admired the guy, he was very entertaining. He even made a mockery out of it "look at me I am balding. I am taking these pills to prevent me from losing my hair".

The girl however, was into me and not him:

"OkNow you look so sexy tonight - I like your style. Just perfect." Heavily touching me, resting my arm on my shoulder kept repeating "sexy boy". Whereas behind his back she was like:

"Why is he so crazy"

I know for a fact if I acted that crazy (cos I have done so in the past), it's a no issue. I have hairloss, but right now it can be easily hidden,and even if people notice it, it does not look severe.

Baldness is bullshit. I dont understand why scientists have not really made a real effort to cure it, it contributes to so many problems and affects so many people - depression etc.

As brutal as it is looks do help, but that shouldnt stop you from making something out of yourself - a bald successful man will always have more respect than a bald man with nothing going for him.

 

[s.a.f]

I do not understand why some bald men cannot find a female companion while others like neil strauss picks them up so easily.

TBH, i do not find him to be terribly good looking as well. Is there something he has that we lack?

Well (apart from everything boondock mentioned) he's an expert at female psychology, which not every guy can be. And I dont care whatever sales pitch he uses to sell his books I'm guessing that he does'nt get the kind of success that people think.
Game or not there's a percentage of women out there who just would'nt be attracted to him.

 

[Boondock]

Great post by OKNow, and I also agree with everything saf said there. Neil Strauss almost certainly exaggerates his success (which isn't that impressive anyway; I know people who aren't top authors with LA mansions who've had more success than him).

Truth is that this negativity to baldness is the only reason I defend hair systems as a last resort. They won't fool people forever, but they can (done correctly) at least allow you to make a better first impression. The trouble with baldness is you often don't get the chance to do that, and no amount of 'confidence' will change someone's mind about you in the first minute you meet them.