Staring down strangers...

[DoctorHouse]

Have any of you ever encountered this situation before? I seem to encounter it quite often. I'm standing in line at a store, or sitting at the bar, and from across the room I catch someone staring at me - maybe it's my odd appearance?

Instead of brushing it off, I stare right back at them, making eye contact. At this point it becomes pretty stand-offish, which is bizarre, because the person is a complete stranger. But I feel like, if they're staring right at me, I'm allowed to stare right back at them.

It either continues for an uncomfortable amount of time before one of us looks away, or has sometimes led to verbal confrontation.

Maybe it's normal to get stared at, and I'm over reacting? Is it just me?

You have to look at it from a "gay" point of view and a "straight" point of view. If the person's gay, you obviously knew why he was staring at you and I would take it as a complement as he thinks your good looking. However, if its a straight guy and his stares at you, he may be jealous of you for some reason, thinks he knows you, or he might be a straight person who is "in the closet". :woot:

 

[uncomfortable man]

saf, no offense, but you're in your 40s right? not sure you can really relate.

I'm 34 so yes back in the when I was young we were too occupied with defending our land from viking invasions. Baldness of course had'nt been invented then. So I cant relate to anything to do with modern society. :roll:
Infact I dont even own a tv and still get around on my penny farthing . :jackit:


Heres me back in the good old days (1995)

wtf you have internet but no tv???

and why would you waste your time riding those tall slow bikes if you could get a modern day one?

Another brilliant sarcastic remark by SAF, fallen on dumb ears. :shakehead:

 

[HatPrisoner91]

But you know what?....by the end of the summer, I'll let my hair grow to about 7-10 days of growth....(or however long you think I should to guarantee the "bald man being persecuted effect) then I'll Bic my scalp in a Norwood 5 pattern so I look noticeably balding and I will spend a day downtown walking around and going into stores and I'll let you know...I can almost guarantee you that I won't feel nearly anything close to the amount of persecution that you THINK you get for being bald....

you just need to get over it and realize that you're giving YOURSELF way too much credit for thinking people really notice or give a f*ck that you're bald...but if you really do think so then I'll do my experiment...I'm dead serious

It's different when you can change it and you know it's not the look you have for the rest of your life.

 

[HatPrisoner91]

Anyway...can't argue with someone like you. You are far too gone as it stands right now.

As a moderator, I don't think it's fair if you get into this sort of discussion as you can and do sever threads when you felt like it. That doesn't make the discussion an even playing field.

 

[HatPrisoner91]

To be honest, it goes both ways.

1) Sometimes people stare at you for those reasons. To be a tough guy, that they think you are attractive or NOT attractive.

2) But some people don't even realize they are staring. I've done it. I'm not even starting. I zone out and my thoughts are elsewhere but it looks like I am staring.

 

[qball01]

But you know what?....by the end of the summer, I'll let my hair grow to about 7-10 days of growth....(or however long you think I should to guarantee the "bald man being persecuted effect) then I'll Bic my scalp in a Norwood 5 pattern so I look noticeably balding and I will spend a day downtown walking around and going into stores and I'll let you know...I can almost guarantee you that I won't feel nearly anything close to the amount of persecution that you THINK you get for being bald....

you just need to get over it and realize that you're giving YOURSELF way too much credit for thinking people really notice or give a f*ck that you're bald...but if you really do think so then I'll do my experiment...I'm dead serious

It's different when you can change it and you know it's not the look you have for the rest of your life.

thats not the point. The point is to see if I really do experience such negativity from others throughout the course of the day like Uman says.

And I pretty much do have to look bald for the rest of my life barring a cheap miracle cure, but as for having to look like I have a horseshoe...nobody HAS to have a grown out horseshoe...there are people who razor it every day to avoid that...even having it grown out for 5-7 days leaves enough hair to make the balding quite apparent (think of 5-7 days of facial hair growth compared to clean cut) but luckily you dont HAVE to have a visible horseshoe if you don't want to.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Anyway...can't argue with someone like you. You are far too gone as it stands right now.

As a moderator, I don't think it's fair if you get into this sort of discussion as you can and do sever threads when you felt like it. That doesn't make the discussion an even playing field.

Cassin is a moderator but he is also an equal forum member as well and he has a right to voice his opinion too. I think Cassin does a very well job balancing moderating and being a human being who likes to voice his opinion once in a while. I do not think Cassin is going to ban someone just because he does not agree with their opinion like I have seen on other forums. HP, you should not even worry about things like that, you have your plate full with enough problems dealing with your situation. Although some of your comments can be quite bitter, I still welcome you will open arms and always respect what you have to say.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Yes, we can shave it down to reduce the horseshoe but we can never get rid of it. We will always have that vacuous space above our forehead where a hairline (or even a hint of a hairline) should be. When people look at your face, they subconciously expect to see some boundary to frame your face and keep the attention on your face...but with baldness their eyes don't stop where they should and they go straight up to the bald spot, every time. Qball, you have to make it look like your really bald, so you need to really disguise whatever shadow you may have left in the horseshoe area. Maybe a little makeup to make you look slick skin up there....and post pics!

Good to see HP posting again.

 

[HatPrisoner91]

Cassin is a moderator but he is also an equal forum member as well and he has a right to voice his opinion too. I think Cassin does a very well job balancing moderating and being a human being who likes to voice his opinion once in a while. I do not think Cassin is going to ban someone just because he does not agree with their opinion like I have seen on other forums. HP, you should not even worry about things like that, you have your plate full with enough problems dealing with your situation. Although some of your comments can be quite bitter, I still welcome you will open arms and always respect what you have to say.

But the way he is commenting at UCMan. If UCMan responded in that same tone, the thread would be closed. So he is kind of treading a fine line you know?

As for me, I have barely been posting bro.

 

[qball01]

Yes, we can shave it down to reduce the horseshoe but we can never get rid of it. We will always have that vacuous space above our forehead where a hairline (or even a hint of a hairline) should be. When people look at your face, they subconciously expect to see some boundary to frame your face and keep the attention on your face...but with baldness their eyes don't stop where they should and they go straight up to the bald spot, every time. Qball, you have to make it look like your really bald, so you need to really disguise whatever shadow you may have left in the horseshoe area. Maybe a little makeup to make you look slick skin up there....and post pics!

Good to see HP posting again.

but man...I'm telling you that people really don't notice the little shadow or lack thereof...I remember I never used to differentiate at all. The contrast between the shadow and the scalp when its razored down is really only noticeable to people who obsess over it, such as you and myself. I can notice it now, but thats only because I know what to look for. The fact is, if I shave the scalp and leave the sides grown out, nobody will notice that tiny little dots of barely visible stubble...ESPECIALLY in contrast to the noticeable amount of hair on the sides and the back. Like I said...the only way that people will really notice how bald a bald head is, is when its oily and shiny (but you can reduce that).

I just think its dumb because you're acting like somebody can still be considered good looking if they Bic their head as a Norwood 2 or Norwood 3...but once that tiny little bit of stubble disappears then they become unattractive? You really think that for example, the many women who DO find Chris Daughtry good looking know, or care HOW bald he is?

I'm not denying there is a difference between a thick Norwood 1 who buzzes with no guard and a bic'd Norwood 6, and even that isn't a huge difference. But when you're comparing a razor'd down Norwood 2 or 3 and a razor'd down Norwood 6 the only person who will notice is the guy himself or other obsessed bald guys...you need to realize I'm right on this one. Look at somebody like Ami James, hes nearly as bald as they come, shaved all the way and he still looks great. Its not about the hairline...its about the head shape and facial features that make bald look good or not.

as for the face framing argument...a lot of the time a little facial stubble will make a big difference because it adds back some character to the face when the hair is gone.

 

[DoctorHouse]

Cassin is a moderator but he is also an equal forum member as well and he has a right to voice his opinion too. I think Cassin does a very well job balancing moderating and being a human being who likes to voice his opinion once in a while. I do not think Cassin is going to ban someone just because he does not agree with their opinion like I have seen on other forums. HP, you should not even worry about things like that, you have your plate full with enough problems dealing with your situation. Although some of your comments can be quite bitter, I still welcome you will open arms and always respect what you have to say.

But the way he is commenting at UCMan. If UCMan responded in that same tone, the thread would be closed. So he is kind of treading a fine line you know?

As for me, I have barely been posting bro.

I honestly don't think Cassin's intention are to be condescending towards UM. I think he just wants people to "wake up" and realize you cannot base your whole life or in some cases lack of a life on you hair loss or bald head. Most people really don't care about that as long as you are nice and respectful to them. I think he only locks threads that go totally off topic from the original subject matter of the thread, and if he finds the original author of the thread is no longer participating in their own thread. I think he also jumps in and closes a thread to prevent useless pages of flame wars that waste space and time on this forum and are totally pointless and unresolvable. If its of no benefit to the forum members why have it wasting space on here. I know this place can quite entertaining with some of these flame wars but thats why we have television with soap operas, Jerry Springer, and movies for that. I truly don't think any forum member is "out to get" any other forum member. I think we are ONE big family with alot of DYSFUNCTION and for some that includes BDD. Its nice we have each other to lean on. I think this forum is full of the best forum members than any other forum. I think once in a while, Cassin or even s.a.f. like giving their own "dose of reality" to some of the most dysfunctional cases on here in efforts to help them "get on" with their miserable and depressing lives. I know alot of poster who are no longer on here. Obviously maybe some "dose of reality" helped them move on and now they have happier lives even without hair. I grew up with alot of bullies and I was always the victim because I was too nice. This forum is comforting because to me, I see no bullies. Its nice to feel apart of place where everyone is in the same boat, they don't like what they see in the mirror and they want help dealing with it. Unfortunately, too many on here measure who has it worse when they don't realize there is always going to be someone else who has it worse. I just am thankful we have this forum. HP and UM, If I ever met you, I would prove to you, even with a full head of hair I could turn people off with a bitter, miserable attitude and if you, with a bald head, were charming, confident, and positive would steal all the potential relationships I might have scored (even being at an advantage with having a full head of hair) away from me.

_________________

 

[Cassin]

Anyway...can't argue with someone like you. You are far too gone as it stands right now.

As a moderator, I don't think it's fair if you get into this sort of discussion as you can and do sever threads when you felt like it. That doesn't make the discussion an even playing field.

Oh hush.

The only time I close a thread is when it turns into petty bickering and turns useless.

 

[qball01]

...I'm not denying there is a difference between a thick Norwood 1 who buzzes with no guard and a bic'd Norwood 6, and even that isn't a huge difference. But when you're comparing a razor'd down Norwood 2 or 3 and a razor'd down Norwood 6 the only person who will notice is the guy himself or other obsessed bald guys...you need to realize I'm right on this one. Look at somebody like Ami James, hes nearly as bald as they come, shaved all the way and he still looks great. Its not about the hairline...its about the head shape and facial features that make bald look good or not.

as for the face framing argument...a lot of the time a little facial stubble will make a big difference because it adds back some character to the face when the hair is gone.

Women will notice the difference, and they will reject a NW6 who shaves it down, versus a non-balding guy who shaves it down - everything else being equal.

Why? If the woman desires a guy with hair some time down the road and gets tired of her "head-shaver" boyfriend, the non-balding dude still has the ability to grow all his hair back and will still be a considered a mate. The NW6 is S.O.L. is this situation.

Because of that situation, a portion of society will reject the NW6 for that reason (for being "less desirable" to women), at least on a subconcious level. The NW6 has to work harder to prove to the superficial portion of society (which makes up an astronmonical number of people, btw) that he is still equal to non-balding dudes - minus the hair. If anybody in that bald guy's social group contests, or thinks that the bald is inferior, the bald NW6 is once again, S.O.L. and will be treated as "lesser" of a man, than a non-bald would be treated. Because of his obvious difference to the rest of the guys in the group, others will only hear about him being a "loser" and assume it is because of his hair loss, even if the reason why he is considered a loser doesn't have anything to do with his male pattern baldness.

The difference that the non-bald is always given the benefit of the doubt, at least on a subconcious level, where the bald NW6 has to prove themself that they are "worthy" and just as "happening" as everyone else.

If the bald NW6 doesn't choose to go the extra mile and impress poeple that they are "worthy" every time he encounters a new group of people, in new social situations the NW6 will automatically be lumped into the "loser" category, and regarded as a dork, dweeb, etc...who has allowed his hairloss to ruin his life. He will be looked down upon, and not respected.

Non-balds are not subjected to these types of social things involving hair loss. Neither are NW1's and 2's who have only experienced a "taste" of the full force of male pattern baldness.

ok I'll respond to this later...but just wondering what other people think of this post....is there slight merit to it or could it be one of the most skewed/odd perspectives I've ever heard in my life?

also the original issue had to do with the look...like if a woman finds a razor shaved Norwood 3 attractive, she'll find him repulsive when hes a razor'd down Norwood 5 or 6 because there is no longer a faint hint of light stubble....sounds almost ridiculous saying it out loud because people are thinking about themselves way too much to notice subtle differences on others. Its like a girl thinking people will find her repulsive if she goes from long brown hair to shorter hair with blond highlights...most of the time I don't even notice when girls get haircuts and there isnt much an attractive girl can do to her hair short of getting a RADICAL haircut (like a mowhawk) to make herself completely unnatractive....I agree that I prbly like the look of a buzzcut better than a fully shaved bald head, (although the feel of a bic'd head is soo much better) but the DIFFERENCE is not enough to warrant the type of thoughts that somebody like Uman or Hatprisoner has just because they're completely bald as opposed to having a bit of stubble to...the problem is in their head, not what ISNT on top of it.

anyways, you have raised some interesting points on social dynamics with your post, I'd be happy to refute/debate them later on...the short version of my argument being that you're right about having to prove yourself to new people...maybe more so if you're bald, but that pretty much applies to almost EVERYBODY who isn't visually perfect (about 98 percent of people). Even if a Norwood 1 comes across as weak or socially akward he'll get treated as such by others.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Yeah Q, you should hold out on your criticism until you are done with your experiment. Don't forget to ask the girls what they think of your new hairdo. Hit on them if you have to. I can't wait for the results. If it is really not as bad as you say it is then why are so many guys afraid to become bald? WHY? You'll find out soon enough.

 

[s.a.f]

Q you cant say that a hairline (or an outline of one) does'nt make a difference it clearly does.
[attachment=1:2pfiu9mn]thinning07.jpg[/attachment:2pfiu9mn]

You cant say this guy would'nt benefit from having a hairline like below.

[attachment=0:2pfiu9mn]6a00d8341bfa3f53ef00e54f0b10dd8833-640wi.jpg[/attachment:2pfiu9mn]

 

[DoctorHouse]

Wentworth Miller, the guy in the second picture has a great hairline but unfortunately he has a bald spot forming in the back of head but he does not seem to care as he still wears the buzz cut even though his show Prison Break has ended. But what does all this hairline talk have to do with staring down strangers?........................ :whistle:

 

[uncomfortable man]

Wentworth Miller, the guy in the second picture has a great hairline but unfortunately he has a bald spot forming in the back of head but he does not seem to care as he still wears the buzz cut even though his show Prison Break has ended. But what does all this hairline talk have to do with staring down strangers?........................ :whistle:

Qball doesn't believe that bald people face a negative stigma from society. He thinks the public's perception of bald people is that they are considered equal to full heads. He denies any difference between an nw2 and an nw6. He thinks that all of the persecution I experienced was in my head, some sort of halucination. I told him to bic himself a horseshoe and hide the shadow with makeup and see for himself how people treat him differently. The hairline talk came from comparing an nw6 completely shaved to an nw1 completely shaved and how the shadow of a hairline makes all the difference that area that is just two shades darker, still manages to frame your face while bald guys have nothing. He still thinks there is no difference or not big enough anyway.

 

[Fanjeera]

You're either very beautiful or very ugly .

 

[DoctorHouse]

There is no doubt people will treat a NW2 differently from a NW6 but as you get older is becomes less likely to happen. This world is full of shallowness and prejudice. Its a tough world to live in. Knowing that, you have to change yourself because society will never change. I honestly think obese people have it the worst. If you are at a bar and see a bald guy in good shape socializing with a fat obese guy with a full head of hair, who do you think most girls will clammer towards. I bet you the bald guy will be the favorite. No matter what, people will judge you on physical perception. Its up to you, to show them your different from the typical stereotype of who you represent.

 

[s.a.f]

Yes but the fat guy made himself fat and he can change his situation with just a little bit of effort a bald guy however did nothing to end up bald but is stuck with his situation.