The Struggle And Anger Grows With Every Passing Day

[EvilLocks]

I've actually tried to avoid the "Impact" forum for quite some time, but I'm at the point where the struggle and the angers grows with every passing day and I need to vent somewhere.

My self-confidence arrived the day I started styling my hair with a faux hawk. Not even my progress in the gym could compare and it was a major departure for me, especially as a late bloomer. I fed off the attention I got for it (especially from the ladies) and it became an ice-breaker in a lot of ways. A couple years afterward, I ended up in a relationship that lasted almost 5 years - which ended when I was 30 .... but the damage had already begun taking shape on my scalp.

Looking back the signs of Androgenetic Alopecia were obvious. As the condition kept deteriorating, the more my reliance on hair products (clay, hairspray) and chemical straighteners grew. My hair simply would not hold or style well without them. These days my hair has receded greatly with diffused thinning all over the top. I'm absolutely mortified to go anywhere without styling it. I gave up chemical straighteners about 3 years ago or so and still have an over-reliance on hair spray - almost everything else is too heavy. The result is a poor imitation of those popular side-part haircuts with a pompadour. Every morning is a struggle with my anxiety-ridden 45-60 minute hair styling marathon.

The crushing blow to my confidence came about 6 months ago when I started adding Toppik hair concealer. Every time I put it on I feel like a complete fabrication, a phony. I worry if people notice. I worry about bad lighting. I worry ...... all the time. If I could I would just shave it off, unfortunately for me I don't have the head shape or facial features for it.

This has consumed me in ways like nothing ever has and I was already a little bit OCD to begin with. I've literally planned my days around what may or may not impact my hair. To emphasize how bad my mind state has gotten - I've been shopping around for a Halloween costume this week ..... afraid to try certain things on because it'll screw up my hair.

I hate living like this. I worked so hair to break out of my shell in my mid 20's. I'm now in my late 30's and life/genetics are bullying me back into it.

Oh, this could almost have been written by me before I finally got a hair piece. Everything from over-using hair spray and styling products (I used so much that my parents became seriously scared for my health because they worried that I was inhaling the stuff) to an anxiety-ridden styling marathon at least once a day to Toppik addiction and planning my days around my hair… For instance, I had to bring an umbrella with me at all times in case or rain, because I could not under any circumstances get it wet and putting on a hoodie would also mess up my hair. I would also avoid going outside if it was windy (try living in Norway), but sometimes I had to and I'd always have a fit of rage inside my head when the wind messed up my carefully crafted combover. I wouldn't give people hugs or rest my head on a pillow before bedtime, as it would mess up my hair. It came to the point where how I felt that day largely depended on if I was having a "good" or bad hair day, and even if I was just staying at home (which was most of the time) I'd style my hair like 5-10 times a day to make it "perfect"
I now wear a hair piece and although I miss my real hair (even when it was thinning) it is nice to know that I always look presentable, and that I can go outside when it's windy etc. I'm not saying you should get a hair piece, but it's what I did since shaving it off was never an option for me either (I'm a woman)

 

[EvilLocks]

I actually use Q-tips and tweezers to position every strand of hair exactly where I want it.

I don't know why, but this statement made me laugh out loud (thanks!) and wanting to cry at the same time. It's absolutely hilarious because it's so crazy, yet painfully relatable (only a hair loss sufferer could relate).
A part of me thinks you're insane for using 3 hours to style your hair and positioning every strand with Q-tips and tweezers, but then I remember that was basically me not too long ago. My routine didn't take me 3 hours but it took too goddamn long and was pretty extensive… I became a slave to that routine and would not even start my day without doing it.

 

[blackg]

I hate living like this. I worked so hair to break out of my shell in my mid 20's. I'm now in my late 30's and life/genetics are bullying me back into it.

Hang on! This doesn't make any sense.
A man in his late 30's really shouldn't be so concerned about what he looks like.
Yeah, what he actually looks like... ya know, what he presents as a representative of himself to society.
That just doesn't matter post 30!

You must be trolling. You really should have just moved on by now!

 

[Schitz Popinov]

Hang on! This doesn't make any sense.
A man in his late 30's really shouldn't be so concerned about what he looks like.
Yeah, what he actually looks like... ya know, what he presents as a representative of himself to society.
That just doesn't matter post 30!

You must be trolling. You really should have just moved on by now!

Go stir up your nonsense somewhere else.

 

[Schitz Popinov]

My routine didn't take me 3 hours but it took too goddamn long and was pretty extensive… I became a slave to that routine and would not even start my day without doing it.

Sadly that's my life in a nutshell right now - a slave to this ridiculous routine.

 

[EvilLocks]

Sadly that's my life in a nutshell right now - a slave to this ridiculous routine.

My old routine:
1. Double wash hair with special volumizing shampoo
2. Towel dry hair carefully
3. Blow dry hair upside down (for volume at the roots) using a mixture of two volumizing mousses
4. Brush through hair carefully using a special wooden brush
5. Flipping hair back and forth while applying hair spray and dry shampoo (for volume and texture)
6. Brushing through again
7. Parting my hair in the centre and applying Toppik there, all the way from crown to hairline
8. Brushing through then locking that in place with hairspray
9. Flipping my hair over and making a part as far to the side as possible (combover) and applying Toppik there, from back to front
10. Brushing through then locking that in place with hairspray
11. Cleaning up Toppik from hairline
12. Using styling paste to finish style and smoothing down any "flyaway" hairs with a brush that I sprayed with hairspray
13. Final round of hairspray


This routine would take me a good 1,5 hours every day, sometimes a bit more.

 

[resu]

Ending a long 5 year relationship right at 30 must have been really rough, the anxiety would kill me specially with baldness on top.

 

[Schitz Popinov]

Ending a long 5 year relationship right at 30 must have been really rough, the anxiety would kill me specially with baldness on top.

Well at that time it wasn't quite diffused yet. I was definitely shedding a hundred or so hairs a day and my temples were receding.

The diffused thinning on the top started a couple years later and it's at that point that I really started to shy away from the dating scene. I'll never forget the day a friend of mine took a picture and the back of my head was in the frame. You could see down to my scalp very clearly. He was teasing me all day long about it. Ironically this same guy has male pattern baldness and ended up shaving his head about 7-8 years ago. You'd think he would have had a little more empathy, especially given the agony it caused him.

 

[Schitz Popinov]

My old routine:
1. Double wash hair with special volumizing shampoo
2. Towel dry hair carefully
3. Blow dry hair upside down (for volume at the roots) using a mixture of two volumizing mousses
4. Brush through hair carefully using a special wooden brush
5. Flipping hair back and forth while applying hair spray and dry shampoo (for volume and texture)
6. Brushing through again
7. Parting my hair in the centre and applying Toppik there, all the way from crown to hairline
8. Brushing through then locking that in place with hairspray
9. Flipping my hair over and making a part as far to the side as possible (combover) and applying Toppik there, from back to front
10. Brushing through then locking that in place with hairspray
11. Cleaning up Toppik from hairline
12. Using styling paste to finish style and smoothing down any "flyaway" hairs with a brush that I sprayed with hairspray
13. Final round of hairspray


This routine would take me a good 1,5 hours every day, sometimes a bit more.

Sounds like you and I are very simpatico. In a strange way it's comforting to know I'm not alone in how controlling this condition can be.

 

[blackg]

Go stir up your nonsense somewhere else.

I am not stirring up nonsense.
I am highliting how short sighted some forum members are.

 

[resu]

A man in his 30's and 40's will certainly care about his looks, you stop thinking about your looks when you don't have them anymore.

 

[blackg]

A man in his 30's and 40's will certainly care about his looks, you stop thinking about your looks when you don't have them anymore.

At 90!

 

[Ray's Stance]

Your hair is like mine. Pretty much exactly same. I totally get where you are coming from. Try dermmatch, it would look ace on your barnet applied either as instructed or dry - its a lot more robust then fibres too. Once its dry it stays on and eliminates scalp see through.dark brown would be bang on. Bang on some toppik or dry shampoo with a brunette tint afterwards (check my posts always banging on about dry shampoo styling) and lock in with hairspray. Try not to get down, mate. Everyone here and everyone not on here worry about our liitle insecurities and have our little secrets. Peace.

 

[resu]

Have you tried doing a faux hawk? It's the only combover style that would work with your hair loss, you need to comb the sides forward to cover up the mid-section (forelock).

 

[Baldingat188]

My combover hair style is still in the early stages but damn do I hate the wind

Basically just wear hats if you can get away with it, less work

 

[CopeForLife]

My old routine:
1. Double wash hair with special volumizing shampoo
2. Towel dry hair carefully
3. Blow dry hair upside down (for volume at the roots) using a mixture of two volumizing mousses
4. Brush through hair carefully using a special wooden brush
5. Flipping hair back and forth while applying hair spray and dry shampoo (for volume and texture)
6. Brushing through again
7. Parting my hair in the centre and applying Toppik there, all the way from crown to hairline
8. Brushing through then locking that in place with hairspray
9. Flipping my hair over and making a part as far to the side as possible (combover) and applying Toppik there, from back to front
10. Brushing through then locking that in place with hairspray
11. Cleaning up Toppik from hairline
12. Using styling paste to finish style and smoothing down any "flyaway" hairs with a brush that I sprayed with hairspray
13. Final round of hairspray


This routine would take me a good 1,5 hours every day, sometimes a bit more.

My routine:
1. take a buzzcut downstairs once a month for 3$
2. wash hair with nizoral EOD
3. avoid mirrors

 

[JeanLucBB]

First time I've checked out the coping section of the forum. Honestly feels like I'm looking into the seventh circle of hell.

 

[Schitz Popinov]

Have you tried doing a faux hawk? It's the only combover style that would work with your hair loss, you need to comb the sides forward to cover up the mid-section (forelock).

Can't man. I had to give that hairstyle up.

Right now it's a poor imitation "undercut" where I have a hard part to the side, but then I quiff the front up because of the receding hairline. Can't part it over fully like people with normal hairlines who have that style. I hate life every time I see someone out here who does.

Continues to amaze me how thin the forelock is compared to the rest of my head - it's like a sick joke. That and then the front right temple area uggggh just awful.

 

[Schitz Popinov]

First time I've checked out the coping section of the forum. Honestly feels like I'm looking into the seventh circle of hell.

It's easy to think that, but in the long run it's better people express themselves rather than keep it all locked inside.

My combover hair style is still in the early stages but damn do I hate the wind
Basically just wear hats if you can get away with it, less work

Wind is on a long list of things that now produce instant anxiety when it comes to my hair.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

First time I've checked out the coping section of the forum. Honestly feels like I'm looking into the seventh circle of hell.

Welcome - now you must love us and never leave.