Unconventional Dating Anecdote From This Evening

Afro_Vacancy

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That makes a difference? In what way?

I don't know.

Some conditions correlate strongly with birth channel so perhaps it can help disentangle things when multiple diagnoses are possible and it's not clear which is the primary one.
 
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kj6723

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I asked someone I know (smart, nice guy, with a thick NW2) how his date from two Fridays ago went. He responded with (paraphrasing) "they thought I seemed nice, they said they'd be interested in meeting up again, they seemed enthusiastic."

Can you notice anything non-standard?

The use of "they" in describing how his date was received. I told him that I noticed the use of the word "they", and I asked him if he was hooking up with a couple as part of a threesome, I don't remember if I gave him an impressed congratulatory nod when asking that. He said no, he wasn't hooking up with a couple. He just prefers to use gender-neutral language. Later on in our conversation he switched to using "she", he may have perceived that I found this unnatural.

This use of "they" as a gender-neutral pronoun is an emerging thing. Some people (I don't know if there are any outside academia) are against the use of "he" and "she" as it carries gendered connotations, and thus may serve to perpetuate discrimination. Many are arguing that we should instead all shift to using "they" as default, for both men and women.

I can kind of understand this when writing recommendation letters (which is the context in which I heard people advocate for "they"), but not here. Part of me wants to tell him that it may in fact be preferable to use gendered language in an explicitly and naturally gendered context like dating.

However, I worry that this may be antagonizing to him. Further, a lot more people know him since I'm still relatively new here, and it bothers me tht nobody has pointed this out to him.

Could your new friend be any more of a cuck? Come on. Hipster nonsense. Does he also tweet about courageous women who breastfeed in public are?
 

Afro_Vacancy

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I wouldn't say I was afraid. I don't really feel a true connection with people I don't know in person. This virtual world is not a place I can function "normal" as I need to see people's expressions, listen to their tone of voice, and feel their sense of presence before I can become who I really am.

You know that its almost impossible to really know a person's tone with just reading words. Maybe their might be clues in the context but you really don't know exactly what they are feeling. I have been pretty vulnerable here sometimes but I don't feel enough connection with forum to be less reserved.

I don't actually dislike anyone here simply because I don't have any reason too. I don't understand why you think I would disapprove of you. I have alot in common with you but we have our differences. That is great because life would be very dull without them. I can understand why you need to be here just like any one else. Hair loss of any magnitude is one change nobody wants to experience. This is a great place to express yourself. If you want to use this place to discuss politics, food, television, movies, fashion, dating, etc then use it for that too. I usually will pick and chose a topic(threads) I am interested in and ignore topics(threads) I don't care for. Never been a big fan of confrontation but if I am put into that position, I can handle myself well. Usually, I don't find myself in that situation since I tend to find compatibility and am very open willing to listen to any opinions or thoughts.

First, you're a wonderful man. You often intervene at very strategic points, and you know exactly what to say. I do feel that you relate to some of us sometimes and that's appreciated. We cannot easily do the same for you, as we don't know as much about you.

I agree with you on the mixed tone of the website. It is often constructive and supportive and informative, and it is often hostile. I'll say that I'm not sure if it's worse or better than other places I've been at though ... The internet in general is swamped with angry trolls. YouTube comments sections for example are notoriously mean-spirited. So in a way, as bad as this place can be, it's also an island of scholarly tranquility within a dark sea containing where here be dragons.

You know, off the top of my head I can only recall one online community that was free of hostility, and ... they closed down.

But, it's still nevertheless mean-spirited place regardless of being gentler than YouTube. I don't think it's good for me to be here. I'm largely here out of addiction, and sometimes the negative energy is overwhelming. Separately, I've also had a sense of deja-vu from a lot of my own posts, which suggests that I'm no longer learning and growing here, overdue after an embarrassing 7,200 posts in 20 months. So I'm considering moving on as well.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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Could your new friend be any more of a cuck? Come on. Hipster nonsense. Does he also tweet about courageous women who breastfeed in public are?

I don't have him on Twitter ;-) My twitter feed is mostly about movies, food, sports, and politics. Nobody here would have ever guessed that.

;-)

I agree, it's probably nonsense, probably damaging lives. It's sad imo.
 

DoctorHouse

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First, you're a wonderful man. You often intervene at very strategic points, and you know exactly what to say. I do feel that you relate to some of us sometimes and that's appreciated. We cannot easily do the same for you, as we don't know as much about you.

I agree with you on the mixed tone of the website. It is often constructive and supportive and informative, and it is often hostile. I'll say that I'm not sure if it's worse or better than other places I've been at though ... The internet in general is swamped with angry trolls. YouTube comments sections for example are notoriously mean-spirited. So in a way, as bad as this place can be, it's also an island of scholarly tranquility within a dark sea containing where here be dragons.

You know, off the top of my head I can only recall one online community that was free of hostility, and ... they closed down.

But, it's still nevertheless mean-spirited place regardless of being gentler than YouTube. I don't think it's good for me to be here. I'm largely here out of addiction, and sometimes the negative energy is overwhelming. Separately, I've also had a sense of deja-vu from a lot of my own posts, which suggests that I'm no longer learning and growing here, overdue after an embarrassing 7,200 posts in 20 months. So I'm considering moving on as well.
Thanks for the kind words. I do find some of your posts very educational so your presence here is much appreciated by me. I think this place does bring out some negative energy amongst posters but I think that stems from the fact that hair loss is destroying their self worth. The frustration of fighting something with very limited arsenal is enough to spark some negative energy.

This place does attract people with social anxiety and depression so you can expect negative energy as a norm. Most people don't want to invest in professional therapy because it has failed them in the past or they feel it still won't bring back their hair. And to be honest, I have tried professional therapy and I find group therapy much more effective. However, finding local group therapy with some of my issues was challenging so I kind of used this forum as my venue.

I know we are not moderated by a true licensed professional but with all the different backgrounds and experiences most posters share I don't really know how much better it would be. This forum is kind of like an AA meeting where we share our stories but we just don't follow the 12 steps. We follow 3 steps, finasteride, minoxidil, and nizoral.:D And if they don't work, we call our sponsor and ask if its time to get a hair transplant or hair system. Most people are here because they need to be here. They can't do this alone. I think your presence here is definitely appreciated by some posters who share similar experiences. I feel you have benefited from this place as well so you tend to stick around. I think Dench gave you excellent advice and his delivery of his advice was very noble too. I am sure that triggered some self reflection but at the same time it shows people really care about your growth as well as you as a person. I don't know if you can get that same advice from your therapist but if you can that is great too. When you have people like that its really hard to leave this place. And I really think your presence will be missed by alot of posters here( especially karankaran) but if you have to move on, you should.
 

hairblues

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First, you're a wonderful man. You often intervene at very strategic points, and you know exactly what to say. I do feel that you relate to some of us sometimes and that's appreciated. We cannot easily do the same for you, as we don't know as much about you.

I agree with you on the mixed tone of the website. It is often constructive and supportive and informative, and it is often hostile. I'll say that I'm not sure if it's worse or better than other places I've been at though ... The internet in general is swamped with angry trolls. YouTube comments sections for example are notoriously mean-spirited. So in a way, as bad as this place can be, it's also an island of scholarly tranquility within a dark sea containing where here be dragons.

You know, off the top of my head I can only recall one online community that was free of hostility, and ... they closed down.

But, it's still nevertheless mean-spirited place regardless of being gentler than YouTube. I don't think it's good for me to be here. I'm largely here out of addiction, and sometimes the negative energy is overwhelming. Separately, I've also had a sense of deja-vu from a lot of my own posts, which suggests that I'm no longer learning and growing here, overdue after an embarrassing 7,200 posts in 20 months. So I'm considering moving on as well.

this is my main beef with you.

You accuse it of being mean spirited 'place'

You have just yesterday accused me of being mean spirited (toxic person)

yet you NEVER take your own accountability for being mean spirited at many times your self.

To you it is 'the place' 'me' 'that guy' 'micron' 'c4l' who ever you are fighting with, you do NOT ever think maybe just maybe you yourself enjoy a good debate or fight yourself and have mean ways.

and tha you are quite often very 'mean' in your own way.

I enjoy some of your posts reading then and threads but I DONT enjoy our discourse EVEN when we got along.

I am not saying this to hurt you but just i want you to understand it.
 
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blackg

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We're talking about a guy who put me on ignore for daring to give him his first dislike and not taking it back. He was borderline psychotic in his requests to undislike his comment and he only cared about that, not about why I disagreed with him and disliked it in the first place. He didn't give a f*** about my opinion, only that a dislike on an internet forum "unnerved" him. You think a guy like that would change his mind? He's just arrogant and pretentious.
I like zircon.
 

CaptainForehead

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But, it's still nevertheless mean-spirited place regardless of being gentler than YouTube.

Elaborate, how is it mean spirited? I've never gotten that vibe here.

BTW, how was your break from this forum a couple of weeks ago? Did your mental state improve?
 

Afro_Vacancy

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Elaborate, how is it mean spirited? I've never gotten that vibe here.

BTW, how was your break from this forum a couple of weeks ago? Did your mental state improve?

The break was nice.

I picked up a cold, likely due to a cramped airplane, so I ended up back here as I've been spending a lot of time tired and in bed.

I've already discussed the tone here. I debated elaborating here in my response, but it's 8:05am here, so I don't want to.

How's your afternoon going where you are?
 

CaptainForehead

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How's your afternoon going where you are?

The weather is great, but there is a ton of work I should get back to.

During my unplanned break from this forum, I actually felt alone. No one to have a real talk with. Maybe it's different for you because you have a therapist. Do you have weekly sessions with her?
 

Afro_Vacancy

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The weather is great, but there is a ton of work I should get back to.

During my unplanned break from this forum, I actually felt alone. No one to have a real talk with. Maybe it's different for you because you have a therapist. Do you have weekly sessions with her?

I was visiting my mom, and saw a lot of extended family and friends which was better. But when I got the cold I was obviously lonely, as I was alone. I cancelled plans, stayed in bed, and read the impact section and other internet stuff.

I suspect that most of us are here out of loneliness. I have the added problem that I've lived in six different cities and that it's hard to make friends as an adult. Unfortunately the palliative that is the forum might inadvertently prevent relationship formation in real life, as it takes up time, energy, etc.

We have weekly sessions which is a frequency that I've never tried before. She's asked to meet me twice me a week but that would be a major commitment in time and money.
 

blackg

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this is my main beef with you.

You accuse it of being mean spirited 'place'

You have just yesterday accused me of being mean spirited (toxic person)

yet you NEVER take your own accountability for being mean spirited at many times your self.

To you it is 'the place' 'me' 'that guy' 'micron' 'c4l' who ever you are fighting with, you do NOT ever think maybe just maybe you yourself enjoy a good debate or fight yourself and have mean ways.

and tha you are quite often very 'mean' in your own way.

I enjoy some of your posts reading then and threads but I DONT enjoy our discourse EVEN when we got along.

I am not saying this to hurt you but just i want you to understand it.
This post is a rambling mess. Yes Dave can be an intellectual wanker at times.
But smart people with PHD's in astrophysics tend to intimidate all of us.
 

CaptainForehead

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I was visiting my mom, and saw a lot of extended family and friends which was better. But when I got the cold I was obviously lonely, as I was alone. I cancelled plans, stayed in bed, and read the impact section and other internet stuff.

I generally hate meeting family/extended family as I have to have a normie mask on.


I suspect that most of us are here out of loneliness. I have the added problem that I've lived in six different cities and that it's hard to make friends as an adult.
Tell me about it.

Another issue I have is how can I open up to person in real life? Here, we started out bare, in Dante mode. IRL we meet new people with a mask on.
 

DoctorHouse

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I was visiting my mom, and saw a lot of extended family and friends which was better. But when I got the cold I was obviously lonely, as I was alone. I cancelled plans, stayed in bed, and read the impact section and other internet stuff.

I suspect that most of us are here out of loneliness. I have the added problem that I've lived in six different cities and that it's hard to make friends as an adult. Unfortunately the palliative that is the forum might inadvertently prevent relationship formation in real life, as it takes up time, energy, etc.

We have weekly sessions which is a frequency that I've never tried before. She's asked to meet me twice me a week but that would be a major commitment in time and money.
I find it hard to make new friends( mostly male) at my age too because I don't like to hang out at sports bars and drink. Looking back I had way more female friends than male. For me, the easiest place to make male friends was during my college years. Now its kind of awkward due the fact that many men are married and I definitely don't like being a third wheel. Not only that but its kind of awkward for a male to approach another male with the intention of getting to know them and becoming friends. Its so much easier to make friends as a couple( if you are dating). I wonder if women find it easier to make female friends. With social media, I think people can form friendships but that is not my vice.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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I generally hate meeting family/extended family as I have to have a normie mask on.



Tell me about it.

Another issue I have is how can I open up to person in real life? Here, we started out bare, in Dante mode. IRL we meet new people with a mask on.

I wish I knew.
 

hairblues

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This post is a rambling mess. Yes Dave can be an intellectual wanker at times.
But smart people with PHD's in astrophysics tend to intimidate all of us.

It's a rambling mess to you because you are drinking too much Roo-juice and eating that disgusting vegemite stuff.
I don't think anyone here is intimidated by David, I don't think anyone is intimidated by anyone here.
 

DoctorHouse

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It's a rambling mess to you because you are drinking too much Roo-juice and eating that disgusting vegemite stuff.
I don't think anyone here is intimidated by David, I don't think anyone is intimidated by anyone here.
If I know blackg, he would say he was "taking the piss" when he wrote that.
 
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