Women 'spurn men going thin on top'

[ali777]

I recently asked my wife (who is twelve years younger than me) if she would have ever give me a second look if I had been as thin on top when we first met as I am now.

I understand what you are saying, and I can sort of picture how your conversation went. You sound like a happily married person, and I'm sure your wife was very supportive...

However, that's one thing I don't know how to do. I have a problem with showing emotions and weaknesses to the women I am with, I presume most men are like me. Maybe I haven't been with the right person yet :dunno:. I've never been worried that they will leave me, but I still can't do it. I have mentioned my hairloss to my ex a few years ago, she looked at my head and said something along the lines of "Don't worry about it, I'm not with you for your hair".

The thing is, when I mention such things I'm not fishing for reassurances or compliments, basically I'm just sharing my opinion with them.

When women mention some sort of weakness, they are actually fishing for reassurances, eg "does my bum look big in this". I absolutely hate it when women come to me for reassurances. Over the years I got better at this, and I know how to make it sound genuine. Now, I go for a preemptive strike and I pay a few compliments, so that they don't ask me stupid questions.

 

[thetodd]

I know what you mean.
I'm not trying to dis women, but most of the time they get overly concerned about their appearance. My wife doesn't have an ounce of excess fat on her body, but she's constantly asking me if she is overweight. She's not even twenty eight yet, so I can only imagine what this will be like when she hits the big 3-0.
I don't think my questioning her about my hair is comparable to her worries over weighing too much, though. She's not even a tiny bit overweight, but I am losing my hair. Her "problem" is all in her imagination. Mine is not. I'm not worried about her leaving me, though. Now that I think about it, I do believe her when she says she'd have started dating me even if my hair was already retreating back then. Shortly after we met, (and I'm talking less than three weeks), I introduced her to my father, whose head is completely devoid of hair. Kaitlin is smart enough to have known I was likely going to suffer the same fate, but she didn't back off.

 

[spinner2]

I don't really believe much of what I read on here. I've been getting laid so much more since my hair started falling apart.

 

[thetodd]

Luckily for me, I was married before my hair loss got bad.
I recently asked my wife (who is twelve years younger than me) if she would have ever give me a second look if I had been as thin on top when we first met as I am now. She assured me she would have, but that's what I expected her to say. Who knows if she's being honest? She might not even know for sure herself. I know she does love me, but if my dome had been shining when we met all those years ago, I wonder if she'd have given herself a chance to know me. She is very enthusiastic about me trying to stop losing hair and getting some back. I never knew it bothered her, but she's not the kind of person to criticize. I'm glad I found her.

A word to the wise: don't let the rest of yourself go. Go to the gym, keep yourself up, besides the hair - which you can't do anything about. Don't let yourself get fat, out of shape, smoke cigarettes, etc...while thinking that your wife will want you forever - no matter what, even if you let your appearance go to complete sh*t.

A lot of women "say" they will love you no matter what, but they don't really mean it. Keep yourself in the game, stay "marketable" for her. Also, you never know when or if you you might need to re-enter the dating scene again.

I have learned this lesson the hard way. Just because you got married before you went bald, don't take your wife for granted. Some women's tastes change over time and if you let yourself go completely, she may lose interest. Not saying yours will, but you never know - some women are like this.

Yeah, turning forty made me take a hard look at myself. I'm a little heavier than I would like. That's about it, though, other than my hair. I have a gym membership that I'm going to start using a lot more often. I don't get the sense that my wife isn't still attracted to me, though. I've had enough relationships in my life to know when the flame goes out. We have a daughter and I provide very well for both of them. She seem to be very happy with our life, so I'm not worrying too much about her leaving. Then again, it's always better to be safe than sorry.

 

[ali777]

Luckily for me, I was married before my hair loss got bad.
I recently asked my wife (who is twelve years younger than me) if she would have ever give me a second look if I had been as thin on top when we first met as I am now. She assured me she would have, but that's what I expected her to say. Who knows if she's being honest? She might not even know for sure herself. I know she does love me, but if my dome had been shining when we met all those years ago, I wonder if she'd have given herself a chance to know me. She is very enthusiastic about me trying to stop losing hair and getting some back. I never knew it bothered her, but she's not the kind of person to criticize. I'm glad I found her.

A word to the wise: don't let the rest of yourself go. Go to the gym, keep yourself up, besides the hair - which you can't do anything about. Don't let yourself get fat, out of shape, smoke cigarettes, etc...while thinking that your wife will want you forever - no matter what, even if you let your appearance go to complete sh*t.

A lot of women "say" they will love you no matter what, but they don't really mean it. Keep yourself in the game, stay "marketable" for her. Also, you never know when or if you you might need to re-enter the dating scene again.

I have learned this lesson the hard way. Just because you got married before you went bald, don't take your wife for granted. Some women's tastes change over time and if you let yourself go completely, she may lose interest. Not saying yours will, but you never know - some women are like this.

Yeah, turning forty made me take a hard look at myself. I'm a little heavier than I would like. That's about it, though, other than my hair. I have a gym membership that I'm going to start using a lot more often. I don't get the sense that my wife isn't still attracted to me, though. I've had enough relationships in my life to know when the flame goes out. We have a daughter and I provide very well for both of them. She seem to be very happy with our life, so I'm not worrying too much about her leaving. Then again, it's always better to be safe than sorry.

I wouldn't worry too much about it mate... Do whatever you want to do for yourself, if you are happy within yourself that will reflect in your relationship.

I don't have kids, but from what I hear once the first kid comes along all the priorities change. It is probably very normal that your flame is gone??? You should make some time for "adult time" in your relationship, eg go for a meal, have a night out as a couple, etc?

I have the opposite problem. The day I turned 30, I was the lightest I've been since 15. I had a hard look at myself and I realised that I had to put on weight :sobbing:. A few of my friends telling me that I'm too slim and that it doesn't look nice also helped. I've managed to put on 3-4kg, but I need a few more, I'm still too slim for my frame. I've got no fat on my body, but that doesn't mean I'm fit :shakehead:

 

[thetodd]

Oh, the flame is still there.
It's more like a bonfire.
I'm not really fat, either.
Anyone my age knows it's not easy to keep your weight down like it was in our twenties, though.
It takes an extra effort.
If you're trying to gain weight, hit the weights and get lots of lean protein in your diet.

 

[ali777]

Oh, the flame is still there.
It's more like a bonfire.
I'm not really fat, either.
Anyone my age knows it's not easy to keep your weight down like it was in our twenties, though.
It takes an extra effort.
If you're trying to gain weight, hit the weights and get lots of lean protein in your diet.

One of my uncles is NW4-5 bald, my hair is on its way to looking exactly like his hair. He's also very hyperactive for his age, and he's tall (tall for his generation) and slim. I can see where I get my genes from. I have my dad's personality and similar body to my uncle.... I was told that I'm the only grandson that reminds the family of my grandfather... So, I think being bald and slim is in my genes.

PS: I misread the thing about flame.. Sorry :whistle:

 

[thetodd]

Well, men in my family have a tendency to be bald and stocky (or pudgy). I'm not settling for it, though. It might take an extra effort, but that's better than feeling bad about yourself.

 

[Vigaku]

I don't really believe much of what I read on here. I've been getting laid so much more since my hair started falling apart.

Either you're an extremely lucky man or hair doesn't have much of an impact on your appearance or self-esteem.

 

[Krispin]

WOMEN ON INTERNET DATING SITES ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE POPULATION !!!!!!
Do you really want to base your life on people met though dating sites ? Or on real people in the real life ? I know PLENTY of nice girls (I mean, real women who are not afraid to struggle in life) who don't give a sh*t about thinning hair.

Screw the superficial girls. Enjoy the life with real women (and their are, I swear you, a vast majority).

It doesn't matter really whether they give a sh*t or not about hair; it matters that given the same man, they would prefer the one with hair, not the one without hair, which leaves all of us sh*t OUT OF LUCK. Hair matters- END OF STORY. Either get over it or fix it.

 

[placenotsobo]

I've also gotten laid way more since my hair started thinning (pre 25 vs post-25). I think it's quite common for all guys to have more success after 25 (you're just smarter, more interesting, and more successful)

 

[tonyunhawk]

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[thetodd]

Some women are definitely less likely to go out with a guy they perceive to be losing his hair. Let's be fair, though. Men reject women for lots of reasons, too. The size of certain female body parts, for instance. You guys know what I'm talking about...
Or maybe we think her nose is a little too big, voice too whiny or deep, not tall enough or maybe a little too lanky, etc,.
If you're looking for a quick hit, like a club hook up that ends up in a one nighter, your appearance is going to be a lot more important. But if a female is considering you for a serious relationship, she's not going to base her decision just on thinning hair. If you really like somebody, you can deal with slight physical imperfections. And like I've pointed out, lots of guys are shaving their heads completely nowadays. It's almost an "in" thing. I actually see guys doing it who aren't seriously balding.