Can't Wrap My Head Around How She Doesn't Care

[Joe1191]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how my girlfriend doesn't mind my hair thinning and it being so thin. She runs her fingers through the my thin, scalp-visible when not styled hair, has showered with me and still finds me to extremely attractive in her eyes. It is so difficult for me to grasp as we are both young in our lower 20s too. Hell, I guess it's one of those things to not question.

Anyone else experience something like this along with the self doubt? I can't comprehend it.

 

[pegasus2]

Sounds like you're hair loss isn't too bad. I don't think most girls are really turned off by it until you start hitting NW4 territory.

 

[Joe1191]

Sounds like you're hair loss isn't too bad. I don't think most girls are really turned off by it until you start hitting NW4 territory.

I don't really have the typical pattern, not even a receding hairline, but really f*cking diffuse. I'm saying if my hair was short it would look so much worse. Let's hope she's cool with it once I have to shave it...

 

[Roberto_72]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how my girlfriend doesn't mind my hair thinning and it being so thin. She runs her fingers through the my thin, scalp-visible when not styled hair, has showered with me and still finds me to extremely attractive in her eyes. It is so difficult for me to grasp as we are both young in our lower 20s too. Hell, I guess it's one of those things to not question.

Anyone else experience something like this along with the self doubt? I can't comprehend it.

I think the answer to this conundrum is that she is in love!
If I were you, I would not put doubt in her mind.
I can assure you life would not be as easy without her liking your "shitty" hair!

 

[pjhair]

Don't ever appear weak in front of your girlfriend.

Very wise advice.

 

[EvilLocks]

First mistake: don't tell her, unless she brings it up, that's how I do.

If she brings it up, act like it's no big deal, do not tell her anything about how it makes you depressed.

If you do, all women hear is: "I'm weak, feel sorry for me, I'm afraid! Why do people hate me because I'm bald?!"

It will dry her up, and she'll end up losing respect for you. You just can't talk about your insecurities with a woman.

And of course she will say it's no big deal, and that she doesn't notice. They're masters at manipulation.

Watch what they do, she will probably leave you at a point now that you've shared that with her.

It's a big mistake, it took me a lot of (failed) relationships to get it. Don't ever appear weak in front of your girlfriend.

As a woman, I can confirm this. Women don't like weak men, period. It's a bit unfair that men are not "allowed" to show their true feelings more, but it is what it is. It's just biology I guess.

 

[I.D WALKER]

Hey Joe,
Yes I would not mention your hair loss woes to her either. From my perspective I just don't
believe being completely transparent or "totally honest" with
even one's supposed most intimate confidant is necessarily advantageous or wise in the long run.
At face value, expressing one's hair loss insecurity may not measure much of a risk,
however we become victims of the cumulative toxic effects invariably once
our interpersonal health and stability are inevitably tested.

Of course the day you are compelled to introduce your male pattern baldness to your friend , there's a chance she'll extend her signature salutations
and that will be the end of it, but on the more ominous end of contextual hypotheticals, there's also a chance
you'll begin to resent yourself/her more if things ever turn south in the relationship.

Haha perhaps I'm too cynical (in general), but I am not someone who can easily evaluate
the larger picture if I am dismissing every alleged unimportant incident as trivial.
Normally trust is vital in every partnership,and good communication can be a true keystone to build your solid foundation on,
but time is hardest on everything organic and deeper shared vulnerabilities will lose their initial shine
and don't necessary stand up to the corrosiveness of time quite as well as they formerly had or we might have first imagined back in the good old daze of the romance. The fact is that the future stability (when it comes to relationships in general), is mostly determined by our adaptability to change and/or threshold of tolerance. Time and personal temperament can elevate the shape of two hearts,
maybe as much as constant friction caused by and correlated to change can degrade and harden even the gentlest heart.


All is hair in love and war.

 

[pjhair]

Hey Joe,
Yes I would not mention your hair loss woes to her either. From my perspective I just don't
believe being completely transparent or "totally honest" with
even one's supposed most intimate confidant is necessarily advantageous or wise in the long run.
At face value, expressing one's hair loss insecurity may not measure much of a risk,
however we become victims of the cumulative toxic effects invariably once
our interpersonal health and stability are inevitably tested.

Marriage vows should be changed from "until death do us part" to "until attraction do us part". The attraction that a women has for her husband/boyfriend goes down when she sees insecurity in him. If these insecurities keep piling on, given enough time, the relationship may break apart especially if the women is attractive and constantly meeting other men at work or school.

 

[Hairon]

First mistake: don't tell her, unless she brings it up, that's how I do.

If she brings it up, act like it's no big deal, do not tell her anything about how it makes you depressed.

If you do, all women hear is: "I'm weak, feel sorry for me, I'm afraid! Why do people hate me because I'm bald?!"

It will dry her up, and she'll end up losing respect for you. You just can't talk about your insecurities with a woman.

And of course she will say it's no big deal, and that she doesn't notice. They're masters at manipulation.

Watch what they do, she will probably leave you at a point now that you've shared that with her.

It's a big mistake, it took me a lot of (failed) relationships to get it. Don't ever appear weak in front of your girlfriend.

I agree as well, it's exactly like that, you cannot show weakness.
But Fred, it's impossible to hide weakness from someone you date for a long time, you naturally want to be yourself, and you naturally want to share and talk about negative things with your partner as well, if you can't and constantly have to always act strong and secure next to her, you'll grow unhappy and seek someone else, it's a situation between hammer and anvil, both will damage the relationship.

^ it's not important in short term relationships but it really becomes a problem in long terms relationship.
if you can't be yourself with your spouse and constantly have to hide parts of yourself- you will grow sick of her eventually.

 

[Hairon]

I agree, I had exactly three moments of weakness during my last relationship: once I let out a tear in front of her because of the psychological abuse of my father, another time I cried because I kept on getting rejected by employers (also a few days earlier, there was the incident with the guy who told me "you have no job, no wonder, you have no hair!") and finally, when she had her abortion and went to her place and told her she meant a lot to me.

Every time, it wasn't much, and quite justified, but it doesn't matter, girls can't stand weakness in a man.

You can be authentic in front of your family, or your friends, but your girlfriend, nope, not the right person for that kind of thing.

And it's true that it can get tiring, I wish girls could override their animalistic instincts, but it always seems impossible for them.

I don't know about you but us men can't always act cool, macho and cold like everything is fine with our life, and if I date a woman who I will always and constantly have to hide parts of me from her and won't be able to be myself because she will leave me, then by all means I'd rather not be with her to begin with.

acting and hiding from someone I date or even live with, is an impossible act, it will never last, and it will drain my happiness away and tire and exhaust me mentally, once it gets to that point, and it always will, not just me, I believe every man, it simply wouldn't be worth it anymore to keep that person in my life.

That's why I think that at some point it's just better to show the real us, and our weaknesses as well, and take that risk, than always trying to hide everything negative mentally dry ourselves.

 

[Hairon]

Then you will have to remain alone.

There's no way around this, no cheat code.

Don't try to break the rules because you will only hurt yourself.

There are some things in life you just have no control over and you have to accept it.

Women are one of them.

what's the difference? being with someone you have to hide parts of yourself from and will never be able to be yourself with, you might keep her but you will also feel alone, you'll be depressed by the fact that you cannot share things with her, part of you will probably also start hating her, and you'll most likely get sick of her eventually, so the outcome will pretty much be the same, only that if you choose to hide the relationship might stay longer, but it will cost you your mental health and unhappiness.

I think I'll choose option one.

 

[Hairon]

As a woman, I can confirm this. Women don't like weak men, period. It's a bit unfair that men are not "allowed" to show their true feelings more, but it is what it is. It's just biology I guess.

A question to you, do you believe a relationship in which the man will always have to hide his weaknesses and always act strong, and never be himself fully in front of his spouse, can last?

 

[Hairon]

Yeah that's how it is unfortunately.

You can't bend the world to your whims and desires.

You either accept reality as it is or you can start a war with it if you want.

But I can already tell you: you will not win.



It's the only kind of relationship that can last.

I just explained to you why that kind of a relationship will not last either! because YOU will be the one to get sick of her in the end and most likely cheat on her or search somewhere else, so how can you say it's the only kind of a relationship that can last?

and no I cannot bend the ways of the world, but as I said, I'd probably go for option one, and be myself, and if that cost me my relationship then so be it, I'd be satisfied to know that I wasn't hiding or faking myself just to keep a person with me, I wouldn't feel pathetic.

 

[Hairon]

You also have to cheat to make a relationship last as a man.

^ Probably something that will make h.l. go "are people reading this sh*t?!"

I'm serious though.

if you have to cheat to make a relationship last as a man then women also have to cheat to make a relationship last as women, women are as horny as men are if not more.

 

[jd_uk]

As a woman, I can confirm this. Women don't like weak men, period. It's a bit unfair that men are not "allowed" to show their true feelings more, but it is what it is. It's just biology I guess.

This is an oversimplification and just like it's not possible for one man to speak for all men, it's not possible for you to 'confirm this' for all women. I can recall a situation last year where a women saw all of my weaknesses and insecurities and liked me just as much or even more because of it. She was so sweet and went out of her way to help me but eventually i let her go because i needed to deal with my own issues and didn't want a girlfriend (she wanted me as her bf). Still try and keep in touch with her as friends because she's an awesome girl. This forum is so black and white sometimes that it's very unhealthy for people to be reading constantly.

 

[jd_uk]

Nope, I would have stayed with my ex no matter what, as long as she kept on taking care of herself (healthy weight). And women should not cheat. To women, sex is always more than just sex, feelings develop, deep down, they want the guy to stay, they don't just sleep with a guy for fun.

If they think they can do that, they're kidding themselves. I've said this before, if the woman cheats, her relationship is doomed, it's over. I've cheated before, and it didn't change the way I felt about my girlfriend. It was just sex, it truly didn't mean anything.

Women aren't as horny as men, be sensible here. There are no male prostitutes, and women can go weeks, months without sex or even masturbation without feeling like they're going to die. For us men, it's another story of course.

I've never experienced someone so misguided with practically everything he writes yet be so self righetous. Once again i can think of numerous examples off the top of my head to instantly disprove whatever you say. I feel like your actual life experience is very limited. You need to get off the internet (forums and online dating) and into the real world.

 

[jd_uk]

You also have to cheat to make a relationship last as a man.

^ Probably something that will make h.l. go "are people reading this sh*t?!"

I'm serious though.

And only just saw this...but honestly...book yourself some more therapy because you definitely need it.

 

[jd_uk]

It can happen, but the girl has to be absolutely nuts over you.

I had that with my ex who was a virgin, wrote the letters, camped in front of my home, etc.

I cried my eyes out in front of her eventually, told her about my struggles in the past, hair loss, gynecomastia, psychotic episode, etc.

And yeah, it didn't change a thing, she even seemed to like me even more, thought that I was "a beautiful person".

I was doing my best to drive her away. Ah women...

So stop talking in absolutes. It's complete nonsense. Yeah many women are sh*t people...newsflash: many people are sh*t people.

 

[EvilLocks]

A question to you, do you believe a relationship in which the man will always have to hide his weaknesses and always act strong, and never be himself fully in front of his spouse, can last?

I should have specified I was talking about the courtship, not when you're in a long term relationship. Initially women like "strong" men, and I guess we always do, but it's nice to open up and share more feelings once you're in a stable, long term relationship. But if a man spills his entire life story and all his struggles on the first date, it's a huge turn-off.

 

[jd_uk]

That's your experience, yours and yours only. Reality is usually much bleaker than that...

Reality is just whatever happens. If all you read is HairLossTalk.com then reality seems a lot bleaker.