Can't Wrap My Head Around How She Doesn't Care

[EvilLocks]

Anyway, I think it's OK for a man to show his true feelings to his gf, as long as he doesn't do it all the time and becomes whiny and needy of course.

 

[EvilLocks]

Had my last session yesterday, she said I didn't have to come anymore.

So you're still in therapy? (as of yesterday). I thought you were done with that sh*t a long time ago.

 

[jd_uk]

I should have specified I was talking about the courtship, not when you're in a long term relationship. Initially women like "strong" men, and I guess we always do, but it's nice to open up and share more feelings once you're in a stable, long term relationship. But if a man spills his entire life story and all his struggles on the first date, it's a huge turn-off.

Well yes, but a guy is not exactly going to be turned on by a girl who tells her life story immediately either.

The girl i mentioned, i had slept with just a couple of times and kept in contact with her while i travelled. She liked me more once she got to know just how messed up my head had been upon returning from travelling i think.

 

[EvilLocks]

My ex's crazy move sent me back in March.

Oh, because of the abortion?

 

[jd_uk]

Had my last session yesterday, she said I didn't have to come anymore.



I could see the disappointment in my ex's eyes when I let myself go in front of her.

The truth is, you can never, ever open up to your girlfriend,not after one date, not after a year, not after ten years.

Never.

Nonsense again.

 

[EvilLocks]

Well yes, but a guy is not exactly going to be turned on by a girl who tells her life story immediately either.

That is true. But I was simply trying to convey that women like strong and masculine men, we want someone who can take care of us, you see. It's pure biology. It might be unfair but that's the way it is. But that doesn't mean I'd no longer like my boyfriend if he confided in me with his issues. I think it's OK for men to show some weakness, as long as it doesn't become too much.

 

[Hairon]

And women should not cheat. To women, sex is always more than just sex, feelings develop, deep down, they want the guy to stay, they don't just sleep with a guy for fun.

If they think they can do that, they're kidding themselves. I've said this before, if the woman cheats, her relationship is doomed, it's over. I've cheated before, and it didn't change the way I felt about my girlfriend. It was just sex, it truly didn't mean anything.

Women aren't as horny as men, be sensible here. There are no male prostitutes, and women can go weeks, months without sex or even masturbation without feeling like they're going to die. For us men, it's another story of course.

What? lol
Women are as horny as guys are, do you know how many girls I know that don't want a relationship?
Do you know how many girls just want sex? and say that it doesn't mean anything more?

Fred, you yourself say that good looking girls will go on the c*** carousel during their 20's and have fun and sleep with guys like there is no tomorrow, and only settle down once their prime is over
but now you're saying the exact opposite, that sex is always more than just sex for women, they want the guy to stay, and they don't sleep with a guy for fun.

Man you contradict yourself too much lately seriously.

 

[jd_uk]

That is true. But I was simply trying to convey that women like strong and masculine men, we want someone who can take care of us, you see. It's pure biology. It might be unfair but that's the way it is. But that doesn't mean I'd no longer like my boyfriend if he confided in me with his issues. I think it's OK for men to show some weakness, as long as it doesn't become too much.

The thing is that at points in a man's life there will be circumstances that feel like they're too much and where he hits real lows. A good woman wont lose any respect for her husband for that, even if he is at rock bottom. Sometimes a solid relationship and deep friendship can overcome all. Also, just because a man is low, it doesn't mean that he can't step up and take care of his girlfriend or wife when she needs it. I know from experience that no matter how low i got in a previous relationship, if i saw my ex was low i could always find something extra just because it was natural instinct to care. But i know what you are saying in general.. of course women generally like a man who they feel can take care of them.

 

[jd_uk]

What? lol
Women are as horny as guys are, do you know how many girls I know that don't want a relationship?
Do you know how many girls just want sex? and say that it doesn't mean anything more?

Fred, you yourself say that good looking girls will go on the c*** carousel during their 20's and have fun and sleep with guys like there is no tomorrow, and only settle down once their prime is over
but now you're saying the exact opposite, that sex is always more than just sex for women, they want the guy to stay, and they don't sleep with a guy for fun.

Man you contradict yourself too much lately seriously.

Nobody can generalise because everyone is an individual but i know plenty of women who are horny as hell. One of my best female friends confided in me recently that she wishes her bf wanted sex more. And another tells me how it is always her jumping her bf to initiate things. I know myself, usually i am always horny but recently i've 'pulled' two women who wanted sex more than I did.

 

[buckthorn]

perhaps it's as simple as you being attractive, even with thinning hair. Now bald? that may be another story entirely. I have a diffused birds nest on top of my head, but it frames my face, which women find attractive... so, as of now, it's like two seperate things

 

[Joe1191]

First mistake: don't tell her, unless she brings it up, that's how I do.

If she brings it up, act like it's no big deal, do not tell her anything about how it makes you depressed.

If you do, all women hear is: "I'm weak, feel sorry for me, I'm afraid! Why do people hate me because I'm bald?!"

It will dry her up, and she'll end up losing respect for you. You just can't talk about your insecurities with a woman.

And of course she will say it's no big deal, and that she doesn't notice. They're masters at manipulation.

Watch what they do, she will probably leave you at a point now that you've shared that with her.

It's a big mistake, it took me a lot of (failed) relationships to get it. Don't ever appear weak in front of your girlfriend.

First mistake: don't tell her, unless she brings it up, that's how I do.

If she brings it up, act like it's no big deal, do not tell her anything about how it makes you depressed.

If you do, all women hear is: "I'm weak, feel sorry for me, I'm afraid! Why do people hate me because I'm bald?!"

It will dry her up, and she'll end up losing respect for you. You just can't talk about your insecurities with a woman.

And of course she will say it's no big deal, and that she doesn't notice. They're masters at manipulation.

Watch what they do, she will probably leave you at a point now that you've shared that with her.

It's a big mistake, it took me a lot of (failed) relationships to get it. Don't ever appear weak in front of your girlfriend.

I'll definitely refrain from ever appearing weak. Thanks for all the advice, Fred.

 

[Joe1191]

perhaps it's as simple as you being attractive, even with thinning hair. Now bald? that may be another story entirely. I have a diffused birds nest on top of my head, but it frames my face, which women find attractive... so, as of now, it's like two seperate things

It could be a possibility as I am quite above average height and I take care of my body, plus I know how to dress myself. I personally don't think I'll look bad with a shaved head, especially with some facial hair to compensate.
You know the diffused bird nest pain. It's hellish.

 

[Joe1191]

I should have specified I was talking about the courtship, not when you're in a long term relationship. Initially women like "strong" men, and I guess we always do, but it's nice to open up and share more feelings once you're in a stable, long term relationship. But if a man spills his entire life story and all his struggles on the first date, it's a huge turn-off.

We've been dating for a while, almost a year soon. I've opened up about other things but hair has been one thing I don't think I'll ever bring up unless she asks.
Funny thing is she has asked me before if I'd love her still if she went bald semi-joking and I told her no sh*t, it really threw me off though.

 

[Joan]

It's the only kind of relationship that can last.

Tomorrow I'll be married 22 years. My husband has told me throughout our marriage (he was married before) that he's never, ever in his life opened up to anyone like he has to me. I've seen him cry both tears of joy and tears of sorrow. I have fallen in love with him again and again so many times throughout our years together that I've lost count. Maybe we're rare, but I'd like to think not.

 

[Joan]

I should have specified I was talking about the courtship, not when you're in a long term relationship. Initially women like "strong" men, and I guess we always do, but it's nice to open up and share more feelings once you're in a stable, long term relationship. But if a man spills his entire life story and all his struggles on the first date, it's a huge turn-off.

I agree, EvilLocks, and I would think women would be a turnoff to men as well if they divulged their struggles early on.

 

[Rudiger]

Tomorrow I'll be married 22 years. My husband has told me throughout our marriage (he was married before) that he's never, ever in his life opened up to anyone like he has to me. I've seen him cry both tears of joy and tears of sorrow. I have fallen in love with him again and again so many times throughout our years together that I've lost count. Maybe we're rare, but I'd like to think not.

I don't know if it's common, but it's not rare- or at least it wouldn't be if people didn't make so many sh*t decisions on such a consistent basis. It's just that people, generally speaking, are stupid, it's true, they often pick one of the first that comes along, sometimes they get lucky, most of the time not, and that's what leads to such unhappiness and incompatible couples trying to stick together for the hell of it, knowing they aren't with the right person but it's literally easier to just go with it.

That's why there's so many divorces, that's why so many long term relationships finally die a death for people in their 30's, 40's or beyond.

 

[Hairon]

I don't know if it's common, but it's not rare- or at least it wouldn't be if people didn't make so many sh*t decisions on such a consistent basis. It's just that people, generally speaking, are stupid, it's true, they often pick one of the first that comes along, sometimes they get lucky, most of the time not, and that's what leads to such unhappiness and incompatible couples trying to stick together for the hell of it, knowing they aren't with the right person but it's literally easier to just go with it.

That's why there's so many divorces, that's why so many long term relationships finally die a death for people in their 30's, 40's or beyond.

the reason they stick for the hell of it is either because they already have children and don't want to break that, or because they are used to their life and don't want to go out of their comfort zones- which is a problem of many people in many aspects of life, or because they are afraid of being single again and simply don't want to go back to being alone.

I also think these sort of problem only apply to average looking people and below, if you don't look that good, you know you won't do that well in the dating world, so you would be less happy to go back being single, because you know your chances of getting into a new relationship wouldn't be so high, or that it might take you a lot of time and effort.

but for good looking people, they know it will be easy for them, so if they are not happy with their relationships they will end it way faster, it's simple logic.

another aspect to why people try to keep their relationship, is that after you know someone for so many years, you'd want to save it before ending it, because really you're gonna have to rebuild a relationship like that all over again with someone else and not many people have the power for such a thing

 

[buckthorn]

A couple years ago, I dated a woman for about 10 months. I helped raise HER baby, remodel her house and, as I just am instinctively, was always generous and kind. TWICE, I mentioned the effects of hair loss on me. TWICE in TEN MONTHS. I didn't cry or whine, i just said, "yeah it f*cking sucks and makes me self conscience". The FIRST thing she said when we broke up, "well.. I had to deal with you and your hair loss issue." The next woman, I was smarter with. It came up ONCE, while we were drunk, for no longer than three minutes. I ended up breaking up with her. On FACEBOOK, I posted a pic of me with a buzzed head, entitled something like, "time to embrace it! insert a f*cking smiley face" and she went off about, "time to drop the ego sh*t". I immedietly chewed her out over PM and unfriended her. WOMEN. DON'T. UNDERSTAND. (unless they are going through it, like evillocks, parisienne, joan, etc..)

 

[Joan]

I think the fact that we were both married before (unhappily for the most part) has made us appreciate each other more. Past relationships can be beneficial to the next one(s).

 

[I.D WALKER]

It could be a possibility as I am quite above average height and I take care of my body, plus I know how to dress myself. I personally don't think I'll look bad with a shaved head, especially with some facial hair to compensate.
You know the diffused bird nest pain. It's hellish.

It's fine if you choose to share your vulnerabilities with your girlfriend/spouse,
rhetorically there will be +/- consequences either way. On the other hand, if you are more comfortable keeping part(s) of yourself private, as long as it's no threat to her personal safety, this too is ok.
There is no obligation for you to wholly reveal yourself at all times. If or when the day comes when you decide you are ready, chances are good you probably
won't even think twice about it.