Ever Wanted To Give Up/withdraw From Society?

[Rudiger]

I've had some developments in my life lately that have made me seriously question the goals I've worked towards over the last years. For a lot of reasons I simply don't feel as motivated to pursue them anymore. To fill the void I've toyed with ideas of taking the savings I have, moving to a third-world country and living like a lazy bum for the rest of my life. Or maybe leeching off my gf and pursuing some pie-in-the-sky project that I've always dreamed of.

Yes, maybe I have these feelings because I don't like responsibility and want to escape. But I can't help but feel that the daily grind of modern life is not something that will bring me happiness. Most of the trains that I needed to catch for this kind of life to make sense have already left the station. Just a year ago I had all this energy that was focused towards realizing all sorts of goals, professionally and romantically. Now I kinda just feel like plopping out a kid and calling it a day.

Anyone feel the same? I guess most people reach this point at some stage in their life, but I honestly feel sort of lost right now and need to talk about it.

What you have to weigh up is the length of time you're feeling like this, and how intensely you're feeling this.

I think you're reaching out to see if this is normal, and indeed it is, but up to a point you just have to accept that in the long term this may be temporary, and doing something drastic to correct it could be seriously regrettable.

I often have days where I hate being in work, even though the job isn't hugely stressful and I'm surrounded by a decent amount of genuinely good people who are even friends outside of work. I think to myself "when everyone says they hate being in work, are they thinking as intensely as me? Do they really hate it as much as I intensely do sometimes? Or maybe I need to take a step back, maybe I'm being a pussy really".

And rightly enough, sometimes within half an hour of asking myself these challenging questions, I'm feeling right as rain again. And I'm looking back on it and thinking "what a drama queen I am".

This is not always the case, sometimes I feel this restlessness for days or even weeks, months, and I get to the stage where I seriously think "what next for me?" but it's a good job, I won't get something as well paid doing what I'm doing, and it's in a company where I had to really build myself up. Moving to something else, I could hate another place twice as much.

I know you wouldn't have made this thread if this was about half hour long moodswings, and much like I often get, you have something a bit more long term and existential happening.

At moments like this you really need to exhaust all options before doing something drastic. For example you can only prove to yourself you can "follow a dream" if you spend like, 90% of your recreational time, over months, devoted to whatever that goal is.

Because quitting a job to give yourself an extra 40 hours a week to "pursue the goal", well you'll end up watching 40 hours of day time TV. Even more depressed that your project is gathering dust in the corner (I've seen this actually happen to people, and they've gone back to applying for a job or even their old job within 3 months, and of course end up in a regrettable position usually).

So that's my practical advice, if you are looking down a tunnel and seeing some ideal light at the end in the form of other options, being something creative, another career, etc. You need to firstly prove to yourself you really want it first, with being dedicated to it in every way, that your mind is naturally immersed in it and it's something you desperately want more than anything.

If you don't feel that kind of desire, it is likely you'll be making a huge mistake in changing your life, and your motivation could be even worse than it is in the moment.

It's natural what you're feeling, it will most likely pass, you may never be completely fulfilled with your life goals (how many people are?) but you may look back on this thread some day and see it as just a dark period that you got over without really doing anything.

If that time period gets beyond a "stage", and if that intense feeling of sadness becomes extreme and consistent, then you can look at things again, but as I say, only if you are certain you'd be devoted to drastic change.

 

[hairblues]

Yes and no.

I don't really want to seek out more since I know that my situation a blessing.

All humans get that "grass could be greener" feeling.

And greed is a dangerous feeling.

You make the wrong move and your situation could quickly become a nightmare.

Trying to get more or getting more has a cost.

I think it's important to remain humble, to manage your expectations, and most importantly, not to take risky gambles out of arrogance, greed and and entitlement.

"I deserve better!" Are you sure that you do though? The sky is the limit? No, your limits are the limit, and you need to know what they are.

Okay it's just sounds odd to me from you based on your fondness for American Capitalism.

it almost has a communist feel to it (not calling you a communist just saying it sounds so opposite of American ideal you seem fond of from your love of Trump and the republican outlook)


people can use fear as an excuse not to excel...you have to know the difference in yourself.
If you are intentionally limiting yourself from excelling this is not good...if you are worried about risking your job that is different of course. Just saying dont be afraid to know your worth to seek raises, take promotions, take on more over time.

 

[hairblues]

How is my outlook communist?

Don't know if communist is right word.

but like it reminds me of that Ayn Rand book the Fountainhead where people were encouraged not to excel to keep the status quo...and the person who was excelling he was ridiculed for it.

Not saying people should be 'artist's' this is not what I am talking about...i mean taking advancements excelling at your chosen profession.

if you dont want to that is fine--not judging you..just sounds different than how you have expressed yourself politically, of those you admire.

 

[Dante92]

This. My best friend is having these delusions right now and it's a bit hard for me to witness.

Of course he'll say that I have a "loser mentality" and that I don't want to take risks.

It's like he's been bingeing on self-help books titled "How to become rich?" lately.

He also thinks IQ tests are discriminatory and used to "put you in a box". Ah well...

You have to know your own limitations. You don't want to end up in a situation where you're in over your head, for your own sake and for the sake of the people around you.

Just sit and let him live in this illusion. When his dreams and hopes will dash against the craggy shores of this miserable reality, he will accept to live a meaningless gray life as most people do.

 

[Dante92]

Your life doesn't have to be meaningless Dante .

Please. That's the inevitable fate of most people, probably even yours and mine as well. They'll find themselves stuck in the same shitty routines, sorrounded by the same shitty people and doing the same shitty things all over again and again and again and again until they finally die. A shallow, boring squallor that ends with a pitiful death.

 

[CharAblaze]

You have to know your own limitations. You don't want to end up in a situation where you're in over your head, for your own sake and for the sake of the people around you.

Like the limations when you are f*****g balding.

Uni girls (22-23 years old) talking about a NW2 25 year old guy who does not look that bald:
Girl A: Men grow beards when they are balding like that one, don't they?
Girl B: Yes they do, bald men are f*****g gross.
Girl A: Yeah, I agree that's gross. They must have hair all over their body. Sure, my bf has some but it's not like he's a monkey man.
Gil B : That other dude was cool (talking about 25 year old who is a fullhead and looks like a teenager and he didn't do anything noteworthy in the f*****g event).
I remember questioning some 16-20 girls a few years ago online, asking if they would date a bald or balding man, all they had to say: Eww.. that's gross.

 

[bilboswaggins]

My ambitions have certainly dwindled in the last few years

 

[yetti]

Based on my degree, IQ and abilities, I could become a manager at most (wouldn't be able to handle the stress and intellectual requirements of climbing any higher).

You're very, very big on supposedly figuring out what a person's limitations are and then calling it an absolute. Both for yourself and other people. From what I can tell of your IQ, ability and intellect (agreed the stress thing is something else) you could do almost anything, including being a CEO. You're a smart, charismatic, talented guy, and a great writer who is able to advocate strongly and convincingly for what you believe in. And as far as the looks/ hooking up argument goes, you actually tell people to give up if they aren't good looking enough. I know youd call this the red pill, and to think otherwise is blue pill, coping, whatever. I think you consistently underestimate people, including apparently yourself. There are many leaders of companies who just aren't that bright (obviously less so than you) and bad looking people of all shapes and sizes are quite passionately "grinding privates" all over the place.

 

[Exodus2011]

No they don't, I'm among these people, and barely anyone shits on anyone in their backs.

The only people who do it have their own lives in shambles, and it's quite pathetic to see them badmouth others when you know their own situation. I seem to offend these people just by looking at them.

The kind of people who are like "Yeah right, I know why you're going to the gym! That's so shallow!", or "Pfff, you don't come to say hello to me in the morning, that means you hate me!" (Yeah I got that one), and always having this expression of spite on their faces. I just feel sorry for them.

Oh trust me, he is legit ugly, and he gets put back in his place if he does something inappropriate for his looks-level, like rubbing a female colleague's back. But that's expected.

But I understand that you've been traumatized if you've been working with such shitty people. So it's good that you're changing your environment.



I have all that you say, but I'm also a very agreeable person, which means I can't stand to make others feel bad even for a second. Can you imagine me firing someone as a CEO? I'd cry more about it that the person I fired.

Also, I'm extremely introverted, and I mean naturally introverted, trying to be an extrovert quickly makes me feel sick. Not that great to become a CEO or an executive either.

And let's not forget my high neuroticism, I'm quite ill-equipped to handle uncertainty and stress. Just look at what hair loss at a young age did to me.

So yeah, you need to know your limits, or you're going to make yourself suffer needlessly.

fred = confirmed teddy bear

 

[RegenWaiting]

How is my outlook communist?

Don't forget I have to tread in an environment that's nearly communist.

Belgium is the most socialist country in the world after France.

Even if you want to make tons of money, you just can't.

Based on my degree, IQ and abilities, I could become a manager at most (wouldn't be able to handle the stress and intellectual requirements of climbing any higher).

And even if I become a manager in the highest paying private company in Belgium (so it would be in the pharmaceutical sector), I'd have at most 35000 euros per year in my pocket even in my fifties!

My mother is an executive at her company, and yesterday, we were looking at her pension fund, so you could see her net worth per year and it was 50000€. She's 55 and she works in the pharmaceutical sector, as high as she could get in the highest-paying sector of her country, and that's what goes into her pocket.

Let that sink in, read it again and tell me how it makes you feel as an American.

This is one of the reasons I just can't be ambitious. My girlfriend is way more ambitious than me, and she knows about this crappy pay problem, but she says she wants to prove herself... Why not? Personally, I don't give much of a f*** about proving myself, I just wish I was rewarded properly for my efforts, and that's not possible in socialist Belgium.

"Wow, you worked like mad, developed more skills and made your company way richer! Here's 100€ more on your monthly pay, now go buy yourself some candies!"

I'll just put in a little comment about your statement that Belgium and France are most socialistic. To my knowledge, Norway of all countries' politics systems that I've looked at, has the most socialistic system. Practically, they already have a basic citizen wage, because if there's no need for you on the job market or you somehow have given up, the docs will find some kind of diagnosis to tag on you, so that you can be a premature pensionist. I think in some regions there, even up to 50% of the population are on those ''welfare'' schemes. And no, not immigrants...it's evenly distrubuted.

Also, already in Finland and Canada, real basic citizen wages are being tested via pilot studies in restricted regions and timeframes to see the results.

 

[Dench57]

But of course, Wallonia is pushing back, because they know that they would collapse without the help of Flanders.

 

[Dench57]

I don't get it.

View attachment 57424

Whenever you mention Flanders I can only picture Ned Flanders...and his hot ***

 

[RegenWaiting]

Basic universal income will definitely become a necessity as automation progresses and the working and low-middle classes become unemployable.

The alternative to that solution is civil war and even the most conservative people wouldn't want that.

But the people who'll benefit from it would better find something productive to do with their time. We'll have to incentive people to take part in some community work somehow.

Of course many people are exploiting the system and are just going through life as a vegetables, with all the negative health and psychological consequences that it causes.

I said Belgium was one of the most socialist country based on the amount of taxation, which is insane. It's no wonder that productive Flanders wants to regionalize welfare, since lazy Wallonia (and these are no cliches!) is sucking up a big chunk of Flanders' hard-earned money.

But of course, Wallonia is pushing back, because they know that they would collapse without the help of Flanders.

So it's no wonder that my two last long-term girlfriend were Flemish, I just can't stand the mentality in the South of my country. I'd quickly lose my temper with a leftist girlfriend.

I agree on the tax matter. Belgium is defo most socialist in the sense being that if you live in the ''right'' local region, with enough income you could possibly be taxed by 64(!)% ! Just looking at that number hurts my imaginary wallet.

Although, imo it could be defended in certain aspects because as I uderstand, you're being taxed by certain steps or intervals. So, if one has very low income, the tax would be that much lower, in extreme examples even 0%. It's all political ideology, so I'll just leave it at that. I respect your opinion.

 

[CaptainForehead]

I'm passionate about my job to an extent, to the point that I get that "I can't believe I get paid to do this!" feeling.

f*** you, you lucky sunofabitch!

Also f*** @Dante92

 

[CaptainForehead]

And even if I become a manager in the highest paying private company in Belgium (so it would be in the pharmaceutical sector), I'd have at most 35000 euros per year in my pocket even in my fifties!

My mother is an executive at her company, and yesterday, we were looking at her pension fund, so you could see her net worth per year and it was 50000€. She's 55 and she works in the pharmaceutical sector, as high as she could get in the highest-paying sector of her country, and that's what goes into her pocket.

You say you could only get 35k per year in the highest paying company, but your mom gets 50k in hand? Why could you not get 50k in hand? How much do you get now?

50k in hand is nice though.

Personally, I don't give much of a f*** about proving myself, I just wish I was rewarded properly for my efforts, and that's not possible in socialist Belgium.

"Wow, you worked like mad, developed more skills and made your company way richer! Here's 100€ more on your monthly pay, now go buy yourself some candies!"

+1

The dangers of socialism -- here we're seeing it first hand in Bear. The "not worth the extra effort syndrome".

BTW, my boss gets 110k euro in hand per year. In a technically govt job. From which he cannot be fired. And no, it's not Suisse.

Ever consider emigrating?

 

[Exodus2011]

If you say so. I've never seen ugly people treated well, I only saw fake respect and politeness, the same I'm getting now from my English colleagues and supervisors. But since you're not and never been on the receiving end of it, it's understandable that you can't believe it nor fathom it.

Its an assumption to think peoples respect is fake

People respect me at least in public. Even when i had a 6 month grown out horse shoe

 

[hairblues]

+1

The dangers of socialism -- here we're seeing it first hand in Bear. The "not worth the extra effort syndrome".
?

That was what surprised me earlier wth what he wrote..i was not comparing it to 'passion' jobs (i.e. the arts) i was comparing it to feeling competitive, ambitious in your own field to move up ladder, take on more responsibility as you can...it just seemed very sociolist/communist vs capitalist the way he described it--which surprised me about him.
I am not judging him either way but was curious if it was fear of unknown keeping him in place or fear of added responsibility etc.

most of the great gains I have had both professionally and personally have come from me taking chances, doing things in spite of fear. it's not for everyone all fields are different of course since i mostly have worked as an independent contractor so its set up differently. etc.

 

[Exodus2011]

People have joke yelled at me from cars but ive always had that. Life of looking beta in a trashy place

 

[hairblues]

I'm not going to stick my neck out to get added responsibilities without getting the added money that's supposed to go with it.

You'd have to be a complete moron to do that in my country. But I've seen many people actually try to climb the ladder despite this reality.

ah okay! yeah of course you need added $$$.

 

[Exodus2011]

As it is an assumption to think their respect is real.

In my case, I see them looking at me with barely constrained disgust or amusement, how they minimize their interactions with me and refuse even the slightest forms of physical contact even for trading introduction. So that's why I make safe assumptions about their respect being fake. Besides, as we discussed via PM, you're not ugly.

Thanks for the compliment but idk ive been feeling pretty unconfident about my looks. That was prolly just a good pic sometimes i see myself in mirrors and just wanna vomit i hate it. Other times i think im ok . . . f***.

Are you around little kids or mean or drunk types? How do they treat you? I would think they would tell the truth

Sorry but barely constrained disgust or amusion sounds like it would be hard to tell. Ill take your word for it but i think you might be misjudging.