A bit of a blogpost about me for context.
I'm 40 years old, I have a partner I've been with since I was 29 (we're still together), we have talked back and forth about having children but honestly I think a couple years ago really sealed it for me that we're probably not going to now.
I've had something of a shitty life, though through mostly no fault of my own, my spouse hates my immediate family and especially my mother. She refers to the rest of my family, including those extended relatives as "WASPy psychopaths". I nearly died as an infant, had a persistent health issue that caused problems for me at varying intensities throughout my life, culminating into something that basically scuttled my career at 31.
I've accomplished a lot in spite of those things, but I really give two fucks about
- reclaiming the years I lost being plagued with either skin issues or some debilitating kind
- reclaiming the years I lost because of aforementioned issues and being surrounded by a wretched crab-bucket family of "WASPy psychopaths" as my girlfriend would call them.
I have so much ground to make up in terms of just enjoying my life that I don't have any room for just being a dad and giving to others when I've been pathologically deprived as I have, and I acknowledge that. I think it's the least abusive thing I could do, is realize I have to find a way for this world to redeem itself to me instead of just rolling over and accepting my lot.
That begins with maxing out every aspect of my appearance as it should be, basically I need to get my hormones under control, beyond that it's solely a matter of getting everything else into place.