I don't blame others, it's my own fault that I listened to them. The people who don't care are happy so I'm happy for them, the people with internalized gender roles are simply a product of their environment, so I don't blame them either, and for the snobs and assholes, I try not to hate them, but do as Jesus said, so I pity them and try to love them as my fellow human beings, even if they are toxic. But I still cut them out of my life as they are not needed anywhere near me.
LOL, I tried the whole man up thing, I used to lift, and I tried to grow a beard. Let's just say that the lifting made me even more depressed, and I had to shave the beard off after only 3 weeks, as it became unbearable to look at myself. I hate body and facial hair, it's disgusting! I even joke to myself sometimes, why the hell does hair want to grow all over my body, but not on my head lol. Humor is a good way of staying sane.
As for my mental health, spirituality and meditation got me out of my dark self-destructive mindset, and I started fixing all the mistakes I made during my life. So I started eating better, stopped drinking, started caring for my health etc. And this led me to rediscovering my real personality, that I repressed for years. And then... hair loss hit me like a truck, all the cope and repression I did fell instantly, and I was left in a very bad situation. So I started looking for ways to reverse it, first I got on everything natural that somewhat works, then I tried going to useless doctors who tried to scam me, and then I started looking online. In the end I found this forum, that once again gave me hope that there is a chance to defeat this horrible disease.