I Accidentally Found Out My Brother Is Gay And Dont Know What To Do (he Doesnt Know I Know)

[yetti]

The ideal family is the traditional family, we know this, and deep down, you know it too. People are afraid of ideals or having an ideal because it shines light on their own inadequacies and shortcomings.

Bullshit. The ideal family is a happy family, with loving parents that love and take good care of their kids. For sure I'd rather be raised by 2 warm and supportive ladies than some abusive alcoholic dick.

You may say "that's not for me". Fine. Note that I didn't say, I'm right and "deep down you know it too". Different strokes for different folks. The irony of the right wing, anti-PC crowd is that they talk talk talk about freedom and non government interference, but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of life they much more strongly than anyone want to dictate personal behavior.

 

[Christian Miller]

I believe what I believe, if there is an up, there has to be a down, and of course, feelings will get hurt in the process.

If they're hurt, you have to ask yourself why it's the case. It seems your beliefs aren't as solid as mine if you feel they are so easily threatened.

I have seen many debates where Ann Coulter was booed by angry single mothers when she was dishing out the very unpolitically correct scientific studies and statistics about single parenthood.

The ideal family is the traditional family, we know this, and deep down, you know it too. People are afraid of ideals or having an ideal because it shines light on their own inadequacies and shortcomings.



Well, of course, nothing is as self-evident as you want to believe.

I wanted you to tell me why you thought I was a moron on this issue.

Whaaat?
What beliefs?
My belief that a same-sex couple, grandparents, an aunt, a single dad can raise healthy, happy kids?
That's not a belief. That's a reality, amigo.
And I don't feel threatened. Frustrated, sure, 'cause you diss on so many people, just because you don't like reality and wish you lived in the Victorian era.
But, luckily, it's 2017.
Ann Poulter has so many times been proven wrong. It is well known she is keen on manipulating statistics.

The ideal family is more than just a mom and a dad.
Gurl, please.

 

[hairblues]

This again...

View attachment 62583

Care to elaborate @Christian Miller ?

This Christaian Miller dude who when i gave him 1 dislike in research section he sent me PM wanting to know 'why?"

I told him it was weird to ask me in PM he put me on block


LOL

 

[rclark]

Marky you are so backwards and anti-intellectual, it's embarrassing. You can take any random thing and use it to smear what "they" do. How old are you? Is it your age or your religion that makes you so dumb?

At first I thought he was making a joke, because his avatar is Forest Gump.

It turns out he has more in common than his avatar than I thought.

 

[hairblues]

Well, if you think the opposite of what I say it's true, I'd say that your thinking is ideologically-driven.

Who told you that gay couples could raise perfectly healthy children? Who told you that children could become well-adjusted with only one parent?

Trace it back to its source. Think about it. I think you fell hard for the Western mainstream media propaganda.

I follow all those media so I know that this narrative is all over the place.

Not so long ago, I woke up to an article of the New York times showing a female-to-male transsexual breastfeeding a baby with a caption along those lines: "So cute!".

It legitimately made me want to throw up. This was a natural reaction, not a reaction caused by my unconscious stereotypes.

Stereotypes exist for a reason. People usually don't like them because there is a lot of truth to them.

I am less concerned with the biology of the parents not being natural and more concerned with modern technology not being natural to the detriment of children.

I think you are forgetting that Fathers for most of the existence of humans would be gone for long periods or time to work. Men would also die often while still young. children were put to work at very young ages maybe 100 years ago...and Not to mention the extreme wealthy and elite--including royalty for most of our existence those children received very little attention form their biological parents.

So i think you are over quantifying the roles of the biological Father in history. Other than financial provider and if he had a son he would teach him skills to work for labor. Or guide them on their life choices as they grew into adulthood. Which in modern society now is often mother or father--or the kid is already figuring that out on his own.

Now being little and working a computer by age 5 and sitting for hours playing video games or talking on forums--to me is not healthy and detrimental to the development socially of a child.
Its potentially isolating.

 

[rclark]

I am less concerned with the biology of the parents not being natural and more concerned with modern technology not being natural to the detriment of children.

I think you are forgetting that Fathers for most of the existence of humans would be gone for long periods or time to work. Men would also die often while still young. children were put to work at very young ages maybe 100 years ago...and Not to mention the extreme wealthy and elite--including royalty for most of our existence those children received very little attention form their biological parents.

So i think you are over quantifying the roles of the biological Father in history. Other than financial provider and if he had a son he would teach him skills to work for labor. Or guide them on their life choices as they grew into adulthood. Which in modern society now is often mother or father--or the kid is already figuring that out on his own.

Now being little and working a computer by age 5 and sitting for hours playing video games or talking on forums--to me is not healthy and detrimental to the development socially of a child.
Its potentially isolating.

It's the same thing if a mother lets them play video games. When my kids were little I tried to get them off of games.

Last week this couple was complaining about their two young boys. One son was saying dad beats me. This was eating in a mall food court.

The mother made it into a joke (and to be fair, sometimes kids just say things). She said I'll take you home to get your beatings. The son dropped a napkin on the ground she called him a dickhead. Both parents were complaining about their sons in front of them to. And this is before the son made the comment. I think both of their kids were younger than ten.

The point is, he probably does beat them in private, and the mother probably supports him, or looks the other way.

Some people shouldn't have kids. And they had at least two of them.

 

[Christian Miller]

The current year argument!

View attachment 62585

It depends on how broad your definition of happy and healthy is.

I have high standards for myself and for the people I surround myself with.

Healthy and happy means that for a man in his 40's, the kid in question will have used no psychiatric medication for the past 10 years, will never have had any sort of addiction (alcohol, weed, video games), will have a loving and equally successful wife, will be at least a manager in his companies, will be successful in his hobbies, will have kids that are themselves healthy and well-behaved, the kind of kids other adults genuinely smile at when they see them.

You're below that bar and you find it offense that it's how I define a healthy and happy life? Tough luck, that's where I place it for myself. That means that if I don't get there in my 40's, I will have failed to attain my ideal, but at least it keeps me going.

What is your ideal? What are your goals in life? Again, I'm curious.

I'm done.
Bye!

 

[hairblues]

There's another side to your argument: http://www.parents.com/kids/development/benefits-of-video-games/

And talking on forums is invaluable. Writing on this forum has been one of the most enriching activities in my life.

Same with video games, some of the best moments of my life, whether it was alone, local multiplayer (PES, Mario Kart, the Wii in general) or online multiplayer (Unreal Tournament). I've learned a lot from them.

You don't figure anything on your own, obviously. You learn it from others, and it is better if you learn from your father.

Your father is not just any other human being. If your boss says he's proud of your work, sure, it's positive, but if you don't hear that from your dad, you will not get it somewhere else. Trust me, I know.

Many things are going well for me at different levels in my life, but since my father has never said he was proud of me, there's something missing in me, I just can't recognize the value of my own achievements properly.

Every time I have an evaluation at work, and it's usually very positive, I have to refrain from crying because my supervisors are all like "you're doing amazing work Bear!" and I'm struggling to see when I'm doing good or not, to the point that I have a tendency to believe that anything I attempt to do is potentially bad.

This follows you your whole life and it's not negligible. This is one thing that my dad didn't provide me but he did alright other areas, and I'm grateful that he was there for me.

I think for a developing very young mind these forums are awful places.

I think even for some adults it's not a good place. We have seen highly educated men write repeated editorials about how this place is so toxic to them--and we have grown men who have to self ban to not be here..I mean thats really telling to me that for developing, young minds/children forums would not be a great place.

The same way young men get radicalized for ICIS I think there is potential for boys/girls to be radicalized in how they see the world in a bad way...MGTOW, modern feminist sites...lookism. etc.

 

[Christian Miller]

I guess you've reached your limit.

My rating of our debate: 3/10

LMAO
That is what makes you feel good about yourself: believing I was triggered in any way?
Why should I be triggered, dude?

You want to have a perfect life.
I don't want to and won't have a perfect life, even if I'm a billionaire, restore to nw1, etc.
That is crazy and that is probably the reason you suffered from depression in the past.
And that is what makes you susceptible to future depression.
Good luck!

 

[rclark]

You have this one backwards:

Not striving for a perfect life (on your own terms) is what makes you prone to depression.

No the other way around. You must have an ideal that pushes you forward.

If you don't have that, you're just floating around and you can be sure that you'll suffer because of it.

Who are you replying to?

 

[Christian Miller]

You have this one backwards:

Not striving for a perfect life (on your own terms) is what makes you prone to depression.

No the other way around. You must have an ideal that pushes you forward.

If you don't have that, you're just floating around and you can be sure that you'll suffer because of it.

Dude, having goals in your life keeps you going.
Not trying to live the "perfect life".
THERE IS NO SUCH THING

 

[rclark]

There's another side to your argument: http://www.parents.com/kids/development/benefits-of-video-games/

And talking on forums is invaluable. Writing on this forum has been one of the most enriching activities in my life.

Same with video games, some of the best moments of my life, whether it was alone, local multiplayer (PES, Mario Kart, the Wii in general) or online multiplayer (Unreal Tournament). I've learned a lot from them, and they provided me with tons of fun.

Of course as for any activity, moderation is key.

You don't figure anything on your own, obviously. You learn it from others, and it is better if you learn from your father.

Your father is not just any other human being. If your boss says he's proud of your work, sure, it's positive, but if you don't hear that from your dad, you will not get it somewhere else. Trust me, I know.

Many things are going well for me at different levels in my life, but since my father has never said he was proud of me, there's something missing in me, I just can't recognize the value of my own achievements properly.

Every time I have an evaluation at work, and it's usually very positive, I have to refrain from crying because my supervisors are all like "you're doing amazing work Bear!" and I'm struggling to see when I'm doing good or not, to the point that I have a tendency to believe that anything I attempt to do is potentially bad.

This follows you your whole life and it's not negligible. This is one thing that my dad didn't provide me but he did alright other areas, and I'm grateful that he was there for me.

For kids three and younger, even television can have a damaging effect on their developing brains. Disney stopped making videos
for young children.

And it's been shown that anything over two and a half hours has a bad effect (U.S. FDA).

What it actually does, I don't really know.

 

[EvilLocks]

I think for a developing very young mind these forums are awful places.

Definitely. You need some maturity and life experience to survive in this place without going crazy, because all these repeated opinions does something to you. Even though I'm an adult and 25 in 3 months I had to grow thick skin to not let some opinions get to me here. This place and the people here give me a lot of positive things, that's why I stay, but at the same time there are times where I just feel like I need to get away from here.

 

[Christian Miller]

There is, obviously.

You don't need to attain it to feel fulfilled.

Just make sure that you always try to move towards it.

Dude, we have quite the opposite outlook in life.
There is no point in arguing any further.
Auf Wiedersehen.

 

[Xander94]

Why do these opinions frighten you so much? If you're so sure that the way your perceive the world is accurate, then other people's opinions shouldn't scare you so easily.

Besides, we keep repeating to the newbies, or anyone actually, that they need to go out there to experience the world for themselves, not rely on what members like @Xander94 are saying.

I agree that if you don't take everything you read on these forums with a grain of salt, it could damage your life in the sense that you'll now believe that you already know it all.

But I believe it's crucial to debate with people who do not agree with you, because if you don't do that, you will never grow.

Remember this, we're all biased, stupid, prejudiced, I still am to an extent, and you still are. That's why some of the powerful opinions you read here scare you, they threaten your current view of the world, and I don't think blocking them out is a great idea.

Confronting them with your own ideas and arguments is the way to go.

I get it, it's scary to see the worldview that you cling damaged or shattered, no one likes to feel stupid. I know the feeling since I've experienced it countless times on this forum, but once you get over it and truly force yourself to see the other side, you'll definitely grow as a person.

I used to have epic fights with @Rudiger two years ago and now I feel like he's the member who's the closest to me in mindset (Not he'll see this as a compliment ).

Yet another wk post

 

[DoctorHouse]

Definitely. You need some maturity and life experience to survive in this place without going crazy, because all these repeated opinions does something to you. Even though I'm an adult and 25 in 3 months I had to grow thick skin to not let some opinions get to me here. This place and the people here give me a lot of positive things, that's why I stay, but at the same time there are times where I just feel like I need to get away from here.

Evil, this place is actually a small representative of what goes thru the minds of people who are either depressed, have OCD/BDD, social anxiety, and insecurity. So it going to be more toxic to those who have only minor mental issues. And if you let these people influence your own thoughts it will only fuel your own fire. The more you experience life you will realize just how mentally sick people can be but at the same time you can find the good in them as well. Just like on here, I do find alot of good in people enough that I tend to gravitate to this place. I think once you find someone you can identify with the most, you don't feel so alone.

A lot of the stuff discussed on here is not something alot of people can bring up to their family or friends. I can because I need to for self validation. This place is a tool for some to get some type of positive validation in order to feel somewhat better about themselves. People do that in the real world too but sometimes it can backfire on you. That is when you need the thick skin you talk about.

We have alot of different egos here that like to be stroked. Some people need that constantly to boost their self worth and others just do it just to fill some voided time and loneliness. People like Xander have been affected by social media and forums the most. And their posts show a reflection of vomiting the propaganda you see on forums like sluthate or lookism. Hopefully, with some baby steps they will eventually see that their propaganda may have some truths but at the same time they need to realize there are exceptions to every rule. I have said this before and I will say it again, I was Xander but my problem was my acne and my ectomorphic body. I had good looks, the hair, and the height but I saw what Xander saw so I formed my own negative limiting beliefs and obviously developed my BDD. I had no forums to influence me in my youth so my life experiences were all I had. And my biggest problem was that I never knew how to read people the right way. I did not know how to read body language. You need to first learn that before you can even date.

I eventually started weight lifting and made some great gains. Eventually with my height and improved physique I got more noticed. Eventually people asked if I was taking steroids and I never did. So looksmaxing does has some merit but it was never enough. You have to develop a personality that is full of charm and confidence too. I was able to do the charm part but the confidence had to come much later. We all have a story to tell and you will find some of us will have the exact same story to tell. The good thing is we can learn how to change by life experiences. If you don't get out there, you will never learn from your mistakes and grow. Your values and limiting beliefs will keep changing but some of them will not. @Xander94 and @Stanx22

 

[yetti]

Definitely. You need some maturity and life experience to survive in this place without going crazy, because all these repeated opinions does something to you. Even though I'm an adult and 25 in 3 months I had to grow thick skin to not let some opinions get to me here. This place and the people here give me a lot of positive things, that's why I stay, but at the same time there are times where I just feel like I need to get away from here.

I came here for some advice about Rogaine. I stayed for the lesson in how anti-immigrant, anti-feminist, right wing young people think.

 

[Xander94]

Evil, this place is actually a small representative of what goes thru the minds of people who are either depressed, have OCD/BDD, social anxiety, and insecurity. So it going to be more toxic to those who have only minor mental issues. And if you let these people influence your own thoughts it will only fuel your own fire. The more you experience life you will realize just how mentally sick people can be but at the same time you can find the good in them as well. Just like on here, I do find alot of good in people enough that I tend to gravitate to this place. I think once you find someone you can identify with the most, you don't feel so alone.

A lot of the stuff discussed on here is not something alot of people can bring up to their family or friends. I can because I need to for self validation. This place is a tool for some to get some type of positive validation in order to feel somewhat better about themselves. People do that in the real world too but sometimes it can backfire on you. That is when you need the thick skin you talk about.

We have alot of different egos here that like to be stroked. Some people need that constantly to boost their self worth and others just do it just to fill some voided time and loneliness. People like Xander have been affected by social media and forums the most. And their posts show a reflection of vomiting the propaganda you see on forums like sluthate or lookism. Hopefully, with some baby steps they will eventually see that their propaganda may have some truths but at the same time they need to realize there are exceptions to every rule. I have said this before and I will say it again, I was Xander but my problem was my acne and my ectomorphic body. I had good looks, the hair, and the height but I saw what Xander saw so I formed my own negative limiting beliefs and obviously developed my BDD. I had no forums to influence me in my youth so my life experiences were all I had. And my biggest problem was that I never knew how to read people the right way. I did not know how to read body language. You need to first learn that before you can even date.

I eventually started weight lifting and made some great gains. Eventually with my height and improved physique I got more noticed. Eventually people asked if I was taking steroids and I never did. So looksmaxing does has some merit but it was never enough. You have to develop a personality that is full of charm and confidence too. I was able to do the charm part but the confidence had to come much later. We all have a story to tell and you will find some of us will have the exact same story to tell. The good thing is we can learn how to change by life experiences. If you don't get out there, you will never learn from your mistakes and grow. Your values and limiting beliefs will keep changing but some of them will not. @Xander94 and @Stanx22

Doctor white knight xD

 

[DoctorHouse]

@Xander94, LOL, I am a dark knight. Batman was my hero growing up. What did I say that triggered you? I told you I understand you better than anyone here. I used to think like you do. Actually sometimes I still do.

 

[kj6723]

There is, obviously. We can all conceptualize what our ideal future could be.

You don't need to attain your ideal to feel fulfilled.

Just make sure that you always try to move towards it.

Life is about the journey, not the destination. I'm finding this to be more and more accurate as the years go on

I don't remember the exact wording of the quote, but it's something like, "it's better to have goals so high you are never able to achieve them, than to have goals you fully achieve." can't remember who said it either, so google is no help lol