I discovered how to beat hair loss - embrace it!

[s.a.f]

You see Nichiyoubitch (sorry) all we want is for you to acknowledge the fact that us bald guys are discriminated against to a certain but still distinct extent....weather you choose to ignore them or empower them is (like you say) up to you. Most of us here feel like there are very real consequences to going bald. Most all men want to avoid it for the same reason. It makes you less attractive (most of the time) and as wrong as it may be, being attractive is disproportionately valued in this society from which we can't just escape. You have to choose to let or not let those unsavory reactions affect you. It is a test of our inner strength to overcome the stigma in your own way, but you can't say it doesn't exist or else you loose credibility as someone who is in denial. I don't pretend to think that being bald doesn't make me different but that makes it feel all the better when I am out without my hat and see another bald guy. There is a mutual feeling of brotherhood and understanding that guys with hair just don't have.

Whatever Nichiyoubi attempts to come back with this is the fact and its undisputable. :hump:
You acn fool yourself that it does'nt matter but thats just the same as burying your head in the sand.

 

[Ian Curtis]

Agreed

 

[Smooth]

:agree: 2

 

[superfrankie]

In the society we live in today, hair loss causes some irritating scenarios (as UM described). Everybody has the power to choose how to react but you cant prevent inevitable abuses, strange gazes or comments from time to time. That is not something we choose. Nobody can deny that.

 

[Nichiyoubi]

"...us bald guys are discriminated against to a certain but still distinct extent." - UM

You guys rant about this endlessly, yet offer no proof at least on this thread. In what ways are you being discriminated against? What is actually happening to YOU, not some mythical bald underdog champion of the miserable? Or to some guy who wanted to be Elvis Presley but couldn't because he was a NW2 at 20?

I'd like to hear some real stories. But whatever you claim you need to show that negative consequences occurred and that these were directly connected to your hair loss situation. Saying "some guy cut me off this morning because I'm losing my hair" does not cut it folks. Nor does "somebody gave me a strange look when I walked into a bar." These claims do not show any connection to hair loss.

If such discrimination is "a fact and indisputable" then there should be plenty of stories about individual situations, right? And these would be recurring, not "once, oh about 6 years ago such and such happened" or "I have a friend who's friend suffered hair loss discrimination and couldn't get an audition in Hollywood" etc.

Can't wait to hear them. Maybe you'll convince me.

_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

 

[s.a.f]

"...us bald guys are discriminated against to a certain but still distinct extent." - UM

You guys rant about this endlessly, yet offer no proof at least on this thread. In what ways are you being discriminated against? What is actually happening to YOU, not some mythical bald underdog champion of the miserable? Or to some guy who wanted to be Elvis Presley but couldn't because he was a NW2 at 20?

I'd like to hear some real stories. But whatever you claim you need to show that negative consequences occurred and that these were directly connected to your hair loss situation. Saying "some guy cut me off this morning because I'm losing my hair" does not cut it folks. Nor does "somebody gave me a strange look when I walked into a bar." These claims do not show any connection to hair loss.

If such discrimination is "a fact and indisputable" then there should be plenty of stories about individual situations, right? And these would be recurring, "

Err just go back through UCmans posts he's posted plenty of experiences, and I myself have been ridiculed to my face plenty of times about it.

 

[qball01]

yeah no doubt you'll encounter some people who make idiotic comments...it pisses me off but then again its also easy to read too much into comments, thinking that a simple remark means the other person HATES you or is trying to be mean. On Halloween I went to a store to get a wig and couldn't find one that looked semi decent...the lady said "yeah, see you don't have much hair to begin with so its hard to find one that will blend in and look somewhat natural" or something to that extent...pretty much making a harmless observation about why the wig wouldn't look very real on me unless I cut it, but I bet some people here would have perceived that as her making a very negative, biased comment or something simply because she mentioned my lack of hair.

U-man's "stories" don't exactly prove much to me...I'm sure there have been a few unfortunate instances but the rest of his views are just conjecture. Its hard to take what he says at face value because like I've said...he has a condition in which one of the main symptoms is thinking people are staring and pointing at you so when he says "people gawk and point and laugh at me" I find it really hard to believe its the truth.

Even despite a negative social stigma that may exist towards baldness (although it is also seen in a positive light in some instances or else famous baldies and the practise of shaving the head wouldn't exist) it is utterly ridiculous to think that you can get openly mocked on a DAILY basis for being bald....the idea that one can be such a target for ridicule just for having a bald head is being as ignorant as the people who DO make stupid, unecessary, hurtful comments. Seriously, anybody who disagrees is kidding themselves. Even if people WERE to hold baldness in a negative light (and many people don't because they simply don't care) the idea that they would constantly point and laugh is ludicrous. If anything, the comments would be kept to themselves, and made until the person was long gone. Encountering an occasional prick is one thing...but taking that idea and extending it to thinking you are being laughed at ALL THE f*****g TIME in public is ridiculous because it is assuming that everybody is noticing you and expending their energy on ridiculing you. People are much too self centred and worried about THEIR flaws and consumed in THEIR OWN thoughts to constantly do this on a consistent basis.

 

[Nichiyoubi]

qball01 I concur completely. You nailed it.

s.a.f., you wrote "Err just go back through UCmans posts he's posted plenty of experiences, and I myself have been ridiculed to my face plenty of times about it."

I haven't seen a story from UM, and I haven't seen one from you s.a.f. With all your posts about the injustices and inhumanity surrounding hair loss, I would have thought surely there would be a couple anecdotes posted by now.

You don't have to write a novel. How about taking two minutes and writing two bullet points as follows:

1. Describe the last time someone discriminated against you or you were "ridiculed to your face" because you were losing your hair and indicate how far back that occurred. You say it happens often, so a few instances should be fresh in your memory, no?

2. Explain the negative consequences that occurred as a result of this encounter.

Let me help by providing an example: 1. I went to a job interview last week. The interviewer said "sorry, we do not hire people who are losing their hair." 2. I was asked to leave and am now unemployed. If such a thing happened, I would be somewhat sympathetic.

If you're going to say some chick wouldn't date you because of your hair loss, that requires evidence that you were rejected because of your hair loss and not some other factor. In such a case I might be somewhat sympathetic but the reason has to be hair loss, not "my general looks". The latter is the cause of rejection for any man with or without hair and does not prove the point in the least.

How about we get a few stories of real discrimination and ridicule out in the open so we can deal with these injustices. If there aren't any stories, perhaps the issue is being exaggerated a bit???

_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

 

[Nichiyoubi]

First of all there's never one thing that makes us feel upset about our hairloss, it's a culmination of things that happen over time. But, I can tell you that personaly the most upseting consequence of hairloss that I have experienced are all of the little comments. Peirs constantly making a specticle of me, making little smart *** comments about my hairloss in front of others. Sure you can brush these comments off, but deep down inside it's very hurtful and humiliating.

In addition to that, I have noticed a very strong difference in the way I am recepted by Females. I use to get constant attention from Females who made it quit oubvious that they were interested in me. I always had social anxiety disorder, but even with that holding me back, I had tons of female attention and interest. After my hairloss progressed females started to treat me drastically different. I no longer received the interest or attention, and I had to go out of my way seeking it, only to be rejected the vast majority of the time, these changes did not occur before my hairloss became evident, nothing else changed to account for it accept for my hairloss, and it sucks!

Finfighter, nice post and I mean that. Let me give you some thoughts on the two topics you raised - wisecracks by your peers, and female rejection.

With regard to "the little comments" from your peers, you do know that guys like to make cracks about each other right? Often times guys do that to each other because it is endearing. I have friends who make wisecracks about me including my baldness all the time and I find some cracks to throw back at them. No blood, no foul. It's in jest, so don't take these things so seriously. In fact one of the reasons guys joke about other's hair loss is because they don't get that some people are sensitive about it. Guys can be pretty dumb sometimes, let's admit it! But again the vast majority of the time they mean no harm. And I bet that no women ever made jokes about your hair loss, right? Women don't do that.

Now onto the female side of the equation. I can relate 100%. I had hair and scored all the time. I started losing my hair. I had trouble getting dates. I felt bad about it. I blamed my hair loss. I lost my confidence. I asked girls for dates and more of them said no. I got even more self conscious and upset about it. I created a negative self image and had even more trouble. I got to the point where I was practically begging chicks for dates, to no avail. I felt pathetic. Does this sound at all like your situation, finasteride? If it does, then you know I've been there.

So what changed? The gradual hair loss kept on going so that did not change at all. In fact it got worse. But I did wake up one day and said to myself "if they don't like me, then screw 'em. I have a lot going for me and it's their loss, not mine." I stopped begging for dates. I went about my life. I worked hard and enjoyed my hobbies. I hung out with my good friends and stopped trying so hard to attract women. I also got tired of my hair loss situation and started having my hair stylist cut it shorter and shorter. The shorter it got, the better I thought it looked and I got used to it.

These two things came together and resulted in a dramatic shift in how women responded to me. I stopped going to bars and got involved in some social clubs where I would meet lots of different people. As girls got to know me I began noticing that THEY were the ones making subtle suggestions about "getting together some time" or going to this event or that one. Over time I had quite a few around me that I knew if I expressed the slightest inclination of wanting to date them they would say "yes." I kept it that way for some time because I liked the tension, and I knew that I was in control of the situation. When I did decide to ask for a date the trouble became how to deal with all these chicks, many of whom knew each other and were now jealous when I was dating one of them. They started to come on harder and harder. It was like a feeding frenzy. I tell you no lies!

So there's something for you and others to consider. My friends you have to understand that you live in a social marketplace. If there is an oversupply of you and a perceived shortage of women who will date you then they become the precious commodity and you become the beggar. You have to turn that situation around. I just explained how I did it. Not saying it will work for everyone but it worked for at least one person - me!

The key takeaway is this:

Full head: Lots of women
Thinning: Fair number but slowing down
Major thinning: The beginning of a drought
Cutting it short: Some big rain clouds above ready to break loose
Hair mostly gone: Total deluge of women, more than ever

If hair loss ruins your life, then what the heck just happened???

_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

 

[Jaimes8a]

I'm 28 years old. After a few tries with propecia and a topical substance, I decided to try to embrace my hair loss - to try to truly practice mind over matter. However, although I've decided to take this path and believe is a healthy one, I'm not good at it - I'm still too self-conscious about it, and feel less confident as the hair loss progresses. I realize this low confidence projects with other people since the following pattern seems to be happening:

When I had hair: I was very confident without effort, and it was easy to talk to people of either sex - whether it be for friendship or more.

When I started thinning - I was still confident, but starting to feel more self-conscious.

Even more thinning - I'm not as confident as before, and have become more self-conscious about the hair loss. I seem to not be able to make connections with people of either sex - I think my low confidence and high self-consciousness is making me more withdrawn and less open. I didn't realize how much confidence my hair gave me until now.

I do want to not let it bother me, but it does. Is there anyone around in their twenties who is actually comfortable with hair loss? One of you mentioned you became comfortable later, but in your 20s you were still too self-conscious about the hair loss. Am I in an age group in which image is still paramount?

 

[s.a.f]

If it bothers you in your 20's it will still bother you in your 30's or even 40's+.

 

[Nichiyoubi]

I'm 28 years old. After a few tries with propecia and a topical substance, I decided to try to embrace my hair loss - to try to truly practice mind over matter. However, although I've decided to take this path and believe is a healthy one, I'm not good at it - I'm still too self-conscious about it, and feel less confident as the hair loss progresses. I realize this low confidence projects with other people since the following pattern seems to be happening:

When I had hair: I was very confident without effort, and it was easy to talk to people of either sex - whether it be for friendship or more.

When I started thinning - I was still confident, but starting to feel more self-conscious.

Even more thinning - I'm not as confident as before, and have become more self-conscious about the hair loss. I seem to not be able to make connections with people of either sex - I think my low confidence and high self-consciousness is making me more withdrawn and less open. I didn't realize how much confidence my hair gave me until now.

I do want to not let it bother me, but it does. Is there anyone around in their twenties who is actually comfortable with hair loss? One of you mentioned you became comfortable later, but in your 20s you were still too self-conscious about the hair loss. Am I in an age group in which image is still paramount?

I worked it out when I was around 28 or 29. Before that I had some really tough times but I never gave up.

It may not be easy and it may take time, but you can overcome it if you try. I know a lot of people who have.

The most important thing is to avoid negative self talk, and never take advice from negative people. Believe in yourself and keep on rolling.

_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

 

[superfrankie]

I'm 28 years old. After a few tries with propecia and a topical substance, I decided to try to embrace my hair loss - to try to truly practice mind over matter. However, although I've decided to take this path and believe is a healthy one, I'm not good at it - I'm still too self-conscious about it, and feel less confident as the hair loss progresses. I realize this low confidence projects with other people since the following pattern seems to be happening:

When I had hair: I was very confident without effort, and it was easy to talk to people of either sex - whether it be for friendship or more.

When I started thinning - I was still confident, but starting to feel more self-conscious.

Even more thinning - I'm not as confident as before, and have become more self-conscious about the hair loss. I seem to not be able to make connections with people of either sex - I think my low confidence and high self-consciousness is making me more withdrawn and less open. I didn't realize how much confidence my hair gave me until now.

I do want to not let it bother me, but it does. Is there anyone around in their twenties who is actually comfortable with hair loss? One of you mentioned you became comfortable later, but in your 20s you were still too self-conscious about the hair loss. Am I in an age group in which image is still paramount?

The most important thing is to avoid negative self talk, and never take advice from negative people. Believe in yourself and keep on rolling.

_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Thats the reason I consider quitting this place for good. I really dont feel good when I come in here. Get sucked into all this negativity. Its affecting me. Most of the things that is written in here is confirmed in reality but It does not take you forward. Its hard as it is. Discussing with people with BDD (as some members have said they have) in here can only be bad in the long run. With all due respect. I cant answer this question: what do I get from being here? Cant come up with anything.

 

[Nichiyoubi]

I'm 28 years old. After a few tries with propecia and a topical substance, I decided to try to embrace my hair loss - to try to truly practice mind over matter. However, although I've decided to take this path and believe is a healthy one, I'm not good at it - I'm still too self-conscious about it, and feel less confident as the hair loss progresses. I realize this low confidence projects with other people since the following pattern seems to be happening:

When I had hair: I was very confident without effort, and it was easy to talk to people of either sex - whether it be for friendship or more.

When I started thinning - I was still confident, but starting to feel more self-conscious.

Even more thinning - I'm not as confident as before, and have become more self-conscious about the hair loss. I seem to not be able to make connections with people of either sex - I think my low confidence and high self-consciousness is making me more withdrawn and less open. I didn't realize how much confidence my hair gave me until now.

I do want to not let it bother me, but it does. Is there anyone around in their twenties who is actually comfortable with hair loss? One of you mentioned you became comfortable later, but in your 20s you were still too self-conscious about the hair loss. Am I in an age group in which image is still paramount?

The most important thing is to avoid negative self talk, and never take advice from negative people. Believe in yourself and keep on rolling.

_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Thats the reason I consider quitting this place for good. I really dont feel good when I come in here. Get sucked into all this negativity. Its affecting me. Most of the things that is written in here is confirmed in reality but It does not take you forward. Its hard as it is. Discussing with people with BDD (as some members have said they have) in here can only be bad in the long run. With all due respect. I cant answer this question: what do I get from being here? Cant come up with anything.

Superfrankie, if you stop feeling the need to come here you will have graduated my friend!

It's your life. Live it.


_________________
"Baldness is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

 

[Nene]

I'd give up my pinkie for a permanent norwood 1 any day of the week! And look, the healthiest thing to do is try to be confident and accept your hair loss, regardless if you decide to shave it or keep your horseshoe. But let's not pretend like losing hair doesn't suck.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

I got my haircut yesterday. I feel as if I cant win sometimes. I hate it when it grows out too much, the hairloss kind of looks more visible and I actually can look 'ill', its quite weird. But anyway, I shaved it yesterday, and Im not sure really. I feel like a bit of a freak. My forehead really is big. My general pattern is get it shaved and then let it grow back, but I cant really think of any particular styles that would work other than shortish and simple.

I think now I dont mind the actual hairloss being obvious - so I think Im going to go for a more mediem style cut, but still neat. I dont like to have too much of a fringe.

Anyway, I feel slightly better having it really short then I do when its too messy and ratty looking. It just sucks because there are less and less days/times when my hair actually looks decent. Im just going have to try and accept. I find it can be very powerful just looking in a mirror and just saying something like 'I look fine, it looks normal, and I am attractive.'

I find these saying these positive things to yourself on a daily basis can really help you to accept your hair loss and realize that its not that bad - its only as bad as you make it out to be. Or one American president said 'your as happy as you choose to be.' Your subconcious/deeper mind will believe anything you tell it - so you just have to try and change your thought patterns slowly and surely.

Its not like everything can be magically changed overnight, but just simply aiming to be more positive instead of negative at least will bring a change. If your pattern of thoughts is mainly negative, then it is logical that you could break your pattern of thoughts to become more positive.

On a side note..Im not sure about this whole 'change your thoughts change your life' mantra..People are very much shaped by their enviroment. I think its more of a halfway house. Some peope say that life is completely what you make it - but I think its more that you have to do the best from the cards you were given - that doesnt mean sadly that you have infinite impossibilites in life - your path in life is arguably put into place in your formative years, and correlates with your family background.

 

[superfrankie]

I got my haircut yesterday. I feel as if I cant win sometimes. I hate it when it grows out too much, the hairloss kind of looks more visible and I actually can look 'ill', its quite weird. But anyway, I shaved it yesterday, and Im not sure really. I feel like a bit of a freak. My forehead really is big. My general pattern is get it shaved and then let it grow back, but I cant really think of any particular styles that would work other than shortish and simple.

When you have a horshoe and dark stubble like me the only option is to shave everyday. After shaving I feel quite comfortable but after 24 hours a feel panic-stricken. This amount of energy it drains from me is undescribable. Its a constant war with no end. You cant win it. Everyday I wake up anguished cause I know I have to spend 15 min in the bathroom shaving. Its intolerable. Right now Im shaving every other day. Its the only way I can get some kind of rest. This is really killing me. Ive tried to change my attitude towards it but I cant. I just cant. I have developed severe compulsive disorder cause of this. I must see a shrink or this will kill me eventually. I feel so limited in my life when I have to be close to a shower and shave so frequently. And dont come up with som bullshit that its in my head and I dont really need to shave that often. You all know the difference between the sly look and the 0,5 stubble when youre white and have dark stubble.

 

[GeminiX]

When you have a horshoe and dark stubble like me the only option is to shave everyday. After shaving I feel quite comfortable but after 24 hours a feel panic-stricken. This amount of energy it drains from me is undescribable. Its a constant war with no end. You cant win it. Everyday I wake up anguished cause I know I have to spend 15 min in the bathroom shaving. Its intolerable. Right now Im shaving every other day. Its the only way I can get some kind of rest. This is really killing me. Ive tried to change my attitude towards it but I cant. I just cant. I have developed severe compulsive disorder cause of this. I must see a shrink or this will kill me eventually. I feel so limited in my life when I have to be close to a shower and shave so frequently. And dont come up with som bullshit that its in my head and I dont really need to shave that often. You all know the difference between the sly look and the 0,5 stubble when youre white and have dark stubble.

I can actually relate to this quite well, but with facial hair.

When I first began transition, I was really unfomfortable that any stubble would show on my face and give me away. I was never comfortable shaving at any time in my life, but at the start of transition it became an obsession.

Prior to getting stronger hair removal, I would often have to take breaks to remove makup, shave closely, then re-do all my makeup. Things like international travel, or even days in work where I would be in back-to-back meetings could make me quite anxious.

Over time I just got into a routine, so it does get better, but anxiety like that can really impact how you live day-to-day.

 

[uncomfortable man]

You can embrace it all you want. You can do and tell yourself everything possible to rationalize it and make yourself feel better....but it won't stop the stares. People are still going to laugh at you, women will still reject you and regard you as subhuman. I suppose the only difference is you won't care as much about it because you've conditioned yourself to ignore it to protect your own feelings and that's fine. But when someone is laughing in my face because I am bald, I don't take pitty on the frightened little child in him that feels like he needs to bully someone and pretend like I feel sorry for this jerk. I don't need that Kindergarten f*****g psychology to put a Bob The Builder bandaid on my bruised ego. When someone f*****g makes fun of me for something beyond my control I get rightfully offended. Righteously offended. But hey, if whatever you tell yourself keeps them from getting you down and depressed then more power to you. I just find it all too difficult to ignore myself.

 

[s.a.f]

You can embrace it all you want. You can do and tell yourself everything possible to rationalize it and make yourself feel better....
I suppose the only difference is you won't care as much about it because you've conditioned yourself to ignore it to protect your own feelings and that's fine......
if whatever you tell yourself keeps them from getting you down and depressed then more power to you. I just find it all too difficult to ignore myself.

I agree with these points of his statement, no matter how you can condition yourself to take it, it still does'nt alter other peoples views of it and that is why most baldies hate it.

I could walk down the street with my arse hanging out and not worry about it, but I'm sure that my confidence would'nt win over the rest of society they'd still think I was a twat.