Reactivated My Dating Profiles, Trying To Be Enthusiastic Without Being Obsessed

[JohnsonDDG]

View attachment 83892

Not true.

People like me and fred look nothing close to that and we all have dated decent women numerous times.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

From that pic, I don't see her as goddess tier at all. She is white, skinny, and blonde with a pretty face. Her clothes give an illusion of her being tall. Within that ethnicity, above average, but not like top 10% . You'll encounter more goddess tier women in many European countries, traveling by train. Especially if you go to countries where the average height is more.

I saw her other pics, she was in the top 10% by a comfortable margin.
And she's not blonde ...

I've been to Europe multiple times.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

1-3 times a month, and in Switzerland you can get quite some quality for 150-300 per half an hour. It‘s nothing I‘m proud of, but nothing I‘m ashamed of either. It does cloud your judgment for what‘s realistic though, can‘t deny that.

I visited Switzerland and it seemed great. It's a very efficient and happy society with great food.

 

[cantara]

I visited Switzerland and it seemed great. It's a very efficient and happy society with great food.

I feel fortunate to have been born and to have grown up here. In fact, I feel priviliged in several regards, but not when it comes to my looks. I have to remind myself sometimes that in the bigger picture, I shouldn‘t be complaining as much as I have been lately. I detect some sort of entitlement in myself: I want to be that Chad (learnt the expression here) and take my pick instead of developing a fighting spirit. I feel uncomfortable being the underdog, even though most men have that role and you can basically only alter your position within the underdog department. I find that to be frustrating, whereas others never even lose a thought over it or even take motivation in it. Society would call them more philosophical - and mature?

 

[IdealForehead]

I feel fortunate to have been born and to have grown up here. In fact, I feel priviliged in several regards, but not when it comes to my looks. I have to remind myself sometimes that in the bigger picture, I shouldn‘t be complaining as much as I have been lately. I detect some sort of entitlement in myself: I want to be that Chad (learnt the expression here) and take my pick instead of developing a fighting spirit. I feel uncomfortable being the underdog, even though most men have that role and you can basically only alter your position within the underdog department. I find that to be frustrating, whereas others never even lose a thought over it or even take motivation in it. Society would call them more philosophical - and mature?

Ambition is a double edged sword. I think it cuts those of us who have more of it deeper when we fall short due to factors that appear outside our control.

I am an extremely ambitious and overachieving person. So it is hard to hear society tell me as a man that I have gutter level sexual market value and I'm just supposed to accept that. I try to calm myself and tell myself to let it go, which is important sometimes for balance and perspective. But I will die before I can ever truly accept it. That's not entirely a choice. Some of it is just my nature.

Most of us on this site feel our looks are the primary issue that set us back with women. Well not all looks are set in stone. If you are an ambitious, bold, and intelligent person, I like to believe you can change a fair amount. Otherwise, what good are those traits? What benefit is there if you can't use them to improve your situation?

People have called me smart my whole life. I have often wondered in recent years, how smart am I really, if I can't find a way to fix the circumstances that are limiting me? What use is ambition if it can't be directed to pathways that improve my life in the ways I want?

Everyone will have to choose how they want to handle their limitations. Some people have no vision, braveness, or capacity for risk taking. Altering yourself is always a risk. I have now been through two major appearance altering surgeries (jaw surgery over a decade ago, forehead reduction over the past 6 months ending last week). I have made myself a human guinea pig for experimental medications not yet approved for human use to stop my hair loss (eg. daro). That is how I choose to handle what nature has handed me, and I have been rewarded only positively for it so far.

@cantara, you could call that desire to be better "entitlement". Or you could call it drive and ambition. It really depends on what you can or can't do with it, and where you take it in the end. It's only a negative if it leads you places you don't want to be. Dissatisfaction with your life circumstances can be a very powerful catalyst for change.

@Afro_Vacancy , I recall chatting with you once about any drastic measures to improve your appearance (eg. mandibular angle implants). I know you are not interested in it. But to me it offers the most absolute and fundamental solution to these problems and limitations we face, if done well and effectively. You seem to be quite able and willing to accept your limitations and the "mediocre" tier of girls that are available to you. I have been reading this thread with interest. You now have a better and more active dating life than the vast majority of men. I've never dated as many women as you are now in such a short period of time.

As cantara says, this is probably what society would consider the healthier perspective and better way to live. I've tried to push myself to do what you're doing now. But I think it's not an approach that can fit us all.

Bottom line, if your looks are limiting your dating life, you have only several options to choose from besides abstinence:

1) Accept much lower quality girls than you would like
2) Pay hot girls to pretend they like you
3) Improve your looks sufficiently enough to change your looksmatch

Afro you're pursuing #1, cantara you're pursuing #2, and I'm pursuing #3. Let's reconvene in a year and see how we all do.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Ambition is a double edged sword. I think it cuts those of us who have more of it deeper when we fall short due to factors that appear outside our control.

I am an extremely ambitious and overachieving person. So it is hard to hear society tell me as a man that I have gutter level sexual market value and I'm just supposed to accept that. I try to calm myself and tell myself to let it go, which is important sometimes for balance and perspective. But I will die before I can ever truly accept it. That's not entirely a choice. Some of it is just my nature.

Most of us on this site feel our looks are the primary issue that set us back with women. Well not all looks are set in stone. If you are an ambitious, bold, and intelligent person, I like to believe you can change a fair amount. Otherwise, what good are those traits? What benefit is there if you can't use them to improve your situation?

People have called me smart my whole life. I have often wondered in recent years, how smart am I really, if I can't find a way to fix the circumstances that are limiting me? What use is ambition if it can't be directed to pathways that improve my life in the ways I want?

Everyone will have to choose how they want to handle their limitations. Some people have no vision, braveness, or capacity for risk taking. Altering yourself is always a risk. I have now been through two major appearance altering surgeries (jaw surgery over a decade ago, forehead reduction over the past 6 months ending last week). I have made myself a human guinea pig for experimental medications not yet approved for human use to stop my hair loss (eg. daro). That is how I choose to handle what nature has handed me, and I have been rewarded only positively for it so far.

@cantara, you could call that desire to be better "entitlement". Or you could call it drive and ambition. It really depends on what you can or can't do with it, and where you take it in the end. It's only a negative if it leads you places you don't want to be. Dissatisfaction with your life circumstances can be a very powerful catalyst for change.

@Afro_Vacancy , I recall chatting with you once about any drastic measures to improve your appearance (eg. mandibular angle implants). I know you are not interested in it. But to me it offers the most absolute and fundamental solution to these problems and limitations we face, if done well and effectively. You seem to be quite able and willing to accept your limitations and the "mediocre" tier of girls that are available to you. I have been reading this thread with interest. You now have a better and more active dating life than the vast majority of men. I've never dated as many women as you are now in such a short period of time.

As cantara says, this is probably what society would consider the healthier perspective and better way to live. I've tried to push myself to do what you're doing now. But I think it's not an approach that can fit us all.

Bottom line, if your looks are limiting your dating life, you have only several options to choose from besides abstinence:

1) Accept much lower quality girls than you would like
2) Pay hot girls to pretend they like you
3) Improve your looks sufficiently enough to change your looksmatch

Afro you're pursuing #1, cantara you're pursuing #2, and I'm pursuing #3. Let's reconvene in a year and see how we all do.

Great post and very logical.

 

[cantara]

Ambition is a double edged sword. I think it cuts those of us who have more of it deeper when we fall short due to factors that appear outside our control.

I am an extremely ambitious and overachieving person. So it is hard to hear society tell me as a man that I have gutter level sexual market value and I'm just supposed to accept that. I try to calm myself and tell myself to let it go, which is important sometimes for balance and perspective. But I will die before I can ever truly accept it. That's not entirely a choice. Some of it is just my nature.

Most of us on this site feel our looks are the primary issue that set us back with women. Well not all looks are set in stone. If you are an ambitious, bold, and intelligent person, I like to believe you can change a fair amount. Otherwise, what good are those traits? What benefit is there if you can't use them to improve your situation?

People have called me smart my whole life. I have often wondered in recent years, how smart am I really, if I can't find a way to fix the circumstances that are limiting me? What use is ambition if it can't be directed to pathways that improve my life in the ways I want?

Everyone will have to choose how they want to handle their limitations. Some people have no vision, braveness, or capacity for risk taking. Altering yourself is always a risk. I have now been through two major appearance altering surgeries (jaw surgery over a decade ago, forehead reduction over the past 6 months ending last week). I have made myself a human guinea pig for experimental medications not yet approved for human use to stop my hair loss (eg. daro). That is how I choose to handle what nature has handed me, and I have been rewarded only positively for it so far.

@cantara, you could call that desire to be better "entitlement". Or you could call it drive and ambition. It really depends on what you can or can't do with it, and where you take it in the end. It's only a negative if it leads you places you don't want to be. Dissatisfaction with your life circumstances can be a very powerful catalyst for change.

@Afro_Vacancy , I recall chatting with you once about any drastic measures to improve your appearance (eg. mandibular angle implants). I know you are not interested in it. But to me it offers the most absolute and fundamental solution to these problems and limitations we face, if done well and effectively. You seem to be quite able and willing to accept your limitations and the "mediocre" tier of girls that are available to you. I have been reading this thread with interest. You now have a better and more active dating life than the vast majority of men. I've never dated as many women as you are now in such a short period of time.

As cantara says, this is probably what society would consider the healthier perspective and better way to live. I've tried to push myself to do what you're doing now. But I think it's not an approach that can fit us all.

Bottom line, if your looks are limiting your dating life, you have only several options to choose from besides abstinence:

1) Accept much lower quality girls than you would like
2) Pay hot girls to pretend they like you
3) Improve your looks sufficiently enough to change your looksmatch

Afro you're pursuing #1, cantara you're pursuing #2, and I'm pursuing #3. Let's reconvene in a year and see how we all do.

Of course that aspect of my life is the least satisfying and not something that could even remotely replace the feeling of bein im high demand or having a healthy relationship that does not feel like settling.
I am a person who has been able to fulfil my ambitions with less effort than most who are at the same level (education, job, social acceptance etc.) and I‘ve never liked having to fight. When I had to, I didn‘t pursue. Yet - unlike others who‘ve given up - my ambitions with women are a) high, b) still existent. What bothers me here is that I have the least succes despite investing the most: staying fit, dressing nicely (which admittedly is no effort, but rather fun to me), being well-groomed - basically the whole stuff that should be regarded as normal, but isn‘t, which is why PUA can make money with guys who don‘t have the slightest idea how to present themselves socially and physically. I really wish I could still optimize with such basics, but there is not really room left in my case. The only thing on the table is a hair transplant which could get me from a bald 5 to maybe a somewhat cute 5.5 or 6 - provided the result were to be a success, which given my state (Norwood 5, I‘d say) is doubtful. In addition to the uncertain outcome, two things hold me back: I‘d still be below the league where the options really start coming in without a girl even knowing you. Plus: I‘d do it for others, for how I‘d hope women would perceive me, not because I truly feel it‘s my bald head that destroy my looks and chances. But maybe I just use all this as an excuse to stop going the full way in maximising my looks...

 

[cantara]

One more thing: I‘d say I‘m
a pretty normal and functional guy, but there‘s sth I‘ve come to be somewhat obsessed with. I keep looking out for looks-mismatches in the streets. In the very rare cases I detect one in favour of the not as good looking (ideally bald) guy, it makes me feel good. I‘m not as cynical (yet?) as some here who would argue they are doomed to be dropped at some point, although it would be important to know the details in each case to justify deducting any hopes from an observed looks-mismatch. Needless to say that I observe far more mismatches in favour of the girl, especially in Switzerland.

 

[davesmith420]

I've been seeing a lot of dudes who are average/slightly above average with girls who are 7-8s.

I gotta step my beta game up.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I've been seeing a lot of dudes who are average/slightly above average with girls who are 7-8s.

I gotta step my beta game up.

You're going to have a good career, that should help you.

Also, you'll be visiting a lot of young families, a lot of young mothers who are in a state of distress and need comforting. They'll see you as a man who can help them, who can fix their problems, and who understands.

You might become the modern analogue of the milk man.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Ambition is a double edged sword. I think it cuts those of us who have more of it deeper when we fall short due to factors that appear outside our control.

I am an extremely ambitious and overachieving person. So it is hard to hear society tell me as a man that I have gutter level sexual market value and I'm just supposed to accept that. I try to calm myself and tell myself to let it go, which is important sometimes for balance and perspective. But I will die before I can ever truly accept it. That's not entirely a choice. Some of it is just my nature.

Most of us on this site feel our looks are the primary issue that set us back with women. Well not all looks are set in stone. If you are an ambitious, bold, and intelligent person, I like to believe you can change a fair amount. Otherwise, what good are those traits? What benefit is there if you can't use them to improve your situation?

People have called me smart my whole life. I have often wondered in recent years, how smart am I really, if I can't find a way to fix the circumstances that are limiting me? What use is ambition if it can't be directed to pathways that improve my life in the ways I want?

Everyone will have to choose how they want to handle their limitations. Some people have no vision, braveness, or capacity for risk taking. Altering yourself is always a risk. I have now been through two major appearance altering surgeries (jaw surgery over a decade ago, forehead reduction over the past 6 months ending last week). I have made myself a human guinea pig for experimental medications not yet approved for human use to stop my hair loss (eg. daro). That is how I choose to handle what nature has handed me, and I have been rewarded only positively for it so far.

@cantara, you could call that desire to be better "entitlement". Or you could call it drive and ambition. It really depends on what you can or can't do with it, and where you take it in the end. It's only a negative if it leads you places you don't want to be. Dissatisfaction with your life circumstances can be a very powerful catalyst for change.

@Afro_Vacancy , I recall chatting with you once about any drastic measures to improve your appearance (eg. mandibular angle implants). I know you are not interested in it. But to me it offers the most absolute and fundamental solution to these problems and limitations we face, if done well and effectively. You seem to be quite able and willing to accept your limitations and the "mediocre" tier of girls that are available to you. I have been reading this thread with interest. You now have a better and more active dating life than the vast majority of men. I've never dated as many women as you are now in such a short period of time.

As cantara says, this is probably what society would consider the healthier perspective and better way to live. I've tried to push myself to do what you're doing now. But I think it's not an approach that can fit us all.

Bottom line, if your looks are limiting your dating life, you have only several options to choose from besides abstinence:

1) Accept much lower quality girls than you would like
2) Pay hot girls to pretend they like you
3) Improve your looks sufficiently enough to change your looksmatch

Afro you're pursuing #1, cantara you're pursuing #2, and I'm pursuing #3. Let's reconvene in a year and see how we all do.

You're somewhat new here, but I consider you among the smartest people on the forum. You hit all the bases: logical, knowledgeable, sharp, and coherent.

 

[bassa]

I've been seeing a lot of dudes who are average/slightly above average with girls who are 7-8s.

I gotta step my beta game up.

Girls want men who are confident... If your an 8, it is more likely you have a good portion of confidence. If your a 6, you still can be confident, which is attractive to girls. But face it, getting bold, is a serious attack on your confidence. Whether you are a 5 or an 8, does not matter. But being bold and getting a shredded look, by hitting the gym can actually restore your selfesteem.

 

[cantara]

Girls want men who are confident... If your an 8, it is more likely you have a good portion of confidence. If your a 6, you still can be confident, which is attractive to girls. But face it, getting bold, is a serious attack on your confidence. Whether you are a 5 or an 8, does not matter. But being bold and getting a shredded look, by hitting the gym can actually restore your selfesteem.

Where would you draw the line (in women's eyes) between confidence and hubris? I'm afraid it's to do with looks...
Shy handsome guy: he's so cute & mysterious
Shy ugly guy: what an insecure nerd
Confident/outgoing handsome guy: "I love him so much for his confidence" *I'm not shallow*
Confident ugly guy (and many are considerd ugly by girls): what entitles him to behave this way? Surely he's compensating.
Average guy with confidence: if she happens to somewhat like your looks, it helps, without confidence and the same initial appeal to her, no chance.
So yeah, confidence is good, as you may only win something with it in particular constellations, but if a girl doesn't find you attractive, she will still not like you just for being modest.

 

[davesmith420]

You're going to have a good career, that should help you.

Also, you'll be visiting a lot of young families, a lot of young mothers who are in a state of distress and need comforting. They'll see you as a man who can help them, who can fix their problems, and who understands.

You might become the modern analogue of the milk man.

Lmao, you're not wrong!

I literally don't have any real standards when it comes to dating/hooking up, but I could never be with a girl who is a single mom (at least at my age of 24).

 

[Calchas]

There is hope guys!

 

[IdealForehead]

There is hope guys!

Wow. 2-3 point looks mismatch. AND she's on social media (which usually applies pressure towards closer looksmatching). That's rare.

 

[davesmith420]

Wow. 2-3 point looks mismatch. AND she's on social media (which usually applies pressure towards closer looksmatching). That's rare.

Would we consider the dude to be like a 4-5 and the girl like a 7? Dude could probably be a solid 6-7 if he had better hair, white teeth, and better facial hair.

The comments are trying to put the mismatch so nicely. "He's unconventionally attractive and seems very nice!"

 

[Calchas]

Wow. 2-3 point looks mismatch. AND she's on social media (which usually applies pressure towards closer looksmatching). That's rare.

Would we consider the dude to be like a 4-5 and the girl like a 7? Dude could probably be a solid 6-7 if he had better hair, white teeth, and better facial hair.

The comments are trying to put the mismatch so nicely. "He's unconventionally attractive and seems very nice!"

It's 4-5 points looks mismatch actually...
I'm frustrated and angry to myself when i see 4-5 rated men (WITH OR WITHOUT HAIR), having 8-9 rated girlfriends and i'm insecure at approaching an 8.

 

[cantara]

It's 4-5 points looks mismatch actually...
I'm frustrated and angry to myself when i see 4-5 rated men (WITH OR WITHOUT HAIR), having 8-9 rated girlfriends and i'm insecure at approaching an 8.

I wouldn‘t date that girl. I consider myself a 4-5 and I could generate an interest in a few girls I find prettier than her. She is better looking than him though.
Funnily, mismatches in favour of the man encourage me, they don‘t frustrate me.

 

[Calchas]

Funnily, mismatches in favour of the man encourage me, they don‘t frustrate me.

I'm frustrated by the fact that i'm insecure at approaching girls at my level when IRL i see such stunning looks mismatch.

I wouldn‘t date that girl. I consider myself a 4-5 and I could generate an interest in a few girls I find prettier than her.

You're 4-5 and you can attract girls prettier than her?

Time to wake up buddy!