I Had An Epiphany. Confidence Does Matter, A Lot!

[pjhair]

A lot of American women have a 6 feet rule.

I wonder how many of these women would have rejected Brad Pitt because he is 5'11 even if he wasn't a celebrity. The point is that these rules are worthless. The only thing that matters is if they find the whole guy attractive, not his individual component. The only way for an individual to know if a women finds you attractive is to approach them. I think us guys should focus on fixing what can be fixed and just approach women.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I wonder how many of these women would have rejected Brad Pitt because he is 5'11 even if he wasn't a celebrity. The point is that these rules are worthless. The only thing that matters is if they find the whole guy attractive, not his individual component. The only way for an individual to know if a women finds you attractive is to approach them. I think us guys should focus on fixing what can be fixed and just approach women.

I'm sure many would have actually.

He looks like a God in movies, he played Achilles of Greece, but that's because of framing. At 5'11 he would not be as impressive in real life, similarly to George Clooney, Tom Cruise, and Robert Downey Jr. The movies give them extra stature.

Patrick Dempsey, at 5'10, would not be called McDreamy in the real world.

 

[Rudiger]

The only way for an individual to know if a women finds you attractive is to approach them. I think us guys should focus on fixing what can be fixed and just approach women.

I do regularly approach women, in a rare case even in public (although this is when I'm at least 80% sure she's trying to catch my eye, it's normally a pretty safe bet) but you make it sound so easy. Rejection is painful, sometimes I'm in a mode where it doesn't affect me whatsoever, other times I'm thinking all week about some girl on Saturday night who winced when I walked up to her (especially if she's a bit below the standard of what I've pulled before).

Actually, even in a nightclub or party scenario it's no different than the daytime public scenario, usually I need to be significantly sure that she's interested. Of course the difference is, once a woman looks for your attention 2 or 3 times, if you don't move in, she's felt she's done enough and you didn't have the balls, and she'll forget you were even there.

I could write an Attenborough-esque documentary on it.

 

[kj6723]

Nah I know I shouldn't complain and I can still get looks matched girls. Just always been a thing for me as all my younger brothers are 6'+ (tallest 6'3). And it really does make it tougher. But I have short mates who do ok so I've never used it as an excuse.

Can we please stop rehearsing the same worn-out faux-debates about height, frame etc?! I swear its like groundhog day every other week on this forum. Height matters, but its nowhere near as important as face (which includes hair) and a halfway decent body. It's only gonna become a serious problem if you're something like 5"2. @kj6723 your shorter than average stature is far from ideal, but ffs don't go tearing yourself to shreds about it. You've had plenty of success with the girls in the past and by the sounds of it you're a good-looking, fit, handsome (whatever adjective you prefer) young guy. Focus on keeping your hair game on point and stop worrying.
Best,
DB

I just get confused as f*** as to where I stand, and what kind of women I should be going for

I get constant ravings about how handsome af i am (I don't really know what I am for sure, facially maybe 7.5-8 on a good day), and my physique is top 1%, but then I can never seem to hold the attention of chicks higher than 6's. So nothing really adds up...maybe people are exaggerating and I have an off perception of my looks. I'm trying to figure out how much this height thing plays into it, which has been brought much more to my attention because of this forum. Then again I haven't even put myself out there in like 6 months due to low self esteem and a stressful schedule

I want to know realistically what women I should feel comfortable hitting on, and which ones hitting on makes me look like a fool

I will likely end up settling down with a 6 one day, which isn't a bad thing

 

[Rudiger]

Patrick Dempsey, at 5'10, would not be called McDreamy in the real world.

Nope man that face is god tier, 9/10 top 2% of the male population. If he was some girls doctor in real life I can definitely imagine her and her friends calling him McDreamy.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I just get confused as f*** as to where I stand, and what kind of women I should be going for

I get constant ravings about how handsome af i am (I don't really know what I am for sure, facially maybe 7.5-8 on a good day), and my physique is top 1%, but then I can never seem to hold the attention of chicks higher than 6's. So nothing really adds up...maybe people are exaggerating and I have an off perception of my looks. I'm trying to figure out how much this height thing plays into it, which has been brought much more to my attention because of this forum. Then again I haven't even put myself out there in like 6 months due to low self esteem and a stressful schedule

I want to know realistically what women I should feel comfortable hitting on, and which ones hitting on makes me look like a fool

I will likely end up settling down with a 6 one day, which isn't a bad thing

I know short guys who do well, but they have everything else going for them.

Which you do too.

You will stil not be able to get most women, but there should be plenty of good ones left.

 

[samantha3333]

Of course the difference is, once a woman looks for your attention 2 or 3 times, if you don't move in, she's felt she's done enough and you didn't have the balls, and she'll forget you were even there.

I could write an Attenborough-esque documentary on it.

So does that mean if I give attention to a guy three times he doesn't make a move he's not interested?
Either way, need to up my staring game ..

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Nope man that face is god tier, 9/10 top 2% of the male population. If he was some girls doctor in real life I can definitely imagine her and her friends calling him McDreamy.

In real life, all of the most successful men I know have solid frames and/or height ... you know, masculinity.

Dempsey has neither height nor athleticism.

Face alone is good for Hollywood and for spreads in Young and Modern magazine.

That said he also has money and fame in real life.

ETA: looks great here:

 

[JohnsonDDG]

I'm sure many would have actually.

He looks like a God in movies, he played Achilles of Greece, but that's because of framing. At 5'11 he would not be as impressive in real life, similarly to George Clooney, Tom Cruise, and Robert Downey Jr. The movies give them extra stature.

Patrick Dempsey, at 5'10, would not be called McDreamy in the real world.

I completely disagree and think that the likes of Patrick Dempsey and Brad Pitt would be fancied in the 'real world'

 

[JohnsonDDG]

In real life, all of the most successful men I know have solid frames and/or height ... you know, masculinity.

Dempsey has neither height nor athleticism.

Face alone is good for Hollywood and for spreads in Young and Modern magazine.

That said he also has money and fame in real life.

Looks lean with a little muscle - women like that.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I completely disagree and think that the likes of Patrick Dempsey and Brad Pitt would be fancied in the 'real world'

They'd be fancied, but not the way they are in Hollywood where the camera makes them appear bigger to add to their sexual aura.

 

[samantha3333]

Why not just go over and say hello? Make the 1st move yourself? It's unfair to shovel the burden of a potential rejection onto the bloke all of the time. Help make feminism great again and take the initiative!

I can't even make eye contact let alone approach ..I feel that women aren't bold in the uk tho (apparently my British friends are exceptions lol ) or am I mistaken?

 

[pjhair]

I do regularly approach women, in a rare case even in public (although this is when I'm at least 80% sure she's trying to catch my eye, it's normally a pretty safe bet) but you make it sound so easy. Rejection is painful, sometimes I'm in a mode where it doesn't affect me whatsoever, other times I'm thinking all week about some girl on Saturday night who winced when I walked up to her (especially if she's a bit below the standard of what I've pulled before).

Rejection is painful, but when you approach a women, you have to be willing to take the risk. Also, there are ways to avoid outright rejection. For example, when I got to clubs there is almost always a bridal group or a group of women celebrating something(for example their friend turning 21). You can simply go and congratulate them. They actually like that. That will almost always result in further conversation. Within two to three minutes of conversation, you will know if there is a potential for you to succeed. If you see some potential, fine, otherwise move on to the next girl. The point is to not linger on and continue talking to a women even when you sense she doesn't want you. This is just one of several possible scenarios I described that can lead to a fun interaction with a women with minimizing the risk of outright rejection.

 

[samantha3333]

Can you guys please stop talking about these Hollywood sex gods? I've got a real life problem here.

 

[SmoothSailing]

I can't even make eye contact let alone approach ..I feel that women aren't bold in the uk tho (apparently my British friends are exceptions lol ) or am I mistaken?

They aren't as bold until they're drunk, which they very often are

But yeah does alcohol not help you?

 

[Rudiger]

So does that mean if I give attention to a guy three times he doesn't make a move he's not interested?
Either way, need to up my staring game ..

Nope not at all, if you're attractive which I think it sounds like you are, 99% of the time it means he's shitting himself and can't make a move (or is in a committed relationship of course, but if you look at a guy more than once and he doesn't look back, this is probably the case).

But it's interesting you bring that up, from my mentality as I wrote, it means that women's attitude is "I've checked him out 3 times now, he doesn't have the balls, let's move our drinks elsewhere" but as you say, it's possible she simply doesn't think I'd be interested for whatever reason. That's not the case, it's simply difficult to walk up and approach a girl, even if she does show interest there's still often a long road to go before she'll really openly let you know she likes you.

As for basically "cold calling", going up to a woman who hasn't shown interest, that's a whole new level of difficult. I've done it plenty of times but it's not often down the years, I tip my hat towards every guy who regularly does it (even if I do watch cringe videos making fun of them).

I completely disagree and think that the likes of Patrick Dempsey and Brad Pitt would be fancied in the 'real world'

Yes I find this conversation ridiculous. Masculinity can be important but if you have a godly face then women won't give a f***, and besides 5'10 or whatever is totally fine! They definitely aren't scrawny guys, even Brad Pitt at his lowest body weight is an averagely buff dude.

This is nuts. Even 5'7 with Brad Pitts face will score 9/10 chicks of average or short height.

 

[kj6723]

In real life, all of the most successful men I know have solid frames and/or height ... you know, masculinity.

Dempsey has neither height nor athleticism.

Face alone is good for Hollywood and for spreads in Young and Modern magazine.

That said he also has money and fame in real life.

ETA: looks great here:

I'd consider giving up an inch of my already short stature for that hairline

not even joking

 

[SmoothSailing]

@SmoothSailing I thought you were an Aussie?

Irish but been to the UK a lot. I find UK girls are very similar to Irish girls. Never actually been with any US girls but just guessing.

 

[samantha3333]

Nope not at all, if you're attractive which I think it sounds like you are, 99% of the time it means he's shitting himself and can't make a move (or is in a committed relationship of course, but if you look at a guy more than once and he doesn't look back, this is probably the case).

But it's interesting you bring that up, from my mentality as I wrote, it means that women's attitude is "I've checked him out 3 times now, he doesn't have the balls, let's move our drinks elsewhere" but as you say, it's possible she simply doesn't think I'd be interested for whatever reason. That's not the case, it's simply difficult to walk up and approach a girl, even if she does show interest there's still often a long road to go before she'll really openly let you know she likes you.

As for basically "cold calling", going up to a woman who hasn't shown interest, that's a whole new level of difficult. I've done it plenty of times but it's not often down the years, I tip my hat towards every guy who regularly does it (even if I do watch cringe videos making fun of them).

How much do guys fear rejections actually? Especially the more good looking guys who should be able to get pretty much whatever chicks they want.
Pretty much every single guy my slightly above average but incredibly confident girl friend flirted with in the club were very into it. They loved how flirty and bold she was. But that was in the club tho.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

How much do guys fear rejections actually? Especially the more good looking guys who should be able to get pretty much whatever chicks they want.
Pretty much every single guy my slightly above average but incredibly confident girl friend flirted with in the club were very into it. They loved how flirty and bold she was. But that was in the club tho.

I literally don't ask people in the flesh - EVER.

Its all about tinder for me and that takes zero balls. You just match here and there, chat, and after a few days you ask them out. Theres little risk in it and that's a big plus for me. On tinder I know the women are single and looking to meet someone - in bars I don't know that.