I Had An Epiphany. Confidence Does Matter, A Lot!

[SmoothSailing]

How much do guys fear rejections actually? Especially the more good looking guys who should be able to get pretty much whatever chicks they want.
Pretty much every single guy my slightly above average but incredibly confident girl friend flirted with in the club were very into it. They loved how flirty and bold she was. But that was in the club tho.

You're asking how guys can fear rejections yet you fear to look at guys? They're both irrational fears.

 

[kj6723]

How much do guys fear rejections actually? Especially the more good looking guys who should be able to get pretty much whatever chicks they want.
Pretty much every single guy my slightly above average but incredibly confident girl friend flirted with in the club were very into it. They loved how flirty and bold she was. But that was in the club tho.

I'm usually terrified of rejection, especially in a cold approach type thing. But I've never been able to get whatever chicks I wanted, been rejected quite a bit in the past

At this point I probably would not make a move on a chick unless I was at least moderately confident she was also interested

 

[Patrick_Bateman]

I just get confused as f*** as to where I stand, and what kind of women I should be going for

I get constant ravings about how handsome af i am (I don't really know what I am for sure, facially maybe 7.5-8 on a good day), and my physique is top 1%, but then I can never seem to hold the attention of chicks higher than 6's. So nothing really adds up...maybe people are exaggerating and I have an off perception of my looks. I'm trying to figure out how much this height thing plays into it, which has been brought much more to my attention because of this forum. Then again I haven't even put myself out there in like 6 months due to low self esteem and a stressful schedule

I want to know realistically what women I should feel comfortable hitting on, and which ones hitting on makes me look like a fool

I will likely end up settling down with a 6 one day, which isn't a bad thing

 

[pjhair]

That's not the case, it's simply difficult to walk up and approach a girl, even if she does show interest there's still often a long road to go before she'll really openly let you know she likes you.

As for basically "cold calling", going up to a woman who hasn't shown interest, that's a whole new level of difficult. I've done it plenty of times but it's not often down the years, I tip my hat towards every guy who regularly does it (even if I do watch cringe videos making fun of them).

A man should find what he is comfortable with. I am very comfortable with approaching women in clubs. But I have never approached a women in coffee shops, malls, etc. My friend however has talked to women in coffee shops but never approaches women in clubs. Some men just don't approach women at all and instead rely on their friends to introduce them to the women they know. When I say "approach" what I really mean is to find what works for you and express interest in a women instead of worrying about things like "I am too short for her". May be you are. May be not. You wouldn't find out unless you talk to her. The ONLY regrets I have in my life when it comes to dating is to not ask the women out who looking back were clearly interested in me. I have lost some great women because of foolish thoughts.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

A man should find what he is comfortable with. I am very comfortable with approaching women in clubs. But I have never approached a women in coffee shops, malls, etc. My friend however has talked to women in coffee shops but never approaches women in clubs. Some men just don't approach women at all and instead rely on their friends to introduce them to the women they know. When I say "approach" what I really mean is to find what works for you and express interest in a women instead of worrying about things like "I am too short for her". May be you are. May be not. You wouldn't find out unless you talk to her. The ONLY regrets I have in my life when it comes to dating is to not ask the women out who looking back were clearly interested in me. I have lost some great women because of foolish thoughts.

Do you not use tinder?

Its a piece of piss in the uk to meet someone.

 

[buckthorn]

.
I tried and covered up my problems with hair fibre as much as I can. But in reality, I have no confidence.

Dayuuuuum!! Sup boo? Wuz good?

 

[Rudiger]

Irish but been to the UK a lot. I find UK girls are very similar to Irish girls. Never actually been with any US girls but just guessing.

I've lived both here in Ireland also England, I would say somewhat similar but Irish girls actually tend to be less superficial, but in an odd way. I don't think it's uncommon to find an attractive Irish girl who's with an ugly or fat guy, but then again that's somewhat to do with his status in a community, as Irish people are more concerned about "community" this is important. Not just money, but status.

Status is becoming less and less significant to British girls, and I'd say Canadian and American's as well, money also getting less important (unless it's a sh*t ton of money, but you are basically expected to live a comfortable life financially).

My only other experience really has been with mainland European women and French/Spanish/Portugeuse, but I don't have significant insight, there's been no correlation there, it's just all over the place.

How much do guys fear rejections actually? Especially the more good looking guys who should be able to get pretty much whatever chicks they want.
Pretty much every single guy my slightly above average but incredibly confident girl friend flirted with in the club were very into it. They loved how flirty and bold she was. But that was in the club tho.

Hahaha like 1% of guys can get "whatever girls they want", they aren't the "more good looking ones" they are the only top tier Chad's and are a f*****g unicorn.

I'm one of the "more good looking ones" and I definitely can't get any girl I want, I've had friends who are better looking than me and still end up f*****g way below their level of attractiveness - and this is after getting attention from lots of decently hot girls, but they never convert.

It's totally messed up, but if you see a gorgeous guy, don't assume he can turn around and pull any girl he wants within minutes, even 9/10 guys struggle if they have zero clue on how to pick up a woman (the male version of you, basically).

This is why I've always been open to the idea of "confidence" making a difference, because I see it introverted. It's not just that you sometimes see ugly guys with more attractive women, but also because you have great looking guys who don't get ANY women, surely there's a difference that these guys could make with their attitude and putting themselves out there.

Just the term "confidence" itself is what pisses so many people off on here (I'm 90% sure @hellouser searches the term "confidence" daily to stalk out his prey) so call it whatever you want, but what you say and how you act definitely has some bearing on how you end up with women.

If anyone thinks it's 100% down to looks then you're clueless and have never tried yourself.

 

[pjhair]

Do you not use tinder?

Its a piece of piss in the uk to meet someone.

I tried Tinder with zero success. Hence I try to meet people in real life. I have far better success rate.

 

[kj6723]

A man should find what he is comfortable with. I am very comfortable with approaching women in clubs. But I have never approached a women in coffee shops, malls, etc. My friend however has talked to women in coffee shops but never approaches women in clubs. Some men just don't approach women at all and instead rely on their friends to introduce them to the women they know. When I say "approach" what I really mean is to find what works for you and express interest in a women instead of worrying about things like "I am too short for her". May be you are. May be not. You wouldn't find out unless you talk to her. The ONLY regrets I have in my life when it comes to dating is to not ask the women out who looking back were clearly interested in me. I have lost some great women because of foolish thoughts.

I guess this is all good and well for club, cold approach type situations. But I rarely find myself in bars/clubs these days. What about women at work/class type settings, where you're still going to be seeing them every day, and you risk becoming untouchable once a chick there rejects you and word gets around to the other girls there that you weren't good enough for her

Maybe I should try tinder, with my above average facial structure. Would I put my height on there? Or should I just catfish these chicks who have "height standards"?

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I've lived both here in Ireland also England, I would say somewhat similar but Irish girls actually tend to be less superficial, but in an odd way. I don't think it's uncommon to find an attractive Irish girl who's with an ugly or fat guy, but then again that's somewhat to do with his status in a community, as Irish people are more concerned about "community" this is important. Not just money, but status.

Status is becoming less and less significant to British girls, and I'd say Canadian and American's as well, money also getting less important (unless it's a sh*t ton of money, but you are basically expected to live a comfortable life financially).

My only other experience really has been with mainland European women and French/Spanish/Portugeuse, but I don't have significant insight, there's been no correlation there, it's just all over the place.



Hahaha like 1% of guys can get "whatever girls they want", they aren't the "more good looking ones" they are the only top tier Chad's and are a f*****g unicorn.

I'm one of the "more good looking ones" and I definitely can't get any girl I want, I've had friends who are better looking than me and still end up f*****g way below their level of attractiveness - and this is after getting attention from lots of decently hot girls, but they never convert.

It's totally messed up, but if you see a gorgeous guy, don't assume he can turn around and pull any girl he wants within minutes, even 9/10 guys struggle if they have zero clue on how to pick up a woman (the male version of you, basically).

This is why I've always been open to the idea of "confidence" making a difference, because I see it introverted. It's not just that you sometimes see ugly guys with more attractive women, but also because you have great looking guys who don't get ANY women, surely there's a difference that these guys could make with their attitude and putting themselves out there.

Just the term "confidence" itself is what pisses so many people off on here (I'm 90% sure @hellouser searches the term "confidence" daily to stalk out his prey) so call it whatever you want, but what you say and how you act definitely has some bearing on how you end up with women.

If anyone thinks it's 100% down to looks then you're clueless and have never tried yourself.

Online dating yield is 90% looks at least.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

I tried Tinder with zero success. Hence I try to meet people in real life. I have far better success rate.

No matches? Or was the matches not leading to meet ups?

 

[Rudiger]

The ONLY regrets I have in my life when it comes to dating is to not ask the women out who looking back were clearly interested in me. I have lost some great women because of foolish thoughts.

I know this feel mane, I've had nights out where I've felt totally introverted and saw these opportunities pass before me, even knowing they were, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. Feeling tired or in a bad mood or whatever, I just know you can easily screw up a girls interest if you aren't on top of things conversationally, and even if she's interested you can spend half an hour or more trying to get that confirmation, and that can feel like hard work.

If however I'm up for a good night, and feeling more extrovert, half an hour of chat flies by anyway, and even if it doesn't work out then who cares? It's just part of the night, I did my best.

Online dating yield is 90% looks at least.

I have zero experience in online dating but I can completely understand this, I'd say it's probably true.

 

[pjhair]

I guess this is all good and well for club, cold approach type situations. But I rarely find myself in bars/clubs these days. What about women at work/class type settings, where you're still going to be seeing them every day, and you risk becoming untouchable once a chick there rejects you and word gets around to the other girls there that you weren't good enough for her

Maybe I should try tinder, with my above average facial structure. Would I put my height on there? Or should I just catfish these chicks who have "height standards"?

Dude if you have women at work/class, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT pass up this golden opportunity and talk to them. Just interact with them casually for a few days and if they are comfortable around you start with asking them for lunch. Then after a few days, ask them to go have a coffee/drink with you after work. A lot of bars have happy hour after work. If all goes well, ask them for a dinner date. In my experience, women at your work/class/network are by far the easiest to get. The only reason I am single right now is because there are zero women at my work. I wish I was in your situation. In my experience, the level of women you can go out with who you meet at work/class is substantially higher than the ones you meet though Tinder/clubs.

 

[pjhair]

No matches? Or was the matches not leading to meet ups?

I have had very few matches. But even those matches never led to anything. Sometimes women wouldn't respond. Sometimes, I was just too lazy to message. I am not very good at chatting/texting and find it really boring, unless I already know the women in real life.

 

[Rudiger]

Dude if you have women at work/class, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT pass up this golden opportunity and talk to them. Just interact with them casually for a few days and if they are comfortable around you start with asking them for lunch. Then after a few days, ask them to go have a coffee/drink with you after work. A lot of bars have happy hour after work. If all goes well, ask them for a dinner date. In my experience, women at your work/class/network are by far the easiest to get. The only reason I am single right now is because there are zero women at my work. I wish I was in your situation. In my experience, the level of women you can go out with who you meet at work/class is substantially higher than the ones you meet though Tinder/clubs.

Indeed great advice, within reason this can be the best way to meet someone. For myself I've felt like I've exhausted the possibilities in this way, and there's nothing shittier than avoiding chicks you've been with at work, as well as getting a "reputation".

If you haven't done it before, and someone seems interested, test those waters for damn sure.

 

[pjhair]

Indeed great advice, within reason this can be the best way to meet someone. For myself I've felt like I've exhausted the possibilities in this way, and there's nothing shittier than avoiding chicks you've been with at work, as well as getting a "reputation".

If you haven't done it before, and someone seems interested, test those waters for damn sure.

I am even considering taking a part time job as a bartender or yoga instructor or something just so that I can meet some more women in real life. The only problem is that I neither know much about alcohol nor about yoga. So I need training first, which isn't possible for a few months at least.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I am even considering taking a part time job as a bartender or yoga instructor or something just so that I can meet some more women in real life. The only problem is that I neither know much about alcohol nor about yoga. So I need training first, which isn't possible for a few months at least.

The first time in my life that I noticed a woman hit on me, I was working fast food.

She pinched my *** in the back, but I didn't know what to do.

 

[DoctorHouse]

A lot of American women have a 6 feet rule.

David are you familiar with the 6 rules of 6s for men. Men need to be at least 6 feet tall, pack at least 6 inches of manhood, make 6 figures a year, have a 6 pack, 600 horsepower car, and 6 months since his last relationship.

 

[Rudiger]

I am even considering taking a part time job as a bartender or yoga instructor or something just so that I can meet some more women in real life. The only problem is that I neither know much about alcohol nor about yoga. So I need training first, which isn't possible for a few months at least.

This may sound extreme to some but hey, I don't see a problem with it, if it's got to that.

But with those 2 things, bartender requires no training, they won't expect you to know everything, you pick it up quickly. If you want to be in a really classy bar or cocktail place, maybe, but as far as I know you don't really get any opportunities to "train" for it (I could be wrong). I did work in a fairly upscale cocktail bar for about 6 months, and as well as a few girls I worked with, there were opportunities every weekend with customers, girls would even wait around until it got quiet. It was pretty blatant why me and other guys working there would walk around collecting glasses as well, when we weren't required to do so.

As for a yoga instructor, that's a whole new level of complexity, you really need to know your sh*t there. Why not just go to a yoga class instead? Being the instructor doesn't give you a major vantage point really.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

David are you familiar with the 6 rules of 6s for men. Men need to be at least 6 feet tall, pack at least 6 inches of manhood, make 6 figures a year, have a 6 pack, 600 horsepower car, and 6 months since his last relationship.

No I'm not familiar.

How many women care if you drive a BMW?