I Had An Epiphany. Confidence Does Matter, A Lot!

[hairblues]

You have to learn to "let go" alot in life. Don't let society dictate who you should be or what you should do. You have more experience about marriage than I do. So you know what marriage is like. Was it for you? Its not for everyone.

You only have one life to live. If you don't want to date and deal with the games you have to play, then don't date. Honestly, I kind of like the idea of your culture taking the game out of dating and arranging a marriage but then again if you don't find the girl attractive or compatible you are going to be miserable. But that is when you hope that your parents have enough sense to fix you up with someone who is equal to your looks.

For me, I think relationships are very hard work. It will take a very special person to be able to work with you for a long time to make it work. With the right person, it would be worth it. However, I do like being independent so I would be most compatible with someone who likes the same but at times likes company.

As far as happiness, you have to define what that means to you. We all have our own definition. For me, its getting the satisfaction of helping others and making a difference in their life. And just being appreciated for my kindness. I would not be happy with someone who feels I don't deserve to be happy. I have seen women being very vindictive and that is not my nature. I avoid those women.

Traveling around the world would not get old. That is something most people should always take advantage of doing to see how other people live. Not only that but you can learn from them. You have to introduce your mind to all sorts of topics to keep your interest. Don't ever stop from doing what you want to do. Don't let anyone stand in your way.

what do you think of men who genuinely dislike women in general besides how they look/sex getting married to them?

(Or vice versa)

 

[DoctorHouse]

what do you think of men who genuinely dislike women in general besides how they look/sex getting married to them?

(Or vice versa)

I think sometimes people get married just to escape something. I have seen this happen with women more than men. I think some people get married so they don't have to be alone. Even if it means that they have to settle. I truly believe most people do settle. There is always going to be men who feel superior to women and vice versa. Like I said before, humans are very complex. Your past could haunt your present or future. Its up to the individual to learn how to deal with people on a psychological level. You have to know psychology to make a relationship work. People full of hate, actually hate themselves. Sex was NOT meant to be something casual. It was meant to be something special between two people who have decided to commit to each other for a lifetime. My parents were virgins to each other. Seems to me, sex has become devalued for most people.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

its interesting really to be honest because i dont know if its an across the board kind of thing.

I personally know men who are not really considered attractive men but because of where they grew up geographically they kind of have very thick skin and have NO problem approaching model types in a club...approach 10 model types eventually one will talk to you if you have a brass-ball personality that does not give a sh*t about rejection.

but also keep in mind that a woman who is a 6 smiling across the bar or club next to a 7 who is not smiling feeling uncomfortable not making eye contact--in THAT moment of assessing which one is actually more attractive to a man? Im not talking about Sam and her friend i just mean randomly if looking across room in a dark club. the smiling girl who is dancing and comfortable I think as long as she is attractive men are going to zone in on.
IF the same two girls were at the beach--in daylight in swimsuits--this is a different story.

This.

I'm determined to develop brass balls once/if I go beyond a nw4. I refuse to live as a third tier citizen and get depressed and become a passive loser.

 

[blackg]

Having a vagina.

I have one. I don't get guys.

Well yes, you have a vagina, but it's all about "owning" that vagina.

 

[kj6723]

I personally know men who are not really considered attractive men but because of where they grew up geographically they kind of have very thick skin and have NO problem approaching model types in a club...approach 10 model types eventually one will talk to you if you have a brass-ball personality that does not give a sh*t about rejection.

I'm trying to picture myself approaching a 10, model type, and what the outcome would be...f*****g LOL

 

[blackg]

If the guys super confident or drunk he might approach without a cue.

Haha.. and without a clue.

 

[pjhair]

Thank you for your insightful comment.

You have to learn to "let go" alot in life. Don't let society dictate who you should be or what you should do. You have more experience about marriage than I do. So you know what marriage is like. Was it for you? Its not for everyone.

Yes, I was pretty happy in marriage. However, my marriage broke down due to my anxiety issues and also due to my lack of experience in long term relationships. I have learned from my failure though and if I ever get into a relationship again, I will be able to avoid the same issues that plagued my last relationship.

You only have one life to live. If you don't want to date and deal with the games you have to play, then don't date. Honestly, I kind of like the idea of your culture taking the game out of dating and arranging a marriage but then again if you don't find the girl attractive or compatible you are going to be miserable. But that is when you hope that your parents have enough sense to fix you up with someone who is equal to your looks.

I am shocked that you pointed out the sole reason I have never gone to the arranged marriage route. Back in India, I was considered an exceptionally good looking guy. However, when it came to marriage, my father only cared about the reputation of the family of bride and her education. He wanted them to be of the same caste as us and well reputed and traditional in their outlook. That's the ONLY criteria he cared about. When I was in college in the US, he would frequently send me pictures of girls he wanted me to marry. All of them without exception were below average. Over time I simply got sick of the pictures of the women he would send. My father never understood that I DIDN'T care about the girls family or her education. I ONLY cared about looks. Had he focused on looks, he could have found some good looking women. But he only focused on what he cared about, that is the girls family.

I am not bashing my father. I actually love him immensely. He supported me all his life and loves me a lot. He paid for my college education and bought expensive properties in New Delhi just for me. But due to his own upbringing in traditional India, he will never understand that when it comes to marriage, I don't value the same things he does. Also, some of my friends and relatives who were considered way below me in looks lucked out and got extremely good looking wives. Those wives are traditional in their outlook so they treat their husbands like God and would never dream of leaving them. In a patriarchal society with widespread arranged marriages, your looks are not necessarily a hindrance to getting hot wives as they are in other societies. That goes for both males and females as I have also seen ugly women with good looking men in India. This is changing lately but not in my own community as they are the most traditional people in the entire country.

 

[blackg]

Don't know my rating. It can be anything. I do get approached by men in clubs. But I would walk away. There was one time I got approched by a good looking guy in the grocery shop, I froze and said I had to go.

And you most likely fucked that guys head up by just walking out on him. Think of the further damage you're doing.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Thank you for your insightful comment.



Yes, I was pretty happy in marriage. However, my marriage broke down due to my anxiety issues and also due to my lack of experience in long term relationships. I have learned from my failure though and if I ever get into a relationship again, I will be able to avoid the same issues that plagued my last relationship.



I am shocked that you pointed out the sole reason I have never gone to the arranged marriage route. Back in India, I was considered an exceptionally good looking guy. However, when it came to marriage, my father only cared about the reputation of the family of bride and her education. He wanted them to be of the same caste as us and well reputed and traditional in their outlook. That's the ONLY criteria he cared about. When I was in college in the US, he would frequently send me pictures of girls he wanted me to marry. All of them without exception were below average. Over time I simply got sick of the pictures of the women he would send. My father never understood that I DIDN'T care about the girls family or her education. I ONLY cared about looks. Had he focused on looks, he could have found some good looking women. But he only focused on what he cared about, that is the girls family.

I am not bashing my father. I actually love him immensely. He supported me all his life and loves me a lot. He paid for my college education and bought expensive properties in New Delhi just for me. But due to his own upbringing in traditional India, he will never understand that when it comes to marriage, I don't value the same things he does. Also, some of my friends and relatives who were considered way below me in looks lucked out and got extremely good looking wives. Those wives are traditional in their outlook so they treat their husbands like God and would never dream of leaving them. In a patriarchal society with widespread arranged marriages, your looks are not necessarily a hindrance to getting hot wives as they are in other societies. That goes for both males and females as I have also seen ugly women with good looking men in India. This is changing lately but not in my own community as they are the most traditional people in the entire country.

I know a Bengali guy who got with a woman way hotter than he is.

He is short, fat, and bald. She is a 7.

At the wedding they asked her what she liked about him:
"He's a safe bet."
Lol.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

I know a Bengali guy who got with a woman way hotter than he is.

He is short, fat, and bald. She is a 7.

At the wedding they asked her what she liked about him:
"He's a safe bet."
Lol.

f***, but its still better to be a safe bet then to be on your own

 

[blackg]

I know a Bengali guy who got with a woman way hotter than he is.

He is short, fat, and bald. She is a 7.

At the wedding they asked her what she liked about him:
"He's a safe bet."
Lol.

Are you making this story up, Dave.
It sounds like a Fred to me.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Are you making this story up, Dave.
It sounds like a Fred to me.

It's real.

 

[blackg]

As a matter of fact, I was never "brainwashed by Disney, etc." I've always known that looks are everything and the only thing that really matters, as I've always known that I'm ugly af, I have been bullied for it for years, even back at school and then at university as well, so I never deluded myself into thinking otherwise. Baldness was merely the final blow, it merely confirmed my suspicions, and helped me accept the fact that I'm genetic trash and that I was simply meant to be alone and mocked for my appearance for the rest of my life.

Jesus, Dante! You'd be fun to have at a stag party.

 

[pjhair]

I know a Bengali guy who got with a woman way hotter than he is.

He is short, fat, and bald. She is a 7.

At the wedding they asked her what she liked about him:
"He's a safe bet."
Lol.

I have an Indian friend. He is a 4. He got married to a 7.5. My another friend who is a 5 is married to a women who is a legitimate 8.5 or 9. By far the prettiest Indian women I have ever seen. She has got a super attractive face. Her skin is so light that she almost matches white women. She is also really sweet and nice. My friend would have never gotten her without arranged marriage.

 

[pjhair]

Do you only see yourself engaged or married to an Indian woman?

No. I was married to a white women in past. I actually see myself married to a white women again in future, if it ever happens.

 

[pjhair]

Are you making this story up, Dave.
It sounds like a Fred to me.

Davids story is not at all surprising to anyone familiar with Indian culture. It's actually very common in India and happens all the time.

 

[SmoothSailing]

I have an Indian friend. He is a 4. He got married to a 7.5. My another friend who is a 5 is married to a women who is a legitimate 8.5 or 9. By far the prettiest Indian women I have ever seen. She has got a super attractive face. Her skin is so light that she almost matches white women. She is also really sweet and nice. My friend would have never gotten her without arranged marriage.

If I saw a 4 with a 7.5 I'd presume it was completely a money thing. Guess that's not always the case.

So would these women likely cheat?

 

[pjhair]

If I saw a 4 with a 7.5 I'd presume it was completely a money thing. Guess that's not always the case.

So would these women likely cheat?

The possibility of cheating depends on various factors. If they are from a traditional family, the likelihood of them cheating gets very low. In fact, it drops to close to zero for women in the generation just before me and prior. In fact, I have seen men from my fathers generation treating their women like crap and still the wives never cheated on them. Once you were married, you were married for life with no compromise, even in extreme situations. Things have changed since then but still cheating/divorce is a very rare occurrence in my community. I have rarely seen it happen.

 

[CopeForLife]

Hold a glance with a guy one second more...

Problem solved.

Rep me later.

 

[Rudiger]

So a few nights ago me and my friends had a night out. One of my close girl friends, I would say she's a 6.5-7. She could be more attractive if she lost some weight. She's the typical talkative and confident girl. Has high standards and knows what she wants. She is absolutely a natural at flirting with guys especially when drunk, and she's good at it! When I asked her how she could feel so good about herself, she just said I'm just a positive person.
So yeah, we went out. She flirted with countless of hot guys. Like on a scale of 8-9. Whereas me just being the usual nervous and awkward type. What do I do when guys give me attentions? I look away. She is the type of girls who can get to sleep with 9s just because she's confident as f***. And this is the girl who once said to me "Samantha, if anything, you have a better chance at getting hot guys than I do". But I don't. I have no confidence. I tried and covered up my problems with hair fibre as much as I can. In my room, I will look myself in the mirror posing and think damn this girl's got it. But in reality, I have no confidence.

I guess what I'm trying to say it, confidence isn't everything. But lack of confidence is pretty much the end even for girls. Im pretty much insecure just about everything. Not entirely sure if it's due to my previous abusive relationship or hair loss. I can't buy drugs or wigs to cure or hide my lack of confidence. So I haven't dated for a very very long time. From now on I'm trying to be more out there and talk to people. But I'm not sure how far I can get.

I think to generalise, hot girls who have a problem holding any sort of eye contact or admitting interest in a guy, are subconsciously more picky than they realise. This may be you, as I've seen it with plenty of girls when you really get to the crux of their issues.

However if you were in an abusive relationship you may be somewhat scarred, this may not be permanent but I've also seen this, girls have an incredibly hard time trusting any man, hot or not, they see the potential for any person to be abusive. It's hard to shake that, but maybe the club dating stranger scene is not the place for you to be thinking of finding someone.

And where to find someone then? Well, ideally within a circle of friends, so that may take patience to find an appropriate guy. But if my suspicions that it's down to an abusive relationship are correct, then you need to find someone who knows they need to be patient with you in all ways, because that trust won't come easily.

But as you know, it's certainly not normal that if you want to find a guy, you keep brushing them off. I'm sure you must feel attracted to some of these guys, but either on some level you feel you're too good for them (and I'm not criticising here, we can't help our base instincts) or you feel you can't trust them, every guy is "not right" for some reason you can't put your finger on.

Were you always like this, before the abusive relationship?