If All You Know Comes From Psl And Manosphere Blogs...

[hairblues]

Nothing lol. I still have virtually zero success. I'm just saying that with the 1-2 matches per month I get I still adhere to that rule.

But you do well in person?

 

[Bklyn_23]

But you do well in person?

Quite. Something about me must just not come across in pics for whatever reason. And it's about my personality, either - I'm very reserved in real life (unless I'm drunk), and rarely approach women. Yet in real life I frequently receive unsolicited compliments from women (even 25-30 year old women - I just turned 39 for reference), but I have virtually zero success online.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Dude immersed in the online dating world wrote this - shocker!

If only people were this simple minded we'd all be married by 20, unfortunately life is a lot more complicated than simply seeing someone and liking them, or in this example not liking them, and later realising they could be good for you over all the others you've liked aesthetically and just wasted your time.

Of course the example of a woman who was asked out 10 times and eventually caved in and ended up happy for decades, it's from a bygone era. It may be less common now, but to act like this is an impossibility or alien to us, you're being intentionally close minded because of your own personal experience.

Yeah, I've never been mates with someone only for it to turn into a relationship later on.

I usually start with sex and then become friends with them later on

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Dude it's none of my business but you're never gonna find "the one" if you can't find the balls to get rejected. The best things in life don't come easy, else everyone would have them.

And I would hate to see a fellow Englishman (and obvious Smiths fan) go to waste.

In my defence, I'm probably one of the most experienced men on this forum in terms of getting laid on regular basis (plus, I've had a few good relationships).

 

[DoctorHouse]

In my defence, I'm probably one of the most experienced men on this forum in terms of getting laid on regular basis (plus, I've had a few good relationships).

Trust us! We know, Slayer!

 

[hairblues]

What did you mean? That you always are more suspicious if with a Chad??
I just try to trust people, though I don't trust non one but I hate to appear suspicious or jealous, so I hide it. I only dated a Chad once and it did not lasted long. I broke up after 2 weeks, WE had not much to talk about.

i guessI mean players.

 

[Dante92]

No but there is a correlation.

There's this idea that people just get out of bed and are good-looking without putting any work in it.

But most good-looking guys put a lot of effort into their hair style, body and clothes, don't be fooled when they pretend that their good looks were achieved without any effort.

No, but most of them put minimal effort and their good genes allow them to get good results real fast anyway. Looksmaxing or not, they'd get women anyway, that's the difference between guys like them and guys like me.

 

[Medina]

In my defence, I'm probably one of the most experienced men on this forum in terms of getting laid on regular basis (plus, I've had a few good relationships).

Yeah but I think you slay out of self-pity. Pussy feeds your fragile ego. That's why you're scared of rejection.

Just telling it like I see it bro not trying to be a dick, you're in a much better position than most guys on here.

But you play it low-risk, waiting for tinder matches instead of putting your balls on the line like the rest of us.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Yeah but I think you slay out of self-pity. Pussy feeds your fragile ego. That's why you're scared of rejection.

Just telling it like I see it bro not trying to be a dick, you're in a much better position than most guys on here.

But you play it low-risk, waiting for tinder matches instead of putting your balls on the line like the rest of us.

You are right - when I was younger I used to have a lot of sex to prove to myself that I am desirable.

This is one of the reasons I quit dating for a bit - so that I work on more self development and learn to get that validation from myself. Plus the free time has allowed me to write my novel, start teaching, move abroad, and improve my body. I'm looking to start dating this August when I move back into the city, and I will be doing from a place that isn't seeking approval.

I also want to take what hairblues said on board and become more ballsy in my approach to meeting women in the street and in bars.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Why?

It's useless if you're already getting quality sex from online dating.

Been there, done that.

All it's going to do is making you lose your time and rack up dozens of rejections.

And no, it's not one of those things where you get better at it or gain some special social skills in the process.

Sorry to disappoint all the PUA enthusiasts in the forum. Dating is already a huge waste of precious time.

Even through online dating.

Here comes my relevant analogy with lots of quotation marks:

"Gee, why I do buy meat at the butcher, real men go hunting and skin the animal themselves!"

Why do you want to make your life more complicated on purpose? Especially when it will have 0 tangible benefits.

Meeting women on the street... Creep.

Its more for just general real life situations.

Like two years ago when I was finishing my degree I had a crush on another student and we were often flirting after class. Unfortunately I never asked her out or made a move because I thought that if she rejected it me then it would be awkward at uni.

I really wish I had the courage just to take that chance.

But don't get me wrong, I do think online is the easiest and best way to meet people, its just that I want to be able to ask people out in real life as well.

 

[CaptainForehead]

Orgies are kind of gross.

You've been in one?

 

[hairblues]

You've been in one?

No.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

You won't get more courage to ask her out just because you practiced on women on the street and bars.

Every time you're going to have to do that, you're going to be afraid of being rejected.

It's like going on stage for musicians, no matter how many times you perform, you're always going to get some stage fright.

The key is going for it despite feeling like you're going to die. And every girl you ask out, the fear's going to be there.

It will not get better because you practice. Source: I've hit on 40+ girls on the street.

Just have a normal social life and I'm sure girls are going to give you signs.

If you don't get signs, there's no point to even try. Unless you're a masochist.

But doesn't the ability to read signs improve with experience, both negative and positive experience?

For example you once posted a thread asking if anybody has ever had success with a woman who said "I want to get to know you first". That's not an intrinsically obvious outcome, but the truth is when women say that, they're very unlikely to ever want to meet you. They're looking for excuses to reject you. That's the sort of thing that is most effectively learned from experience.

If Johnson goes to a situation of mixed difficulty, pays attention, and has both successes and failures he may acquire a superior ability to read the signs.

 

[hairblues]

we grow from failure...in all areas of life.

 

[DoctorHouse]

we grow from failure...in all areas of life.

Very true! The more you fail, the more you grow even when you don't want to.

 

[Rudiger]

But doesn't the ability to read signs improve with experience, both negative and positive experience?

For example you once posted a thread asking if anybody has ever had success with a woman who said "I want to get to know you first". That's not an intrinsically obvious outcome, but the truth is when women say that, they're very unlikely to ever want to meet you. They're looking for excuses to reject you. That's the sort of thing that is most effectively learned from experience.

If Johnson goes to a situation of mixed difficulty, pays attention, and has both successes and failures he may acquire a superior ability to read the signs.

Exactly. I wrote earlier in the thread about rejection and "getting used to it"- but most humans adapt, and grow, so you don't accept "getting used to it" you change something. Either looksmax, or judging your surroundings, what to look for that improves your chances (including trying to pull 8s when you are a 6), signs from women etc.

I'll never remember who said it on this forum because it was a long time ago but as a very simple view;

"Obviously a guy who's chatted to 100 women is going to be more natural at it than a guy who's chatted to 10".

I'm not saying guys should go out and chat up 100 women in a night, when any man with any sort of self worth will likely be soul destroyed, but if you take something you can learn from each experience and not just get more and more desperate with "pick up lines" and simple disingenuous "u iz so beaaautiful bb" sh*t women hear all the time.

I mean f***, it's not even easy chatting up a girl who has checked you out a few times, never mind one who hasn't, none of this is easy.

True, but you still need to learn from your failures, otherwise it's useless.

Like for those PUA bozos who approached like 10000 women on the street and were rejected by like 9995.

At a point, you need to realize that this could be the worst strategy ever when it comes to meeting women.

Indeed taking time to learn and self reflect on 5 rejections over a few weekends is way more beneficial than 1000 attempts in a single night, getting 5 numbers that are either fake or ready to block you soon. This sort of high volume numbers game only results in a defeated man getting nowhere and becoming a shell of a human being.

With most scams like PUA there are decent fundamental elements that can trick and trap desperate people, even Scientology. But with PUA there's pretty much nothing you can learn accept for the very first simple point, which you don't need to read blogs and books and watch conferences to know - simply attempt to talk to a woman.

You can't fake it, even if you know guys who are good at being charming and manipulative and you see them "fake it" that's because they're good at it naturally. All you can attempt to do is apply the best version of yourself in creative ways, and you can only do that by being comfortable in the situation- again, it's not easy.

I have a particular cringe moment when I think back on it (wasn't long ago) when an attractive girl started talking to me at a bar, and this to me is very rare (I've seen guys on here say it happens here and there well, barely ever to me, even for friends of mine who are basically Chad).

Anyway I just completely bombed, talked for like 10mins, she was clearly initially interested, but my jokes were sh*t and confusing, my general chat was disengaged, she practically rolled her eyes at one point and it went so badly I just gave up and she was happy to walk away.

Now, to be clear, this wasn't a case of "personality can't create attraction it can only ruin attraction" because as dull as I was, I was at least coherent and attempting to make jokes here and there, some women who are really interested will not give a f*** and pretend to laugh along anyway.

But for whatever reason I just felt incredibly off, I don't know what it was, just very uncomfortable. I guess I wasn't expecting this as I wasn't going out to try pick up a girl, and my nervousness fucked up what should have at the very least been a number and possible date.

Obviously I hate this memory (even though nobody really knows it happened, but I know it did) but in a way it reminded me that what you do or say can influence things.

And being uncomfortable in that situation made me screw it up, she was interested but just wanted something a bit more, and obviously I didn't offer that.

I would say a lot of guys who've never engaged with women who are strangers would act similarly. Obviously the next step up is being the first to make a move, as mentioned women are not going to make the first move. But even reading signals and knowing when to make a move yourself is probably more important than anything you'll ever "learn" to say, I think a lot of guys miss opportunities like this.

It would be interesting to see how Johnson finds this.

But f***, remember rejection can make you feel really foolish, never let it get to a point where you're thinking about it the entire next day.

 

[Medina]

Exactly. I wrote earlier in the thread about rejection and "getting used to it"- but most humans adapt, and grow, so you don't accept "getting used to it" you change something. Either looksmax, or judging your surroundings, what to look for that improves your chances (including trying to pull 8s when you are a 6), signs from women etc.

I'll never remember who said it on this forum because it was a long time ago but as a very simple view;

"Obviously a guy who's chatted to 100 women is going to be more natural at it than a guy who's chatted to 10".

I'm not saying guys should go out and chat up 100 women in a night, when any man with any sort of self worth will likely be soul destroyed, but if you take something you can learn from each experience and not just get more and more desperate with "pick up lines" and simple disingenuous "u iz so beaaautiful bb" sh*t women hear all the time.

I mean f***, it's not even easy chatting up a girl who has checked you out a few times, never mind one who hasn't, none of this is easy.



Indeed taking time to learn and self reflect on 5 rejections over a few weekends is way more beneficial than 1000 attempts in a single night, getting 5 numbers that are either fake or ready to block you soon. This sort of high volume numbers game only results in a defeated man getting nowhere and becoming a shell of a human being.

With most scams like PUA there are decent fundamental elements that can trick and trap desperate people, even Scientology. But with PUA there's pretty much nothing you can learn accept for the very first simple point, which you don't need to read blogs and books and watch conferences to know - simply attempt to talk to a woman.

You can't fake it, even if you know guys who are good at being charming and manipulative and you see them "fake it" that's because they're good at it naturally. All you can attempt to do is apply the best version of yourself in creative ways, and you can only do that by being comfortable in the situation- again, it's not easy.

I have a particular cringe moment when I think back on it (wasn't long ago) when an attractive girl started talking to me at a bar, and this to me is very rare (I've seen guys on here say it happens here and there well, barely ever to me, even for friends of mine who are basically Chad).

Anyway I just completely bombed, talked for like 10mins, she was clearly initially interested, but my jokes were sh*t and confusing, my general chat was disengaged, she practically rolled her eyes at one point and it went so badly I just gave up and she was happy to walk away.

Now, to be clear, this wasn't a case of "personality can't create attraction it can only ruin attraction" because as dull as I was, I was at least coherent and attempting to make jokes here and there, some women who are really interested will not give a f*** and pretend to laugh along anyway.

But for whatever reason I just felt incredibly off, I don't know what it was, just very uncomfortable. I guess I wasn't expecting this as I wasn't going out to try pick up a girl, and my nervousness fucked up what should have at the very least been a number and possible date.

Obviously I hate this memory (even though nobody really knows it happened, but I know it did) but in a way it reminded me that what you do or say can influence things.

And being uncomfortable in that situation made me screw it up, she was interested but just wanted something a bit more, and obviously I didn't offer that.

I would say a lot of guys who've never engaged with women who are strangers would act similarly. Obviously the next step up is being the first to make a move, as mentioned women are not going to make the first move. But even reading signals and knowing when to make a move yourself is probably more important than anything you'll ever "learn" to say, I think a lot of guys miss opportunities like this.

It would be interesting to see how Johnson finds this.

But f***, remember rejection can make you feel really foolish, never let it get to a point where you're thinking about it the entire next day.

Polarbear if she wasn't interested she wouldn't have bothered

Ask fun questions brah. In my view women should do 70% of the talking. They love talking and it gives you less chance of f*****g up. And it also keeps you mysterious. Open her up. It's not "manipulative" if you're genuinely interested in what she has to say.

 

[Medina]

Women are very social creature, they like talking to everyone all the time for no particular reason.

Are you really one of those guys who's like "man, she initiated a conversation with me! Totally means that she wants my ding dong!"

She was just not interested in him. If she was and truly found him sexually appealing, she would have laughed at his lame jokes and found his awkwardness cute.

Jesus, I used to record my dates with women, and if I listen to what I'm saying sometimes, I'm like "f*** this is so cringy".

And yet you hear the woman laugh, and yet I've had sex with them.

Damn I forgot I had these recordings, it's only audio but it would still be decent spankbank material.

Dude if a woman comes up to me in a bar and starts talking to me she's not trying to sell me a damn car, she's interested, but that doesn't mean I'm in for an easy lay. She wants to see if I'm worth her time.

She didn't laugh because she didn't "get him" and he isn't Chad. So she changed her mind. Clear as day to me.

 

[Dench57]

If a girl approaches you in a bar and starts making conversation it's highly likely she's interested in the possibility of your penis in her vagina.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I have not tried to pick up a woman in a bar in over ten years. I don't even know what bar I would go to.