If All You Know Comes From Psl And Manosphere Blogs...

[Afro_Vacancy]

You never heard of those couples who the guy insisted for a year until she gave in and been married for 40+ years? How do you explain that?

They're not the norm.

 

[Haironn]

One of my friend got rejected three times before hi gf said yes for a date. They dated for a year. Eventually my friend broke up and moved to a difference city. The women didn't want to break up. It happens all the time. Albeit as you say, it's less common now.

tbh personally I too believe this is settling down of some sort, I personally wouldn't chase a girl if she rejected me, I might give it a second try, hell, maybe even a third if I'm REALLY into her, but I'm not gonna keep trying for someone that doesn't want me, it just doesn't feel right.
don't really understand guys who keep chasing the same girl even after being rejected countless of times.

 

[Medina]

I've often thought my dream girl may not even be on tinder - so i'd love to not be so reliant on them and have no fear of rejection, so I could just swan up to a random beauty and swoop her off her feet.

Dude it's none of my business but you're never gonna find "the one" if you can't find the balls to get rejected. The best things in life don't come easy, else everyone would have them.

And I would hate to see a fellow Englishman (and obvious Smiths fan) go to waste.

 

[pjhair]

tbh personally I too believe this is settling down of some sort, I personally wouldn't chase a girl if she rejected me, I might give it a second try, hell, maybe even a third if I'm REALLY into her, but I'm not gonna keep trying for someone that doesn't want me, it just doesn't feel right.
don't really understand guys who keep chasing the same girl even after being rejected countless of times.

The guy who I gave an example of is actually quite good looking. He has dated quite a few hot women. His rule is to ask girls out at most three times. Believe it or not, women sometimes do change their minds when asked 2nd or 3rd time. His gf wasn't really "settling down" as evident by the fact that she was pretty distraught when he dumped her. Also, she wasn't above his level in looks. Life is far more complex than these forums will have you believe.

 

[Haironn]

The guy who I gave an example of is actually quite good looking. He has dated quite a few hot women. His rule is to ask girls out at most three times. Believe it or not, women sometimes do change their minds when asked 2nd or 3rd time. His gf wasn't really "settling down" as evident by the fact that she was pretty distraught when he dumped her. Also, she wasn't above his level in looks. Life is far more complex than these forums will have you believe.

just because she ended up falling in love with him and didn't want to lose him doesn't mean she didn't settle down initially. not that I'm saying setlling down is anything bad, we all settle down eventually.
in my opinion it all depends on how it happens though.
if I met a woman that is in her "settling down phase", but I am not related to her history, and never knew her before, I'd be cool with that.
but, if I wanted to be with someone and they rejected me, and then later on tried to be with me again because now she's looking to settle down- that's a no for me.
to keep it simple, I'd never choose to be option B/ last option if I can help it.

 

[Rudiger]

tbh personally I too believe this is settling down of some sort, I personally wouldn't chase a girl if she rejected me, I might give it a second try, hell, maybe even a third if I'm REALLY into her, but I'm not gonna keep trying for someone that doesn't want me, it just doesn't feel right.
don't really understand guys who keep chasing the same girl even after being rejected countless of times.

I've done it many a time, literally can get nothing back in interactions and texts etc. or it being all me in terms of initiating conversation every single time.

Is that pathetic? Well so be it, sometimes it works out.

"But dude that just means she liked you anyway"

Well sometimes it doesn't work out and you give up.

"Lol breh she didn't find you attractive then" (implied dose of embarrassment and naivety)

Yeah duh, or maybe that isn't an issue and had some other reason to doubt my suitability.

Online dating is quite a simple world compared to real life variances. It definitely seems that way as I've never even remotely dabbled in it, but from knowing people who regularly do and the theories of those on this forum, it's all very straightforward. It's either happening or it isn't. In a way this makes sense as you cut out a lot of the crap you were never interested, but why do so many online interactions go nowhere?

A popularly posted graph is from that time an online website had a "blind day" where pictures weren't shown on profiles so people had to judge based on the content of a person's interest. No surprise that matches dropped considerably, and no surprise that the matches that were made significantly dropped off the next day when pictures were put back up.

What they did find however is that the quality of the matches that blindly selected each other, and were happy with what they saw a day later, had a much higher longevity than ever. I can normally guess what the red pills response is to most things but with this I don't have a clue (perhaps just flat out denial?). For me it makes sense that when these people found that had actual interests in someone, and this was reinforced by how they looked, that interaction felt a lot more meaningful than simply swiping left continuously until you found someone you wanted to f***, and glancing over their profile only if they match back.

So as always, looks are pivotal in initiating something more serious, without attraction nobody is getting their foot in the door, but to discard completely the element of personality is too convenient.

In real life trying to make sense of the chaos will only leave you ruined. Taking rejection simply isn't easy but you really have to adapt an attitude that if you're rejected due to attraction it's not your fault, even if there's other things she didn't like about you, you cant drastically change who you fundamentally are for someone. And if you try, you're wasting everyone's time.

It's definitely not an easy thing to "get used to" but if you're in any way sensible you won't "get used to it" all the time, you realise when someone's interested, maybe you're overvaluing your looks and keep punching too high.

Any sane person realises these things and adapts, it's all about testing the waters, and I get the impression online daters, who never get formally rejected they just don't get matched, are particularly bad at accepting this idea.

 

[resu]

People who dwell in online dating like Tinder and so forth seem to have a more binary point of view which makes sense because those apps work in a similar way.

 

[Haironn]

I've done it many a time, literally can get nothing back in interactions and texts etc. or it being all me in terms of initiating conversation every single time.

Is that pathetic? Well so be it, sometimes it works out.

"But dude that just means she liked you anyway"

Well sometimes it doesn't work out and you give up.

"Lol breh she didn't find you attractive then" (implied dose of embarrassment and naivety)

Yeah duh, or maybe that isn't an issue and had some other reason to doubt my suitability.

Online dating is quite a simple world compared to real life variances. It definitely seems that way as I've never even remotely dabbled in it, but from knowing people who regularly do and the theories of those on this forum, it's all very straightforward. It's either happening or it isn't. In a way this makes sense as you cut out a lot of the crap you were never interested, but why do so many online interactions go nowhere?

A popularly posted graph is from that time an online website had a "blind day" where pictures weren't shown on profiles so people had to judge based on the content of a person's interest. No surprise that matches dropped considerably, and no surprise that the matches that were made significantly dropped off the next day when pictures were put back up.

What they did find however is that the quality of the matches that blindly selected each other, and were happy with what they saw a day later, had a much higher longevity than ever. I can normally guess what the red pills response is to most things but with this I don't have a clue (perhaps just flat out denial?). For me it makes sense that when these people found that had actual interests in someone, and this was reinforced by how they looked, that interaction felt a lot more meaningful than simply swiping left continuously until you found someone you wanted to f***, and glancing over their profile only if they match back.

So as always, looks are pivotal in initiating something more serious, without attraction nobody is getting their foot in the door, but to discard completely the element of personality is too convenient.

In real life trying to make sense of the chaos will only leave you ruined. Taking rejection simply isn't easy but you really have to adapt an attitude that if you're rejected due to attraction it's not your fault, even if there's other things she didn't like about you, you cant drastically change who you fundamentally are for someone. And if you try, you're wasting everyone's time.

It's definitely not an easy thing to "get used to" but if you're in any way sensible you won't "get used to it" all the time, you realise when someone's interested, maybe you're overvaluing your looks and keep punching too high.

Any sane person realises these things and adapts, it's all about testing the waters, and I get the impression online daters, who never get formally rejected they just don't get matched, are particularly bad at accepting this idea.

but I don't get your point, no one says that looks is everything? if you're looking for flings, looks is usually everything, but if you're looking for a long term thing, obviously looks isn't everything, and there are many other factors involved, but still looks still plays a huge role even in a search for a long term relationship.

not sure what that graph was trying to show that nobody already knows

 

[hairblues]

tbh personally I too believe this is settling down of some sort, I personally wouldn't chase a girl if she rejected me, I might give it a second try, hell, maybe even a third if I'm REALLY into her, but I'm not gonna keep trying for someone that doesn't want me, it just doesn't feel right.
don't really understand guys who keep chasing the same girl even after being rejected countless of times.

It is not always one way or other.
I had one guy who chased me since i was 15 and I did no date him or sleep with him until I was 35...And NO he was definitely NOT a 'beta provider' he was a really BAD boy and freakign HOT when I was HS and I was a little afraid of him..but we were always friendly in similar circles..It was HOT sex when we finally got together.

Another example is a guy asked me out a few times I was like 'meh' then one night he was beer brave and kissed me so I went out with him...but the dynamic was 'off' from beginning he was always insecure and needy in the relationship.

I do know other people it worked out for them.

 

[Rudiger]

but I don't get your point, no one says that looks is everything?

Lol, I'll let other members speak for themselves on this one, but plenty of people believe that looks are absolutely everything. It appears to be common sense for you that personality plays any part, but this is a foreign idea to plenty of people.

My point was simple, both play a part. I'd say looks are definitely more important, vast majority of people don't let personality rule over zero physical attraction, but also most people look for some form of attraction accompanied with a person you're actually compatible with.

@hairblues just mentioned another variable never taken into consideration when it comes to "Chad's slay all 100% of the time" well that's obviously off putting to certain women. A guy who's too good looking is hard to trust.

Of course Chad can quickly move on and will quickly find someone else, but from the flip side it is not a case of all women desperately wanting their Chad. Many have been cautious from either experience of them, or from never trusting this type of guy in the first place.

 

[hairblues]

Lol, I'll let other members speak for themselves on this one, but plenty of people believe that looks are absolutely everything. It appears to be common sense for you that personality plays any part, but this is a foreign idea to plenty of people.

My point was simple, both play a part. I'd say looks are definitely more important, vast majority of people don't let personality rule over zero physical attraction, but also most people look for some form of attraction accompanied with a person you're actually compatible with.

@hairblues just mentioned another variable never taken into consideration when it comes to "Chad's slay all 100% of the time" well that's obviously off putting to certain women. A guy who's too good looking is hard to trust.

Of course Chad can quickly move on and will quickly find someone else, but from the flip side it is not a case of all women desperately wanting their Chad. Many have been cautious from either experience of them, or from never trusting this type of guy in the first place.

Yeah I am always side eye leary of 'Chads'

I am sure @Pasbrillantebrunette and @EvilLocks are too...we are not stupid women controlled by our eyeballs.

 

[blackg]

first rejection in my life was f*****g hard i remember got back home and thinking about that embracing moment in shower like 20 minutes

And then jerking off.

 

[hairblues]

I agree with this logic, and it applies to women too. However, i think it's kind of a fail safe in human biology and social interaction. You see, a person who is significantly more attractive than you (let's say, 3-4 points even) is hard to trust because you feel you won't be able to hold their attention for very long. In that case, people who are too good looking remind us of our averageness and make us selfconscious to the point of doubting our ability to hold their interest while simultaneously making us question their loyalty.

Aim too high on the looks scale and you might doom a relationship when the nagging doubts kick in

I dont think that is true I known 'chads' who go through really really hot women like Kleenex.

 

[Haironn]

I suppose at the upper tiers of the looks scale it's kind of a freeforall with orgies happening every 5 minutes. I think humans weren't made to be in monogamous relationships anyways, it's all a social fabrication we impose on ourselves. We'd all be much happier if we didn't try to own each other or try to meet some social quote for relationships (like women try to do with marriage and kids). Just have fun and chill out.

it's kind of complicated, and it's self contradicting too, I agree we weren't meant to be monogamous but on the other hand jealousy over SO between people will always be there, and people tend to get attached to others and develop feelings and so on.

I don't believe open relationships work either. not for a long time. it always ends up failing.

 

[hairblues]

it's kind of a freeforall with orgies happening every 5 minutes. . .

Orgies are kind of gross.

 

[Bklyn_23]

I have a 3-4 message rule in online dating/interactions (usually 3). If we exchange 3-4 messages and she hasn't asked me anything about myself, I move on (I always pepper some relevant questions in the first several messages without making it sound like an interview). It shows extreme self-interest and lack of conversational ability/character.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

I have a 3-4 message rule in online dating/interactions (usually 3). If we exchange 3-4 messages and she hasn't asked me anything about myself, I move on (I always pepper some relevant questions in the few several messages without making it sound like an interview). It shows extreme self-interest and lack of conversational ability/character.

I'm glad you've been able to find success in online dating. What changed for you?

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

first rejection in my life was f*****g hard i remember got back home and thinking about that embracing moment in shower like 20 minutes

I can't tell if you're actually complaining about twenty minutes of pain or just being sarcastic.

 

[Rudiger]

I agree with this logic, and it applies to women too. However, i think it's kind of a fail safe in human biology and social interaction. You see, a person who is significantly more attractive than you (let's say, 3-4 points even) is hard to trust because you feel you won't be able to hold their attention for very long. In that case, people who are too good looking remind us of our averageness and make us selfconscious to the point of doubting our ability to hold their interest while simultaneously making us question their loyalty.

Aim too high on the looks scale and you might doom a relationship when the nagging doubts kick in

Well yeah it ties in with the same idea. A 5/10 girl would naturally be wondering why a Chad would ever be interested for anything more than a quick f***, I actually think a lot of average women wouldn't waste their time on a guy who can clearly do much better.

So yeah lack of trust really.

 

[Bklyn_23]

I'm glad you've been able to find success in online dating. What changed for you?

Nothing lol. I still have virtually zero success. I'm just saying that with the 1-2 matches per month I get I still adhere to that rule.