Gadgetine

Losing You Hair In Your 30's And Self Image

shookwun

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I am fairly messed up in my head from years of self torture and insecurity.

I wish I knew what life was like yo accept yourself, and live through the motions. These people are privledged. Guys with normal genes who don't pre mature my bald, average bodies, height and facial aesthetics. Seem to have normal development.

In fact I am probably the most fucked up one here. Only difference being I have started to live both sides of the coin. I know what incel ism is like, as well ad the fast life.


Make money. That's my biggest piece of advice.
 

shookwun

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What good is sleeping with around with many partners if you're still not happy with yourself? I say this from experience (not nearly as many as you, though). I envy those who don't agonize over their flaws every single day, who just shower, get dressed and go about their days, not avoiding mirrors, not comparing themselves to others, always wishing to look better.
Very beautiful post. I hate comparing myself to others, and finding faults in others. This is a reflection of my own pain.

Made me realize how many average people are happy and have partners because they are normal in regards to being comfortable with them self and around others.


There is nothing great about sleeping with multiple partners and.not big able to sustain someone you are truly into. I had a few beautiful people in my life since I sated dating and ruined every opportunity. Its empty and leaves me feeling like sh*t. I decided to stop dating again. I'll resume when I feel comfortable again .

What pisses me off is I am better looking then a lot of people I come in contact with but can't even form a relationship. I am doing something wrong, and it leads back to me not being comfortable in my own skin. That's the primary reason!


On the plus side I don't care if I am alone or in a relationship.
 

Joan

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Made me realize how many average people are happy and have partners because they are normal in regards to being comfortable with them self and around others.
The key to happiness and truly living life--so true, shookwun.

Even if you find someone who loves how you look, it won't make you love yourself.
 

buckthorn

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Oh, that changes everything.

it wasn't supposed to change anything. At the end of the day, self perception is the most important thing. that's all I was trying to say.
 

kj6723

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Very beautiful post. I hate comparing myself to others, and finding faults in others. This is a reflection of my own pain.

Made me realize how many average people are happy and have partners because they are normal in regards to being comfortable with them self and around others.


There is nothing great about sleeping with multiple partners and.not big able to sustain someone you are truly into. I had a few beautiful people in my life since I sated dating and ruined every opportunity. Its empty and leaves me feeling like sh*t. I decided to stop dating again. I'll resume when I feel comfortable again .

What pisses me off is I am better looking then a lot of people I come in contact with but can't even form a relationship. I am doing something wrong, and it leads back to me not being comfortable in my own skin. That's the primary reason!


On the plus side I don't care if I am alone or in a relationship.

This post really hit me. I read it when you posted it earlier and had to come back.

In the last couple weeks I've seen some friends from high school for a wedding.

All are engaged, married, or in long term relationships. All seem happy even though they're not with 7+'s. Pretty obviously not obsessing over their own looks either. Meanwhile I'm passing up opportunities with women because I'm too anxious about my own insecurities...clinging to my six pack abs and about to get cosmetic surgery

When I stop think about it, I really have to wonder if I'm just a f*****g mess
 

Joan

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This post really hit me. I read it when you posted it earlier and had to come back.

In the last couple weeks I've seen some friends from high school for a wedding.

All are engaged, married, or in long term relationships. All seem happy even though they're not with 7+'s. Pretty obviously not obsessing over their own looks either. Meanwhile I'm passing up opportunities with women because I'm too anxious about my own insecurities...clinging to my six pack abs and about to get cosmetic surgery

When I stop think about it, I really have to wonder if I'm just a f*****g mess
For those of us who work out, we won't be happy if we lose what we've gained. If we work out for ourselves, for our love of a toned or muscular physique, it most likely will be a way of life for a long, long time. You'll hate looking at yourself if you lose your abs, regardless if a woman is into them or not.

If your hair is the only thing with which you're obsessed, I don't think you're a mess. I doubt any guy sees his hair falling out and says, "Oh, I guess I'm going bald. Oh, well." If you're obsessing over other things, then a hair transplant won't make those issues disappear, but they may bother you less.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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I don't look that good anymore man. I am 5'8" and 190 lbs. I do have a good deal of muscle, but not THAT much. It's EXTREMELY hard for me to lose weight. In my late twenties/early thirties, I would eat 1500 cals a day, run six miles a day, everyday, play sports and do yoga and it was STILL hard to get fit. I have a f*cked metabolism. I got down to 165, toned muscle then had serious injuries and gained it back in like 10 months. Also, I put on jiggly fat around my pecs and abdomen, which f*cking sucks. I have a nice face, but it's topped with a disfigured rats nest and a six inch scar on the back of my head to finish it of. On top of this, I am generally a little insecure. I am not typing this for sympathy, rather to correct your perception of me.

because your perception of me (and possibly shook too) is skewed. You haven't actually encountered any of the other posters on here, so you don't really know their situation. My situation may not be as dire as yours logistically, but in my mind it is pretty damn close.

To fix your metabolism, go on a 4 or 5-day water-only fast, and after that stick to fewer, larger meals.
 

buckthorn

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To fix your metabolism, go on a 4 or 5-day water-only fast, and after that stick to fewer, larger meals.

that will PERMANENTLY fix a man that's ALWAYS had a slow metabolism? You're my main man Dave, but I don't buy it. explain?
 

Afro_Vacancy

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that will PERMANENTLY fix a man that's ALWAYS had a slow metabolism? You're my main man Dave, but I don't buy it. explain?
I think not. If you break your fast by having 15 snickers bars spread evenly over two days then your metabolism will crash right back down.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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The most significant increase in knowledge I've gained on metabolism in the past year is that high insulin levels prevent your body from metabolizing its own fat.

Ideally a body gets food energy, and over a lengthy period is both building fat cells from spare energy and using fat cells for spare energy, in a close to equilibrium state.

But you cannot extract energy from fat if your insulin (or your cortisol) is high.

So what your body does instead is it slows metabolism, because an energy source is cut off.

Slow metabolism is dangerous, it means your brain is underfed, you will have a lot of anxiety, irritability, you will be cold, etc.
 

buckthorn

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I think not. If you break your fast by having 15 snickers bars spread evenly over two days then your metabolism will crash right back down.

but, if I follow your rule, how exactly would this positively effect my overall metabolism? Which mechanisms are occurring in the body? I'd assume that your metabolism would just gradually crawl right back to baseline. Perhaps it would speed it up for a few weeks.
 

buckthorn

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The most significant increase in knowledge I've gained on metabolism in the past year is that high insulin levels prevent your body from metabolizing its own fat.

Ideally a body gets food energy, and over a lengthy period is both building fat cells from spare energy and using fat cells for spare energy, in a close to equilibrium state.

But you cannot extract energy from fat if your insulin (or your cortisol) is high.

So what your body does instead is it slows metabolism, because an energy source is cut off.

Slow metabolism is dangerous, it means your brain is underfed, you will have a lot of anxiety, irritability, you will be cold, etc.

This sounds like Telogen Effluvium waiting to happen. I don't have any hair left to spare.
 

Afro_Vacancy

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but, if I follow your rule, how exactly would this positively effect my overall metabolism? Which mechanisms are occurring in the body? I'd assume that your metabolism would just gradually crawl right back to baseline. Perhaps it would speed it up for a few weeks.

A fast of several days should, aside from the 5 lbs of weight loss, provide an increase in your insulin sensitivity and reduce your insulin levels.

A lot of people who lose weight via fasting keep the weight off. The record is 282 lbs in 372 days ... they checked up on that guy 5 years later, and he had only regained 16 of the 282 lost lbs.

In spite of this I still think that your body would converge to its old ways if you resumed your old diet.
 

DoctorHouse

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Very beautiful post. I hate comparing myself to others, and finding faults in others. This is a reflection of my own pain.

Made me realize how many average people are happy and have partners because they are normal in regards to being comfortable with them self and around others.


There is nothing great about sleeping with multiple partners and.not big able to sustain someone you are truly into. I had a few beautiful people in my life since I sated dating and ruined every opportunity. Its empty and leaves me feeling like sh*t. I decided to stop dating again. I'll resume when I feel comfortable again .

What pisses me off is I am better looking then a lot of people I come in contact with but can't even form a relationship. I am doing something wrong, and it leads back to me not being comfortable in my own skin. That's the primary reason!


On the plus side I don't care if I am alone or in a relationship.
Shook, you described my thought process spot on. You and I struggle with the same demons. I thought I was the only one who suffers from insecurities like that. I found ways to suppress those thoughts as much as I can but still they eventually haunt me. However, I would say currently that I have those thoughts suppressed most of the time.
 

resu

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For people saying early in the thread that losing at 20 is harder, it's not entirely, it's only hard because you lose the drive and you feel you didn't live life yet but as a male 30's is much more important and relevant, it's when you should look and be your very best.

It only matters to women because after that they start to resemble our aunts the way they looked when we were younger.

Working hard and making sacrifices at 20 expecting to live life at 30 only to have everything taken away because of male pattern baldness is what hurts.
 

Joan

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[QUOTE="FredTheBelgian, post: 1355415, member: 16776"
This week, I had to break up with two girls, one of them absolutely gorgeous. I had never thought I'd have to do that in my life. Why did I do this? Well I've met a girl that just seems to make all the others blur into the background. I felt it was the right thing to do.
[/QUOTE]

Aww, that's sweet. Hope things work out for you this time.
 

EvilLocks

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This week, I had to break up with two girls, one of them absolutely gorgeous. I had never thought I'd have to do that in my life. Why did I do this? Well I've met a girl that just seems to make all the others blur into the background. I felt it was the right thing to do.

Congrats! And if you don't mind me asking, what is it that makes this girl you've met so special? Just out of curiousity.
 

DoctorHouse

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I turned 30 this year and my hair is diffusing and receding very fast since I stopped minoxidil due to the unbearable sides in October. I'm feeling like my sex life is over and I don't want to look myself in the mirror anymore because I always, ALWAYS imagined myself with longer hair. Of course this aesthetic disfigurement might be a blessing if it makes me realise that I'm depending on other people affection and love to make me feel worthy and good about myself.

But every day I find myself a bit less attractive as it gets harder and harder to cover my receded temples and my diffused hairline even though I work hard to avoid thinking about it by engaging myself fully in other activities. It does feel like the end of a world emotionally, I feel like I didn't get to enjoy women, sex and romance in life, especially because I've realised just two years ago why I sucked in attracting women all my life and fixed those mistakes.
Sorry to hear you are feeling down Vincent. I remember your photos and even with a buzzed haircut you still looked good. You are far from ugly so please don't think it's game over for you. Don't throw away your 30's just because your hair did not turn out to be what you dreamed. I threw away alot of my life due to insecurities and hair was not one of them. Don't go down that path. You will miss out on so much. I can't tell you how badly I wish I was just turning 30 and knew what I knew now.
 
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