Reactivated My Dating Profiles, Trying To Be Enthusiastic Without Being Obsessed

[doubleindemnity]

You realize as a man it doesn't matter what you think, since it's solely a woman's market and regardless of what you think, she has so many more options, she has no reason to particularly care.

But these women didn't, really. All three of them had not been on a date for many months and one told me that she had been single for many years. They chose to go on a date with me because I satisfied whatever criteria they had. They all had quite exacting requirements. How would I - a NW6 - have gotten a date unless the woman had a massive list of requirements that would rule out the majority of men? It's totally ludicrous that they made their decisions on what seem to be the smallest, most trivial things, but that's the way it works.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Fortunately (or not), I'm getting an enforced break due to going on vacation for 2-3 weeks. When I get back, all of my muscles will be gone and it will take another 4 weeks to get them back. I wasn't able to take a photo that both displayed my muscles and garnered a high Photofeeler rating so the muscles were/are all for naught anyway. I won't have them in photos or in person. If the minoxidil somehow doesn't get through, there will be further problems. But, after the vacation it will be full steam ahead until I reach my preallocated time frame.

But seriously those 3 dates all went well and at least one of those women considered me long term material and at least 2 of them liked my muscles, which are, as mentioned, on their way out. I'm pretty sure that while I messed up in one of the dates by attempting a makeout, I also messed up in one of the other dates by not attempting a makeout. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. How can the dating process be this unforgiving? Moreover, how does one come to terms with the feeling after a date that you would be perfectly right for the person who has just rejected you, and would wholly improve their life?

I didn't mean a 3-week break. I meant 6-12 months. You're extremely intense and frustrated and that's going to be detected by women, and repel them. It's also bad for your general health. You should spend the time doing other things that help actualize and grow you, get out of your comfort zone and do something different, boxing classes, pottery classes, hiking, volounteering at a religious temple, Galois theory, whatever. You can then go back to women as a better man. Maybe have some looksmaxing going on in the meantime.

Next, please learn some physiology 101 as well. You're not going to lose all of your muscles in three weeks. You will start to lose them at the 3 week mark which means something else. You can even slow that down by working out a little bit during your trip.

Finally, you do not get to decide if you are a perfect match for the other woman at the end of that 1 date. You have spent 2 hours with her, you've seen one side of her, so you have absolutely no idea, and you certainly can't say that you would "wholly improve her life". If you genuinely believe that she's a good woman, then you should accept, and realize, that there are probably multiple men out there who can make her happy.

But these women didn't, really. All three of them had not been on a date for many months and one told me that she had been single for many years. They chose to go on a date with me because I satisfied whatever criteria they had. They all had quite exacting requirements. How would I - a NW6 - have gotten a date unless the woman had a massive list of requirements that would rule out the majority of men? It's totally ludicrous that they made their decisions on what seem to be the smallest, most trivial things, but that's the way it works.

The woman I saw last Sunday told me that she had not been on a date in a year. This doesn't mean that no man in the world was willing to meet her for coffee (lol). It means that she chose to spend that time doing other things for reasons that are specific to her.

On this forum, through the years, we've had multiple women come through and say that they had not been on a date in months/years. These women were actually attractive, they were just busy doing other things.

 

[doubleindemnity]

I didn't mean a 3-week break. I meant 6-12 months. You're extremely intense and frustrated and that's going to be detected by women, and repel them. It's also bad for your general health. You should spend the time doing other things that help actualize and grow you, get out of your comfort zone and do something different, boxing classes, pottery classes, hiking, volounteering at a religious temple, Galois theory, whatever. You can then go back to women as a better man. Maybe have some looksmaxing going on in the meantime.

Next, please learn some physiology 101 as well. You're not going to lose all of your muscles in three weeks. You will start to lose them at the 3 week mark which means something else. You can even slow that down by working out a little bit during your trip.

Finally, you do not get to decide if you are a perfect match for the other woman at the end of that 1 date. You have spent 2 hours with her, you've seen one side of her, so you have absolutely no idea, and you certainly can't say that you would "wholly improve her life". If you genuinely believe that she's a good woman, then you should accept, and realize, that there are probably multiple men out there who can make her happy.


The woman I saw last Sunday told me that she had not been on a date in a year. This doesn't mean that no man in the world was willing to meet her for coffee (lol). It means that she chose to spend that time doing other things for reasons that are specific to her.

On this forum, through the years, we've had multiple women come through and say that they had not been on a date in months/years. These women were actually attractive, they were just busy doing other things.

The point remains that these women took time out of their schedules to see me. I had stopped messaging one of them and she contacted me to ask if I was free. The rest of it is correct, though.

I'm not going to take 6-12 months out from dating. I might as well stop forever. Moreover, the very idea that you can be a 'better man' by learning Galois theory, boxing (which I know already) etc. is disagreeable to me also. You're more cultured and intelligent than most men your age. So am I for my respective age group, and I'm in better shape too. What good has it done for us!? You'll be a better man but women will not treat you any differently for it. People my age are already engaged, for pity's sake. So how can you advise me to take a 6-12 month break? It's mad. You've seen what I posted about the age groups of the women that are compatible with me. I'm getting too old for them by the day. It's these enforced 3 weeks and that's it. This whole idea of women sensing your desperation, intensity is not quite correct either, in my opinion. Dating is a simple process. Do your looks stack up? Do you feel comfortable and compatible together? Is it easy enough to move things forward? Then that's it. I'm pretty sure that it goes in that order too.

Also, regardless of what the physiology literature says, I trust first and foremost actual lifters who live and breathe lifting. They've all said that you start losing your conditioning after 2 weeks. For me, I've always lost strength after more than a 1 week break. So it will be tough.

One more thing...what kind of looksmaxing can I do beyond what I've already done? I have more muscles than others in my demographic and am using minoxidil. I refuse to use finasteride so there's nothing more that can be done.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Nope. I don't even know anyone in real life who looks like Channing Tatum or Brad Pitt. Guys that good looking are too rare to be relevant. Most guys who coast on easy mode with women look on par with you. You don't have to be top 0.1%. Top 5-20% is enough to give you an easy dating life and have girls want you from start to finish. Ie. Chad.

You don't know what Chad even means!

Chad is the hot jock from high school. Chad is the guy who has women approach him. Chad is the guy who can get nearly any woman he wants.

 

[IdealForehead]

You don't know what Chad even means!

Chad is the hot jock from high school. Chad is the guy who has women approach him. Chad is the guy who can get nearly any woman he wants.

Maybe to you. Because that's impressive to you. This is all relative. You're a super Chad compared to me. I'd kill for your attractiveness. But sure there are still male model types that make you look mediocre.

I dont think about the top 1% of guys since it's not realistic to aspire to, i don't interact with those guys, and they're rare as hell. Most of the past few years i just want to be able to reach average.

I have a less than 1/100 match rate on Tinder. A 1/30 reply rate on POF/Match. Any guy who can get so many dates with nonfat women he gets bored of it is a Chad to me.

Everything is relative.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

The point remains that these women took time out of their schedules to see me. I had stopped messaging one of them and she contacted me to ask if I was free. The rest of it is correct, though.

They may have just been in the mood for a night out and you were the first guy down the list who didn't exhibit red flags. They may have just been bored. A first date is a good sign, but not a fantastically good one.

Other than that, your photos are good enough to get you some sort of opportunity, which is good to know. Given that you're a good looking man, I am inclined to assume that your issues are social, which in your case is plausibly your high intensity.

I'm not going to take 6-12 months out from dating. I might as well stop forever. Moreover, the very idea that you can be a 'better man' by learning Galois theory, boxing (which I know already) etc. is disagreeable to me also. You're more cultured and intelligent than most men your age. So am I for my respective age group, and I'm in better shape too. What good has it done for us!? You'll be a better man but women will not treat you any differently for it. People my age are already engaged, for pity's sake. So how can you advise me to take a 6-12 month break? It's mad. You've seen what I posted about the age groups of the women that are compatible with me. I'm getting too old for them by the day. It's these enforced 3 weeks and that's it. This whole idea of women sensing your desperation, intensity is not quite correct either, in my opinion. Dating is a simple process. Do your looks stack up? Do you feel comfortable and compatible together? Is it easy enough to move things forward? Then that's it. I'm pretty sure that it goes in that order too.

You're basically not dating at all from the sound of it. Women meet you and show no interest. It could be a coincidence, you should get a sample size of 10-20 to know for sure. If it doesn't work by that point, take an extended break.

I don't mean learn Galois theory in the literal sense. You can do whatever you want to actualize yourself, to explore yourself and to build more of an identity. It is certainly the case that women can smell desperation and lack of identity, they don't need superpowers to do so as many men make it extremely obvious. You have admitted that you are aggressive with women, that you work hard, you pester them until they agree to meet you, that's not good.

What hobby would you like to pick up if you had a bit more time? If you can't answer that question, then you're in a disastrous situation mentally and you need more time to explore yourself.

Also, regardless of what the physiology literature says, I trust first and foremost actual lifters who live and breathe lifting. They've all said that you start losing your conditioning after 2 weeks. For me, I've always lost strength after more than a 1 week break. So it will be tough.

You're not going to lose all of your muscles after three weeks off.

One more thing...what kind of looksmaxing can I do beyond what I've already done? I have more muscles than others in my demographic and am using minoxidil. I refuse to use finasteride so there's nothing more that can be done.

There are plenty of additional things that you can do.

You can get better clothes (are any of your clothes tailored?), you can get braces if you need them. Do you always wear belts that are the same colors as your shoes? Do you have nice belts and nice shoes? Do you wear used running shoes to work? Do you wear white socks with sandals? I saw some pictures, and you were wearing solid-colored t-shirts. Try getting dress shirts. Here's the approximate pinnacle of male fashion:

No t-shirt is visible under the collar. Dress shirt and sweater with the colors being complementary. The dress shirt has stripes but not the sweater (you don't want too much stimulation). They are form fitted, maybe slightly loose but close enough. The sleeves are rolled up (correctly), to show off arm hair and forearm muscle -- which women love and you have in abundance.

Dancing / martial arts / etc are a good way to improve body language. A guy I know took dance classes in graduate school as a deliberate part of his self-created therapy to be less autistic. He wanted to "not move like a gangly nerd".

As for finasteride and minoxidil -- lol. Seriously man? How much minoxidil are you using? Have you considered micro needling? RU 58841? S-equol? Retinol? Do you have an anti-inflammatory component?

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

Updates:

1) The woman who canceled on Sunday got in touch last night, she had a lot of surgeries to scrub in on.
2) Last night's date got in touch today, but I had a lot of work to do unfortunately so the conversation was short. She sent me a picture of where she was.
3) Tonight's woman canceled. She said that her dog was sick and she wanted to take care of her, and that she was hoping that we could raincheck next week (this weekend is out as I'm out of town). I said that this was fine, she thanked me for understanding. When she canceled it was also her first time messaging me at my phone number rather than in the app, so that's a good sign as well.
4) Tomorrow's woman messaged me unprompted to say that she's excited. I'm looking forward to meeting her, she's hot and we were chatting nicely. We were going to meet two weeks ago but she got sick.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Maybe to you. Because that's impressive to you. This is all relative. You're a super Chad compared to me. I'd kill for your attractiveness. But sure there are still male model types that make you look mediocre.

I dont think about the top 1% of guys since it's not realistic to aspire to, i don't interact with those guys, and they're rare as hell. Most of the past few years i just want to be able to reach average.

I have a less than 1/100 match rate on Tinder. A 1/30 reply rate on POF/Match. Any guy who can get so many dates with nonfat women he gets bored of it is a Chad to me.

Everything is relative.

I appreciate your issues and I respect the steps you have taken to get better.

I hope you understand why I dislike being called a chad when I feel anything but

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Updates:

1) The woman who canceled on Sunday got in touch last night, she had a lot of surgeries to scrub in on.
2) Last night's date got in touch today, but I had a lot of work to do unfortunately so the conversation was short. She sent me a picture of where she was.
3) Tonight's woman canceled. She said that her dog was sick and she wanted to take care of her, and that she was hoping that we could raincheck next week (this weekend is out as I'm out of town). I said that this was fine, she thanked me for understanding. When she canceled it was also her first time messaging me at my phone number rather than in the app, so that's a good sign as well.
4) Tomorrow's woman messaged me unprompted to say that she's excited. I'm looking forward to meeting her, she's hot and we were chatting nicely. We were going to meet two weeks ago but she got sick.

You get a lot of cancellations.

I don't have much advice but it does seem odd.

I almost never had 2nd date cancellations - there must be a reason behind this, but I cant explain why it happens to you a lot.

 

[IdealForehead]

I appreciate your issues and I respect the steps you have taken to get better.

I hope you understand why I dislike being called a chad when I feel anything but

Yeah but what you're saying comes from your admitted self esteem problems. You should also know from everything you've said, especially pre-hair loss, a large percent of women have found you very attractive. Not many men can ever claim that at any point in their lives.

You are an objectively attractive and physically above average man. Had you hopped on finasteride ASAP like DaveSmith you'd still be coasting in that near top tier of men. You've dropped a bit in the ranks due to your hair loss, but you're still well above average.

I'm not saying you're a movie star or anything. I'm saying I don't think it matters if you're a movie star or not.

ie. Would it really matter in your happiness if you made 150k/year vs. 1.5 million/year? It really shouldn't. If you can't be happy at 150k, you're not going to be happy at 1.5 million.

It's the same with looks. You don't need to be Brad Pitt to have a great dating life. Looks like yours are more than enough. If you can't make that work, then there's something else missing.

When you were 25 and full-headed, I can only imagine what it was like for you. I bet even just going to a bar for a drink would have been fun.

 

[CaptainForehead]

ie. Would it really matter in your happiness if you made 150k/year vs. 1.5 million/year? It really shouldn't. If you can't be happy at 150k, you're not going to be happy at 1.5 million.

Spoken like someone who makes 1.5 million a year

That extra 1.35 million will make a difference.
For instance, the knowledge that you could retire after 6 years with the savings.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Yeah but what you're saying comes from your admitted self esteem problems. You should also know from everything you've said, especially pre-hair loss, a large percent of women have found you very attractive. Not many men can ever claim that at any point in their lives.

You are an objectively attractive and physically above average man. Had you hopped on finasteride ASAP like DaveSmith you'd still be coasting in that near top tier of men. You've dropped a bit in the ranks due to your hair loss, but you're still well above average.

I'm not saying you're a movie star or anything. I'm saying I don't think it matters if you're a movie star or not.

ie. Would it really matter in your happiness if you made 150k/year vs. 1.5 million/year? It really shouldn't. If you can't be happy at 150k, you're not going to be happy at 1.5 million.

It's the same with looks. You don't need to be Brad Pitt to have a great dating life. Looks like yours are more than enough. If you can't make that work, then there's something else missing.

When you were 25 and full-headed, I can only imagine what it was like for you. I bet even just going to a bar for a drink would have been fun.

At 25 I was a nw2 but i'd been in a relationship for 5 years so I didn't know how to date or if I was good looking.

I didn't date at all until 26.

I will pm you some pictures and more info

 

[CaptainForehead]

Any news on the ban of @WhitePolarBear? The ban thread has vanished.

 

[JohnsonDDG]

Any news on the ban of @WhitePolarBear? The ban thread has vanished.

Its so weird how they wont communicate with us.

They did say they wouldn't ban people on request anymore so I think this is more serious.

 

[CaptainForehead]

And all of my "private" conversations with @WhitePolarBear have vanished

 

[IdealForehead]

Do you always wear belts that are the same colors as your shoes?

Ha! That's a really good fashion point. I never thought about that. (Besides the obvious black belt black shoes for work every day.) Thanks.

 

[yetti]

And all of my "private" conversations with @WhitePolarBear have vanished

One observation. This forum, to me, has become much less political lately. A lot of the banned people were people who liked to talk politics. Im not at all suggesting that this is why they were banned, I wouldnt guess it is (nor would I suggest it should be a valid reason, freedom of speech rocks)... but its a side effect. People on the left were banned a few months ago and the impact forum became a bunch of posters agreeing on the right (for example about immigration), and now the forum is mostly about... hairloss and related issues.

 

[IdealForehead]

One observation. This forum, to me, has become much less political lately. A lot of the banned people were people who liked to talk politics. Im not at all suggesting that this is why they were banned, I wouldnt guess it is (nor would I suggest it should be a valid reason, freedom of speech rocks)... but its a side effect. People on the left were banned a few months ago and the impact forum became a bunch of posters agreeing on the right (for example about immigration), and now the forum is mostly about... hairloss and related issues.

Honestly I like the forum better without all the not-so-subtle white nationalism and race baiting. I don't come here for politics or bitter arguments.

 

[yetti]

Honestly I like the forum better without all the not-so-subtle white nationalism and race baiting. I don't come here for politics or bitter arguments.

I agree.

 

[CaptainForehead]

Honestly I like the forum better without all the not-so-subtle white nationalism and race baiting. I don't come here for politics or bitter arguments.

On the other hand, this place is the only place where I've found we can have some sort of civil discussion between opposing camps. Made possible by us all sharing deep trauma.