So I joined a dating site

[Cassin]

Guys, I don't mean to sound preachy here, and I should probably not even post this, but seriously, women do not run around saying how ugly they think bald people are.

You've seen my gallery pics when I was bald, and I was certainly never a "looker", yet I *never* felt in any way inadequate or unable to date attractive women. It's the fact that you think you are inadequate that is making you insecure, and that negative attitude acts like a repulsor shield to *anyone* not just attractive women.

Also, if you base your levels of self satisfaction purely on looks, I'm sorry to tell you (and no offense intended), but you're living in the Stone Age.

Take a look around you at the really successful people (and by successful, I don't mean plastic people like models and actors). Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alan Sugar, you’re not going to see many posters of them up on bedroom walls are you?

It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of the school hunks and beauty queens of the world end up living on social benefits. Ok, so maybe that’s just in the movies, but just being pretty is not going to get you a successful career unless you want a vapid modelling job.

Wake up guys, you're deluding yourselves and simply blaming your hair for everything that is wrong in your life.

So nice to hear someone else say this. I have been saying this to these guys since the day I joined and nobody listen's.

I have always had more girl friends than male friends and I have never once heard a girl bring up a balding guy before in a negative way.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Guys, I don't mean to sound preachy here, and I should probably not even post this, but seriously, women do not run around saying how ugly they think bald people are.

You've seen my gallery pics when I was bald, and I was certainly never a "looker", yet I *never* felt in any way inadequate or unable to date attractive women. It's the fact that you think you are inadequate that is making you insecure, and that negative attitude acts like a repulsor shield to *anyone* not just attractive women.

Also, if you base your levels of self satisfaction purely on looks, I'm sorry to tell you (and no offense intended), but you're living in the Stone Age.

Take a look around you at the really successful people (and by successful, I don't mean plastic people like models and actors). Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alan Sugar, you’re not going to see many posters of them up on bedroom walls are you?

It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of the school hunks and beauty queens of the world end up living on social benefits. Ok, so maybe that’s just in the movies, but just being pretty is not going to get you a successful career unless you want a vapid modelling job.

Wake up guys, you're deluding yourselves and simply blaming your hair for everything that is wrong in your life.

Gemini x, you have the same avatar as Bobby Chalfont. Thank god you are not as abrasive as him and I appreciate your perspective. You have a point about looks not playing an integral factor in success in the professional realm (from the examples you used). Gates and Jobs are smart, savy, well educated business opportunist and the best at that, regardless of their lack of good looks. But this thread is focused on the dating realm and how baldness/thinning impacts their chances in that arena. And just because girls don't sit around and bash bald guys doesn't necessarily exclude the possibility that they find them repulisve just the same, although I'm sure they would put it more delicately since many of them don't want to come off as shallow (they are good at that). Differences between men and women aside, the general things that attract eachother are pretty much the same. I know you aren't shootin for the ladies but am I wrong in assuming that at least part of the reason you spent thousands of dollars on multiple procedures of hair transplantation was to become more attractive to the guys? :dunno:

 

[ali777]

This guy is the real business.

Do you think he has insecurities?

 

[slowburn]

wow, who saw that coming? :badmood:

I didn't mean to be so long-winded. It seems as if my comments and posts always seem to be attacked on this forum. I mentioned my facial issues, because if I hadn't, someone would've surely replied to my post with the usual, "Just suck it up and have confidence, then you'll score with chicks" advice.

Sometimes, that routine doesn't work for some guys who just are not handsome period, like myself. All the confidence in the world isn't going to work in some cases, such as mine. Trust me, I know this from experience.

Excuse me, but when exactly did I attack you?

 

[slowburn]

Sorry to hear about your situation Dudemon. Your posts tend to be serious downers but it is important to be honest and give people a perspective that is different from their own, so for that I commend you.
S.A.F wrote- Yes they picture a perfect 'prince charming' type but in the end 90% of these women will settle for mr average.
Well we both know the problem with that is bald guys are considered to be below average and are seen as seriously flawed.

FALSE! :jackit:

 

[slowburn]

Guys, I don't mean to sound preachy here, and I should probably not even post this, but seriously, women do not run around saying how ugly they think bald people are.

You've seen my gallery pics when I was bald, and I was certainly never a "looker", yet I *never* felt in any way inadequate or unable to date attractive women. It's the fact that you think you are inadequate that is making you insecure, and that negative attitude acts like a repulsor shield to *anyone* not just attractive women.

Also, if you base your levels of self satisfaction purely on looks, I'm sorry to tell you (and no offense intended), but you're living in the Stone Age.

Take a look around you at the really successful people (and by successful, I don't mean plastic people like models and actors). Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alan Sugar, you’re not going to see many posters of them up on bedroom walls are you?

It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of the school hunks and beauty queens of the world end up living on social benefits. Ok, so maybe that’s just in the movies, but just being pretty is not going to get you a successful career unless you want a vapid modelling job.

Wake up guys, you're deluding yourselves and simply blaming your hair for everything that is wrong in your life.

Now this is TRUE! :agree: :bravo:

 

[slowburn]

Guys, I don't mean to sound preachy here, and I should probably not even post this, but seriously, women do not run around saying how ugly they think bald people are.

You've seen my gallery pics when I was bald, and I was certainly never a "looker", yet I *never* felt in any way inadequate or unable to date attractive women. It's the fact that you think you are inadequate that is making you insecure, and that negative attitude acts like a repulsor shield to *anyone* not just attractive women.

Also, if you base your levels of self satisfaction purely on looks, I'm sorry to tell you (and no offense intended), but you're living in the Stone Age.

Take a look around you at the really successful people (and by successful, I don't mean plastic people like models and actors). Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Alan Sugar, you’re not going to see many posters of them up on bedroom walls are you?

It’s a bit of a cliché, but most of the school hunks and beauty queens of the world end up living on social benefits. Ok, so maybe that’s just in the movies, but just being pretty is not going to get you a successful career unless you want a vapid modelling job.

Wake up guys, you're deluding yourselves and simply blaming your hair for everything that is wrong in your life.

Gemini x, you have the same avatar as Bobby Chalfont. Thank god you are not as abrasive as him and I appreciate your perspective. You have a point about looks not playing an integral factor in success in the professional realm (from the examples you used). Gates and Jobs are smart, savy, well educated business opportunist and the best at that, regardless of their lack of good looks. But this thread is focused on the dating realm and how baldness/thinning impacts their chances in that arena. And just because girls don't sit around and bash bald guys doesn't necessarily exclude the possibility that they find them repulisve just the same, although I'm sure they would put it more delicately since many of them don't want to come off as shallow (they are good at that). Differences between men and women aside, the general things that attract eachother are pretty much the same. I know you aren't shootin for the ladies but am I wrong in assuming that at least part of the reason you spent thousands of dollars on multiple procedures of hair transplantation was to become more attractive to the guys? :dunno:

The only women that I know of that make stupid comments in regards to bald guys being inferior are either snobby skanks that have been given the world without having to lift a finger or teenage girls that populate the cool faction and have not yet fully formed their brains. Normal women, who have brothers and fathers realize that balding for guys is a part of life. They might meet a guy in his 20's or 30's who has a full head, but when he gets to his 40's or 50's it might be a different story. C'est la vie!

 

[uncomfortable man]

Oh come on slowburn. All bias aside, average means the most common and bald guys (especially the younger ones) are in a minority- you're average guy has a full head of hair, just look around. If I have to convince you that male pattern baldness is seen a physical flaw then you must not be paying attention. If it is not a big deal then why don't you stop taking the meds and fulfill you're genetic destiny?

 

[slowburn]

Oh come on slowburn. All bias aside, average means the most common and bald guys (especially the younger ones) are in a minority- you're average guy has a full head of hair, just look around. If I have to convince you that male pattern baldness is seen a physical flaw then you must not be paying attention. If it is not a big deal then why don't you stop taking the meds and fulfill you're genetic destiny?

I'm not on meds Mr. Know it all. Your personality seems like a garbage one, perhaps that is why you feel you are a loser and inferior to the rest of the world. When you project that you allow others to assume you are that.

 

[GeminiX]

Gosh, where to start

Okies, just to clear up some common misconceptions, as a man, I was not gay, never once looked at a guy and found them attractive.

Secondly, for a transsexual it's more about wanting to change ones appearance, not the looks. Sure, I would be lying if I said I had no vanity at all, but the bottom line is that any changes made, past or present are purely to look feminine and "pass" in day to day life looking on the outside the same as I feel on the inside.

I have a much more detailed FAQ about this on my website for anyone interested - Transsexual Fun Facts

So then, to get back on topic.... I spent 30+ years doing all the guy stuff, and sure I could have spent more time in the gym, or eaten a few less curries, but ultimately I was being a typical guy. Here's the crunch though, it was an act. I was "acting" at being a lad; I put on this whole show about being a cheeky fella. I was bald, overweight, and yet my "act" allowed me to live a quite successful life.

The one thing I did which worked (and this should probably be on a self help CD / book) is look positive and successful. Smile at people, look like you're winning, consider what you want to say before speaking then say it with confidence etc. All this stuff can be learned by just watching what successful people do.

Ok, I also realise that it may seem impossibly difficult to do this, but try it. Just do one thing at a time, and if I may wave some "mines bigger than yours" at you for a moment, try turning up at work in women’s clothing and makeup for the first time to see something difficult

When it comes to relationships then sure, if you're looking at photographs of people then you can spot the attractive ones, but when it comes to face-to-face, it's *ALL* about the body language. Appear confident and you can look like Quasimodo’s ugly cousin and still "pull". There will be some exceptions of course, shallow brainless Barbie dolls in particular will go for looks/money, but trust me on this, untill you reach your late sixties, you would have more fun dating a toothpick (though the tooth pick probably eats more food).

Now to swerve way back on topic, this is where dating sites are so handy. You can practice with "virtual" body language, even if the first 50 people blow you out, any one with half a brain will be able to learn from that (and the fact you're on this forum is an indication of intelligence). You can even use the responses to your own threads in this forum to gauge how people react to you and how you're being perceived by others.

I have no doubt that almost everyone in the world would *like* to look better, be prettier etc. I would expect everyone to look at someone else and think to themselves that they wished they looked like that. That’s fine, it’s human nature. However, it’s not the most important thing at all and if looks are not your strong point then focus on selling something else about yourselves.

Look at cars for example, how about the Ferrari 250 GT California, probably the most attractive car ever made. And yet it would be useless for doing the shopping or taking the kids to school.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you can’t be a Ferrari 250, be a Holden V8 or GMC Syclone instead.

 

[Nathaniel]

I understand the whole self confidence thing and it totally makes sense but hairloss just makes you look plain ugly. I know I sound like a broken record and I know there are worst much worst things in life to come to terms with but still. It sucks. And it's not just about getting a girl or money it is how you look. I could be dating my dream girl but still if I don't feel up to standards I 'll get depressed. How can you make yourself smile if you feel like crap? I think it's an attitude thing, some people are just better equipped for dealing with hairloss than some of us that's the bottom line.

 

[Fanjeera]

And if you spend all your time and money on trying to get your hair and looks back you will have some heavy complexes, because you always think about your hair.

 

[Bald Dave]

I have not found a way to look good yet, or do as I mentioned above. Therefore, I still get nothing but rejection from women. I have had literally thousands of women reject me from dating sites - not one has ever been interested. I also get the same results in a bar, or anywhere else. I refuse to date an ugly woman, though. Perhaps that is one reason why I can never score.

That's a pretty f****ing narcissistic attitude, dude.

I guess I sounded a little narcissistic. But, I didn't mean to. I'm a very humble, easy-going guy. I'm also very down-to-earth, and generally a nice guy - too nice, actually. This may be part of my problem: no self-esteem, lack of confidence, and a bad self-image, and a push-over.

I do look bad, though. In addition to having severe hairloss, I have a deformed face. My sinus cavity is caved in on one side of my head making that side weird looking, and my septum is deviated, making my whole nose point sideways -by a 1/4". My face is pretty ugly, more or less. This has led me to have poor social skills, as I've been a loner for a very long, long time. Sorry if I come off the wrong way, it's my lack of social skills. Go easy on me.

Average or attractive looking women are all out of my league. I just forget about them nowdays. I havn't seriously tried any dating sites, or the dating scene for at least 5 years. Every once in a while, after a few beers, I'll muster up enough courage to try a few craigslist ads, now and then. Always with total rejection though. The average looking girls never respond back to me, only the ones that look like they are from the "East German Swim Team" :mrgreen: Then, after I send them a pic of me, I'll never hear from them again, not even from the "Mrs. Ballbricker" types.

The unnattractive and/or overweight chicks with decent personalities, that I meet at work or wherever, seem to always be interested in guys who look better than me, and/or are just a better guy than me overall.

The only chicks that are ever interested in me always weigh 300lbs. or more, and look like Mrs. Ballbricker from the movie "Porky's" - which me make want to puke! Sorry, they just do. Most women who see pics. of my face probably do the same. Not only are they not pretty, they are mean and bitchy too - just like Mrs. Ballbricker!

I just can't be with a woman knowing that I won't be happy with her. I'll confess, I've had a couple extremely obese, and unnattractive women ask me out, but I've turned them down. That wouldn't be right - for her that is.

Without getting too much into "me" here, I'll leave it at that.

Hey man, I really feel for you. I know its a hard world and the best way to tackle the world is to not give a flying f*** what people say about your looks. You seem like a nice person and you will make some lucky lady happy one day. Just keep your chin up and try to enjoy life. If anyone gives you a hard time just think they can go and f*** themselves because I am better person than they will ever be in their entire lives.

I wish you the best of luck

 

[ghg]

I understand the whole self confidence thing and it totally makes sense but hairloss just makes you look plain ugly.

Luckily not everyone thinks so.

 

[cruz]

I understand the whole self confidence thing and it totally makes sense but hairloss just makes you look plain ugly. I know I sound like a broken record and I know there are worst much worst things in life to come to terms with but still. It sucks. And it's not just about getting a girl or money it is how you look. I could be dating my dream girl but still if I don't feel up to standards I 'll get depressed. How can you make yourself smile if you feel like crap? I think it's an attitude thing, some people are just better equipped for dealing with hairloss than some of us that's the bottom line.

Man, that sums it up perfectly for me. Some guys just have a better attitude for dealing with this. I wish i was like that - that i could just shave it all off and not give a sh*t.

Personally for me, I wouldn't want to get into the dating game until i was happy with myself and had accepted my appearance.

 

[slowburn]

I understand the whole self confidence thing and it totally makes sense but hairloss just makes you look plain ugly. I know I sound like a broken record and I know there are worst much worst things in life to come to terms with but still. It sucks. And it's not just about getting a girl or money it is how you look. I could be dating my dream girl but still if I don't feel up to standards I 'll get depressed. How can you make yourself smile if you feel like crap? I think it's an attitude thing, some people are just better equipped for dealing with hairloss than some of us that's the bottom line.

Do you know who Rey Mysterio is?

He's a wrestler. He's losing his hair but all the women still love him.


There are numerous other examples that I need not list.

 

[Bald Dave]

Rey mysterio is also a short *** like me (5"6) so maybe thats something I need to consider as well.

 

[HatPrisoner91]

Do you know who Rey Mysterio is?

He's a wrestler. He's losing his hair but all the women still love him.


There are numerous other examples that I need not list.

Still wears a mask for a reason. He was "unmasked" years ago but they thought he looks better with a mask on.

 

[s.a.f]

Do you know who Rey Mysterio is?
He's a wrestler. He's losing his hair but all the women still love him.

Just googled his image and could'nt find a single pick without him wearing a mask.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Thats why I usually wear a hat most of the time because I just don't feel like dealing with other peoples responses when I'm out in public. Yeah, I wish I could not be affected by what other people thought of me but I can't help but take it personally when people react negatively to me in public situations because it is just plain humiliating. So yes Slowburn, it has had a tremendously negative impact on my personality. I could never join a dating site because of this.