I have been delaying that for quite a while now... but it's time for me to take a long long... break. I have not decided yet if I would close my account. One step at a time. First the break up, then the divorce.
I feel ridiculous making a thread about that to be honest. It's way too lyrical. I whish I could just desappear without a word, like a plant, and get back whenever I feel like it, like
@CopeForLife or
@Patrick_Bateman. I admire their decency and cynicism a lot.
I hate myself for seeking too much attention here, even on my way out. It feels gross. I have grown quite nauseated at the narcissism going on in this section; it's climax being the blackpill. Redpill was fun, it was fresh, but I am tired of swallowing. I have been hating myself for some time now. It's a mix beetween the disgusting state of my hair and the need to talk about it so much.
That's the paradox of hair loss: it makes you miserable, but the fact that something like hair can make you so miserable makes you feel weak and even more miserable. You are miserable for feeling miserable. On another hand, the common "that's just hair, get over it" way of mind (mostly shared by fullheads but not only) makes you miserable. You need someone to share your discomfort with - whom roots seem to go deeper than our left follicules. But at some point, all this compassion starts to turn into an endogamous mess.
I am mostly conflicted about this place. Sometimes I would be shocked at the use of terms such as "subhuman", "genetic trash", etc. Other times I would just laugh and feel a great sense of freedom out of it. A release. Finally. It's all that social pressure weighting on us, all that hypocrisie, all the misunderstanding from the world... and a good dose of low self-esteem narcissism. We laugh, but it gets to us. Some friends have been telling me I am more cold and harsh than I used to be...
All that is not that serious TBH.The pills color and sh*t. But sometimes I fear some weaker person might find their youth kind of ruined and succomb trhough redpill overdose. But if they are here, maybe that's already too late and this place, overall, is a good place.
I have been having what one can call paranoid episodes since a bad personal experience of someone harassing me (already told you several times). Truth is, it has been traumatizing for me and I have not been myself since. I jump from one cause of stress to another, imagine someone is going to expose me, regret sharing my picture... I am not in a good place, to sum it up.
I am no help here, I have not given any hair loss advice in months... I am procrastinating at best.
There is also the fact that I have lost my soul a bit. David just made me notice that I used to post much more about books, music, etc. when I first came in. Truth is, I am not reading as much as I used to. I spend entire days in my bed pulling my hair out, loging in, loging out, beginning a book, sclosing after 10 pages, logging in... I go out only for work and never look at people in the eyes on the street.
Recently I had a conversation with
@JeanLucBB and
@Calchas regarding our favorite movie directors and realised how far I was now from the person I used to be... I used to be passionate and a nerd. Now I just feel like I am a 50 yo girl - no offense to the 50's women out there. Haven't had sex in what feels like a century. I know, I will just log in Tinder and get fucked by the first Chad I see in the bathroom of a disgusting club full of degenerates... right guys! But I never liked clubs, I never liked people, loud music for hours, alcohol, girls with red lips you can spot from accross the room, not even sex that much. I like you guys better than real people. I crave for someone with who I would laugh at all that but who would still find me pretty, still look at me as a real woman, and not notice that I miss more than half my hair (lol).
Anyway, it's not about the possibilities... it's about your character, your sensitivity. Not about girls vs guys, but individuals hitten by this f*****g hair loss sh*t.
I just want to feel myself again. Cause right now I am a f*****g mess. I need to get back to reading.
I am grateful for this place and the truly lovable people here
@Rudiger (bbz honzz bbzz)
@sunchyme1 @DoctorHouse @CaptainForehead @EvilLocks,
@buckthorn,
@Afro_Vacancy,
@Joan,
@Roberto_72,
@Wolf Pack,
@Dante92, @Cope4life,
@Calchas,
@hairblues,
@kj6723 ,
@pjhair @WhitePolarBear @blackg and all those that I a missing here. I can not count how many significant private convos I have had here and how funny it was to read your crazy posts. Most of you helped me so much through all that and it felt good to be appreciated by you. The best compliment I received was
@myusernamenow (he banned himself) refusing to acknowledge I was not a female troll created by
@Patrick_Bateman 
I hope I will feel better at some point and be back here.
Till then, Zou bisous bisous guys (she is friggin hot!!!)
