Staring down strangers...

[Oknow]

I think it's a case of a few isolated incidents coupled with their paranoia and shame over being bald.

I was the same way in high school over my acne. It wasn't bad, but it was bad enough for people to occasionally look at my face instead of my eyes. For that point on I assumed people were just looking at my pimples instead of me.

Because of that they go out extremely guarded and on edge, just waiting for someone to make a bald joke or laugh at them. It probably does happen from time to time - but they make it seem like it's a daily occurrence. And I bet they misinterpret a lot of innocent things - a prolonged glance, an overheard joke, someone pointing in their direction - as being insults directed toward them. I've been there....

Ok as someone:

a) Not balding
b) Seen other bald men

I will tell you my views on bald and balding men before joining hairloss talk:

1) *A bald man walks past me on the street*. I think to myself: "Oh he is another regular guy" or nothing of him. If however he looks very rough then I would have preconcieved ideas about the guy, I am talking neo-nazi/skin head over here. But if he looks presentable in other ways - e.g. clothing etc I could end upthinking multiple things from "yeah he looks smart", "the bald head suits him" - positive sh*t.

2) A guy with a heavy receeded hairline walks past me. Again I think nothing of it, and tbh if they are NW3 I would just think to myself that the guy has hair.

It is only after joining this site and learning about hairloss patterns etc that I see things differently because I have a balding detector now.

UM and HP, ITS ALL IN YOUR HEADS. At worse they will think that you are just another regular guy, at best they will think that you are a good looking guy hair/no hair. This is the same for guys with full heads of hair.

 

[Oknow]

[...] I have a feeling these strangers they both encounter are uneducated or insecure about themselves and they think they need to feel better by making UM and HP feel worse. [...]

There are plenty of heartless, egotistical pricks out there and yes, I believe that every word HP and UM say is true. Bald men and women have every right to feel angry about their situation and express their frustration. If some HairLossTalk.com posters feel upset about it, well, that's their problem.

If you take "careful" notice, the ones always disagreeing and make a big stink about HP and UM's posts are young late-teen, early 20-something NW1's and 2's who have only had a small "taste" of male pattern baldness - if any at all, so far in their young lives.

Their "opinions" will change dramatically when, and if, they reach NW3, then NW4, ...NW5/6...later on down the road. But until then, from their perspective all of us "bald' guys are nuts, and "baldness shouldn't affect our lives at all." :roll:

Because "all we need is confidence" and the whole world will be at our beckon call, because being bald makes absolutely no difference at all!! :jackit:

You know what, yeah you are right, I am not bald so don't know. But I for one can relate from having BDD in another area of my life so I can sympathize. If I go bald I will probably have a breakdown too. Only with my BDD problem I can fix medically. I think psychologically you guys think along the same pattern as I do with my own BDD related problem, "Oh I can look so much better with hair", you guys have probably formed a model in your head of how you should look (with hair) and then when that ideal is not satisfied due to reality you become miserable.

With that in mind, seriously what can you guys do except accept it, it sounds like you all are past the treatment with meds stage and aside from a system or another hair transplant to repair/gain hair you are short of options. If I was bald and had nothing physically going for me, I don't know about you guys but I would work SO GOD DAMN hard to be a success in life. Money, and the social influence will compensate for the lack of good looks in the physical department. And not only that your core confidence will be built on solid foundations, real life long accomplishments.

For example: Michael Stipe lead singer of REM probably gets more *** then a toilet seat despite being unattractive baldy.

Jude Law despite having a Brazillian on his head, will also probably get more *** then an average joe NW1...

And you know what, you guys will argue that they are rich and famous etc, They didn't just get to that level, they worked for it. And don't tell me that you can't be a success because your a NW6 or whatever, loads of CEOs are NW6s.

Attraction is A LOT more complicated then one looks. Women are driven by emotions not looks, that is the bigger picture and what you guys fail to realise. If you can touch her emotionally you are IN.

 

[qball01]

[...] I have a feeling these strangers they both encounter are uneducated or insecure about themselves and they think they need to feel better by making UM and HP feel worse. [...]

There are plenty of heartless, egotistical pricks out there and yes, I believe that every word HP and UM say is true. Bald men and women have every right to feel angry about their situation and express their frustration. If some HairLossTalk.com posters feel upset about it, well, that's their problem.

If you take "careful" notice, the ones always disagreeing and make a big stink about HP and UM's posts are young late-teen, early 20-something NW1's and 2's who have only had a small "taste" of male pattern baldness - if any at all, so far in their young lives.

Their "opinions" will change dramatically when, and if, they reach NW3, then NW4, ...NW5/6...later on down the road. But until then, from their perspective all of us "bald' guys are nuts, and "baldness shouldn't affect our lives at all." :roll:

Because "all we need is confidence" and the whole world will be at our beckon call, because being bald makes absolutely no difference at all!! :jackit:

but what I'm saying...is that I shave my head bald ALL the time....I use either a razor or the Wahl Balding Clippers which pretty much makes you look like a chromedome as well....I don't have a strong looking hairline or much density at ALL so to the rest of the f*****g world...I have a "bald head." People like Uman think that other people stop, look at the guys head and say to themselves, "oh..theres a bit of stubble on his head in a Norwood 3 pattern, so hes not completely bald...lets not crack a joke...but if he was a clear Norwood 5 I'd be laughing SO hard right now" And as I said before (my new revelation)....if baldness was really as bad as people say then even people who shave their heads to look bald when they arent bald yet would get ridiculed for choosing to make themselves look so "hideous."

Now..thats not to say I don't notice people looking at me...I go to university and I'm one of the only people my age with a bald head (theres a couple of others)...sure, I do notice some looks my way but I'm strong minded enough to know I'm not being persecuted or judged...its just a different look compared to the rest that attracts attention so people are going to be inclined to glance over. But if you strut your stuff and walk with pride then who the hell will really have the audacity to judge you and tell you "you shouldn't be proud or happy....your BALD!!!" Anybody like that is truly ignorant and I have the presence of mind NOT to let them dictate how I feel about myself.

And Hatman...you're so wrong about a big city...where I live there are so many bald people walking down the street everyday...young, old, horseshoes, shaved heads, etc. Its just another look.

Now, I truly do believe that U-man sees these things happening to him, because subconsciously, the message his brain gets is..."you will be persecuted for being bald" and as a result his mind HAS to search for evidence that supports that...when it can't find that evidence..it WILL MAKE THINGS UP TO CONVINCE ITSELF!... that is textbook psychology, and the importance of that theory cannot be overlooked. Its a very real, and powerful phenomena

 

[treeshrew]

I've found the best way to get passed those times is to just give them a little smile and carry on with your day.

Thanks Gemini, this is great advice, and what I should do in these situations. I think this sort of wisdom comes with life experience, and I'm hoping to be strong enough "not to care" some day.

As for UMan, I've seen his pic, and he is not a bad looking dude, so I'm more apt to think a lot of this IS in his head. I also think bald people are WAY more sensitive about spotting other bald people (like the guy on the plane) and making a big deal of it in their heads.

But whether he does experience negativity from strangers or not is a stupid point to be arguing here. Everyone has a different personality and looks different, so there is no "bald rule" that governs all social interactions. I'm sure some people get a hard time over it more than others based on their entire package of looks/attitude/personality.

I am in the camp that believes personality/sense of humor makes a huge difference, but it's hard to exude that if you are depressed over hair loss. I am truly awed by those who can.

 

[GeminiX]

Thanks Gemini, this is great advice, and what I should do in these situations. I think this sort of wisdom comes with life experience, and I'm hoping to be strong enough "not to care" some day.

@treeshrew, you're welcome. I really do aim to help with my own perspective and experience on things

Quick disclaimer:
Guys, I'm not suggesting you wander about throwing cheeky little smiles at other guys, it might be taken the wrong way

 

[treeshrew]

I'm 34 so yes back in the when I was young we were too occupied with defending our land from viking invasions.

Sorry saf! You're just a young'n!

Not sure why I thought you were older... maybe because of the wise-beyond-your-years posts you've become so well known for.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Just the fact that someone else besides me wrote on this topic should indicate to you that this is a real phenomenon and not some imagined delusion.

 

[Petchsky]

Just the fact that someone else besides me wrote on this topic should indicate to you that this is a real phenomenon and not some imagined delusion.

Keep telling yourself that, and maybe you'll believe that too. The mind is a very powerful thing...the sad thing is Uman, nothing anyone tells you changes anything, that's why so many posters don't want to get drawn in to lengthy replies to you.

It doesn't matter how many people try to help or tell you that you're a good looking guy, who actually looks good bald! You have to make the change and work on your insecurity, or live your own personal hell ranting at strangers for perceived slights against you.

 

[Oknow]

I am not a typical bald guy. I have "other" issues that go way beyond what a normal bald guy has to deal with. But I know about all the stigmatisms, and persecutions that come from being bald as I have been suffering male pattern baldness for 22 years. By the time I was 25, I was NW5.

You are also not really the typical bald person GeminiX. We do share this in common for different reasons. But, I'm sure you know all too well the persecutions of being a bald NW6+ as well as any of us.

So when did you hit a NW3?

Can you get lazer work done to remove the scarring? Or where a system?

 

[Oknow]

I am not a typical bald guy. I have "other" issues that go way beyond what a normal bald guy has to deal with. But I know about all the stigmatisms, and persecutions that come from being bald as I have been suffering male pattern baldness for 22 years. By the time I was 25, I was NW5.

So when did you hit a NW3?

Can you get lazer work done to remove the scarring? Or where a system?

I hit NW2 at 17 (I was the ONLY kid in my highschool who had started to lose hair), NW3 at 19, NW4 by 22, and NW5/6 by 25.

Yes, I could get laser and dermabrasion and other scar treatments, but those cost about as much as a transplant, approx. $10,000.

I could NEVER wear a system. I know what type of humiliation most of those guys who wear them go through, as 99% of them are detectable. Yes, even the "high-priced" expensive ones are detectable because I have seen, and have known guys who wore them.

Why trade one humilation for yet another type of humiliation? An expensive one at that?

Yeah I see. So when you lost hair what was your hairloss-pattern like? Mate feel for you, must have been traumatic with it hitting you so early.

10k sh*t man. Though if it makes you happier it might be worth it, do you wish you were bald, rather then having a shoddy hair transplant?

 

[DoctorHouse]

I would say the biggest problem we all share is we let what other people think control our lives. If only I could give two shits about what people think about me, my life would be so much better. I admire those people who have reached that level. My dad always told me, if someone does not like you for YOU than f*** them.

 

[Oknow]

My dad always told me, if someone does not like you for YOU than f*ck them.

Your Dad was a wise man.

 

[GeminiX]

Well, GeminiX, didn't you feel "persecuted" back when you were a NW6+?

Never once, not in the slightest. Sure, I was certainly not happy to have my barber tell me I could no-longer have my usual "flat-top" style while I was still only 23, but it was not the end of the world.

You are also not really the typical bald person either GeminiX. We do share this in common for different reasons. But, I'm sure you know all too well the persecutions of being a bald NW6+ as well as any of us.

And indeed, I'm not "typical" in that sense. But like most Transsexuals, outwardly I was a typical "guy", a typical bald guy. I can honestly say being bald had no impact on my life that I was able to notice, I had plenty of female company and sweaty encounters, I was in a band, I had a decent business, I went bankrupt, I started a career etc. Had I been happy as a guy, my life would have been great. In fact, just like the many bald guys I know who also have great lives.

All that said, I completely understand psycholigical paranoia that people are staring at you. I mentioned in an earlier post how incredibly terrified I was when I first started going out in public as Danielle, I even posted about one particularly bad actual encouter on here before Christmas. But it was almost entirely in my head, all my friends who were telling me over and over that I looked fine, and to relax were correct, and as I grew more confident, the more the paranoia and terror vanished.

Now, just one year and a couple of weeks after going 100% full time, I'm wearing heels, cropped jeans, low cut tops etc. and I cannot remember the last time I was worried that someone had spotted my secret. To put that in perspective, I'm 5'10 barefoot and used to bench over 100kg, I'm by no measure a small person. I *should* look like a huge lumbering freak in a sundress, but I'm confident and somehow it's all fine. Hell, I'll even back this up and meet up with you guys in person if you're ever around the South West parts of the UK and doubt anything I'm saying.

My point is, guys, listen to the people on this forum; *yes* hairloss sucks, but it is in no-way a handicap, all that part is in your minds only.

 

[GeminiX]

I would say the biggest problem we all share is we let what other people think control our lives. If only I could give two shits about what people think about me, my life would be so much better. I admire those people who have reached that level. My dad always told me, if someone does not like you for YOU than f*ck them.

Once again DoctorHouse, I think you nailed it right there. I have almost always been quite good at not caring about what strangers think of me, the exception being recently, and that passed.

Of course, I do like to look good and not like some pikey, but that's just for a feeling of wellbeing I think.

 

[Oknow]

Yeah I see. So when you lost hair what was your hairloss-pattern like? Mate feel for you, must have been traumatic with it hitting you so early.

10k sh*t man. Though if it makes you happier it might be worth it, do you wish you were bald due to the shoddy hair transplant?

When I was in highschool, my crown started thinning some but not a lot. The corners in front (widow's peaks) receded back about an inch on both sides, this was a NW2 (already heading to 3).

Two years later, by 19, I had a golf-ball sized bald spot (maybe a little bigger) on my crown and vertex, and my hairline in front receded about an inch all the way across the front, this gave me a NW3.

The bald patch in the back got bigger and bigger, became the size of a baseball, as the front continued to recede back, this got me to NW4 by age 22.

By 25, I was full-blown bald as a mofo reaching NW5 to 6.

It was VERY traumatic, because Rogaine and minoxidil was not available (wasn't invented for hairloss yet) until I was already NW4ish in the early mid-80's. Aslo back in those days hair transplant's would have any man look like a laughing stock. So, there literally were no options.

This happened to me back in the 80's when being bald was not cool, and
long-hair was in. People like Tele Savales, Sinead O'Connor, and Patrick Stewart were considered "weird" and head-shaving was not really accepted by the mainstream. Back then, if you were a head-shaver, you got stared at because poeple thought that it meant you were either a neo-nazi skinhead, in the military, a cancer patient, or one of those "hari-krishnas" that you always see singing and dancing in airports, or just a plain-old weirdo.

Now, I would just shave it and do the scar treatments, but I got stuck going back to school right now (I didn't plan it this way, it just "happened"). I'm a year away from graduating with a business degree from a university. As a full-time student, I don't have the money to pay for anything.

Concealers, such as Toppik, would just melt off the top of my head in a matter of minutes, as it's 108 F degrees outside my front door. We get 100 + degree days like this the whole summer and it stays like this for about 5 months out of the year. I live in a freakin desert.

So pretty much if your crown starts going first you are fucked?

 

[uncomfortable man]

If anything I am grateful for the dude's posts because he helps me appreciate the fact that I can still shave my head and besides saf, hp and a few others he truly understands what torment is.

 

[ComeOnPropy]

I think GeminX is like the best poster on here, your posts make me feel somewhat happier for some reason lol thankyou.

 

[DoctorHouse]

If anything I am grateful for the dude's posts because he helps me appreciate the fact that I can still shave my head and besides saf, hp and a few others he truly understands what torment is.

There you go UM, see its really not that hard to be positive and grateful for a change. You are moving in the right direction now. Baby steps one day at a time. :bravo:

 

[Smooth]

UM, go see a professional, you look good either bald or not, 90% of the sh*t you take is from yourself.

(same goes for the rest of the "familya" HP and Dude)

 

[GeminiX]

I think GeminX is like the best poster on here, your posts make me feel somewhat happier for some reason lol thankyou.

Gosh, you just made my day

Thank you very much,
Dani x